Desolation (Book 2): Into the Inferno

by Lucin, David

  “She’s gone,” Maria continued. “Camila. I know she is.”

  The candle slipped from Jenn’s grasp and crashed onto the hardwood floor, where it shattered into dozens of pieces. Darkness filled the room as Ajax jumped off the bed. Cursing, she shot up, ready to clean her mess, but Maria gripped her forearm and held her in place. “Leave it for now. We can deal with it in the morning.”

  “Are you sure?” Jenn asked, desperate to steer the conversation away from Camila. Maria’s fingernails scratched her skin. “It’ll only take a second.”

  Maria found the flashlight and shined it on the far wall. “Sit,” she said. “Please.”

  Reluctantly, Jenn eased herself down. Had she heard Maria correctly? Had she admitted that Camila was dead?

  The grip on her armed softened. “I guess I always knew,” Maria started, her voice matter-of-fact, “but I was lying to myself. Then everything happened, and I saw how brave you were with your parents. Braver than I ever was. It made me realize that I needed to face reality and be strong—like you.”

  “I’m not strong,” Jenn said. “Or brave. I panicked yesterday at the roadblock. I turtled and hid.”

  Maria squeezed Jenn’s hand. “Gary told me. He tells me everything. He only asks you to lie to me because it makes you feel better. You worry too much about me, he says. Maybe you do. I don’t know. Either way, you’re one of the strongest people I’ve ever met. You and Camila both. Trying to stop her from joining the army was a mistake. After five years, I finally see that. She died for what she believed in. I’d be making the same mistake if I tried to stop you from going with Sophie.”

  Ajax had returned and sat near the far wall, where he stalked the shadows from the flashlight.

  “I don’t know if I can,” Jenn said. “Not so soon. Sam’s family just got here and Nicole’s in shock and I broke my promise to you about being home for dinner when we left and . . .”

  Maria was smiling. Her hand found Jenn’s knee. “We’re okay. Since everything happened, you’ve done so much for us. You went to Carla’s and got me oxygen, then the Go Market. Then you rescued Barbara and Kevin and saved Nicole.”

  Jenn tensed, expecting Maria to mention Payson.

  “You think too much about everyone else,” Maria said, and Jenn stopped squeezing her sheets. “It’s time to do something for you.” She planted her index finger on Jenn’s shoulder.

  “But Gary wants me to help with the police and—”

  Maria shushed her. “Don’t you worry about Gary. He understands as well as anyone. He’s just afraid of seeing you go. You’re as much of a daughter to him as Camila was, and he loves you all the same. When he got angry, it was only because he wanted to protect you. Maybe he feels guilty for Camila leaving.”

  “Why would he feel guilty?”

  “He drove her to the recruitment center,” Maria said. “On her eighteenth birthday. He was so proud of her. Still is. But he misses her more every day, and it’s getting harder and harder for him. Tough to imagine, I know. He sees as much of her in you as I do.”

  Ajax had given up chasing the shadows and switched to licking his front paw.

  Being compared to Camila made Jenn feel like Gary and Maria’s daughter. Their real daughter. Yes, she lived here during the school years and helped out around the house, but she was always a guest. Jenn was a charity project for them—someone less fortunate whom they could support while she attended university. But that wasn’t right. From day one, her relationship with the Ruiz family was far more complex; Jenn filled the void left by Camila’s absence.

  “I can’t go,” Jenn said. “I won’t leave you guys.”

  Maria made a clicking sound with her tongue, and Ajax jumped on her lap. “I don’t accept that.”

  “What?”

  She scratched Ajax under the chin. “Do you know what I’d give to find out what happened to Camila?”

  “No,” Jenn started. “I didn’t think—”

  Maria spoke over her. “I wrote a hundred emails to the government and the military. Every time I got the same prewritten response: some nonsense about the dangers of enemy hackers finding out the strengths and dispositions of our forces or some such if they gave me too much information.” Her voice was rising. She gripped the handle of her oxygen so hard her knuckles turned white. “If I could, I’d board a plane, go to India or wherever she was, and track down her unit commander and beat some answers out of him.” Her hold on the compressor eased. “This is your chance to learn the truth,” she said softly. “I don’t know what’s out there, but one way or another, you’ll find the closure you need. That’s all I ever wanted with Camila. Maybe I’ll get it someday. I’m not really counting on it. But you? You can get it tomorrow. You have to go.”

