Ride: A Driven World Novel

by Heather Guimond

  The ride to the stretch of shore I loved the most took about half an hour—thirty glorious minutes of Kenni’s lean body pressed directly against mine, so warm and inviting, even with the winter wind whipping by us. Pulling into the sandy parking lot of my favorite Orange County beach, it was quiet with only a few surfers venturing out into the water, the sun-worshiping masses tucked away at home for the winter. I rode onto the strand of sidewalk running along the sandy beach, and after a quick glance in either direction, quickly sped forward, kicking up loose sand as we made our way toward the hard-packed shore.

  “Whoop, whoop!” Kenni’s muffled squeal as her arms tightened around my waist made me smile. I wobbled the bike just a little, making her shriek louder, but I wasn’t likely to ever lay down my bike unless someone crashed into me. Riding was a transcendent experience—my motorcycles extensions of my physical person, the same as another arm or leg—but I made a mental note that a little instability brought Kenni’s body closer to mine, made her hold on to me that much tighter. A piece deep inside me whispered it wanted to be the man who took care of the girl behind me. With some time and some luck, I’d get her to see I was truly man enough to be what she needed.

  The sun was high in the sky, its position reminding me it was just after noon as my stomach echoed it was time to eat. The demands motocross put on my body insisted I feed it regularly, so I planned to take a short ride south to a rockier area where we could sit and enjoy our meal with as little sand in it as possible. Once we got to the water, I opened the throttle and took off, speeding through the seafoam and kicking up large blobs of wet sand. Before long, we reached my favorite place for solitude, a jetty poking out into the water. I liked to sit and do my own version of meditating when I was stressed. It seemed like the perfect spot to get Kenni to let down at least a few of her defenses.

  Coming alongside a large rock with a flat profile, I stopped the bike. We both climbed off as I delicately balanced the bike on its kickstand. Grabbing my backpack from Kenni, I helped her climb up, taking a spot next to her. It was warmer than usual, though January in Southern California usually tended to be mild. The skies were partly cloudy, but there was enough sunlight peeking through to keep it from being overly chilly. I silently lamented the temperature. I’d have enjoyed an excuse to cozy up next to her. Instead, she rolled up the legs of her baggy cargo pants and pulled off her socks and shoes, dipping her feet into what I imagined was frigid water.

  “Oh my fucking God, that’s cold!” she cried through chattering teeth.

  “Of course, it is,” I replied, snickering. “It’s the ocean. It’s always cold, only more so in winter!”

  “Not in the Caribbean,” she muttered as she looked down at her feet. “I bet my toes are already blue.”

  “Put your socks back on, Kenni. You don’t need to catch a cold, not when the season has just started,” I said, tossing one of them at her, hitting her in the face.

  “Thanks,” she replied sarcastically as she drew her socks back on. “So, how did you know this place was here?”

  “I found it when I was out here for last year’s Supercross races. I needed to get out and clear my head before the big show, and the beach has always been a favorite of mine. It’s my go-to place when I want to think or just be alone. I thought you might like the scenery.”

  “It’s great. One thing about Arizona that sucks is no beach.”

  “Then I guess you’ll just have to make a permanent move,” I replied teasingly but quickly becoming fond of the idea as it took root in my head.

  “That’ll be the day. Matt loves Phoenix. He’d never move.”

  “Leave him there. You could work for anyone; it doesn’t have to be your brother.”

  “I suppose you happen to have someone in mind?” she replied with a small smile.

  “I just might. I hear he’s a slave driver but offers exceptional benefits.” I grinned back at her.

  “I think I know who you’re talking about. He has something of a bad reputation, I hear…” she teased.

  My smile fell as my stomach plunged to my feet. What had she heard about me? I thought I’d redeemed myself after all these years by moving cross country to get away from my father.

  “What have you heard?” I asked, glaring intensely.

  “What? Nothing, Finn. I was just teasing. I don’t listen to the shit Matt says.”

  “What has he said?”

  “Honestly, Finn, I don’t even know. He’s jealous of you and just mouths off to warn me away. I mostly tune it out.”

