by Fiona Miers
“Are you?” the duchess asked.
“It is not a simple yes or no answer,” Lizzie admitted. “I want Carson to be happy, as he deserves a wonderful life, but not with her. She is not the right woman for him. He merits someone so much better. I wish that he would realize she is an unkind woman who will not love him in the manner in which he deserves.”
“That certainly is not jealously, Lizzie. It sounds more as though you are in mourning,” the duchess pointed out.
“It feels that way, although I am not certain why,” Lizzie admitted. “I have spent countless hours attempting to determine why I feel so melancholy. It feels as though I have lost the only person who understands me better than I understand myself. He had the ability to see through my forced smiles and my cold indifference. He noticed the smallest indicators that I was not well. He could dry my tears before they even welled in my eyes.”
A tear ran down her cheek and she didn’t attempt to wipe it away.
“You love him.” Kitty’s words were tender and kind, and Lizzie nodded slowly.
“Very much so,” Lizzie whispered. “But it is too late now. He is betrothed to Miss Violet.”
“It is not too late, Lizzie,” Emma assured her. “Perhaps you should speak with Carson, tell him of your feelings for him.”
“I can’t do that. I would seem petty and desperate. I’ve had many opportunities to make my feelings known to him, but I didn’t follow through. I’ve recited those words in my mind so many times I’ve lost count. I know precisely what to say, but I can never truly say them to his face. I am a coward, on the verge of losing the only man who I’ve ever loved.”
“All is not lost, Lizzie.” Emma said again.
“I am afraid it is. He came to speak with me last week, and I practically hurled a book at him.”
“If it’s any consolation, Lizzie, I basically did the same to Will,” Emma pointed out.
“And we certainly are aware of what happened after that,” the duchess retorted.
Lizzie cringed and rolled her shoulders. “Please. I still cannot enter the study without an awkward feeling in my stomach.”
The duchess chuckled and placed her hand over her swollen stomach.
“Are you all right?” Emma inquired, noticing the same thing as Lizzie.
“I am perfectly fine. The child simply lays in a very uncomfortable position—for me, not for him,” the duchess assured them both.
“Him?” Emma smiled. “You believe it’s a boy?”
“Fantastic. Another Seymour man to deal with,” Lizzie muttered, not that she could fault her brothers.
The duchess chuckled and shook her head. “Perhaps. I am not quite certain yet. It does feel right to refer to the child as a boy, but I cannot say. As long as he, or she, is of sound health I don’t mind.”
“Have you thought of names?” Lizzie asked, thankful that the conversation had taken a turn and removed her from the pedestal.
“James and I have discussed it at length, but we have not come to any decision yet. But I promise you two will be the first to know, granted you keep it to yourself,” Kitty said with a smile.
“Of course,” Emma said.
Lizzie agreed. “As long as you do not name the baby Elizabeth.”
The three young women laughed heartily together as they sipped their tea and nibbled on their sandwiches.
“If I had known what I knew now, I would have waited a few months before becoming with child. The heat can be quite unbearable at times.”
“I simply wish that I had been introduced to William before your wedding, Kitty. That way, we may have avoided that terrible first meeting in the garden where William was under the impression he was charm personified,” Emma chimed in. “But that was certainly the effect of the whiskey he had consumed that day.”
“Believe it or not, he was even more obnoxious when he was sober, especially before you met him. You would not have liked him one bit,” Lizzie stated.
“As opposed to the first time I met him?” Emma chuckled, and Kitty and Lizzie joined in her laughter.
“Lizzie, what about you?” Emma inquired.
“What about me?” Lizzie asked.
“If you were given the chance to go back in time and change one thing in your life, what would it be?”
“That is certainly an easy question,” Lizzie answered and drew in a sad breath. “It would be the day before I first met Carson in the garden. He had snuck through the hole in the wall, exploring.”
“Why the day before?” Kitty asked.
“To ask Edward to close the hole so Carson could not climb through.”
Emma and Kitty both gasped, and Lizzie suddenly felt guilty for saying such a thing. She lowered her gaze once more.
Emma reached out her hand and placed it over Lizzie’s, softly whispering, “I am truly sorry, Lizzie.”
Lizzie sighed, her heart heavy. “It is not your fault. It is my own. I didn’t possess the courage to inform him of my feelings. I was terrified of being rejected, of ruining our perfect friendship. But now, because of my cowardice, our friendship is over. The last words I said to him were to leave my sight. Because at that moment I thought it was what I wanted, what he deserved. He doesn’t deserve someone like me, but he certainly doesn’t deserve someone like Miss Violet. She will break him, make him bitter and resentful. He deserves better.”
“You are a wonderful young woman, Lizzie, despite what you believe to be true,” the duchess answered.
“But merely weeks ago, you wished me to leave the estate because I was seen as a bad influence,” Lizzie uttered bitterly.
“Is that true?” Emma sat up straighter and turned to her friend.
“It was, but Lizzie has changed. She’s kept her promise to me, and I noticed the difference. James was not the one who decided to ask you to stay, it was I. I want you here, I want you… both of you. Because, I must admit, I am terrified of having this child and you both are the only reason why I am as calm as I appear to be.”
