by S. Moose
Ashley laughs and takes a seat on the chair.
Something has changed since I was last here. There was a shift between us, and I noticed it when I left the last time I was with her. Ashley wanted more of the man I am today.
Looking back inside, I see a glimpse of how my life would have been like. I know Ashley doesn’t like anything flashy or rich. We wouldn’t have a mansion or a house that screamed money. We’d have a simple style home, and Alex would have everything he wanted. Ashley would still work because that’s the type of woman she is, and we’d always open our door to family and friends.
This is how my life should’ve been.
The warmth of Ashley’s presence feels real. It’s hypnotizing and reminds me of what it was like when I had her in my arms.
The comfort she brings relaxes me, and I’m able to sit down as well, taking in the Seattle evening, watching the beauty in the clouds hovering over us, and being near the love of my life.
It’s a dream come true.
Alex comes rushing outside and hops on my lap. He turns to look at me and hands me a cookie.
“Mom always says when you have company, give them food.”
“Thanks, buddy. I’m sure this cookie will taste good.”
“I hope you like it. I made it yesterday with Mom and Grandma. I’m still learning how to bake. I’m not good at it, though.”
I take a bite and watch Ashley stifle a laugh. I chew, and it takes everything in me not to get the salty taste out of my mouth.
“Alex, this is the best cookie. Next time, I’ll bake with you, and we’ll make delicious cookies.”
“Cool. Mom said you like football, and I like football too. Can we play catch?”
I can’t focus on anything else around me other than my son's weight on my lap and repeating the words in my head.
“We’ll always play catch, and I’m glad you like football. It’s a great sport.”
“You’re pretty cool.”
My breath catches in my throat. How can simple words burst into my chest? Those words make me want to be a cool dad. The kind of dad who’ll be there for his son and show him how to love sports and everything in life.
“You’re cool, Alex.”
“Thanks.”
It’s quiet for a beat before Ashley says something to break the slight awkwardness.
“I’m going to get my ball, then we can play. Is that okay?”
I smile and nod. “Yes. Go get it, and we’ll play for a while.”
Alex jumps off my lap and runs into the house.
So beautiful.
My son is the best kid I know, and I can’t wait to get to know more about him and live up to the cool dad status.
“Seeing you with Alex…” Ashley blows out a breath. “I like it, but I’m scared.” I watch her get up and walk farther into the yard, and I follow.
I put my mouth near her ear. “Don’t be scared. You don’t have to feel alone anymore because I’m here, and I don’t want to know what it’s like without you anymore. I’ve gone too long without you, and I hated every second.” I press my hips into hers. “Baby, please. Don’t let the regrets of our past affect our future.”
“Slow. Please, Clayton. Being friends with you is all I can handle right now.” Her breathing speeds, and I watch the way her eyes flicker to my lips. “I…”
“You what?”
“I want to hate you,” she cries and tries to wiggle free. “I want to hate you and make you see how better off I am without you.”
“Why do you want to do that?”
“Because losing you was the hardest thing I’ve had to do. Walking out the door, waiting to see if you would come after me, and then realizing you weren’t—it killed me. I had to be strong for our baby.” I watch the tears fall from her eyes. “I want to hate you.”
“Please don’t.”
I see the walls she has starting to crumble, and her slight tremble tells me she wants to give in to my touch.
“You have to keep your promise. I don’t want to regret having you in his life and seeing his face fall apart when you leave and don’t come back.”
Before I can say anything, Ashley’s mom comes out and has her go inside to tend to Alex. I want to follow, but her mom stays outside and shuts the door so we’re alone.
“What will it take for you to go away?”
“Nothing,” I tell her. “There’s nothing in the world anyone can give me to leave now that I know my son, and I have a chance to make things right.”
“I see. You love my daughter?”
“More than my next breath.”
“I watched her cry for months. She’d run to the mailbox whenever the mailman came, and disappointment was on her face when she realized there was no letter. Each time her phone rang, she jumped and grabbed it, and the slight sliver of hope was gone when she realized you weren’t on the other end.”
Her telling me this is a punch in the gut. I deserve it, so I remain quiet and let her talk.
“I don’t know what your endgame is, and I won’t pretend I like you around her, but you’ve sparked a fire in my daughter. A fire I haven’t seen in a long time.”
I know Ashley’s upset with me for telling her to take care of the problem and not chasing her. She hates me for not being there for her. She hates me for trying to come back. “I know Ashely’s upset, and she hates me…”
“That’s the thing,” her mom says. “She doesn’t hate you.”
“What?”
“My daughter says a lot of things to you, and most of the time, it’s true, but she loves you. Always has and always will. She waited for you to come back into her life. So now that you’re here, what are you going to do to ensure she finds happiness again?”
“I’m going to make her realize I’m not going anywhere. She’ll see how much I love her, and nothing’s going to change that.”
“I hope you do just that.” She nods and heads back inside, and I stand in the middle of the yard, staring into the house and waiting for Ashley to come back outside.