  I lowered my head, wondering if she was telling the truth or if I needed to do some last-second damage control. So much time had passed, and still, my old man and the events of that awful day returned to haunt me. I didn’t want to drag our little date into something dark and heavy, but I had to know if she knew the truth about me. If I didn’t, I’d end up tossing and turning all night, obsessing over whether she judged me guilty.

  “There isn’t anything that stands out? Caught your attention?” I asked, pulling our sandwiches out of the beat-up backpack and handing Kenni’s to her.

  “Not really.” She shrugged before unwrapping her sub and taking a giant bite. “Like, what are you thinking?”

  I smirked as she tried to manage the words through a mouthful of cold cuts and thick white bread, then sobered as I thought about her question. I was nervous. I didn’t want to ruin her perception of me, just in case my efforts to clean up my image hadn’t been in vain, but it was better she find out early and hear my side of the story than have everything destroyed with lies from someone else.

  “I do have something of a past,” I began before she cut me off.

  “You mean your time in prison?” she asked with a twinkle in her eyes.

  “Stop,” I said, squirming uncomfortably in my place on the rock. “This is serious. I didn’t go to jail, but I could have.”

  Kenni looked at me curiously as she rewrapped her sandwich and put it to the side. I handed her a bottle of water, which she quickly uncapped.

  “Okay, you’ve got my attention now. What do you mean?”

  “I used to live on the east coast. I grew up there, and until a handful of years ago, I raced there, too. I… well, I didn’t always do the right thing. My biggest racing influence wasn’t a good one.”

  “What does that mean? You were aggressive?” Kenni replied slowly, trying to process what I’d said.

  “Predatory is more like it,” I mumbled. “Look, Kenni, I took guys out of races right and left and laughed about it. I did it all the time. It’s amazing the other riders didn’t ambush me somewhere and kick the shit out of me.

  “No matter what I did, I got away with it. I learned later it was because of my dad, who had been a hot-shit racer back in his day and remained well-connected. He was greasing all the right palms while selling my black-hat cowboy routine to every race organizer as a great way to keep ticket sales high. It wasn’t until I nearly killed Jayden Ayres, I realized just how dangerous and out of control I was.”

  “Wait. Are you responsible for his condition?” she gasped, one hand flying to her mouth as she rolled up onto her knees to peer closely at me. “Finn, he’s paralyzed!”

  “I hate myself every day. I’ve spent the last six years starting over, trying to make up for my sins. Getting out of my old man’s orbit was the first step. That’s how I ended up in California.”

  “Tell me what happened, Finn,” she said, leaning in and touching my shoulder. “I promise I won’t judge you. I just want to know.”

  I pulled my legs up close to my chest, my ankles locked as I draped my arms over my knees. I didn’t want to close up, but thinking about everything that happened, it was hard not to pull back. I shook my messy hair out of my eyes, releasing a loud whoosh of breath.

  “There’s not a lot to tell,” I said, rubbing a hand along my jaw as I began to brood. “I ruined his life because I was an asshole.”

  “Surely it wasn’t that bad, or I’d
have heard about it. You know how racers love to talk like a bunch of little old ladies in a knitting circle.”

  “I’m surprised you haven’t,” I mumbled, the oppressive weight of that day falling heavily on my shoulders. I’d done my best to turn a corner when I came out west, telling myself I’d atoned for my sins by becoming a better person, but it didn’t matter. I would never escape the crushing guilt that descended when I remembered that terrible life-altering race.

  “I was chasing him down as we came up on the final turn. I thought it was the perfect opportunity to squeeze him into the berm and slingshot past him, but he hit a rut in the track and went down. I was on top of him before I knew what was happening. Ran right over him... pinning him against the dirt side wall. He fractured two vertebrae and severed his spine. He won’t walk again, let alone ride.”

  Visions of coming up fast on Ayres, fucking with him anytime I could, practically landing on his rear tire on the backside of every jump. Then we hit that final berm. I still remembered how my vision tunneled to pinpoints. The only thing I saw was the expanse of dirt track and Jayden in my way. I gripped the handlebars tighter and twisted the throttle wide open, shooting forward like a cannonball. I hit his back tire for real when he geeked the jump. I hadn’t meant to, I only wanted to rattle his cage by getting a little too close for comfort, but he ran straight into the berm with me right after him.