  A weight on Jenn’s shoulders slipped away. Breathing became easier, and the tightness in her belly faded. Maria was right. Could she live with herself if she didn’t take this opportunity? How would she feel in six months? A year? Her parents deserved more than to disappear and be forgotten. More than that, staying in Flagstaff would disrespect Maria, who never had the chance to find the same closure with her daughter.

  Maria put her arm around Jenn, who lay her head on Maria’s shoulder. When she realized how strange that was, she pulled away. In response, Maria only clutched her tighter.

  “You should try to get some sleep,” Maria said after a moment. “If you can.”

  Jenn helped her stand and they hugged. With a snap of her fingers, Maria beckoned to Ajax. The scruffy tuxedo dutifully prepared to follow her out.

  “I love you, sweetie,” Maria said.

  “I love you, too.”

  Maria eased the door shut. Jenn switched off her flashlight and slipped beneath the covers. The dull pain in her stomach had gone away, but when she tried to fall asleep, all she could see was the trail of dark blood on the pavement in Payson.

  So she flicked the flashlight on and began cleaning up the spilled candle. After that, she’d start packing for Phoenix.

  5

  Red filled the whites of Jenn’s eyes. She looked paler than she’d ever seen herself. Worse than Sam in February. Her hair felt brittle and wiry, and every bone and muscle in her body ached with fatigue. Hunger clawed at her gut, but she was too nauseous to eat. Three days with almost no sleep had taken its toll. Lying awake all night, at least, was better than dreaming about Payson.

  Standing in front of the mirror in the bathroom, she tucked her toothbrush into her toiletries bag, along with a hairbrush, floss, the rest of her dry shampoo, and a stick of deodorant. Two fresh pairs of pants, one pair of shorts, a few tank tops, and a couple of T-shirts were already stowed safely in her backpack. She wore her blue jeans, the ones that fit a little too big in the thighs, and her favorite plaid shirt. The smoke might have begun to clear, but the sky was still hazy and the temperature still several degrees cooler than normal for this time of year.

  Her watch said 6:35 a.m. Long enough to say goodbye, speak to Sam, and walk to Minute Tire before Sophie and her team left.

  Thinking about Sam made her pulse quicken. Last night, she’d told him she wasn’t going to Phoenix. How would he react when she showed up at his family’s place, backpack in hand? He supported her, no matter what, so he wouldn’t try to make her stay. No, he’d more likely try to come. He couldn’t, though. Barbara, Nicole, Kevin, and Maria depended on him. Even Gary did. He and Kevin were getting along like old friends, mostly thanks to Gary being so personable and welcoming, but Kevin was an Arcadian. Sam wasn’t. Not as much, anyway. If Gary needed help building an outhouse—a project he’d mentioned but hadn’t started yet—putting up a new window, or facing danger, Sam should be here. He and Jenn were a team, yes, but that didn’t always mean being together. In this case, she wanted him in Flagstaff, where he could keep an eye on her family.

  Maybe she was being selfish. Maria would disagree. So would Gary. Barbara would probably think she was running away and abandoning her son. Trying to explain that g
oing to Phoenix was, in part, for them wouldn’t be worth the effort. Hopefully Sam could make her understand.

  She fetched her backpack from her room, made her bed, and shut the door behind her. Maria waited at the table. When Jenn came in, she stood with a yawn. Judging by the bags beneath Maria’s eyes, Jenn guessed that she hadn’t slept much, either, if at all.

  Maria pulled Jenn into a hug and said, “You’re doing the right thing. I’d come with you if I could.”

  Jenn held tight. “I believe it.” She wanted to promise Maria that she’d be home tomorrow, but that wasn’t fair. If Sophie had vehicles, the expedition could last a day, possibly two, if all went smoothly. If they were going on foot, it’d take far longer. Jenn hoped for the former.

  As she reached for the doorknob, hesitation and doubt overwhelmed her. Maybe she should stay here. Sophie said there’d be no hard feelings if Jenn never showed. She could spend the morning with Maria, then visit Sam and pretend she was okay. They could hike up to Humphrey’s Peak. They’d talked about doing it since they started dating but never had. Now, with no classes, they finally had the time. They could pack a lunch of dry cornbread and act like Jenn’s parents were alive and that nothing had changed.