Chapter 19
Ashley
After dinner’s over and I get Alex in his pajamas, we sit in the living room, the three of us, and watch a movie. I’m not paying attention as my attention’s on Alex and Clayton. Sitting on the floor, eating popcorn, and watching The Lion King.
I bring the wineglass to my lips and take a sip of the dry red, letting the berries' aroma alert my sense of smell to prepare my sense of taste. I take a healthy drink and set the glass on my thigh, watching the scene unfold before me. My heart skips a beat. I hate feeling happy about Clayton getting to know Alex. I should be more protective of him. I should protect him. A part of me feels Clayton truly wants to get to know Alex and be a part of our lives. The wall I have surrounding our lives is slowly chipping away.
This isn’t how I planned for tonight to go.
When I went back outside, Alex quickly followed and asked Clayton to stay for dinner. I didn’t have the heart to tell him he couldn’t, so I invited Clayton back in. We had pasta with red sauce and meatballs. Alex loved pasta night and devoured three giant meatballs and a healthy helping of pasta. He is tall for his age and skinny. The way he eats, you’d think he’d be bigger, but he plays sports and is constantly moving.
I look at the two of them, and as much as I want to pretend to hate Clayton, I can’t anymore. I’m thankful for him. He’s the reason Alex is here, and I can’t complain.
“Can you tell me more about what you do?”
I look down and see Clayton on his knees, the shirt he was wearing draped over the side of the couch.
“I run a company. I’m the big boss. Your uncle Nolan and I created the company.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means I’m responsible for a lot, and I get to make big decisions.”
“Wow. You’re so cool.”
Clayton laughs and lays down next to Alex on the rug. “You’re the cool one. Your mom said you’re going to summer
camp. What do you do with your friends?”
“I am. It’s every day. We get to do a lot like running around, playing games, swim and eat. Did you go to camp too?” He nods. “Wow. I can’t wait to tell my friends about my awesome dad.”
I look at the time and notice it’s getting late, and Alex needs to go to bed. “Alright, baby, let’s get to bed.” I place my wine down on the coffee table and get up, stretching my arms over my head, closing my eyes and welcoming the slight bliss of this stretch.
When I open my eyes, Clayton’s standing in front of me.
He smirks. “I miss how you sound,” he whispers, and I feel the warmth on my cheeks.
“Slow.” I’m trying hard to keep him at arm’s length. I can’t let him know his words poke at the I still love you so much part of me.
“Can I come with you and put him to bed?”
“Sure,” I let him know and take Alex’s hand, leading him to the bathroom and start the song so he can brush his teeth.
“What the hell is this crap?” He mutters, and I turn my head to him, sending daggers. “What? It’s lame, Ashley.”
“It’s a learning song and helps him know how long it takes for him to brush his teeth. Do not try to give me parenting advice.”
I might be being a little harsh. Reigning in my claws, I take a breather, ready to apologize when I turn to see him shaking his head and silently laughing.
How dare he make fun of me?
“All done,” Alex announces and steps off his stool, taking our hands, and pulls us in the direction of his bedroom. When he hops on, I sit on the side and pull the blanket over his little body. “Thanks, Mom.”
“You’re welcome. So, which book would you like me to read tonight?”
“Actually…” Alex points at Clayton. “Can you tell me more stories about when you were my age?”
“I don’t think…”
Clayton sits on the opposite side. “Sure, buddy. My younger brother, Nolan, and I used to drive my parents crazy. Every Halloween, we came up with pranks and played it on them. One of these day’s I’ll show you one.”
“Whoa. Can you show me? Mom is scared of spiders. She yells when she sees one.”
“I was Spider-Man last Halloween. I like those guys. You should be Captain America, and I’ll be Iron Man.”
Listening to Alex make plans with Clayton makes me nervous. I want to butt in and disrupt their conversation, but I don’t have the heart to do so. I need to try to believe in Clayton.
Clayton shrugs. “That’s my favorite guy.”
“Cool. I like Captain America too. That’s mom’s favorite.”
“Is it now?”
I ignore that comment and pretend to pay attention to my nails rather than the story he’s telling.
“Okay, Alex. It’s time for bed.”
“Mom, really? You’re killing me.”
Clayton laughs, and I turn to him and narrow my eyes. This doesn’t make him stop, and I roll my eyes at him.
“Honey, it’s time for bed. You and your dad can talk later.”
Alex peeks over at Clayton. “Will you come back?”
“Always.”
Clayton laughs and leans over to kiss Alex’s forehead. “Good night. Thank you for tonight.”
Alex turns to me. “Good night, Mom. I love you.” He wraps his arms around my waist, let’s go and turns to Clayton. “Good night, Dad. I love you.”
Emotions take hold of me and carry me over the bridge, tossing me into the cold water. It stings, but then the stinging pain leaves, and warmth surrounds me.
“I love you too, Alex.”
When we walk out of his bedroom, Clayton follows close behind, and we head outside. It’s a nice summer night, and I need to be out here to relax and get fresh air.
“Ashley.” I turn and face him. “You have been the only woman besides my family who I have ever loved. I wish I could take it all back and never have let you walk out of my life. I’m going to find a way to make things work so we can be a family. There’s always a way. What’s meant to be comes back around, and I think this is our second chance. Take this second chance with me. I gave up on you once, and that’s the last time.”
