Very Bad Things

by Ilsa Madden-Mills

  Tiffani-with-an-i sniffed. “For your information, tarot cards are a science, and I can tell the future.”

  “All for nineteen ninety-nine per minute,” Sebastian muttered under his breath, and I covered my laugh with a cough. Mila patted me on the back.

  “Hey, aren’t you Ellen Blakely’s daughter, from Good Morning, Dallas?” she asked, her eyes squinting at me.

  I stiffened. “Yes.”

  “I knew it! I worked with your mother once when she did a cooking segment, and I got to make my spinach quiches on her show! She’s classy, absolutely divine.” She smirked, her eyes flashing over my dress. “Funny that you look nothing like her.”

  “Yes.” Thank God.

  “You were there that day,” she said as she shook her finger at me, “but I almost didn’t recognize you with the red hair. And, wow, you were a bit of a chunk then, no offense. How much weight did you lose?”

  “I just got taller,” I said politely.

  “Sorry if that came out all wrong,” she said in a sugary voice. “I hope I didn’t hurt your feelings?”

  I laughed. Fat chance. She’d hurt me enough just by being with Leo. “No, I did have a big butt. I had buck teeth and braces, too,” I said as Sebastian started singing Sir Mix-a-Lot’s “Baby Got Back.” I reached over and popped him in the arm while he laughed and tried to get away.

  When Mila grinned at Tiffani-with-an-i with a sly gleam in her eye, I knew her fur had been rubbed the wrong way by Tiffani’s comments. She was going to bite back. “Speaking of being classy, Nora would never tell you herself, but she won the Miss Texas Rose pageant last fall. I saw the whole thing. Big honking diamante crown on her head, and a big-ass sash over her shoulder. It was sweeeet.”

  Sebastian’s mouth gaped. “No way. Nora’s no pageant princess.”

  I shrugged, not sure what to say.

  Sebastian grinned. “Are you going to be in the Miss America pageant because that would be kinda cool. You’d be famous. Which reminds me: do you really glue the bottoms of your swim suit to your ass cheeks? You know, so it doesn’t move?”

  They all turned to stare at me, and Leo had the strangest expression on his face, and it frightened me because I couldn’t interpret it. I hated the thought of him thinking I liked pageants. I didn’t want him thinking I needed people constantly telling me I was pretty. I knew I wasn’t.

  My pageant experience didn’t start when I was a child, like those freaky kids you see on Toddlers and Tiaras, who tap dance in cowboy gear to “I’m Bringing Sexy Back.” No, I was fat then and a total embarrassment to Mother. Instead, I’d have been a shoo-in for the dreaded title of Best Personality.

  But, when I was sixteen and finally slim, she’d suggested pageants. I’d done them to please her, reasoning that if other people thought I was pretty and loved me, then maybe she would, too.

  I cleared my throat and looked at Leo and Sebastian. “Before you judge—little pun there—let me explain that in Texas, big hair and pageants are part of our heritage. And, I only won because of my piano talent. Those girls I competed against were beautiful and way out of my league.”

  Tiffani-with-an-i shook her head as her eyes ran over me. “I just can’t see it.”

  “I can see it,” Leo said softly.

  Tiffani-with-an-i’s face tightened, but she kept talking. “Your mom talked non-stop about her son in Houston. Does he still live there? She liked me so well she wanted to set us up on a date, but of course, we don’t live in the same town,” she said with a little giggle.

  “No . . . no, he lives in Houston, but he’s moving back at Christmas.”

  “Oh. Tell your mother hello for me, will you? I’d love to meet up with her for lunch. Maybe I could get another spot on her show?” she said, her little piggy fingers rubbing Leo’s arm.

  He smiled down at her. “Would you guys like some soda or water before you go?” he asked, looking back at us, and while Mila and Sebastian said no, I flicked my eyes at Tiffani-with-an-i’s wine glass.

  Alcohol was just a party away.

  He followed my eyes. “No alcohol tonight, Nora.”

  Anger seared through me. He was not my father.

  Sebastian chuckled, giving my shoulder a squeeze. “No problem, bro. These two hot babes are my dates, and I have a rep for taking care of my ladies.”

