by Bailey James
"Okay, tell me?" I say not able to wait any longer.
"Tally was saying,” says Landen.
Grr, bloody Tally.
“That you don't seem the least bit concerned about our money situation, and that you are far to laid back for your own good," he finishes.
"She told me that too, and I'm not," I say shrugging.
“Well, we feel you should know if we have any sort of future together, Becks. If you’re going to live here with us, then we feel you should know a few things.”
“Like what?” I say watching them both. We’re all sat around the kitchen table. Logan opens the champagne bottle and begins to pour it out into three glasses.
“First off, when are you going to officially move in, honey?” says Logan.
“I have moved in,” sort of, I say knowing it’s a lie.
“No, not pretend to live here. When are you going to ship all your stuff over?” Landen says. I know I haven’t done that yet.
“And sell your house?” says Logan.
“Mmmh, I don’t know,” I say.
“Well, we want you here sooner rather than later, Becks. We needed you last night, and I was so disappointed when you weren’t here,” says Landen.
“Sorry, I just feel funny coming here on my own.”
“Why? Becks, we want this to be your house, to be your space with your things. We want to do this relationship properly with you. Come live with us and make a proper go of it, please,” says Landen.
“We really want you here, and, Becks, we know it’s hard to do, but what’s truly stopping you? Talk to us. We want to understand,” says Logan.
“I.. Just.. Nothing, I guess. How about I make you a deal, I put my house on the market and move in by October?” I say trying to give them something, just not yet.
“Well, Becks, there is something else we want to talk to you about,” says Landen.
“Becks, we have an amazing opportunity come up, and we are going to buy the haulage firm,” says Logan.
Act surprised, act surprised, "Wow, really?"
They nod. "It's a fantastic opportunity, and well, we are really excited about it, as you can probably guess we're not on truck driver wages," says Logan smiling.
I don't know what to say, it seems obvious that they have some money from somewhere, but I have paid it no attention as I was and still am worrying about myself. I let them talk not interrupting.
"We have invested in many businesses before. To be honest, we have been interested in this business for a while. We used to be in partnership with Carrie’s father. When we split with Carrie, we knew she was going to cause us problems. So, we sold our half to him,” says Landen.
“Allowing us to cut all ties with her, believing we would never have to see her again,” Logan says laughing.
“Yeah, but that didn’t quite work as we had hoped, but Hunter and Cooper made us realise that the haulage firm was going to come up for sale,” says Landen.
"We have no experience in haulage, so we decided to learn the business bottom up, so when the business goes up for sale, we would know the business and have inside information,” says Logan.
“Wow,” I say sipping champagne and feeling quite proud of them. Top businessmen getting their hands dirty with the workers, who’d of thought it.
"Now, we want to make you an offer to," says Landen.
That caught my attention. Hey, oh shit, there's more.
"We want to make you a business offer, Becks!"
"What?!" I frown.
"We want you to come into partnership with us, Becks, at the haulage firm,” says Logan.
I sit with my mouth open not quite understanding.
"We want you to come into the business with us, either as a voiced partner or a silent partner. We would make sure you profit from it, and contracts would be out in place to ensure if anything happened between us it wouldn't matter," says Logan looking at me for some sort of response.
"Here's the catch, Becks, we would need £50,000," says Landen.
"But… but I haven't got that sort of money," I say.
"Your house, Becks, if you sold your house and moved in with us properly, rather than just pretending," says Landen.
Logan frowns at him, then looks at me. "Becks, it would be no different than what you are doing now, but you would have no house to escape to."
That's so not the issue, I can't sell the house, and I can't tell you why. I'm shouting, screaming in my head, but I can't tell them. This is going to go pear-shaped. Why, why not in a few month’s time?
"Becks, with the profit you make you could buy another house if you felt you need it in a year or so," says Logan gently.
I look at the table as I can't look at them. Tears are forming in my eyes, shit don't cry because I can't explain why. There’s silence at the table for ages, well it felt like an eternity.
Logan speaks, "Becks, you can say no. We don't have much time to seal the deal, this deal completes on September 8th.”
“But why do you want me?” I say confused and completely blown away by what they were saying.
“Becks, it’s just good timing, and we thought it was a perfect opportunity for us to start a future together,” says Landen.
“For us to include you in that future and help you with your own personal finances, Becks. You would have a business that’s bringing in some money,” says Logan.
My brain is all muddled, and I can’t think straight. "Let me think about it, sleep on it?" I say still not able to make eye contact. I need to get out of here. "Is it okay to go home tonight, so I can think straight?" I say before daring to look up. They look worried, obviously not how they thought this would go.
"Really?" says Landen looking annoyed.
“Well, it’s a lot to take in, I wasn’t expecting you to ask me this,” I say defensively.
"Sure, Becks, here, take my tablet, there are some documents on there, so you can do some research," says Logan. But Landen frowns.
" Okay, we will call one of our cars, he'll take you home.”
I nod, not feeling with it, I can’t process any of it, and I feel numb, I wasn’t thinking or feeling anything. I feel like it was all a dream, and I’m floating around. I just nod, not really listening, I just want to be gone.
