by Fiona Miers
William focused his attention on her. “I must speak to you.”
“A matter of urgency once again, my lord?”
“It is not what you think, I promise that.”
“So, you have not come here to ask me to stay? Despite knowing that I am miserable in this foolish town. That I am forced into the confines of my own home where people throw rotten fruit at my parents’ home? And despite the fact that I am sobbing myself to sleep every night? I have to dispose of all the strongly worded letters delivered to me on a daily basis from strangers, informing me of what a harlot I am? Despite all these things, you still came here, knowing how miserable I am, asking me to stay, because you need me?” Emma gaped. “Is that not rather selfish? What about what I want? Do I not deserve some peace? Do I not deserve to be happy? Do I not deserve such good things from life and the place in which I find myself? Is it because I am a woman and we do not matter?”
Where had all that anger come from?
But before William was able to answer, the train pulled loudly into the station and smoke filled the air around them. The chatter of people who disembarked from the trains with their trunks rose up in the air, and he glanced at Emma.
“I did not say any of those things,” William insisted defensively. “And I would never say such things.”
“Then what did you come here to tell me? That I should remain safe and take care of myself? Because I can do that very well.” Emma said sharply and pushed past him.
William turned and watched as she rejoined her parents and the duchess. Then she quietly embraced each of them. She handed over her trunks to the train porter, who carted them to the luggage cart after placing paper tags on each item.
As Emma approached the steps to ascend into the train car, he rushed towards her and drew in a breath.
It was now or never.
19
Emma grabbed onto the metal railing when she heard William yell out to her.
“I love you, Emma, and I cannot allow you to leave before I confess my feelings!”
Dumbstruck, she turned around, her hand still firmly grasping the railing.
“You’re simply saying that as a means to stop me from boarding this train,” Emma pointed out, her gaze narrowing.
“It does not matter what your reaction is. You are free to still leave if you wish. I only want you to be happy, regardless of whether you wish to have me in your life or not. Whether you stay or leave, it will not change my feelings for you,” William answered.
His words affected her more deeply and with much more intensity than she had anticipated, and her grasp loosened on the metal railing. “I do not understand why it took you so long to say those words to me.”
“I was too ignorant and also too arrogant to admit that a woman such as you could make me to feel things I have never felt before,” William admitted.
Her heart was galloping in her chest and she forced herself to concentrate on his words. “Is that meant as a compliment, William? Because it most certainly does not sound that way.”
He sighed. She was right. He should have planned this better.
“Emma, forgive me for not being honest, not only with you but with myself. The first time I met you, was a moment I will never forget. Regardless if we had our differences then, I cannot stop thinking of you. Of the time we shared. You are strong-willed and intelligent, and your ferocity terrified me at first.”
A smile trembled on her lips. “Why?”
“Because I came to realize I had met my match. I reluctantly accepted it, but I never truly felt comfortable with loving such a strong and independent woman until I realized that you make me a better person. I am the man I always wished I could be. I am confident in your presence, and in all honesty, I cannot imagine dancing with any other female ever again. Just you.”
“William,” Emma cringed and glanced around her as the passengers climbed into the train carriages. “You most certainly have less than impeccable timing.”
“But if I did not say these things to you, I feared I would not get another opportunity to do so,” he answered.
“It is sweet of you to make such a grand gesture but I must go. I promised myself that I would do what makes me happy and staying in Somerset for another moment does not. I wish to feel alive and not hide any longer. I wish to experience the open fields and breathe the fresh air of the Scottish Highlands. I wish to feel the wind in my hair and not care who whispers and gossips about me. I wish to be free of Somerset and everyone in it,” Emma explained.
“Even of me, Emma?” he asked, sadness spreading through his veins like a disease.
Emma pressed her lips together briefly then she stepped down from the stairs and reached her hand out, pressing her palm against his cheek.
“I must make this decision for myself, and please trust me when I say that you do not in any manner affect my choice.”
“But you have feelings for me, I know you do. If you did not, there would not be any hesitation or reluctance to leave.”
“There is no reluctance within me, William,” Emma said defensively and lowered her hand away from his face.
He didn’t believe her.
“I have spent the past few weeks searching for you in every woman I met, every woman I saw, but I could never find you. Those women did not come close to the person you are. They were not as beautiful, nor as witty, intelligent, or amusing. They did not anger me in the manner you do, or make me feel such intensities as I do standing in front of you right now.”
Emma swallowed obviously, her eyes glistening.
“You know not of what you speak, my lord.”
“I do,” he answered and took her hand in his. “Emma, you are the only woman I want to be with, night and day. When the sun shines or when it rains. No other woman could ever take your place.”
She frowned. “You have mentioned all the ways in which you need me, but in no way have you explained why I need you.”
He smiled. “Perhaps not, but I can see it in your eyes. The manner in which you glance at me when you think no one’s looking. The way you whispered to me in the study when we were alone.”