  Hurt by Leo’s comment, I excused myself and went to the bathroom, mentally reciting words that helped me the most, repeating the definition and etymology. When that didn’t seem to work like it usually did, I opened my purse and stared at the coke I still had there. What would it be like to take it again? Would it make me feel good inside?

  Maybe later tonight.

  Leo was waiting for me when I came out of the bathroom. He grabbed my elbow firmly, steered me back inside, and locked the door.

  “This is becoming a habit for you,” I seethed, jerking my arm away.

  “What do you have on?” he seethed back, glaring at my dress.

  “You don’t like it? I didn’t think you noticed.”

  He rubbed his face with his hands and then stared at dress. “If there was ever a fucking dress I’ve ever noticed, it’s that one,” he muttered out. “You’re not wearing it to the party.”

  “Are you even listening to yourself?” I snipped.

  “Nora. Please. You can’t go out like that without me,” he demanded more urgently, with less anger, and I dreamed I heard a bit of a plea in his words.

  I chewed on my bottom lip. “You said you had to let me go. You walked away from me so easily,” I reminded him, feeling all the fight drain away, leaving only sadness behind. “If that’s true, then why do you care? Why are you trying to stop me?”

  He groaned out loud and closed the distance between us fast, thrusting his hands deep into my hair. “Fuck, I can’t stop this anymore,” he ground out hoarsely, pulling me against him. He tugged my face up by my hair. “This mouth is all I think about,” he whispered and pressed his lips to mine. While his hands held my head, his mouth dominated. Wild and raw, his lips sought mine over and over, claiming my mouth desperately, his hot tongue sucking and then dueling with mine. He bit at my lips, and I responded, our tongues in an erotic, open-mouthed tango. His lips glided across my jaw and down to my neck where he sucked harder and harder and then soothed the hurt with his tongue. I moaned.

  This . . . this was a kiss. I never wanted it to stop. I never wanted his lips to leave my body. This was like when Prince Charming kissed Cinderella, only this prince was no gentleman; he was sexy and hot and played a guitar. Instead of riding on a black stallion, he drove a bad-boy Escalade. Instead of wearing a princely cloak, he wore tight True Religion jeans.

  It was fairytale fucking worthy.

  “I want you like I’ve never wanted anything,” he said roughly, his lips moving to kiss my collarbone and the tops of my breasts.

  “I’m yours,” I told him, arching my body closer to him, aching to feel him against my skin.

  He pulled back and looked at me with hot, half-lidded eyes. “Show me,” he commanded, and I knew what he wanted.

  With trembling hands, I reached up and eased the dress down until my breasts spilled out. I wanted to give him everything.

  “Come here,” he said tenderly, pulling me close. He gazed at my tiny wings for a long time until, finally, he touched me. Softly, his fingers rubbed circles around my pierced breast, being careful around my nipple. “Fucking gorgeous tits,” he murmured, his left hand finding my other breast and massaging hard, the dichotomy of the different touches making me gasp out loud. His heavy eyes watched me as he plucked my un-pierced nipple with his fingers. I threw my head back and whimpered in need.

  “You like that?” he asked huskily, kissing my neck and moving down to my breast.

  “Yes, Leo,” I breathed out as liquid heat shot straight to my core.

  “You smell so fucking good, Buttercup,” he said gruffly, his hand drifting underneath my dress and skimming my outer thigh. His mo
uth closed around my nipple and sucked while his fingers brushed against my panties.

  I dug my fingers into his hair, holding him against my breast as his tongue wrecked havoc on my body, sucking and biting. I panted as he slipped his hand under the waistband of my panties and reached around to palm my ass.

  “Touch me,” I said desperately, wiggling around, trying to his get fingers to my front. I needed them inside me.

  “Be patient,” he growled against my skin.

  “Leo, love me,” I begged, rocking against him, needing the friction.

  Abruptly, his hand stopped, and he pulled away, taking deep, gasping breaths. His chest heaved up and down as he struggled to gain control. He eased me away from him, pushing me until we were no longer touching. “Wait a minute . . . shit, shit, shit . . . I went too far,” he said in a raspy voice, like he’d just finished a run. He bent over and put his head in his hands. “Fuck!”

