Frowning deeper, Jax stared over her shoulder for a second in thought. “Is Gary taller than me?”
Confused, she shook her head. “No.”
“Is he thin and wiry with light brown hair?” He pressed.
Frustrated, she wanted to jump up and down. “Yes! But please, Jax, we don’t have…”
Sliding his hands from her shoulders and down her arms, he began rubbing them up and down as he shook his head. "Alessia, baby, I just described Steve. He lives three streets over and drives an old Harley." Pulling her close until her chest touched his, Jax stroked her arm. "The guy runs an off-the-books mechanic shop out of his garage. He is probably just going to the bar across the street."
Self-doubt mingled with the memory of the man’s back as he stepped off his bike. He was wearing a plain black jacket and jeans. Every jacket Gary owned was leather and was emblazoned with his gang’s logo.
Shaking her head, Alessia tried to back away from him. She knew what she saw, and she didn't have time to try and convince him. Turning, she bumped directly into the wall beside her as she tried to reach for the exit door again. "No, I won't take that chance, I'm not going to let him find me," her voice cracked in fear.
Jax’s hands tightened on her arms and pulled her back. Angry and terrified, she glared at him as his hands smooth up her arms and over her shoulders to cup her face, gently locking her in place.
“Would I let anything happen to you?” His commanding voice was only a hair’s breadth above a growl.
Unable to shake her head in his hold she whispered. “No.”
“Do you trust me?” He demanded; his dark eyes pulsed with energy as he stared directly at her.
"Yes, but…" She knew he would keep her safe, but she didn't want to take any chances, not when they could just go home.
His calloused thumbs swiped gently under her eyes, wiping away tears she didn't even realize had fallen. Leaning down further, Jax's forehead nearly touched hers as she stared at him with held breath. There was a note of edged steel settling into place in his gaze that caught her attention.
"If Gary ever sets one foot in this area code, looking for you," his deep voice was just above a whisper, but it held no less of an impact at his next words. "I will kill him, sweetheart, simple as that."
His lips pressing against her forehead felt like a seal of an oath sending tremors through her body. Holding her breath, Alessia couldn't move— didn't want to move—as he continued his lethal vow.
“I will bury him so deep in my woods, baby, even I’ll have a hard time finding him.”
She was leaning heavily against him by now, his words absorbing the strength from her legs. Every word was a dark, beautiful promise that she could clearly see Jax meant to keep. No one had ever made her feel this way. Not sure what to say, she nodded awkwardly between his hands.
“Good, just stand here,” letting go of her face, Jax looked behind him towards the rest of the store. “I will go up front and confirm that it’s Steve. Stand here. Do not run,” he ordered.
She did not want to let him go, but she forced herself to release her grip on his jacket. Watching him walk away, Alessia continued to hold her breath in fear. She knew she needed to calm down. Even if Gary was here, what could he do? He couldn't drag her back in front of witnesses, especially not with Jax around and certainly not on a motorcycle. Jax's dangerous words still hung in the air of the small hallway, and though they should have scared her—they didn't.
The sight of Jax walking back down the hallway allowed her to release the breath she was holding.
Holding up his phone for her to see, he pinched the screen to zoom in. “See, that’s just Steve doing nothing useful at eleven in the morning, loitering in front of Rick’s bar.”
Alessia bit her lip as she examined every detail of the smiling man in the photo— a man that clearly wasn’t Gary.
Nodding, she shifted on her feet. Now she just felt foolish. “I feel stupid,” she murmured under her breath, too ashamed to look at Jax.
“Don’t,” he tipped up her chin and gave her an understanding smile. “Anyone would’ve reacted the same way.”
Alessia didn't say anything as she stared at a spot on the ancient linoleum floor.
"Come on, if we don't get back soon, Whiskers is going to cry," Jax coaxed, his hand sliding to the small of her back in reassurance.
That did make her lift her head, but she still couldn’t forget the scene she made out there.
“Can’t I just write down my list and have the keys to the truck so I can go melt into the seat in embarrassment?” She moaned.
Laughing, he threw his arm over her shoulders and steered her down the hall. “Let me show you some one-of-a-kind mountain man magic.”
*~
It really was like magic, no one said or did anything as they continued shopping. At the checkout, Alessia couldn't help but eye the older lady closely as she rung up their items. The woman's smile was just a bit too bright just as her conversation was a little too run-of-the-mill, covering everything from the weather to informing them about the upcoming winter festival the town was hosting. Any embarrassment she might have felt was replaced with stunned curiosity at the woman's behavior. When they got back in the vehicle, Alessia asked Jax if he had said anything to the woman when he went up to check out the window for Gary.
“Nope, didn’t say a thing,” he gave her a mischievous smirk that only came off even more devilish with his thick arched eyebrows. “I told you it’s magic.”
After some prodding, Jax finally admitted that most of the townspeople were afraid of him.
He shrugged. “I stopped trying to understand why.”