Emma momentarily lowered her gaze.
William pressed on, taking advantage of her silence.
“I evoke emotions in you that you have not felt before.”
He swallowed hard, pushing forward, though the next words were the hardest to say. “I challenge your beliefs, but most of all, you fell in love with me as well—unexpectedly, but irrevocably. And if you deny it, then you are a liar. It is one thing to lie to me, but it is quite another to lie to yourself,” William sighed. “I can certainly speak from experience.”
“Excuse me, my lady,” the conductor suddenly appeared beside Emma and she glanced at him. “The train will depart in a few minutes.”
“Thank you,” Emma said with a nod and turned to him. “I must go. I am truly sorry that I cannot give you what you wish. It is true, I do love you William, with everything I have inside me. Even if you infuriate me. But I need to be true to myself. I do hope you understand that.”
William’s heart broke at the same time his shoulders slumped, but he nodded. “Very well. It is certainly your decision.”
“Thank you for honoring it, William. You truly mean the world to me,” Emma said sadly, tears now running down her cheeks.
“Of course, I do not wish to leave you, but it is the lesser to two evils.”
She took his hands in hers and squeezed lightly. “Until we see one another again, my lord.”
As William opened his mouth to respond, Emma cut him off the best way she knew how.
She pressed her lips against his and kissed him tenderly. There was still a fight going on within herself, trying to come to grips with her emotions. She pulled back abruptly, turned away and quickly climbed into the train carriage.
She soon found her seat and sat quietly across from Anna, her maid, who had been sitting in the carriage since it had stopped in the station.
Anna gl
anced at her with an encouraging smile, and this only caused two more tears to run down Emma’s cheeks. She sat back against the backrest and closed her eyes for a moment. Her heart pounded with a ferocity that caused her chest to ache and her breathing to become labored.
“Are you all right, my lady?” Anna inquired.
Emma pursed her lips and shook her head. “Not in the least, Anna.”
“I am aware this is not my place to say, but it seemed as though Lord Seymour loves you very much,” Anna pointed out.
Emma pressed her hand against her aching chest and opened her eyes. “It is, indeed, not your place, Anna.”
“My apologies, my lady. I can merely point out that you glance at him in the manner in which his lordship, Lord Montague, still glances at her ladyship, Lady Montague. And such love is most certainly rare,” Anna continued to say, despite Emma’s dismissive words.
“It does not matter if he loves me or not, Anna. It is too late to turn back now, even if I wanted to, and believe me, I wanted to.”
“My lady, it is not fair to deny yourself of love, even if it goes beyond your beliefs. You two are very much different but it does not mean that there is no future for—”
“That is quite enough, Anna. I feel miserable enough as it is without you making it worse,” Emma scolded.
“My sincerest apologies, my lady. I did not mean to upset you,” Anna said quietly.
Within a moment of uttering those harsh words to her maid, Emma lowered her gaze and sighed. “It is I who should apologize, Anna. I do not know what came over me. It is most certainly not your fault that I feel miserable. It is my own fault.”
Anna sat quietly, not saying a single word, and Emma did not blame her in the least.
She was the one at fault, and the young maidservant was simply too mild-mannered to inform Emma of such, but she realized it.
“The most heart-wrenching of all is that it is too late,” Emma sighed as she rested her head against the wooden frame of the window, listening to the engine of the train growing louder with every moment that passed.
The time had come.
The train started to move slowly and another tear ran down her cheek, but she proceeded to stare out the window. Her forehead pressed against the cold glass, her heart shattering into a million sharp shards. Surely, she would be able to put them back together with time?
Maybe.
Time spent away from Somerset, and its people. Even William.
The train moved faster, the carriages swaying rhythmically as the whistle blew from the engine.
Emma drew in a deep breath and straightened her shoulders, preparing for the long journey to Edinburgh.
A ruckus behind her sounded, but she was too preoccupied to care. It was not until Anna glanced at her with wide eyes that her brow furrowed.
“What is the matter, Anna?” Emma inquired and followed Anna’s gaze to the front of the carriage where she had entered earlier.
Her heart stopped for a moment and she slowly rose to her feet. William stood on the other side of the aisle that led straight to her seat.
“Emma,” he said breathlessly and stepped towards her.
“My lord, what on earth are you doing on the train?” Emma gasped.
“I understand that you wish to go on this trip and that it would be very wrong of me to attempt to persuade you to stay merely for my sake,” he answered.
“William, I am not certain this is the ideal place to speak of this,” Emma whispered, looking around self-consciously at the other passengers. Some glanced in their direction, and some did not even appear to notice William’s abrupt entrance.
“This is as good a place than any, Emma.”
“But you are aware that this train is traveling directly to Edinburgh,” Emma said with a furrowed brow.
