Friend or Foe

by Imani Black

  “I’ll sit here with her. I got her. She will be okay.... She has me,” her father said, touching Cheyenne’s shoulders and wedging his way between Cheyenne and Amber on the chapel bench. Amber moved her arm from Cheyenne’s shoulder and backed off.

  Something came over Cheyenne when her father did that. She seemed to grow angry and sick at the same time. He’d been hovering around her since she’d come home, but today, she craved her own space. She wanted time to grieve and think.

  She bolted up from the bench and stumbled down the long aisle toward the exit. She shook her head. She didn’t know what had overcome her. It was like her mother was there, touching her, telling her to get away from everyone. Cheyenne felt her mother’s spirit in the room, and suddenly she couldn’t stomach anyone else.

  As she made her way to the exit, she was still scanning the room for Kelsi or Lil Kev. How could they not be the first people in the room after all her mother had done for them?

  Suddenly, Cheyenne’s eyes landed on a familiar face. A flash of panic and anger exploded in the center of her chest. Her eyes hooded over, and her jaw began to rock.

  You finally show up here, and this is how you look? Fucking asshole little boy!

  Cheyenne forged straight ahead in Lil Kev’s direction. He tried to quickly avert his eyes, but it was too late. Cheyenne set her jaw and adjusted her dark shades. She turned her head to the left, pretending not to notice his little crew flanking him on both sides and coming her way.

  “Sis!” Lil Kev called loudly, flashing a smile.

  Cheyenne’s eyebrows immediately lowered in scorn. She looked over her shoulder behind her and then back at her brother. Cheyenne couldn’t believe Lil Kev was acting like shit was all good with them. She couldn’t believe he didn’t have on a black suit. She couldn’t believe he had the audacity to crack a smile. Cheyenne’s insides roiled with anger.

  Is he really doing this like this? Is he crazy? Drunk? Stupid? Cheyenne stared at her brother like he had two heads. She walked up on him, her teeth clenched.

  “Lil Kev, don’t make a scene. Pay respects to Mommy, and don’t start no shit,” Cheyenne whispered harshly, close enough to his ear for him to hear it directly. With that, Cheyenne attempted to walk past her brother without causing too much of a scene. A funeral was not the time or the place to start a fight.

  “Make a scene?” Lil Kev continued loudly, holding onto Cheyenne’s arm, preventing her forward progress. His audacity knew no bounds. “Don’t act like you better than me. I’ll blow this whole scene the fuck up,” he snarled.

  Cheyenne could see in Lil Kev’s eyes that something wasn’t right. He could barely stand still. Maybe it was plain nervous energy, but Cheyenne suspected something else. The brother she knew would have never acted like this at his own mother’s funeral.

  “Let go of me and stop it,” Cheyenne said through clenched teeth, wrestling her arm away from Lil Kev’s grasp. She could feel several pairs of eyes on them now.

  “Come on, bro. You need to be easy. Five-o up in here and mad news. We don’t need the heat, bro. It ain’t worth it.” A young guy stepped out from behind Lil Kev and grabbed him, moving him back from Cheyenne’s face.

  Cheyenne shot the dude an evil glare. This was really not the time or place for this. Some people would never have class, regardless of how they were raised.

  “What’s going on over here?” her father said, stepping onto the scene.

  “Nothing, Daddy. Keep calm,” Cheyenne said, darting her eyes back toward Lil Kev. She shook her head in disgust. She didn’t want anything to do with either of them.

  “Just stay away from him and let things be. I’m going to lose it if Mommy’s funeral is disrupted,” Cheyenne whispered harshly before she stormed off.

  Cheyenne’s chest was heaving by the time she made it to the lobby.

  How dare he act like this at a time like this? How dare he try to make a scene? And his little friends... those bastards. Cheyenne fumed. She paced the floor, stopping only to look at her watch. Her father had followed her to the lobby, standing nearby. She was so angry and worked up, she completely ignored his presence.

  “Where the hell is Kelsi?” Cheyenne muttered under her breath. It wasn’t like Kelsi to be this late, especially to something like this. Cheyenne dug around in her purse for her phone but was distracted by a few of Lil Kev’s cronies coming out of the funeral chapel. They looked like they were up to no good. Cheyenne shook her head.

