One of the Good Ones

by Maika Moulite

  Every Thanksgiving before my parents divorced and a couple after they already had, the smell of turkey and perfectly marinated pikliz would waft around the house, driving me to madness as I waited for dinner to be ready. My mom would cook the tastiest food that I had ever had in my life. (Dad would make the biscuits and dinner rolls.) It was one of the few memories that I had of us as a cohesive, happy family. Now I can’t even imagine my mom cooking anybody’s meals.

  This Thanksgiving, we celebrated with a few of my dad’s employees from his clinic, some neighbors, my school’s head nurse, Kelley Dawson, and her daughter Abigail (fellow classmate but more commonly known as the bane of my existence). Nurse Kelley was absolutely in love with my dad and everyone in the world knew it—except for him.

  For the sake of journalistic credibility, I should make a correction—Nurse Kelley invited herself to Thanksgiving dinner a few weeks ago. One second Dad was making his monthly delivery of freshly baked croissants to the front office at school (yup, he’s that parent), and the next Nurse Kelley was grilling him on Thanksgiving plans and insisting that he just had to taste her pumpkin pie. I tried not to gag. It did not work.

  I’m not against my dad dating; in fact, it would actually be good for him. But I’d be damned if the first person he truly considers is Nurse Kelley. There’s no way on this planet or any other planet in this solar system that Abigail’s arms would remain in their sockets if we lived in the same house. Not when I already walked through school having to dodge her as she insisted that she couldn’t help but want to pat my “fluffy ’fro, girl.”

  But Nurse Kelley wasn’t going to miss her shot at landing on my dad’s radar and she did her best to pull out all the stops for dinner. She not only brought her pumpkin pie (which wasn’t half-bad), but macaroni and cheese (not good—full stop), cranberry sauce (why do people eat this?), corn bread (decent), and smoked ham (honestly, she could’ve just brought this and we would’ve been fine). She definitely was a believer of the “way to a man’s heart is through his stomach” doctrine. And she batted her eyelashes and stared more and more longingly at my dad with each bite of pie.

  My mom checked in with me later that evening to see how dinner had gone. The conversation was more strained than it normally was, but I could tell that there was more to the tension than the fact that my dad had “casually” let slip that we had extra guests over for Thanksgiving. I couldn’t even bring myself to make a joke to conceal my growing discomfort with how quiet Mom was on the other line. And she never explained why she had to go to Germany during Thanksgiving in the first place. I mean, come on, we all know that the only reason a renowned reporter would be traveling there during an important, albeit problematic, national holiday instead of spending quality time with her family is for a major scoop. Would it have killed her to just tell me that she was going to interview the chancellor and be done with it?

  “Don’t think I’ve forgotten that I owe you a biography,” she said finally.

  “Of course not. You don’t forget anything,” I said. “But I went ahead and ignored your wishes and made it myself. It was just easier that way.”

  She sighed. “I’m sorry, Alaine.”

  “Mom. Please. It’s fine. I’m just ridiculously excited that you’re even coming.”

  I’m proactive. I had a feeling I would need to slap something together when she missed the first fake deadline I gave her in hopes of getting her to meet the real due date for submitting this, which was this morning. What can I say? I know my mom.

  Someone else who knows her is my dad, and he copied and pasted her bio from the GNN website and typed up some tips for me as well. I’d say he was pretty low sodium on the salty scale about it too. Some things don’t change, I guess.

  Celeste Beauparlant’s Career Biography & Tip Sheet (My Version)

  Celeste Beauparlant is not a woman of the people. She probably doesn’t want to stop and have a chat if you see her on the street. No, she is not “just like you and me!” That’s okay. What she lacks in human warmth, she makes up for with stony resolve and an impressive résumé.

  That résumé includes stints at GNN’s Washington, DC, bureau as a production assistant before leaving for WLQR, a local affiliate television station in Panama City, Florida. She worked her way up to the Miami market in two short years and spent the next six at WPLJ, covering hurricanes, car chases, corrupt city council members refusing to pay parking tickets, and—on three separate occasions—a cat stuck in the grille of a sheriff’s car. It was the same cat.