“And you have done nothing to correct it either, right?” She added knowing full well the irascible hermit probably counted on his severe face and off-putting personality to keep people at bay.
“Maybe, maybe not,” he mumbled.
Although Alessia was sure it was all by design, somehow, Jax had kept her mind temporarily off the events of the store. Bickering and chatting the entire drive back, for a while, Alessia forgot the weight of her worries.
After putting away the food and supplies, Alessia sat down on the floor in front of the sofa and pulled out Whiskers' new jingle ball to play with. Soft little paws bounced and leaped from one of her legs to the other chasing the soft jingling ball as Alessia stared past the grate of the wood heater. Creeping in slowly but steadily, the thoughts she tried to run from came back. When she saw that man through the window, it felt that her reality had shattered. He looked so much like Gary. It angered her to think of how she reacted. She should've known it wasn't him, how could he find her in the middle of nowhere? Now it felt like she opened something inside of herself she couldn't quite close again. Horrible memories wouldn't stop replaying themselves in her head. Living here in the forest with Jax felt like she was living in a secret lost paradise and now her thoughts threatened to taint this world.
Leaning to the side, she let her head rest on the cushion of the couch behind her as she closed her eyes and tried to push thoughts of Gary out of her head. With feathery light steps, she felt the gentle weight of the kitten crawl on to her lap. Letting out a demanding meow, Alessia obliged, softly scratching the needy kitten behind the ears. Silently, they stared at each other in a battle of wills. Large crystal gray eyes blinked slowly, each time narrowing just a little more beckoning hers to mimic.
Jax didn’t need to look over the back of the couch to know Alessia had fallen asleep. The happy jingle of the kitten's new ball had stopped and the room had grown quiet. Staring past the data of his solar usage on his laptop screen, Jax leaned back in the kitchen chair with a heavy sigh. He couldn't get his thoughts from Alessia's panicked fear from earlier. On the way home, Jax could see her trying to move past the incident as she laughed and joked with him, but the shadow was there in her eyes. Ignoring what happened wasn't going to work. Getting up from the chair, he walked over to the front windows, needing to expen
d some of the restless energy running through him as he thought about Alessia’s panic attack. The more he thought about it, the more it angered him. This Gary asshole didn’t just scare her or threaten her. The fear Jax witnessed was something else, this was a breakneck fear that sent a smart, composed young woman into a terrified state. Clenching his fist against the window’s sill, Jax watched as the sky faded into a bright orange color. No, Gary had done something more, and that fact felt like a blade to the gut.
Opening her eyes, Alessia knew immediately she had fallen asleep for some time. Looking down, she stared at the quilt, draped over her legs and chest and smiled.
"So, you're finally awake, I see," Jax's voice directly behind her made her jump.
Turning around, she was surprised to see him stretched out on the sofa directly behind her head. On his stomach was Whiskers, also laying on his back with his paws in the air as he played with Jax’s hand.
“How long have you been there?” She asked, turning her stiff body to face him more.
“Just for a little bit,” his gaze lifted from the tussling kitten and fixed on her. “You hungry?”
“No,” she wasn’t hungry, despite not having eaten anything all day.
Letting go of the kitten, Jax let him walk freely across his abs and up to his chest, taking an interest in a crease of fabric on his shirt. For a few silent moments, both of them watched as the kitten curiously examined its potential new toy.
Not taking his eyes off the kitten, Jax spoke first. "Would you like to lay on the roof and stare at the stars?"
Alessia's heart clenched. Staring at his large hands, she watched how he effortlessly kept the kitten from the edges of his chest. Alessia couldn't help but recall the feel of those hands as they cradled her face in the store that morning. Or how he called her "baby" and kissed her forehead. It hurt how much she wanted more from him. She wanted more than just his comfort in a crisis, she wanted his affection at every moment of the day. She wanted Jax to want her as much as she needed him.
Not trusting herself to say more, she nodded, "yes."
Using a couple of thick blankets beneath them and a quilt to cover themselves with Alessia laid side-by-side with Jax on the roof. The night sky was breathtaking like this. Thousands upon thousands of tiny bursts of white glittering dots against the black sky as far as she could see. It was cold out, which only made Alessia even more aware of the six-foot mountain man lying next to her. The warmth from his big firm arm pressed against her reminding her again of the way he shielded her earlier in that hallway. Alessia couldn’t stop recalling the feel of his lips against her forehead. She knew the gesture was given in comfort, but how she wished it was anything more.
“I had already left the military when I received word that my father had died of a heart attack,” his deep voice pulled her back from the vast unknown of the stars and her chaotic growing feelings. Turning slightly, Alessia stared at Jax’s hard profile as he stared ahead to the stars above. “The year before, my mother had died. I wasn’t there for either of them.”
The unexpected deep sorrow in his tone cut through to her heart. Alessia found herself pressing closer against him as she listened.