  “Cheyenne,” Detective Simpson called out from behind.

  She whirled around so fast she almost toppled over in her heels. The tension in her forehead eased, and she exhaled.

  Thank God! A friendly face!

  “Hello,” Cheyenne said, smiling awkwardly. “I’m happy to see that you cared enough to come,” Cheyenne huffed, extending her hand for a shake. She was clearly flustered and overly emotional, but equally as happy to see Detective Simpson. He’d been in contact a few times but hadn’t given Cheyenne any updates on the case.

  “I wouldn’t miss it. Seeing people who show up and reactions is pretty important in any case,” Detective Simpson said. “How are you holding up?” he asked, the same sincerity ringing through in his words.

  “Honestly, I don’t know up from down. I never thought in a million years I’d be doing this right now. I just can’t—” Cheyenne cut her words short and shuddered. “It’s just hard.”

  “I won’t say I understand the gravity of the loss you feel, but I understand how hard it must be,” Detective Simpson replied. He stepped closer to Cheyenne and whispered, “And I got some of the crime scene results back. Whoever was at the scene when your mother was murdered wore Timberland boots. I have to find the person who owns a certain pair of boots, and then I’ll be closer to catching the killer.”

  “What? That could mean a whole city of people. This is Brooklyn. Everyone wears Timberland boots,” Cheyenne huffed, her own voice just slightly above a whisper.

  Detective Simpson shook his head. “You’re not kidding. I have my work cut out for me. But I’m going to start with those closest to your mother.” He gave Cheyenne a telling look.

  “Everybody in my house has Timbs, including me and Kelsi. I’m sure it won’t be a problem for us to produce them for comparisons. I can bring them all down to the precinct for you,” Cheyenne said, still whispering and furtively darting her eyes toward her father.

  “No, I don’t want anyone to know until I can get the proper paperwork to examine the shoes. The only reason I’m sharing it with you is because you’ve been the most cooperative,” Detective Simpson said, pushing his point home.

  Cheyenne nodded her agreement.

  “Everything just seems off,” Cheyenne blurted, shaking her head for dramatic emphasis. “I feel like they’ve all been acting strange. No one is acting like themselves at all. It’s weird, and I don’t want to jump to conclusions, but if I didn’t know any better and I were you, every single one of them would be a suspect in this,” Cheyenne said honestly. She truly felt like that. Her father, her brother, and Kelsi were all acting weird and not in a normal grieving way.

  “You let me handle it all,” Detective Simpson replied. “You have much more to think about. Get past today and these next few days, and we will talk further.”

  “Thank you again. Not many cops care about people, even when the case is theirs. From day one, I always felt you truly wanted to find my mother’s killer and that she wasn’t just going to be another case file that you threw down on your desk. You’re a good person, Detective Simpson, and I know you’ll keep your promise to find the devil that took my mother’s life for no reason,” Cheyenne said with a deep sincerity of her own.

  Detective Simpson smiled and nodded at Cheyenne. “This one definitely hit different for me. I’m working hard to figure it out, and I will keep my promise,” he replied. “And you don’t have to thank me. It’s my job,” he said.

  With that, Cheyenne inhaled deeply and exhaled loudly. “And no
w I have to go do the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my entire life,” she said, heading back toward the chapel doors.

  Chapter 13

  Kelsi

  Kelsi had stood off to the side where no one could see her and watched as Cheyenne walked into the funeral chapel on Big K’s arm like the perfect little family. Kelsi noticed Cheyenne’s father’s supportive hold on Cheyenne and the love and concern in his eyes. Rough waves of jealousy swirled inside of Kelsi like a high tide, making her feel like she was choking. Her eyes went dark, and her mouth flattened into a straight line. All the loyalty in the world couldn’t buy her the love she’d been looking for, the kind Cheyenne seemed to have from Big K.

  Kelsi hid behind her dark shades, furtively watching Cheyenne and her father. Kelsi’s temples pounded, and her stomach curled into knots. She was supposed to have that. She was supposed to be happy after everything, after all these years. That’s what Big K had promised her even as a little girl.