“You okay?” says Logan.
“To be honest, I have no idea.”
“Stay here, let us look after you, you look ill,” says Landen.
I shake my head. “No, I’ll go home, I need to think.”
After what seems like only a split second but could have been more, I admit I wasn’t at all with it. They tell me a car is ready to take me home. I presume they called a taxi. But when I walk out it’s a sleek black car with a driver in a suit and hat. He’s a kind looking man, maybe early 50’s. For a moment, I feel like a princess with a chauffeur. But I have too many other things whizzing round in my brain. So, it’s a split-second thought that slips away again as I get in. As soon as the driver pulls away, large wet tears slide down my cheek. I can’t stop them. They keep coming. I’m trying my hardest not to make a scene, so the driver won’t notice.
"You okay?” says the driver.
"No, but," I shrug, "out of my control, you know. My dead parents…” I stopped realising I wasn’t allowed to talk about it. “I can't wait for my birthday to be over," I say through sobs. I shouldn’t have said anything, I know, but he’s a stranger who has no connections with me, it just felt good to say it out loud, to someone I didn’t know.
He smiles sympathetically. “When’s your birthday?”
“September 1st,” I say through sobs. “I turn 30. And it all just went to shit.”
A couple of months is all I need, a couple of measly little months. Yet, I know I wasn’t going to get it. I just don’t know how to deal with it.
He drops me home, and I thank him and run in. On closing the door, I stand there leaning on it closing my eyes. A few minutes later I’m still stood at the door and haven’t moved. When th
ere’s a knock that makes me jump.
“Sorry to disturb you, but you forgot this.” The driver hands me Logan’s tablet.
"Thanks,” I say through sniffles.
"Hey, it will all work out, Becks," he says.
"What's your name?" I say.
"Gavin."
"Thanks, Gavin." I close the door.
I immediately have a shower and jump into bed. I sit in bed and run through everything that’s just been said. These two amazing, gorgeous men, who I love with all my heart and would do anything for, and I really do see a future with them however weird and unconventional it is, I know they are it for me.
Yet, I’m in an impossible situation that I can’t avoid. I’m going to have to hurt them, let them down, disappoint them. No doubt trigger their insecurities, and it will turn into a damn shit show, it’s all a mess. It’s that feeling you get when you can see very clearly what's going to happen and how this is going to pan out. Like a roller coaster of shit rushing towards you, and all I can do is shut my eyes and let it hit me. I really don’t know what else I can do. I could be proactive, I could break up before I hurt them further, but I'm too selfish for that. I want them around, I need them in my life. So, I'll stick my head in the sand and let the shit fall where it falls.
I would love to do as they asked. I can’t believe they want me, little old me to go into the business with them. I can’t believe they see us as that strong, that they want to secure our future forever in a business. But also give me a way out in case our relationship all goes to pot. They still would have secured my future because I would have shares in a business with them. I can’t believe they would do that for me. It’s such a kind heartfelt suggestion that I can’t help but fall deeper in love with them for it. I'm tempted just to tell them about everything, so there are no lies between us at all, sod the money.
But I know that isn’t a sensible option, if I tell them everything then I lose everything. My house, any money that might have been heading my way, everything. Then if we don’t work out, I mean, we are still in the honeymoon period. It’s only been 5 months since I first met Landen. It still could go tits up considering it’s a strange arrangement. I don’t want to leave myself exposed with nothing all because I am stupid in love and wanted no lies. Why can’t I have both? I so wish I could talk to Sophia about this. I snuggle up into a pillow and am restless all night thinking of my options or lack of them.
I drag myself into work and spot my car in the car park. The twins must be on an early and brought it into work. I don’t see anyone this morning even Ed seems to be missing from his office. I work on autopilot going through the motions but not really present. Sometimes a truck drivers job isn’t the best because on the road I have time to think. Time to swirl ideas around my head again and again. I can drive myself crazy with it. But at the end of the day, I know what I must do, and there is only one real answer. But I’m too scared to face it, too frightened by what I’ll lose, so I stick my head in the sand. I avoid the twins, I ignore their calls, and I just work, sleep and work.
Maybe I should break up with them. I seriously consider this option, what a depressing thought. Cut off the two people in my life I love more than anything. Maybe this is an option before things get messier, before I have to lie. Before I have to make up stories and tie myself up in knots trying to get through the next couple of months. Maybe I just need to cut it off here. Because it both ends in the same result, we all get hurt and I lose them anyway. Now or later.
I'm sat on the sofa scrolling the twins tablet. I sort of half looked at the documents and research the business notes. But I can't have it, there is no way I can find £50,000 without selling my house. I’m not allowed to sell my house until after my birthday. By which point it would be too late. So, I switch to googling advice on strict terms and conditions of inheritance. I even googled ‘What to do with incentive trust inheritance that I can’t tell anyone about until a certain date.’ An article from an old magazine comes up with a similar situation. I read through it and laugh at myself for thinking it would provide a solution.