  Maria, one hand on her oxygen compressor, fiddled with the belt of her housecoat. Her smile said that Jenn was doing the right thing, and the hesitation evaporated.

  “Where’s Gary?” Jenn asked.

  “I’m here.” He appeared in the hallway. Already he was dressed in his usual jeans and tucked-in polo. What time did he get up every morning? Four?

  Jenn’s throat tightened as the guilt overwhelmed her. “Gary,” she started, barely able to say the word. “About what I said. I’m—”

  He wrapped an arm around her shoulder and pulled her close. “Me too,” he said into her hair. “I was out of line.”

  “No,” Jenn said. That word was even harder than the last. “I was.”

  Hands on her shoulders, he asked, “Is Sam going with you?”

  Jenn shook her head. “He’ll try, but you guys need him here.”

  “What if he insists?”

  “I’ll tell him no. He can’t say no to me.”

  Gary laughed at that. “Barely twenty years old and you already know how to handle a man.”

  “I learned from the best.”

  “Oh yeah? And who’s that?”

  She couldn’t stop herself from grinning. “Maria.”

  Maria covered her mouth and giggled. Gary gave Jenn a playful slap on the shoulder. “Always the comedian.”

  “I do my best.” Jenn tightened the strap on her backpack and stole one final look at her new home. She remembered coming here two Septembers ago. The smell struck her first: cinnamon. Gary took her bags and showed her around. Maria hid in the office, and Jenn didn’t meet her until dinner. For a full week, she thought Maria hated her. The pictures of teenage Camila, especially the portrait from when she graduated basic training, made Jenn feel like an imposter. When she joked about Gary eating too many donuts as a cop in Phoenix and Maria laughed, she knew they’d become friends.

  A tear rolled down Jenn’s cheek, and she wiped it away with her hand. When she turned to leave, Gary held out his Glock. “Take it,” he said. “I won’t accept no for an answer.”

  Jenn reached for it but hesitated, expecting to smell the gunpowder or hear ringing in her ears, but she didn’t, even as she gripped the handle.

  Gun and holster attached, shoes on, she forced a smile and said, “See you soon,” then stepped outside.

  The door shut behind her, and the deadbolt slid closed with a click. A breeze rustled the tree in the front yard, and Jenn shivered. The sun, still blood-red like a grapefruit, set the eastern sky ablaze. In the distance, a dog barked, and the zipper on her backpack jiggled with each step. The smoke muffled every sound just as a fresh snowfall did in winter.

  She knocked on the door to Sam’s place, praying he’d answer, not Barbara or Nicole. A minute or two later, his voice came from inside. “Who is it?”

  “It’s me,” she said.

  The door opened to reveal Sam. He was barefoot and wore khaki shorts below a T-shirt with a yellow sweat stain around the neck. His eyes widened when he saw her backpack. “You’re going.” Before she could answer, he said, “Come on in. I’ll get changed and grab my stuff. Gimme like five min—”

  “Sam,” Jenn said and took his hand. “I need you to stay here.”

  “What? No, I’m coming. You can’t go—”

  “Stop,” she almost shouted. “I’m doing this alone.”

  He coughed into his fist and growled to clear the smoke from his throat. When he spoke, his voice came out hoarse. “I want to come.”

  “I know you do.” She led him down to the BMW in the driveway. The sight of it conjured a memory of her tearing through the streets of Payson, high on adrenaline and barely lucid. “But you can’t leave your mom.” Sam began to protest, but she continued before he had the chance. “Gary needs you. Kevin’s great, but if anything happens around here, I don’t trust him like I trust you. So does Gary. He’ll never admit it, but he likes you now.”

  Sam, his chin on his chest and his hands in his pockets, kicked a stone.

  Jenn rested her shoulder against the SUV. “Nicole needs you, too. She’s having a rough time, I think.”

  Sam rocked back on his heels. “Yeah. Hasn’t been sleeping.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “For what?”

  “For scaring her,” Jenn said.

