Dangers of Love

by M. S. Parker

  Ice-cold fear cut through me, and I crossed the distance in just two long strides, reaching for her. The moment my hand touched her shoulder, she made a soft, sleepy sound, and I sank to the edge of the bed, my knees going weak with relief.

  “Eoin?”

  “Hey.” Out of the corner of my eye, I caught Martina’s shadow in the doorway, and then it disappeared. I didn’t hear the front door close, but I assumed she was giving us some privacy, which I appreciated.

  “What’s going on?” Aline pushed herself up into a sitting position. “How did you get in here?”

  “Martina.” I gestured behind me. “I kept trying to get ahold of you and couldn’t. I got worried and went to the boutique to see if you were there or if Martina knew where you were. When you didn’t answer her call either, we got worried.”

  Aline frowned, looking confused for a moment before she closed her eyes and sighed. “I put my phone on silent when I was at lunch with my parents and never turned it back on. All I could think of was getting back here and taking a nap. I was just so tired.”

  Guilt flooded me. Of course she was tired. She’d had almost as bad a day as I had yesterday, and she could be pregnant. And it wasn’t like either of us had rested much after we’d gotten back to my hotel room either.

  “You said you called me?”

  Her voice drew me back to the present.

  “I did.” I reached for her hand, threading my fingers between hers. “I needed to apologize for how I reacted when you told me that you might be pregnant.”

  She shook her head and squeezed my hand. “No, you don’t. It was a shock, and you’d already had a few of those in the last twenty-four hours.”

  “Still.” Her skin was soft beneath my thumb. “Something else should have been the first thing out of my mouth, no matter what I was feeling.”

  “I’m listening.” She gave me a sweet smile.

  “I’m here. You’re not going through this alone.” I reached out and brushed some hair out of her face. “No matter what the blood test shows or what you decide to do, I’ll be with you. I want to be with you.”

  I wished I could’ve said something more than that, but I wasn’t ready to say love. Not when I still wasn’t entirely sure how to define what was between us. And I was pretty sure that a declaration of love in a situation like this wouldn’t have been taken seriously anyway.

  “It’s okay,” she said.

  “No, it’s not. I was shocked, but I could’ve handled it better.”

  “Thank you.” She leaned forward and gave me a soft kiss. “Now, it’s water under the bridge.”

  I cupped the side of her face, and she leaned into my hand, her eyes closing. Brushing my thumb back and forth across her cheek, something settled on me, something I couldn’t place right away. When she turned her head and kissed my palm, I realized what it was.

  Peace.

  I’d had moments where I hadn’t been in actual conflict with anyone and plenty of times where I’d been having fun. I had happy memories too. But I’d never had anything like this. She made all the noise in my head go quiet and still.

  Right then and there, I understood Alec’s advice in a way I hadn’t when we’d talked earlier. This was what he had with Lumen. It was what I couldn’t lose. She was what I couldn’t lose.

  A sliver of panic tried to rise up, reminding me of all the people I’d already lost, but I pushed it down. I didn’t need to be afraid because I was with her, and I wasn’t going anywhere. I’d keep her and the baby safe. And it started right now.

  “Your appointment is tomorrow morning, right?”

  “Yes, Dr. Rhimes cleared some time for me.”

  “I’d like to come, if that’s okay with you. I can drive you and take care of whatever else you need me to do.”

  “Thank you. I’d like that.” She wiggled a little closer. “I haven’t told anyone else, not even Martina, and I wasn’t really looking forward to going alone.”

  I was a little surprised she hadn’t told her parents at lunch, especially since this sort of thing seemed like prime mother-daughter stuff, but then I remembered why Aline had left her parents’ house in the first place.

  I’d bet anything that she hadn’t told them because she was worried they’d think she’d fucked up. I felt a flicker of anger toward them. If they said one word to her like this was her fault, I’d have a few things to say to them about how they treated their daughter.