  Her tenacity paid off. After a decade of toiling in the wilderness of local news, she returned to GNN as a political reporter. She’d vexed enough people that she started out as a Capitol Hill reporter and, shortly after, a White House correspondent. That wasn’t enough for her though, so she got her own Meet the Press situation with Sunday Politicos, where she’s been Queen Bey ever since. Thus, anything you can do, she can do better.

  Celeste’s Tips for Career Domination:

  Remember that journalism is a calling and will require long nights and missed birthdays and holidays, even Thanksgiving, which is ridiculous. Before committing yourself, make sure journalism is what you really want to do with your life, because your family will resent you for the time you must be away. Even if they say they’re fine most of the time, they’re totally lying. You might even get a divorce!

  Work hard and make sure the important people in charge of your career know how you’ve improved the company’s ratings so that all the days away will be worth it—and you won’t be stuck reporting on the same three stories over and over again.

  Get an assistant who is young and flexible enough that they can entertain your kid when she comes to visit and you don’t have time to take her to the National Zoo or the Lincoln Memorial. Make sure said assistant is hip enough to totally get why said kid is now morally opposed to the existence of zoos and is debating whether to become a pescatarian.

  Ask open-ended questions that can’t be answered with just a yes or no. On a related note: during White House briefings, don’t ask six-part questions that will prompt the press secretary to make the same dumb joke about long questions and then go on to choose just one part to answer. The easy part.

  Celeste Beauparlant’s Career Biography & Tip Sheet (Dad’s Version)

  Celeste Beauparlant joined GNN over a decade ago and currently serves as the host of the network’s flagship program, Sunday Politicos. Prior to that, Beauparlant was a regular fill-in anchor for GNN shows such as The Sit-Down with Mark Scholtz and the now-defunct Quick Read.

  Sunday Politicos is GNN’s most watched show to date. Beauparlant has interviewed notable individuals such as President Barack Obama, Xi Jinping, and Ellen Johnson Sirleaf. She also traveled to her birth country of Haiti to cover the magnitude 7.0 Mw earthquake that devastated the island nation’s capital, Port-au-Prince. Her poignant coverage earned her multiple accolades and cemented her role as host of Sunday Politicos. No stranger to confronting the difficult, Beauparlant has spent her career bringing issues that disproportionately impact marginalized communities to the mainstream. Her ability to delve into any topic with tenacity and objectivity has resulted in a devoted fan base and a combined total of eight Emmy and Peabody Awards.

  A vocal activist for minority and women’s rights, Beauparlant sits on several boards, including the International Women’s Media Foundation and the National Association of Black Journalists, and counts herself as a member of Columbia Journalism School’s Board of Visitors. She is a graduate of Columbia University and has one child, a daughter.

  Tips:

  Never forget where you come from

  Don’t be afraid to ask the hard questions—even of yourself

  Work hard, but also be sure to live

  Always keep things in perspective

  Take care of yourself

  Remember: the people who loo
k up to you see the best version of themselves in you

  Wednesday, December 2

  From: Sister Samantha Bridgewater

  To: College Prep Seminar List-Serv

  Subject: Special Announcement from Celeste Beauparlant

  Greetings students,

  As you all know, Career Day is quickly approaching. In preparation for this momentous occasion, Celeste Beauparlant has sent our class a message. You can find her note below.

  Many blessings,

  Sister Samantha Bridgewater

  ———

  Hello Sister Bridgewater,

  Please have your students watch Sunday Politicos this Sunday, December 6. There will be questions and a discussion as part of my presentation based on the interview that I will be conducting with Senator Andres Venegas.

  I’m looking forward to Career Day,

  C

  Sunday, December 6

  From: Alaine Beauparlant

  To: Estelle Dubois

  Subject: MOM’S SHOW

  Did. You. See. That? What was that? Did I just imagine what went down on my television screen???