  Sam put a warm hand on her face, and she leaned into his touch. “You saved her. All of us. You don’t have to be sorry for anything. If anyone should be sorry, it’s me. I haven’t been here to help—”

  “You have been,” Jenn said. “It’s just . . . It’s . . .” Yankees Hat lay on the driveway beside the SUV, a terrible bubble of saliva and blood forming on his mouth as he fought for air.

  Sam’s arms wrapped around her. Again, she considered staying here. The smoke might have been too thick to go hiking, but they could find something else to do together. Maybe they could head to his old dorm at McKay Village, where they’d be alone, and—

  “I’ll hold down the fort here,” Sam said. “If that’s what you want.”

  “It is. Thanks.”

  “When do you think you’ll be back?”

  She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “I wish I knew. Couple days? I assume Sophie’s got a car.”

  “Make sure it’s charged,” he said. His eyes told her it was a joke. She tried to laugh but couldn’t.

  “I will.”

  She stood on her toes and pressed her lips to his. His stubble tickled her face. Nearly a week had passed since he last shaved, and Jenn decided that she liked the beard. It framed his perfect Arcadian teeth and made him look five years older.

  “Don’t shave while I’m gone.”

  “I’m not too much of a vampire for you?” he asked and rubbed his chin.

  She straightened his T-shirt and ran her fingers along his chest. “Just try to get some more sun if you can.”

  He held his hands out to his sides and spun in a complete circle, gesturing to the smoke around him. “Sure, no problem.” He coughed for emphasis.

  “Okay,” she said. “I should go.” She kissed him again and made to leave but hesitated. There had to be more she could say. I love you threatened to spill out. She loved Sam, yes, especially after all they’d been through together, but now wasn’t the time to express how she felt. He might not reciprocate, and she couldn’t handle that kind of rejection, not after Payson. She promised to tell him when she came back.

  Letting out a shaky breath, she retreated down the driveway. When she was out of sight, she touched the butt of her gun. Strangely, it gave her comfort; it felt right. Whether she liked it or not, she was a fighter, the same as Camila and her brothers.

  * * *

  Someone had duct-taped a wrinkly blue tarp over the front window of Minute Tire. On i
t, a piece of white paper read “CLOSED” in sloppy, barely legible handwriting.

  The large bay doors were open, and inside were two trucks. One, a maroon Dodge Ram, was older than Jason. Black spray paint covered much of the driver’s side door. The second, a blue Nissan with a roll cage, was maybe only Sam’s age. Both were old plug-in hybrids. Neither had license plates or any other distinguishing markings.

  Thumbs in her pockets, Jenn stood on the sidewalk along Milton Road. A man with an Arizona Cardinals hat covering wavy orange hair tossed a bag into the Dodge. Another, in a plain black T-shirt, his chest, shoulders, and stomach all threatening to burst through, knelt beside the Nissan and checked the tire pressure. He looked familiar. Then it came to her: he was Sophie’s goon who almost struck her with a pipe.

  She should leave. No way she was going to Phoenix with these people. If not for Sam tackling him, that psychopath in the black shirt would have hit Jenn. What was she thinking, agreeing to this?

  Sophie, wearing green plaid today, appeared from behind the Dodge. A mesh cap covered her hair. When she caught sight of Jenn, she pulled the cigarette from her lips. Her thug faced Jenn now, too, and so did Cardinals Hat.

  “You just gonna stand there?” Sophie hollered, her hands cupped around her mouth. “Or are you coming in?”

  The Jenn from the roadblock, the girl who hid and cowered and cried, told her to run back to the Ruiz house. She thought again about spending the day alone with Sam in his dorm at McKay Village.

  No. This might be her only chance to learn about her parents, and not going felt like an insult to Maria, who believed so firmly in her. She was doing what Maria never could with Camila. In a way, she was going to Phoenix for both of them.

  Gripping the straps of her backpack until her fingers hurt, she crossed the nature strip and approached the bay doors.

  In the shop, Sophie took a pull from her cigarette. Through a cloud of smoke, she waved absently and said, “Everyone, this is Jenn Jansen. Jansen, meet everyone.”

  Jenn lifted her hand, expecting to be greeted with handshakes, but the giant in the black T-shirt returned to checking tire pressure. Cardinals Hat had disappeared.