“Why can’t I hate you?” I utter and feel more of the walls crashing down. “Why are you making things so hard for me?”
“Baby, that’s not what I’m trying to do. I’m trying to make it easy and make you realize I’m here. Standing here before you letting you know how sorry I am and how much I love you.”
He pulls me close to him, holding me tightly against his chest, and leans down to whisper in my ear. “Thank you for tonight. It means the world to me that you’re giving this a chance. I want you to know I’m not going anywhere.”
Chapter 20
Clayton
The music fills the air as I drink my whiskey and watch Nolan flirt with the redhead down the bar. My brother’s a playboy, and who knows when he’ll settle down. I’m not sure if settling down is in his realm.
Nolan and I never had problems with dating and women. We got our good looks from our dad and our down-to-earth personality from our mom. It was a dangerous but perfect combination. We were quick-witted and knew what to say. That’s also what makes us great businessmen.
“This is becoming too easy.” I turn and see Nolan taking a seat back next to me.
“I didn’t think I’d see you again tonight.”
He shrugs. “It was too easy. I told her I’d call her. She didn’t seem too happy about that.”
I laugh, shaking my head. “You kill me, you know that?”
Nolan’s beer pauses at his lips before smiling. “Yeah, it’s definitely not a boring life, but it’s the same old thing. Sometimes I wonder what it’ll be like to find someone and settle down.” He shrugs, taking back his beer. “You get a second chance, bro. Don’t mess it up. It’s a lonely, messed-up world being alone.”
“I hear you. We’ve been spending time together, and I’m getting to know Alex. It’s a process. We’re taking it slow, but she has her guard up.”
“Don’t blame her,” he mutters.
“Yeah. Same here.” A tightness moves to my chest. “I can’t mess this up.”
“I’ve seen you do a lot of things in your life. When you put your mind to something, you can achieve it. Look what we did for our company. Look what you’ve done so far in your life. You know you can do this. There’s a reason you sought out Ashley and why you have a son.”“I regret it.”
“Don’t regret things. Life is all about making your mistakes a lesson learned. You’ve been beating yourself up, and it’s time to let it go. You’re making it right, and even though it’s not going the pace you want, you can’t push it. This time, she’s the CEO, and you need to take a step back.”
I nod and take back my drink.
Nolan slaps the bar. “Don’t be a little bitch and close up. I’m your brother. You can talk to me and I’ll be here to help you out.”
“Thanks, man.”
The night begins to get dull, talking business with Nolan and watching him fend off women. It’s comical. I didn’t realize how much I needed a night out with my brother until now. We’re busy nearly every day trying to make our business successful and taking things slow with Ashely and Alex. I don’t have complaints.
Nolan orders a few more rounds for us, and we move away from our business discussions and into what’s going on with him and how he’s doing.
He shoots back the whiskey. “I don’t have complaints. The only thing that gets me is going home alone. I’m twenty-five, and I’ve done more in my life than most can say.”
“You’re putting a lot of pressure on yourself. You don’t need to have everything figured out. Life is what you make of it. Don’t stress too much.”
I think about texting Ashley to see what she’s doing. I can’t stop thinking about her as I’m giving brother advice.
“I’ve been bitching like a pussy tonight. What about you? When do I get to meet my n
ephew and meet the woman who has you twisted?”
I shrug. “Soon, I hope.”
Nolan blows out a breath and mutters a curse. “I hope things work out for you. From what you’re saying, it seems to be going pretty well. You know Mom and Dad felt bad about keeping you away, right?”
“It was my choice to stick around and help out.”
“Yeah, I’m sure the fact you’ve kept their grandchild from them will shove away everything that happened. Mom’s going to kill you.”
I laugh and nod in agreement. “She’ll have a field day.”
“So, Ashley’s the one?”
“She is,” I answer without hesitation. “I’m back for her, and when it’s time, I’ll tell Mom and Dad everything because they deserve to know the truth.”
I wish I could’ve said something to them early on. Between my dad’s health, helping out at his company, and then starting our own, there never seemed to be a good time to tell them anything. By the time I could, it was too late. Dad was healthy again, and Mom was able to breathe. I didn’t want to give them another blow and stick them with the news of a grandchild. It didn’t seem fair or right.
“You love her?”
“More than my next breath,” I respond.
“Well, hell. You need to make sure everything goes as planned. Do you think she’s starting to like you again?”
Ashley holds her reservations about me leaving her and destroying us. I destroyed her. I remind her of the life we could’ve had. In her mind, she wants a fairy tale. She wants a Prince Charming and a love story to tell her grandchildren. That’s what I want for her. I want to be the author of her fairy tale and give her the vision of a love story she wants. “I’ll be and do whatever she needs me to be.”
Nolan nods and clinks his glass with mine.
Chapter 21
Ashley
“Mom, I have a question?” I look at Alex from across the dinner table while he takes a healthy spoonful of macaroni and cheese and lifts it to his mouth.