  IN SHOCK,

  ALAINE

  BREAKING:

  Video Footage and Transcript of Explosive and Baffling Moment Between Journalist Celeste Beauparlant and Florida Senator Andres Venegas on ‘Sunday Politicos’

  By Colt Rivers, The Capitol Post

  CP reporters are working actively to determine what sparked the violent clash between GNN Sunday talk show host Celeste Beauparlant and Florida senator Andres Venegas this morning. If pictures are worth a thousand words, this video is worth a million. Here is the rushed transcript of the conversation excerpt leading up to what many are already calling “Slap-Gate”:

  CELESTE BEAUPARLANT: You’re facing serious accusations, Senator.

  SEN. ANDRES VENEGAS: Celeste. This is me we’re talking about. I’m as honest as they come. You know, growing up, I’d get in trouble for being too truthful. So, when I tell you that I did not do anything improper, I mean it.

  BEAUPARLANT: [leans forward with hand under chin] Those party-issued credit cards. You can say unequivocally that following the money will lead us to nothing...untoward?

  VENEGAS: Not a thing.

  BEAUPARLANT: Then why the delay in releasing the records? We have our FOIAs out all over the place, waiting.

  VENEGAS: Celeste. Celeste. I assure you, I’m just following protocol. My constituents know of the liberal media bias that has been against me since I set foot in DC—

  [cross talk]

  BEAUPARLANT: ...sir, it was your constituents that raised the issue. We report what we find and what concerns the public.

  VENEGAS: Nothing personal, right?

  [pause]

  BEAUPARLANT: Exactly. So, when the public hears rumors of expensive dinners at Zuma and courtside Miami Heat seats on their dime, let alone claims of foreign vacations to Singapore...it leads me to wonder what you’ll do to regain their trust. Your profile only continues to rise, and the scrutiny of a potential pres—

  [cross talk]

  VENEGAS: I’ve been blessed with a vision since I was a kid, Celeste. I was the youngest elected member to my state’s House of Representatives and served there diligently before I felt my work would be best continued in Washington. My time in Congress only cemented my dream of representing all of Florida in the Senate—

  [cross talk]

  BEAUPARLANT: Your accomplishments are very impressive, Senator, and we mentioned them in our segment intro, but with the growing calls for your receipts or resignation, where do you realistically go from here?

  VENEGAS: [reaches toward Beauparlant, places hand on her forearm] Well, Celeste, here’s what I can promise you and the American people—I’m not going anywhere.

  BEAUPARLANT: LET ME GO RIGHT NOW!

  VENEGAS: What? What’d I do?

  BEAUPARLANT: [shrugs off Venegas, leaps from seat] STOP IT! [smacks Venegas across the face and pushes him off chair]

  VENEGAS: WHAT THE F—[feedback from microphone]

  [unintelligible cross talk]

  [show cuts to commercial]

  THIS JUST IN:

  SELECT TOPICS TRENDING ON TWITTER

  THE DAY OF SLAP-GATE

  United States Trends

  #SlapGate

  @nytimes, @ABCNews, and 10,000 more are Tweeting about this

  #CelesteBeauparlant

  35.2K Tweets

  Andres Venegas

  12.5K Tweets

  #DamnGina

  Just started trending

  Monday, December 7

  The Life and Times of Alaine Beauparlant

  The concluding years of adolescence mark the heightening of your maturity. As time progresses, you’ll learn more and more about yourself along the way. High school in particular is a time of exploration, self-growth, and—

  What a load of crap.

  I folded the pamphlet that my dad had snuck into my lunch bag in half as Tatiana settled into the seat beside me in the cafeteria. He was notorious for giving me developmental handouts whenever he needed more time to get his thoughts together around a certain topic before discussing it with me. My dad thought he did a good job of masking it, but he cared about my mother. A lot more than he would ever admit to me (or her, for that matter). And with Mom now hiding in Haiti to wait out the media sharks, he was focusing all of his attention on me. I knew there was a larger conversation just looming around the corner. I could already hear him clearing his throat before looking deeply into my eyes and asking about my feelings on Slap-Gate.