  I didn’t tell her any of that, though. She didn’t need one more thing on her plate.

  “What time should I pick you up?”

  “My appointment’s at nine-thirty, so nine o’clock in case there’s traffic?”

  “All right.” I took out my phone and set the alarm so I’d be sure to hear it. “Now, since I interrupted Martina’s workday and your nap, how about you two let me order in for all of us?”

  “That would be wonderful.” Aline’s smile lit up her face.

  “What do you want?” I asked.

  A slight stab of guilt jabbed at me for the one reason I hadn’t given when I’d told her why I wanted to order dinner. Yeah, I felt bad for bugging Martina when Aline was okay, and for waking Aline from her nap, but I’d had another motive too. If I ordered food for all of us, I could stay for dinner without being rude and inviting myself. I wasn’t quite ready to say goodbye to Aline, even if I’d see her again tomorrow morning.

  I was in deep with this woman…and I wasn’t sure if that was a good or bad thing.

  Eighteen

  Aline

  I didn’t know if I’d thrown up fifteen minutes ago because I had morning sickness or if it’d been nerves, but either way, it hadn’t been pleasant. I’d been able to force down some crackers, and they’d helped with my upset stomach, but I knew I wouldn’t be able to completely quell my anxiety until I had the results of the blood test. Even if I was pregnant, the waiting was far worse than either answer would be.

  Eoin seemed to share my sentiments as he arrived nearly twenty minutes early, and apart from the drive, hadn’t been able to sit still. Even in the car, he’d been moving, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel or on his leg, flipping through radio stations, that sort of thing.

  The latter would have annoyed me normally, but nothing about this situation was normal. And if I were to be entirely honest, I didn’t mind the radio being on because neither of us had said more than a few words, and I preferred the background noise that prevented a total awkward silence between us. Now it was only an awkward semi-awkward silence.

  Walking into the waiting room did absolutely nothing to ease the awkwardness either. While Dr. Rhimes kept tasteful art and stuck to entertainment and sports magazines, there was no doubt what sort of office this was. I’d seen men in here a few times since I’d started coming to see Dr. Rhimes, but it definitely wasn’t a regular thing.

  This morning, we were the only ones there so far, which I hoped would make it easier for Eoin to wait. I’d told him that I wouldn’t mind if he stayed in the car, that I could understand him being uncomfortable. His dry response had made me laugh.

  “I’ve spent days packed into a small metal box with nine other men. In the desert. Without bathing. I think I can handle a doctor’s office.”

  As I signed in, out of the corner of my eye, I caught him looking around the room and couldn’t resist a little tease.

  “The waiting room might not be that scary, but you’d never be able to handle what goes on behind those doors.”

  I surprised a laugh out of him, and a warmth went through me. I liked that I could bring out this side of him. I wasn’t foolish enough to think that he was only soft and sweet on the inside, that his tough exterior was all an act. Honestly, I didn’t think I would have wanted him this much if that had been the case.

  I liked that he was rough around the edges. I liked that he was strong, and not just physically. I liked his determination and even his stubbornness. Even butting heads with him wasn’t always a negative thing. />
  I knew I could be head-strong, and contrary to what a lot of people probably thought, I didn’t want a man I could walk all over. I wanted one who pushed me out of my comfort zone, to think about life in a way I hadn’t. Someone who didn’t treat me like a delicate, fragile doll who needed to be protected from everything and anything the big, bad world had to offer.

  A couple minutes after we sat down, Eoin half-turned toward me, a slight flush to his cheeks.

  “You know that if you want me to go with you, I will? I mean, I don’t want you feeling like you can’t ask me to go in the room during appointments or whatever. I mean, if you are pregnant, I want to do that sort of stuff. If you’re okay with it.”

  I couldn’t imagine how difficult that was for him to say, especially since, by the end, his ears had turned bright red. I leaned over and kissed his cheek. “Let’s take it one day at a time, all right? Right now, I want to go back by myself, but if I am pregnant, we can talk then about what we’ll do next.”