  “I ran over his chest. I’ll never forget the pained expression on his face or the horror I felt, knowing I was the cause. I dropped my bike and tried to help but was pushed aside when the emergency team took over.”

  Kenni dropped on her bottom with a jolt. I could see in her expression she was trying to process everything but didn’t seem to be as horrified as I imagined she would be. I ducked my head to capture her eyes with mine.

  “Are you okay?” I asked, feeling more vulnerable and unsure of myself than I had since breaking free from my father and not one bit thrilled by it.

  “Yeah, of course,” she said, shaking her head softly as she mirrored my sitting position. “I just can’t believe I never heard about any of this. Matt kept his eyes on all the races before he joined Supercross. He said he knew your reputation, but he didn’t go into detail, and I thought it was just him talking shit. You’d think he’d be waving this tidbit around as another reason to stay away from you.”

  “Between my dad and the race promoters, they were able to keep it pretty quiet. Everyone knows what happened, of course, but my dad had the lines blurred just enough on paper to keep everyone from drawing an obvious straight line to our little dust-up.”

  “It doesn’t seem plausible. That should have been huge news,” Kenni mumbled as she bit down on her lip, chewing in contemplation.

  “I know,” I said, finally picking up my own sandwich. I wasn’t hungry anymore, but I had to do something with my hands while I waited for the extent of Kenni’s reaction. I took a deep breath, then a large bite of my sandwich, waiting for her to tell me to take her back to her room.

  It was tough to reconcile everything Finn said with what I already knew about him. He always seemed intense, but I couldn’t imagine him being a bloodthirsty competitor who won at all costs. I barely knew him, though, and this wasn’t something you could call a simple ‘one-off.’ He certainly seemed remorseful and embarrassed, but a man’s life had been tragically altered. That required at least a second glance at Finn’s character.

  “It sounds like you were just racing. Most riders are ruthless, Finn. How is this any different?”

  “I wasn’t just ruthless, I was reckless, Kenni, and I was like that all the time. It’s a miracle it didn’t happen earlier. My dad drilled the ‘take no prisoners’ mentality into me daily. I heard ‘win or go home’ more times than I can count. I did everything I could to impress my father whenever I could. It was either that or face his wrath once we were away from the track, and my dad’s temper was epic. I walked away from that race with Ayres with a broken nose compliments of the asshole. Not because I took the guy out, but because I had the nerve to stop after I hurt him. Someone blew right by me and took the flag. I let Jayden’s injury distract me, which was a cardinal sin in his eyes.” Finn’s voice was harsh and choked just before he turned away, wiping angry red eyes with the heels of his hands.

  I never expected to see him so emotional, but as the truths kept spilling out, I felt only an overwhelming sense of compassion. I chided myself on being stupid, on letting his sob story sway me—after all, he was the real villain, wasn’t he? He was admitting to his carelessness. My anxiety miraculously eased as I realized this couldn’t be a contrived tale designed to manipulate me. No one was that good at gaslighting, not even Dalton. I scooted to Finn’s side and threw an arm over his sagging shoulders.

  “Your dad was abusive?” I asked softly, my hand subconsciously gliding over the smooth, rippled muscles of his back.

  “If I wasn’t winning, he was,” Finn replied with a stiff nod, then raking a hand through his hair. “If I was on top, he was amazing. He celebrated all my victories as if each one was a Supercross win. But man, if I didn’t do things exactly as he said, how he wanted them done, I got a beating. The worst of them were saved for when I lost races.”

  “So, what happened? How did you end up here, in California?”

  “I refused to ride after the accident. It was the off-season, so it wasn’t a massive deal if I didn’t race, but each one I missed sent my father into an even darker fury. He couldn’t relive his glory years if I wasn’t bringing home the actual glory, I guess.” Finn ripped a piece of bread from his sandwich and threw it off our edge of the rock, where a happy seagull promptly dove to grab it. Soon, we were surrounded by more birds, so I started ripping little chunks from my sub. We were silent for a few moments while we fed the birds.