“Kitty…” Emma and Lizzie whispered in disbelief.
“You don’t have to be scared. We are here,” Emma whispered.
“We wouldn’t allow anything to happen to you or the child,” Lizzie promised with an encouraging smile.
“Thank you. I am truly grateful for you both.” The duchess smiled through her tears and glanced at Lizzie. “And I am deeply sorry that I made you feel anything but welcome in your own home.”
“There is no need to apologise, Your Grace,” Lizzie said. “Admittedly, I was not the best guest in the world and my behaviour was clearly not what it should have been.”
“We adore you just the way you are,” the duchess stated with a smile. “The mere fact that you are acknowledging your wrongdoings and striving to better yourself are wonderful and admirable.”
“Thank you,” Lizzie smiled.
The light-hearted atmosphere in the parlour was truly delightful from that moment onward, and it allowed Lizzie to feel at ease and forget about her woes.
And about Carson.
Even if it was only for a short while.
14
The moment Carson’s coach came to a standstill, he climbed out and stepped onto the dusty cobblestone path that led to the lavish townhouse across the street. He straightened his shoulders as he stepped onto the wooden steps leading to the front door. He banged the copper knocker loudly and with force against the door and waited for a few moments.
When the door opened, a young maidservant greeted him with a polite smile.
“Good afternoon, Mr. Wallace.”
“Good afternoon,” he reciprocated with a nod. “Is Miss Violet home? I wish to speak to her.”
“Certainly, Mr. Wallace. I shall escort you to the parlour while I inform Miss Violet of your arrival—”
“There is no need. I can find it myself.” Carson interjected as he stepped inside and walked straight to the parlour.
The young maidservant nodded and made her way alon
g the long hallway and disappeared into one of the rooms.
Carson ran his fingers through his hair and drew in a deep breath before slowly exhaling. Miss Violet’s footsteps sounded in the hallway and as he turned around, she appeared in the doorway.
“Carson,” Miss Violet smiled happily. “How good of you to come to visit me. I am terribly sorry that you must see me in such a state, but I was not aware you would be calling.”
Carson glanced at her, knowing well enough that she always wore the best dresses to be had, and she would not dream of being anything less than perfectly turned out. False modesty was not attractive.
As Miss Violet approached, she reached out her hand to touch him. He stepped back, his jaw clenched.
“Is something the matter?” Miss Violet asked with a furrowed brow.
“There is something I wish to speak with you about.”
“Is everything all right? You seem upset.”
“I am upset,” Carson answered. “I had an interesting conversation with my sister, and it disturbed me very much.”
“What did she say?” Miss Violet inquired.
“First she rambled on about a patient at the hospital, and then she told me of an incident that occurred at the tearoom.”
Miss Violet’s eyebrows fluttered upwards and her eyes widened with surprise. “What incident might that be?”
“The incident where you threatened Lady Emma and the duchess and badmouthed Lady Seymour,” Carson answered and crossed his arms. “Is it true?”
“Of course not. Why on earth would I ever threaten anyone?” Miss Violet pouted innocently, fluttering her lashes at Carson.
“I do not believe you,” Carson stated.
Miss Violet narrowed her eyes and stepped away as well. “I would not lie to you, Carson.”
“Then you are accusing everyone else who was in the tearoom to be liars?” Carson asked.
“I didn’t say that,” she contended. “Those women despise me for some inexplicable reason, and they are targeting me.”
“Such nonsense you speak, as much of the words which come from your mouth are.”
Miss Violet gasped and pressed her hand theatrically against her chest. “How dare you speak to me in such a manner!”
“And how dare you threaten the wives of the Seymour brothers. Are you not aware of the difference in your stations? Your father may be chief magistrate, but it does not make you any better than anyone else. Nor does it give you the right or the leniency to threaten people with the law. That same law that your father does not even uphold himself,” Carson growled.
“There is no need to insult my father, Carson.”
“And there was no need to establish your dominance towards Lady Emma, or the duchess.”
“But especially not towards Elizabeth Seymour, you mean?” Miss Violet retorted and crossed her arms. “Why do you continue to defend her, Carson? She was the one who insulted me in front of my group of ladies. She was disrespectful towards me, and frankly, I am not surprised. I was surprised however, that she had the audacity to even visit the tearoom. A woman such as she should not be allowed in refined places where proper women gather.”
Carson’s jaw clenched as he stared at Miss Violet in shock and disbelief.
“Do not look at me in such a manner, Carson. You are well aware of the stories that circulate about the things she had done, and with married men as well. Clearly, she doesn’t care which homes she rips apart as long as she gets what she wants,” Miss Violet muttered angrily.
“I cannot believe that you have the audacity to utter such nonsense in my presence. You are clearly under the illusion that Lizzie is a terrible person.”
“Is she not?” Violet asked, her eyes wide and innocent-looking.
Carson barely contained the growl that rose in his throat. “Not in the least. I have known her for a very long time and the tales of her are the furthest from the truth.”
“You cannot know such things for sure, Carson. People have the tendency to hide who they truly are from the people closest to them,” Miss Violet said.