  I stood there, speechless.

  He backed away from me and held his hands up. “Nora. I’m sorry.”

  “You’re sorry?” I yanked my dress back over my breasts, not caring that it hurt. “How can you be so fucking condescending out there in the kitchen and then drag me in here and kiss me and then apologize for it.”

  “I won’t kiss you again,” he said, rubbing his hands across his mouth, wiping it away.

  I laughed disbelievingly. “Are you sure about that, Leo? I’ve seen how you watch me, so don’t act like that was nothing. That kiss was . . .” I paused, searching for the right word. “It was epic and you know it.”

  “It was a big fucking mistake.”

  I glared. I’d had enough of him, of his hot and then cold. And him pushing me away couldn’t all be about the age difference. Something else was keeping him away. But then, maybe it was all me. Maybe I was chasing him and bringing all this on myself.

  I needed to get away from him, but because I’m a glutton for punishment, I couldn’t let it go. I said, “A psychic consultant? Really? Ridiculous, Leo, just ridiculous. She’s stupid on a stick.”

  “Yeah, so what? I can fuck her and not worry about it. You know why I don’t worry? Because she’s legal! She can walk into a bar with me and order a glass of wine and drink it! And she doesn’t care if I decide to not see her tomorrow. I can’t hurt her.”

  I shook my head, not understanding.

  “Nora, I know you’re hiding secrets, and I’ll do whatever it takes to get you back from that. No matter what, you’re a good girl with all these great talents, and someday you’ll have a big future. Just not with me. I’d just drag you down. I’d end up hurting you.”

  “You already did,” I whispered out, seeing the truth. What it came down to was I wasn’t worth it to him. I was too much work for him. Too much effort.

  Yet, there was something I wanted to say to him. Oh, it wasn’t going to be the truth about how dirty I was. No. Just the thought of that made me feel nauseated and short of breath, like a panic attack was imminent. No way in hell could I tell him that.

  I sighed and got my nerve up. I had to make him see. “Leo, when your eyes found mine that day, I got lost, and I didn’t want to look away. It was like the whole world vanished except for me and you. We connected somehow. It was an extraordinary moment, and it builds and builds every time we see each other. Have you ever thought that maybe . . . maybe we were meant to be together, Leo?” I asked him, my eyes pleading with him to want me, to put me first.

  He searched my face for a long time, like he wanted to commit it to his memory. He opened his mouth to say something but shook his head instead, as if he’d lost a conversation with himself. Then, as if he’d come to a hard decision, he tore his eyes from mine, focusing on something over my shoulder. He seemed to gather himself, and I saw his face harden. I saw the remoteness settle in his expression.

  “There was never any eye-meeting connection. And there will never be a chance for us, Nora,” he said.

  Well, fuck. If that wasn’t a brush-off, I didn’t know what was. I swallowed painfully, wondering how I could have misconstrued everything I thought had happened that day. It had all been one-sided. Feeling like I’d been kicked in the teeth, I left, my eyes blurring with tears that I refused to let fall. Not in front of him.

  As soon as I walked back in the kitchen, Tiffani gave me the once over, taking in my disheveled braids and smeared lip stick. She turned up her nose at me. Maybe she wasn’t stupid after all, but her hateful expression did make her very unattractive. Leo came in approximately seventy-two seconds later, and it was satisfying to see that his face was still flushed and his lips swollen.

  Tiffani invited us to sample some of the hors d’oeuvres she’d made, so we filled our plates. Mila and Sebastian munched away, and I pretended to, watching as Tiffani teasingly fed Leo mini quiches and cucumber sandwiches. She’d lean over close to him, tell him to open wide, and then she’d put the food on his lips, like he was a fucking baby seal at the zoo, and it was feeding time. When his lips would touch her fingers she’d giggle, and every time she did, his eyes would linger on her quivering chest. I gagged inside but gave them my fakest smile, not that he was paying any attention to me anyway because he never acknowledged me. Tiffani did though, with a smile of triumph playing across her lips.