“Indeed,” William answered and stepped closer to her. “My entire life, I have done things that only pleased others. I behaved in a certain manner and said things that pleased others simply to fit into their world. I have never truly felt good enough, especially not in the eyes of my father, who had unattainable standards that I could never achieve. I felt as though I would never belong anywhere.”
Emma pressed her lips together. Where was this going?
William gazed at her intently.
“Until I met you,” he continued. “Emma, you turned my world upside down, and I felt out of sorts, completely flabbergasted by your strong will and determination to be true to yourself. You never compromised who you are, and it is truly an admirable trait. I had fallen in love with you without realizing it, and when I became aware of your trip—”
“You tried to stop me from leaving,” Emma interjected.
“Not at all,” William corrected and stopped in front of her. “I only wished to be a part of it, exploring the beautiful Scottish Highlands beside you. No expectations of marriage, or anything, for that matter. I only desire to be beside you as you find yourself.”
“Nothing more?” Emma asked, raising an intrigued brow at William.
“The pleasure of your company is all I want,” he answered.
A hint of a smile formed on her lips and she cocked her head. “Since you are already on the train, there is no possible way to decline, is there?”
“I would personally throw you all from the train carriage if I could,” one of the railway staff said loudly behind William.
Emma’s eyes widened.
“We do apologize for the disruption, sir,” Emma said.
“Please take your seats,” he muttered.
Emma motioned William to take the seat beside her, and together they sat comfortably as the train gently rocked to and fro, the rolling hills speeding past the window.
Their hands brushed against one another and William slid his fingers between hers, closing them against her hand.
“I thought there were no expectations,” Emma said in a hushed tone.
“There are none. I am simply holding onto the one person who is the dearest to me in the entire world.”
Emma glanced away, afraid to smile as broadly and happily as she was inclined.
Her world had been tipped the right way up and she wasn’t sure how to deal with all the happiness flowing through her.
In her heart, Emma was delighted William had gotten on the train to Edinburgh with her. Although a part of her had wished to discover herself alone on this trip, she knew William was the best person with whom to share her new adventure.
Epilogue
William gazed at the open ocean and a smile formed on his lips. A light breeze on the deck of the ship rustled his hair.
It had only been a few months since he had rushed through the train station in Somerset, purchased a ticket and jumped aboard the slow-moving train. He had never done anything as rash and impulsive as his actions that day, but it had certainly been the best thing he had ever done.
Declaring his love for Emma, despite not having any expectations from her, had taken all of his courage that day, but he would gladly do it all again.
Without a moment’s hesitation.
William and Emma, along with her maid, Anna, had proceeded to visit Edinburgh, and it had been wonderful. The Highlands were immersed in mysticism, which allowed Emma to confess her love for him under the starry skies while at Lake Lomond.
William’s universe had stopped during that a moment, and he had kissed her with all the tender love that had built up over those months of their trip.
Today they continued their journey across the North Sea to a port in Denmark, where they would travel to all the places that Emma’s heart desired to see.
The cold air was fresh against William’s skin and he placed his hand on the wooden railing of the ship. He stood close to the bow, and he could only see the ocean, the horizon merely a dark blue line around him.
Footsteps on the deck caused him to turn around and he noticed the captain of the ship approach him, a broad smile on his face. “My lord, are you ready?” the captain inquire
d.
“Indeed, but we seem to be missing one very important person,” William stated.
“Speaking of, there she is now,” the captain said and motioned to the starboard side of the ship, where the stairs met up with the upper outside deck.
There stood Emma, dressed in a pale blue velvet dress, the long sleeves covering her arms. The material was gathered at her bust and hung down, creating a soft and ethereal look.
Her skin glowed in the winter sun, and her crimson hair was set ablaze in the rays of the sun. Her eyes shone brightly as she slowly made her way towards William and the captain, followed by Anna and a young crewman, who would serve as their witnesses.
William’s heart pounded in his chest as Emma approached him. He reached out his hand towards her. Her touch was light as her hand rested in his and she stood beside him in front of the captain. Her smile was radiant and she could light up the entire sky with her beauty.
“Are we ready to begin?” the captain asked as he retrieved his communion book from his breast pocket.
It had not been the first time the captain had married a couple on his ship. In fact, both William and Emma had been quite surprised as to how many marriages Captain Moore had performed on his ship, whether it be docked or not.
By Scottish law, it was much easier for couples to wed without the three weekly readings of the Banns, much to their delight.
“Indeed, Captain Moore,” William said after a nod of agreement between himself and Emma.
Captain Moore cleared his throat and opened his book. “Dearly beloved, we are gathered together here in the sight of God, and in the face of this Congregation, however small, to join together this man and this woman in holy matrimony; which is an honorable estate, instituted of God in the time…”
William did not pay much attention to the captain’s words, as the beautiful woman who stood before him captured his attention completely. He had never gazed upon a more exquisite young woman in his life.
Not only judged so by her features, but by the magnificence that shone through her eyes, and the strength she carried within herself with pride.