  Kelsi didn’t understand why God was always punishing her. She couldn’t fathom why she seemed to be the only one unworthy of a perfect life. Big K had promised her a perfect life once. The exact words had come out of his mouth, but they were all lies.

  Kelsi turned away. She couldn’t stand to watch Cheyenne with her father’s support and her arm looped through his. He showed up like the perfect parent now. Kelsi chuckled to herself, but it wasn’t funny. It was actually making her physically sick.

  Kelsi shifted on her feet. Her insides ached with loneliness. It was the kind of loneliness that couldn’t be assuaged even if she had walked into the funeral home amongst a room full of people. Kelsi knew deep down inside she couldn’t even pay for the type of love and companionship she longed for. She had never had any love from her no-good-ass mother.

  She knew that the love she had for Big K was unhealthy, but in her mind, it was the perfect love. It had always existed. Kelsi secretly wanted Big K to love her and only her.

  Kelsi slipped into the back of the funeral chapel after she was sure Cheyenne and Big K were already seated up front. The pastor stepped up to the microphone and opened up the service.

  “Tonight, we celebrate the life of Mrs. Desiree Turner, and I want to begin with the theme of tonight’s memorial, and that is, God doesn’t make any mistakes. Let me say that again. I said God doesn’t make any mistakes.”

  “Amen,” a few people in the crowd mumbled.

  “We all need love. Do you agree?” the pastor asked.

  Kelsi swallowed hard, her heart pounding and her hands growing sweaty. She didn’t want to be alone, but she wasn’t dressed for a funeral. She’d put on a hoodie and Timbs, a show of rebellion in her anger at Big K for abandoning her. But now, she needed to be near him, and even near Cheyenne. She got up and stumbled to the front pew. She wedged in next to Big K and grabbed his other hand. It was a bold move, but she wanted to let him know she needed him.

  Kelsi could see Big K’s perplexed reaction out of the corner of her eye, but she ignored it. She told herself that he would get it. That, in that moment, he would love her like she needed to be loved. She deserved as much, after all.

  Kelsi curled her fingers around his the way she’d imagine a couple in love, like she’d seen Ms. Desi and Big K do it back in the day. Big K didn’t return the affection; instead, he shifted and twitched in his seat like she was a disease that made his skin itch. Kelsi knew that they usually didn’t do public affection because it was just weird. She was like his daughter in the eyes of everyone else, but she wasn’t actually his daughter. This hand-holding now hadn’t been discussed or planned or wanted by Big K. Kelsi felt her heart drop, but like usual, she put on a brave face. She had gotten used to playing the tough one out of everyone. She had also gotten used to years of rejection.

  “We all need love, but you won’t know love if you don’t know God first,” the pastor preached. “I’m telling you, God doesn’t make any mistakes.”

  “Amen,” Kelsi murmured. With that, she released her hold on Big K’s hand and turned her body away from his.

  After the service, Big K did his new usual—held onto his daughter like a precious gem. He made sure Cheyenne was okay, walked with her, comforted her, but he never even thought to come over and say anything to Kelsi. When she followed them out of the chapel behind the casket, he simply told her that he would see her later at the repast they were having for Ms. Desi back at the community center.

  Kelsi wandered out of the funeral chapel alone, her mind spinning in a million directions, none of them good.

  “Bastard,” Kelsi grumbled under her breath. He wasn’t getting rid of her that easily.

  “Chey! Wait up!” Kelsi called out as she spotted Cheyenne about to get into the limousine. Kelsi bit into the inside of her cheek, inhaled deeply, and plastered on a fake smile as she half staggered, half sauntered over to her best friend.

  “I can’t believe y’all left me out,” Kelsi said, slurring her words as she stepped to Cheyenne and Big K. Kelsi noticed Big K’s body stiffen and his facial expression flatten.

  “Leave you out? You were nowhere to be found. I waited for you as long as I could,” Cheyenne said honestly. Cheyenne looked at Kelsi up and down and shook her head. “You’re not even dressed for the funeral. And you smell like you’ve been drinking and smoking,” Cheyenne snapped, disgust lacing her words. “I don’t think you should come to the cemetery like this. Go home. Get yourself together. My mother wouldn’t have approved of you going to anyone’s funeral like this, much less hers,” Cheyenne said. With that, she started into the limousine.