  He nodded, relief on his face, though I wasn’t sure if it was because I hadn’t asked him to come back with me now, or because I hadn’t made any sort of decision about future visits. I honestly didn’t know what I’d want at any point other than right now. And it might not even matter.

  We were saved from further discussion by a nurse who came out and called my name. I followed her into the back, where she took my vitals and asked why I was there.

  Heat rushed to my cheeks, but I refused to look down. I hadn’t done anything wrong. “An exam and blood work for a pregnancy test.”

  She glanced at my file. “Right, I see that Dr. Rhimes put a note on here to do the blood draw first, and then she’ll come do the exam. She’s putting a rush on the test results so they can come in today.”

  “A rush?” I asked, my heartrate speeding up.

  “Mm-hm.” She didn’t sound worried as she went about getting the things she’d need to take care of the basics.

  When she didn’t give more of a response, I flat-out asked the question, not even trying to hide the annoyance in my voice. “Why is she rushing it?”

  “Oh.” The nurse seemed taken aback, but she recovered quickly enough. “I don’t know.”

  Another few seconds passed, and I began to wonder if this was going to be a pattern. Unfortunately, I was not in the right presence of mind to be patient and polite, and while I’d never been shy about making my thoughts known, the incident in Iran seemed to have given me a new sort of boldness.

  Like finally drawing a line in the sand with my family.

  If this woman thought she was going to get off easier than them, she was sadly mistaken. “Does it say in my file? I’d like to know why my test is being rushed. I’m grateful that I won’t be waiting as long as I thought would be necessary, but I would like to know why.”

  She sighed as if I’d asked her to do something extremely difficult, but she did turn her attention back to my file, so I held my tongue.

  And held it.

  And held it.

  Just when I was about to snap at her to hand over my damn file so I could read it myself, the door opened, and Dr. Rhimes came in.

  “Good morning, Aline.” She smiled at me and then looked at the nurse, the smile vanishing. “Do you have a good reason as to why you aren’t done, or at least in the process of taking Miss Mercier’s blood?”

  The tone made me think I wasn’t the only person unhappy with this nurse’s work, and I had to stop myself from snickering.

  “I told her there was a rush on her test, but then she wanted to know why.” The nurse sounded like a petulant child. “I didn’t know, so I was looking it up.”

  Dr. Rhimes walked over to the door and opened it. “I’ll take it from here.”

  “Fine.” The nurse practically stomped out of the room.

  When Dr. Rhimes turned back to me, she said, “I’m sorry about her. She’s my partner’s niece, and she did well in school, but her bedside manner…leaves something to be desired.”

  I snorted, then laughed, some of my unease fading. “That’s one way to say it.”

  “Let me get that blood drawn first.” Dr. Rhimes went over to the items the nurse had already gotten out. “And yes, I am ordering a rush. Getting pregnant with an IUD is extremely rare, but it can also be dangerous.”

  All of that tension returned and multiplied. I’d known that, of course. When I’d gotten the IUD, she’d explained everything, and I’d read all the literature she’d given me. I’d heard all of it again when I’d gone to the doctor I used in Stanford when I couldn’t get back here for appointments. I knew it, but I’d forgotten it.

  Perfect. Something else to be terrified about.

  “Now, I know that our primary concern here is pregnancy, but I am going to run several tests, just to make sure that your partner was being honest about his sexual history.” Dr. Rhimes worked efficiently as she talked. “Did you take the test I recommended?”

  I nodded. “Not long after I spoke with you. It was positive.” I was proud of myself for managing to say those three words without my voice shaking. “I had planned to call you back after I had the results, but things went…crazy.”

  “It’s all right,” she said. “It wouldn’t have changed anything I need to do today.”

  I watched her work with quiet efficiency. “Okay.”