"The moment I graduated high school, I enlisted, thinking I was going to be a part of some noble adventure for my country. I stayed in the military for nearly ten years. I had only visited my parents maybe three times, always making excuses for one reason or another not to visit them. By the time I received word that my mom had died, I had already grown tired of the military life and was ready to come back. I got tired of fighting other people's fights, losing friends, and seeing fucked up shit happen to innocent people who were pawns in other people's war. I just wanted to go home," his voice sounded tired. "And when my dad died soon after, I felt that I had wasted so much time in my life for absolutely nothing; I decided to leave the first chance I could get. What I didn't count on was realizing that I was no damn good at the regular civilian life. I came back home, sold my parent's property, and tried to blend in with society. Nothing I did worked. It felt like I was surrounded by people living in a dream world. People out there," he waved his hand to the sky, "are always talking, fighting, shopping, and always consuming. It felt like the second I was out, I wanted to go back. Back to the routine and established order of the Army, and I felt guilty for feeling that way. It made me feel pathetic."
Alessia could hear and feel the anger in his words as his body stiffened beside her. Not daring to say anything, she turned further into his arm beside her, pressing her face against his hard bicep as her fingers intertwined with his in silent comfort.
“Life inside the military felt as if I was wasting away,” he continued. “But life on the outside of it just feels like chaos. The therapist I went to when I got out prescribed me sleeping pills and antidepressants, she warned me that living a secluded life like this wouldn’t help. Well, she was right about at least one thing,” turning towards Alessia, his fingers tightened around hers. Alessia felt her heart constrict as she met his dark gaze. “Living alone like this didn’t help with my anger management whatsoever. Hell, it just made it worse. Never having to deal with anyone and always having things exactly my way, just made me more of an asshole. And when life did decide to stop taking people away from me and actually add someone with a sharp tongue and a beautiful smile, I nearly fucked it up.”
The back of her throat tightened as her eyes stung with unshed tears. Wrapping both of her arms around his arm, Alessia buried her face deeper into the hard muscle of his bicep and shut her eyes.
“I won’t leave you,” she breathed. “Not if you don’t want me to. I’ll…”
She felt his arm flex beneath her as he moved. Reaching across her, his hand brushed some of her hair from her face. A shiver ran across her skin.
“I want you…” he rasped roughly as his eyes glittered back at her with determination. “I want you to stay.”
Although his chest hovered next to hers, it felt like an unbearable pressure formed between them, pressing down against her. Not trusting her voice, all she could do was nod. Every nerve in her body was still very aware of his blunt fingers, resting just behind her ear from where he pushed back her hair. The radiating heat from his touch teased at the sensitive state her body was in, Alessia could feel her nipples stiffen underneath her clothes as a tingle of heady energy hummed through her body.
Slowly, Jax’s head tilted as he felt the shiver run through her body, his half-lidded eyes passing up and down her form as if watching ripples in a pond.
The hand still holding hers tightened before tugging hers as he sat up. “Come on, let’s go back inside.”
Alessia didn't want to go. She wasn't done staring at the stars and she certainly wasn't ready for this moment between them to end. Reluctantly, she followed him down the ladder, conscious of his hands spanning her waist to guide her down. Neither one of them spoke as they walked back inside. The nameless intangible tension that existed between them for days now felt like a living entity. Like a third person taking space between them, someone or something either one refused to acknowledge. Standing awkwardly by the sofa, Alessia warred with herself to say something—anything to Jax, who had his back to her in the kitchen. Both of his long arms were braced wide to either side of him on the counter's edge, unknowingly flexing his triceps. She had heard him click on the burner under the tea kettle when they came inside and knew he was making her a cup. She wanted to tell him that she liked him, but no matter how she played the confession out in her head, there was no scenario that Jax wouldn't turn around and just laugh at her blurted childish confession.
Sitting with a sigh on the sofa, Alessia waited as he handed her a cup of tea. Not sure what to say, she gave him a hesitant smile as she thought of something else to break the ice.
"Do you want to go to the winter festival Barbara mentioned at the grocery store today? It's supposed to snow this weekend, but that didn't stop them last year."
The question caught h
er off guard. Blinking, Alessia replayed the question over again in her mind taking note of his friendly awaiting expression.
What an idiot she has been! The unbearable tension that she thought existed between them was just wishful thinking on her part. Feeling herself deflate a little at the realization, she slouched in her seat a bit. Moments ago, she nearly confessed her love to a man who obviously was not on the same page as her. Jax was just offering his friendship and a shoulder to cry on, nothing more.
Returning the smile, Alessia tried to keep the sigh from her voice as she nodded. “Sure, I would love to go.”
~*~
Breaking his own policy, Jax stood under the spray of the shower later that night, letting the waterfall over his head.
He was a complete idiot. The moment between them earlier was in the palm of his hand. Jax had felt every cell of her willingness for more on that roof without a shred of doubt. He just didn’t want to be wrong. If he had kissed her like he so desperately wanted to, would she have regretted it? Would he feel like an asshole who took advantage of their friendship?
At All Cost: A Mountain Man Romance Page 11