  Kelsi reached out and grabbed Cheyenne’s arm and tugged her roughly to prevent her from getting in the car. Cheyenne sucked in her breath and reluctantly stopped moving to face her friend.

  “Don’t judge me. Of all fucking people, Chey, don’t you start judging me too.” Kelsi was familiar with the horrified look Cheyenne wore on her face. Kelsi had seen that look so many times when they were kids—like the time Cheyenne found out what Took had done to Kelsi. She’d looked at Kelsi with a mixture of horror, sympathy, and a tad bit of disgust. It was how she was looking at her now. Kelsi couldn’t stand it. She couldn’t stomach any of it. Didn’t they understand that she was grieving too?

  “Get yourself together, Kelsi,” Cheyenne replied, tugging her arm away and getting into the limo.

  “Go home and sober up like she said. Take care of yourself. You’re slipping,” Big K growled at her before he joined Cheyenne in the limousine.

  Kelsi shifted her weight from one foot to the other, her hands moving aimlessly at her sides. She watched as the limo pulled out, leaving her there alone. She immediately felt the effects of being intoxicated. Kelsi felt warm with anger inside. At that moment, she wished she’d never met the Turners. She closed her eyes, and the memories came flooding back again.

  * * *

  By the time Kelsi and Carlene finished with Carlene’s face to face meeting with a welfare case worker, Carlene had been given a stack of what the lady called “emergency food stamps.” She said Carlene could expect an increase of one hundred seventy-five dollars plus back money in two weeks.

  When they left the office, Kelsi was moving slow. She was so hungry she felt like she would faint. Carlene finally stopped at a street vendor and bought Kelsi one hot dog, a grape soda, and a bag of Bon Ton plain potato chips. It was the first thing she’d eaten since they snatched her from Nana’s house. Kelsi gobbled it down so fast she couldn’t even taste the food.

  When they returned to Carlene’s building, Kelsi noticed the same pretty little girl. This time, the little girl was doing the Hula-Hoop instead of playing double Dutch. Kelsi could tell someone cared about the little girl. Her skin was shiny and clear. Her hair was parted in zig-zag parts, and she had pretty heart-shaped baubles and barrettes adorning at least eight long ponytails. She wore a red top with sparkly silver hearts all over it and a red mini skirt. Her socks were folded down with red hearts all over them. She had on prist
ine white low-top Reebok track sneakers.

  The little girl stopped Hula-Hooping when she noticed Kelsi looking at her. She smiled again and waved. Kelsi smiled back and waved, too.

  Carlene had stopped to speak to a guy, so she didn’t have time to see Kelsi and the little girl waving and smiling at one another. The little girl motioned for Kelsi to come to her, but Kelsi was too scared that moving would get Carlene’s attention, so she shook her head no.

  The little girl tilted her head in confusion. Her shoulders slumped like she was disappointed, but then she stepped out of her Hula-Hoop. She hung it on the black metal gate that surrounded the small patch of grass in front of the building and walked over to Kelsi.

  As soon as the little girl got close enough, Kelsi could smell the fresh scent of baby powder on her. She still had some showing on her neck, too. Kelsi immediately noticed the arm full of plastic bracelets the little girl wore. Kelsi wanted them.

  “Why was you scared to come over there?” the little girl boldly asked Kelsi.

  Kelsi was in awe. The little girl was even prettier up close. Kelsi immediately grew embarrassed and felt inferior to the pretty little girl.

  “I don’t know,” Kelsi replied softly, looking away to make sure Carlene was still talking. Kelsi saw that Carlene had that stack of food stamps out and was in deep conversation with a guy who looked like he was dismissing her. Carlene looked like she was begging him for something.

  “Is Peaches your mother?” the little girl asked, noticing Kelsi stealing glances at Carlene.

  Kelsi looked down at her feet. She wished she could cover her dirty “play sneakers” so the little girl couldn’t see them. Kelsi also wished that she could blink and make Carlene just disappear.

  “What’s your name?” Kelsi finally asked the little girl, totally ignoring her question. She didn’t want the little girl to know that Carlene was her mother.