  While feeding time continued, I stood quietly while Mila and Sebastian chatted about who was who at BA. As they ate their food, I stared at my plate unable to stomach food or seeing Leo flirt with Tiffani, the girl who didn’t care if he hurt her. Right. I didn’t buy that line for a minute. She was in love with him, and he was blind if he didn’t see it.

  His words had decimated me, and his actions were even worse.

  When it was time to go, Sebastian cleared his throat and spoke to Leo who had apparently forgotten we were there. “Alrighty then, I guess we’ll head out and . . . uh . . . leave you guys alone. We’ll be back around midnight.”

  Leo nodded and gave the thumbs up sign to Sebastian, since his mouth was full of bacon-wrapped mushrooms.

  Grinding my teeth together, I walked out of the room.

  “Every time I say I’m going to forget about her, five minutes later,

  I find myself thinking about her all over again.”

  —Leo Tate

  NORA WALKED OUT the door to go to the party, and I watched her the entire way. I felt like shit, and I wanted to chase after her and beg her to forgive me for being a prick in the bathroom. But I had to let her go.

  Disgusted, I pushed away from Tiffani, grabbed my beer and drank it down. In my head, I knew I shouldn’t have kissed Nora, but my body had taken over, tired of being denied something I’d wanted since day one. And I’d lied to her. That kiss had been fucking epic. It had been white-hot and more passionate than any kiss I’d ever had. I’d nearly lost control in there, forgetting that I’d promised myself I’d leave her alone.

  I took another beer out of the fridge and stared out the window, watching her as she headed for Sebastian’s blue Beamer. My heart raced again, taking in her too-short-for-public dress, long legs, and cowboy boots. I slammed my beer down on the counter. Why did I want her so fucking much? Why couldn’t I push her away like I did everyone else? Why couldn’t I breathe when I saw her?

  My heart knew the answer, and I’d realized it at the movies. I . . . I think maybe if I let her in, she might get under my skin so deep that I’d never want her to leave. That terrified me.

  All these weird feelings I had for her made me crazy. And, I’d completely forgotten there were other people in the loft. All I’d been able to think about was her, the way her body felt pressed against mine, the way she’d seemed just as frantic for me as I’d been for her. But when she’d said the word love, I’d panicked. I had no right messing with her head or getting her hopes up that we were in love. That was cruel.

  Nora needed better than me. She needed someone who knew how to love her the way she deserved.

  I took a drink, thinking about my parents. What had happened to them wa
s the real reason I didn’t want to love anyone. Loving people hurt; losing them could destroy you. The day my parents died I realized how fast you can have it all snatched away from you. I’d hardened my heart because I’d rather be alone than invite that kind of pain back into my life. I liked my life this way; I did what I wanted, and no one got hurt.

  Then why did I feel this aching void right in the center of my chest? Why did I feel so hollow? So alone?

  I rubbed my forehead, wishing I’d told Tiffani to not come over. Whatever we’d had was done. But I’d wanted her here so I could forget about Nora. But it hadn’t worked. Not yet.

  “What’s up with you and that Blakely girl?” Tiffani said, coming to stand beside me, running her red lacquered fingernails across my chest. Her heavy, floral perfume swept over me, nothing like Nora’s intoxicating scent of peaches.

  “Nothing,” I said, feeling empty inside as I watched the car pull out and drive away. Feeling numb as Tiffani touched me. “Nothing at all,” I said, still staring out the window. Nora was gone.

  Tiffani wrapped her arms around me and pulled me down for a kiss. “Prove it.”

  “Forget those stupid MasterCard commercials.

  Watching two chicks duke it out in high heels . . . now, that’s priceless.”

  –Sebastian Tate

  EMMA LIVED ON the same tree-lined street I did, so I pointed out my house to Sebastian as we sped by, noticing with surprise that lights were on inside. At least one of my parents had made it home for the weekend. I checked my phone to see if they had called or texted, but they hadn’t. It’d been over a week since I’d talked to Mother, even more for my father

  I did have a text from Finn, and I opened it without thinking, flinching when I saw the disgusting image he’d sent. And even though I’d seen that picture a thousand times in my head, it still sickened me. His text said,

  --Happy belated birthday, sis. This pic reminds me of the good times we used to have. Pretty soon we can do it again. Call me. I don’t want to have to show this to your friends . . .