A knock at the door makes me jump, and I know exactly who it is. I open it to the twins, all smart in suits. I feel my body respond, but my heads not in it. If I was feeling differently, I would have jumped them, but my anxiety and worry is too severe that I can't even make eye contact. I gesture them in, and they look anxious themselves.
Landen Johnson
I’m anxious, nervous and pacing the floor waiting for Logan. The plan of commitment didn’t exactly go as planned, and I’m shit scared this relationship has no future.
I don’t know why, and I’m confused as all hell as to why Becks reacted like she did. I can’t wrap my head around it, nor can Logan. But his mood is a bit lighter than mine. I need him to be my voice of reason, my calm, to ground me and centre me and to tell me everything is okay. At the moment I feel fucked up over a women yet again, this whole situation is making my anger come out.
I’ve been in the home gym for hours this week trying to relieve some of the anger and tension, but nothing is working. We have heard no news from Becks, and to be honest, I’ve been avoiding her anyway. I don’t want to say things to her that I don’t mean, and at the moment, I feel really fucked off with her.
I jump in the car and Gavin drives me to pick up Logan. We are then going to see Becks.
I have even had a background check done on her this week, just to calm myself down that she has no connections to Carrie or her father. My insecurity and paranoia are off the charts, and I think anything is possible right now. I found a few interesting things out about Becks. Her parents had high up business connections and Becks had worked in one of their offices for many years. She also has a fucking business degree. This instantly set off alarm bells. Is she after information? Is she like Carrie, trying to scam us? I really don’t know. Maybe Carrie was right, maybe Becks has more secrets then we realise. Logan jumps in the car and pulls me out of my spiralling thoughts. He takes one look at me and sighs.
“You can stop it right now.”
“What?!” I say.
“I know what you’re doing, Landen, and it needs to stop, she is not Carrie. I’ve been thinking, she must have her reasons, it’s a lot of money, Landen, we haven’t known her that long. We are asking a lot of her. There’s two of us, remember. Maybe it’s something as silly as she’s always dreamed of a white wedding, and now she can’t have it.”
“Seriously, this is Becks, I doubt it’s that, Logan.”
“I’m just saying, Landen, stop going over worst case scenarios, this isn’t over yet. It could be anything, something silly.”
I grunt at him because that’s all the words I have right now.
“Landen, all I’m saying is, even if she turns our idea about the business down, she isn’t turning us down, even if you have got it in your head that she is.”
“As good as,” I say.
“No, it’s just early days and a lot to ask for, Landen.”
“Fine, I’ll try not to stuff it up,” I say annoyed.
“Just let me talk maybe, hey. I can tell from here you’re angry.”
“You’re my twin, you have always felt my moods.”
“Landen, it’s obvious to anyone how you feel right now, let’s tone it down, please. Don’t make yourself the reason she turns this down,” says Logan.
“Fine, fine leave me alone for 5, will you?” I say.
Logan nods and looks out the window.
A few minutes of silence go by, then Gavin speaks.
We’re both shocked and instantly lean closer, Gavin is the most professional chauffeur we have ever had and has been in the business years. He’s even been head hunted a few times, but we pay him well, and we know he’s loyal to us.
“When I took Miss Winter home the other night, I hadn’t realised who she was. But now I realise I used to work for her parents many moons ago.”
Logan and I nod, eager for him to go on.
“
I used to take them to meetings in work hours, I was their business chauffeur, never outside of work. I knew they had a daughter, they spoke of her a lot. But I had never met her until the other night. Her parents were funny people always wanting to play games, I guess the saying is true, if you work hard you play harder.”
We nod, interested in his random memory.
“Anyway, I remember them always making up games and challenges for Miss Winter, they used to do it in the car with me. Always making the poor girl jump through some hoop or another. Sometimes I felt sorry for her. They particularly played games around her birthday.”
“I wonder what they would of made of us, if they were still alive,” says Logan.
“Probably tell her to stay away,” says Landen.
Gavin doesn’t comment and simply smiles as we pull up at Becks house.
I wonder why he shared that with us, but my thoughts quickly turn to anxiety again as I get out the car. I take a deep breath trying to control my emotions as Logan had advised.
We knock on the door, and Becks opens looking timid and nervous, she doesn’t even make eye contact, and I know immediately this wasn’t good.
For the first time since we had met, I don’t know how to act with her, I’m self-conscious and anxious, and she appears the same. It feels awkward and unnatural. I want to kiss her and give her a hug, but at the same time my mistrust is at the forefront, and I don’t want to expose myself to her. Especially, if she’s going to push us away or deny us. I guess I feel vulnerable enough with Becks that I want to close myself down and not let her in. If she isn’t going to give herself to us, then I wasn’t going to either. Logan seems to feel the same because he unusually didn’t reach out to hug or kiss her either.
“Becks, did you have a chance to consider your options? We don't want to push you, but…” says Logan jumping right to the point of our visit.
She nods and looks regretful. "I know you’re going to hate me, guys, but you have to try and understand there are reasons, and trust and believe in me when I say I can't sell the house."
Shit, I just took a knife that I knew was coming straight into my heart, and she twisted it painfully, she wasn’t going to do this.