“Or those people whom they wish to fool into marrying them.”
Miss Violet narrowed her dark eyes and glared accusingly at Carson. “And what, precisely, are you insinuating?”
“Violet, you have made it no secret that you are the daughter of Chief Magistrate Saunders, and you ensure people are constantly reminded of it. I didn’t mind it in the beginning, although admittedly, it did annoy me thoroughly.”
Miss Violet glared at Carson in disgust and annoyance, but waited for him to continue. Perhaps she was stunned to silence by his words, but Carson didn’t believe such a miracle would ever occur in his lifetime.
“You come across as a lovely and delightful young woman, but underneath the surface, you are vile, uncouth and insensitive. You do not see the good in people, and other women only entertain your company as they wish to be associated with the Saunders name. Which has, in all fairness, lost its appeal ever since your mother passed, bless her soul.”
Miss Violet’s jaw dropped, and her face began to change colour, her cheeks and neck reddened by the anger that pulsated through her veins. Carson, however, was completely and utterly unaffected by it.
“You are rude, and you gossip. You spread lies that are both hurtful and inappropriate, and you possess no conscience with regards to your wrongdoings. You blame others for your mistakes and cannot bear the thought of seeing others happier than you are.”
Miss Violet stared wordlessly at Carson, her breathing ragged and her mouth turned into a scowl. “You are a mean man, Carson. How dare you speak to me in such a manner?”
“I have remained silent for long enough. I have allowed people to make my choices for me, thinking they know what is best for me. I permitted them to do it, as I didn’t wish to insult them or seem ungrateful. My sister was the one who arranged our meeting, but I agreed, as I believed my sister would not introduce me to someone whom I could not stand. After all, she knew me.” Carson shrugged and dropped his hands to his sides. “But I made the mistake of trusting her. I trusted her with an important decision regarding my future that I should not have.”
“I am a mistake to you?” she asked, her eyebrows flying up.
“The biggest, but I am to blame for it, as I allowed it to drag on for much too long,” Carson muttered. “I cannot marry you, Violet. In fact, I had no intention of marrying you in the first place.”
“It is because of Lizzie, is it not?” Miss Violet asked bitterly.
“I will certainly not answer that.”
“You don’t need to. It is written all over your face,” Miss Violet pointed out. “You wish to hear an honest word come from my mouth, yet you stand there and not only lie to me but lie to yourself as well. You are in love with Lizzie, a whore, and you—”
“You will not use that derogatory term in my presence!” Carson warned her, raising his hand in the air. “You do not have the right to stand in front of me and justify yourself by diminishing Lizzie as you see fit.”
“Leave, Carson,” Miss Violet whispered, her face paler than usual. “Leave right now.”
“With pleasure,” Carson said with a satisfied smile and bowed. “Good day.”
Carson walked past Miss Violet without another word and quietly left the townhouse, a happy feeling inside his heart – a feeling he had not felt in a very long time.
15
Emma and Lizzie sat on either end of the chess table in the drawing room, quietly playing a casual game. Lizzie cocked her head as she watched Emma shift her rook forward and purse her lips.
“I cannot believe it took us so long to play a game of chess together,” Emma expressed, and glanced at Lizzie.
“You are much more skilled than I initially imagined,” Lizzie admitted.
“I will graciously accept that compliment.” Emma grinned. “William taught me one evening while we spent a rainy night in the hull of the ship on our way to Denmark. It was a terrifying s
torm and William tried to distract me. I was growing rather hysterical.”
“I can only imagine,” Lizzie answered. “But Will always had a gift of making one feel at ease in even the worst situation. James as well. That is why I love them.”
Emma smiled and as she was about to respond, the door opened, and Will appeared in the doorway.
“Good afternoon, William. We were just talking about you,” Lizzie greeted him.
“All good things, I assume.” Will approached the two women and bent down to kiss his wife. “My love.”
“I was merely telling Lizzie about when you taught me the rules of chess,” Emma smiled.
“Ah, I remember that night as though it were yesterday,” Will sighed dreamily. “Of course, she clung to me as though her life depended on it, and gentleman I am, I simply provided her the means to distract her from her turmoil.”
“And thus, creating an even larger turmoil,” Lizzie muttered with a cringe.
“A true gentleman does not speak such intimate details,” Will said with a wink.
“Since when has that ever stopped you?” Lizzie chuckled, and the others joined in her laughter.
“Luckily I am in too happy a mood to take any offense,” Will grinned.
“Why are you in such a happy mood, my love?” Emma inquired.
“I heard some delightful news that is sure to place a smile on your face,” Will answered and pointed at Lizzie.
“What could you possibly have to tell me, William?” Lizzie inquired with a furrowed brow.
“I heard,” Will spoke slowly and crouched down beside Emma, “that Carson ended his engagement with Miss Violet.”
Lizzie’s gaze shifted directly to his and she scoffed. “That is not amusing, William.”
“I do not jest,” Will muttered defensively and held up his hands.
“Where did you hear this?” Emma inquired.
“I heard it from Edward.” Will pronounced.
Lizzie’s throat became thick and she swallowed hard.
“The gardener?” Emma asked, sounding confused.