  It was now over twenty-four hours since Mom’s on-air outburst and all Dad had done was ask me 856 times if I was doing okay and wanted to talk. Clips from what some were calling the “anchor altercation of the century” were inescapable. The evening news. The morning news. Late night shows. My classmates’ cell phones. With each news alert, my dad would send another “just checking in” text, and it was driving me as Mad as the Hatter.

  But I will say, the good side of Dad’s incessant need to deliver a dose of optimistic self-help in the form of paper booklets commonly reserved for grief counseling and Jehovah’s Witness evangelizing was that they always came with a side of freshly baked goods. Whenever feelings of worry threatened to overwhelm my father, he kneaded them into dough, where they could rise safely away from him. And while this was a delicious way for him to cope, I automatically associated those yummy carbs with heavy conversations about emotions and feeling shrinked by my own parent.

  Middle school had been the worst. Dad clearly couldn’t deal with being a single father to someone developing boobs, and he’d spent a lot of his free time in the kitchen. Once, Peter Logan grabbed my bag of raisin bread in that playful way immature boys who like someone do (at least that’s what I told myself)...and out tumbled a bright red fact sheet: Puberty is a monumental time period of physical development and discovery and it doesn’t end with just periods! He avoided eye contact for the rest of sixth grade.

  As soon as a custodian wheeled by where Tatiana and I sat in the cafeteria, I tossed the pamphlet into the trash can. I debated getting rid of the bread maker when I got home. Maybe that would put a stop to Dad’s well-intentioned but slightly irritating ways. It would mean no more tasty peanut butter banana kaiser rolls made from the roasted peanuts Tati Estelle regularly sent us from Haiti, but sometimes you have to make a sacrifice. Dad could have the bread maker back when I graduated.

  Besides, I didn’t need flaky, buttery pastries or a psych booklet to tell me what I already knew. With or without Mom slapping Senator Venegas, high school would always be a time of major angst and uncertainty. Some of my peers just happened to be able to navigate this dreadfully uncomfortable time better than others. In fact, quite a few of them had the I
’m-going-to-act-like-I’m-much-cooler-than-I-really-am thing down to a science. But I was particularly terrible at this, because I couldn’t help but fill awkward silences with any thought that sprouted in my mind. And now that my mom had lost it on air, the tiny amount of “think before you speak” that I possessed was officially depleted. Seriously, anything that anyone said only served to remind me of her outburst.

  DIRECT QUOTE #1

  ALAINE BEAUPARLANT WITH FELLOW CLASSMATE AT

  ST. CATHERINE DE’ RICCI ACADEMY

  Kid #1 at Locker:

  Ugh, I hate this jacket.

  Me:

  You know what I hate? When my mom assaults a government official on live TV.

  DIRECT QUOTE #2

  ALAINE BEAUPARLANT WITH FELLOW CLASSMATE AT

  ST. CATHERINE DE’ RICCI ACADEMY

  Kid #2 in AP English:

  This class is the worst.

  Me:

  You know what’s worse? When your mom asks your class to tune in to her going bat-shit wild on live TV.

  DIRECT QUOTE #3

  ALAINE BEAUPARLANT WITH A VALUED STAFF MEMBER OF ST. CATHERINE DE’ RICCI ACADEMY

  Lunch Lady at Lunchtime:

  Rice and chicken or spaghetti?

  Me:

  Just juice, please. I brought my lunch. Just like my mom brought those hands. On live TV!

  Copyright © 2019 by Maika Moulite and Maritza Moulite

  ISBN-13: 9781488076220

  One of the Good Ones

  Copyright © 2021 by Maika Moulite and Maritza Moulite

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, events or locales is entirely coincidental.