  “Now, those tests are fairly reliable, but they aren’t one hundred percent accurate.” She set down the last vial on the tray. “Let me get these sent to the lab. While I’m doing that, go ahead and change into a gown.”

  One of the things I’d always liked about Dr. Rhimes was how straight-forward she was. She never sugar-coated anything for me, which was why having her as my doctor had been one of the few stands I’d taken when my mom had tried to convince me to go to her gynecologist. I’d wanted someone I could trust to tell me the truth and not tell my mother anything, even unintentionally. Mom could’ve given professional interrogators a run for their money.

  A knock at the door came just as I finished tying the hospital gown in place. “Come in,” I called.

  Dr. Rhimes waited until the door was closed behind her before gesturing toward the table. “Other than the pregnancy test you took, has anything changed from the information you told me when we spoke?”

  I opened my mouth to say no…and then remembered that there was something relevant I needed to tell her.

  “Um, I had sex again.” My face burned. “More than once, actually.”

  She was a true professional and didn’t even blink an eye. “With the same partner?”

  I nodded. “There’s only been him.”

  “Did you use protection?”

  Dammit.

  “No.” I couldn’t look at her. “It wasn’t a conscious decision, but I know it was stu–”

  “I’m not going to lecture you, Aline. I’m your doctor, not your priest or your therapist.”

  Her small smile took any sting out of the words. Another reason I’d always liked her. She’d never made me feel bad for being a virgin, and she’d never judged when I’d asked for the IUD, even though I hadn’t been sexually active at the time. She cared, but she didn’t try to parent me.

  It was…refreshing.

  I looked up at the ceiling as she did the exam, trying not to appear as uncomfortable as I felt. It was strange. I’d always thought that after I’d had sex, I wouldn’t find it as disconcerting to have someone getting up close and personal with that particular part of my anatomy, but I actually found myself more self-conscious than I had been in the past. Maybe it was because, despite what she’d said about not lecturing me, I still felt like I’d behaved poorly and proven that I couldn’t take care of myself.

  “Well, shit.”

  That wasn’t something a girl wanted to hear when she was in a position like this.

  I pushed myself up on my elbows. “What?”

  “The IUD is out of place.” She sighed and slid her chair to the side so we could see each o
ther. “It does happen, but it’s rare. Did you have any problems during your last period?”

  I thought for a moment. “Not that I can think of. I started right before my sister went into the hospital for her appendix. I really wasn’t paying much attention to anything but that.”

  “Did you check the strings when you finished menstruating?”

  At least with this answer I didn’t have to feel like I’d been the one to screw up. Even my parents wouldn’t have blamed me for this one. “No. I know that for certain because I’d just finished the day before I was scheduled to come home. I’d been so busy getting things together since Freedom was still in the hospital that it slipped my mind. By the time my reminder went off on my phone, I didn’t have my phone anymore.”

  When Dr. Rhimes gave me a puzzled look, I realized that she didn’t know what’d happened to me. I’d told her about me having had sex for the first time but hadn’t explained anything else.

  “Did you see the news story on the group of hostages who were rescued right around Thanksgiving?”

  “Yes,” she said slowly.

  “One of them mentioned that there had been a woman who’d disappeared while they’d all still been in Iran. That was me.”

  The doctor’s face drained of color. “Please tell me this isn’t–”

  “No,” I assured her quickly. “No, they didn’t rape me. But that’s why things were so crazy around my last period. I was taken on my way to the airport and was held for six days before I was rescued. It was after that that I had sex.”

  “The man in the waiting room?” she asked.

  I nodded, a different sort of blush stealing into my cheeks. “He’s one of the men who saved me.”

  “I am so glad you’re okay.” Her voice was tight, and I suddenly realized that she was trying not to cry.

  “Thank you.”

  After a beat, she was back to professional mode. “My recommendation is that we remove it now, and after we get the test results, we can discuss if you want me to reinsert it. If that’s the case, you can decide when you want to schedule that appointment.”