  “After I refused to suit up for my third race,” Finn resumed his story in a soft voice. “My dad cornered me in my room and kicked the shit out of me. I woke up in a hospital room. Broken arm, three broken ribs, and a punctured lung to go along with my barely healed nose. How’s that for parental love?”

  “God! Where was your mom during all this? Didn’t she do anything to help you?”

  “My mom passed away from breast cancer when I was seven. People say that was a turning point in my dad’s personality, but honestly, Kenni, I only ever remember him being an evil tyrant. He was always overbearing—the violence just came later.”

  “I… I understand what it’s like to lose a parent—well, both, really—but mine were always wonderful, and my memories are happy. I was much older than you, though. My parents died in a car accident when Matt and I were seventeen.” I mumbled inanely as I rubbed my chilly nose with the back of my hand, trying to get the blood flowing again. “I don’t really know what to say, Finn. I’m sorry you had to go through all that.”

  “Me? What I suffered was nothing compared to Ayres. That guy will never walk again, thanks to me. I recovered from my injuries in a few months—he never will.” Finn hurled his last bit of bread into the tide, then roughly stood. He shoved his hands in the pockets of his baggy cargo shorts and looked at me, his expression a mixture of exasperation, desperation, and sorrow. I stood and put my arms around him.

  “Finn, you were a kid, and if I understand you correctly, your father was really all you had. Of course, you did whatever he said, eager for his approval. Your very survival depended on it. How did you finally get away?” Finn’s hands came to rest lightly at my waist, not pulling me closer or pushing me away. He simply rested them on my hips, fingertips almost imperceptibly brushing a thin strip of flesh bared as my shirt rode above my waistband.

  “When I landed in the hospital, child services paid me a visit and gave me several options. They originally wanted to send me to a group home, but I wanted to get as far away as I could. I tried petitioning the family court for emancipated minor status but was denied because I wasn’t really earning any prize money yet. I didn’t have the means to show I could
support myself.” Finn paused, his eyes on the horizon, the pain of his troubled youth engraved in his features. “I got a restraining order against my dad with the help of the city prosecutor, who also located a private group home through his connections, namely his college roommate, Teddy. I took two years off the circuit just to finish school without any pressure.”

  “What happened to your dad? Did the authorities put him in jail after what he did to you?” “He did six months in the county lock up with seven years’ probation. His probation is about to expire, along with my restraining order, but I don’t think I’ll be hearing from him. He’d never forgive me for opening my mouth and pressing charges against him. I’m a man now, not someone he can control and manipulate anymore.”

  I took a long look at Finn. He was right. He was a man, but did that mean he was completely out from under his father’s influence? If he were to show up tomorrow, how would Finn react? Had he outgrown his need for his father’s approval and become his own man? Everything I knew about him said he had. As far as I was concerned, his conduct since switching coasts had redeemed him, though I’d only been following his career for a couple years. Still, I didn’t think he was to blame for everything that happened.

  “Then it’s over. It’s in the past, and you just keep moving forward,” I said, holding out my hands to him. “C’mon. The birds have eaten most of our food. Let’s wrap up what’s left and go for that ride. I’m eager to tear up some of this sand!”

  Finn watched me for a beat before his mischievous smile crawled across his lips. He knew I was consciously giving him a pass and wasn’t too proud to take it. He knelt to tidy up our mess, wrapping up the remaining cold cuts and stuffing them in the backpack. He handed it to me, which I gleefully shouldered before jumping down from our perch and trotting excitedly to the bike. I needed to break the heaviness of the moment. Finn had confessed his past to me, and the black mood that threatened to overtake him was ominous. I wanted him to know I saw him for the man he’d become, not the reckless boy he’d once been, no matter the reason. I wanted to learn more about him and his father, but enough had been shared for one day. It was time to live in the moment, forget any of the things that kept us tethered to the past. The best way I knew how to do that was to get on that motorcycle and ride like we never had to go home.