Very Bad Things

by Ilsa Madden-Mills

  I sighed sadly, because he only meant those words as a friend. “I did have cocaine, and yes, I thought about using, but in the end, I didn’t.”

  “But you’ve taken it before?”

  I stiffened. “I’ve taken it before, but I didn’t want to,” I said. “End of story. New topic, please.” I looked down the hall, needing a distraction. “Where’s Sebastian. He’s taking a really long shower.”

  “Sebastian?” he barked, his lips thinning. “What’s going on between you two? He’s falling for you, you know.”

  “He’s my friend, Leo.”

  He glared.

  “Look,” I said, getting back to the original topic, “don’t worry about the list. I made it when I was angry. I’m not going to OD with drugs or end up in jail. The coke wasn’t even mine; it was Finn’s,” I said, biting my lip hard when I realized I’d said his name.

  “Who the fuck is Finn?” he demanded, suddenly livid. “Your ex-boyfriend?”

  I felt the blood leave my face.

  “Buttercup?” he asked in a lowered voice.

  “Don’t call me that. It’s a term of endearment, and you need to save those for Tiffani,” I said, pointing at him.

  He rubbed his hands through his hair several times, a crazed look on his face. “Fuck. Nora, I’m sorry. I feel out of control here. Forgive me, okay? But this Finn guy . . . I will rip him apart for giving you drugs.”

  I shrank from him, frightened by hearing Finn’s name on his lips. “Please, don’t ask me about him ever again.”

  He nodded uncertainly and moved closer to me, like he wanted to hold me, but I stepped back. I still couldn’t handle him touching me; Tiffani was too fresh. He sighed and turned back to the stove to stir the sauce.

  I bit my lip as I watched him, not wanting to be angry with him. I needed him, just like I needed Sebastian.

  “Tell me a happy story, Leo.”

  He gazed at me. “One day you’ll have your own stories.”

  “Yes, I will,” I said firmly.

  “Let’s finish cooking this killer meal and then eat it. How’s that for a happy story?”

  I nodded. “I like it. What’s for dessert?”

  “You’ll love it,” he said, his fingers brushing mine as we turned back to the stove.

  As the minutes passed, we eased into a familiar camaraderie that reminded me of our night at the movies. I made a salad, and he put the French bread in the oven. He set the table, and I poured the tea. We talked about similar books we’d read and movies we wanted to see. I admitted my word compulsion, and he laughed and told me I was wacko. I informed him wacko was a relatively new word, an Americanism coined in the 1970s. He explained how he’d taken his parents’ life insurance and restored the old gym his dad had owned, turning it into a lucrative business by buying and selling several gyms, like people flip houses. I told him how high my IQ was, and he called me a geek. I grinned and said I preferred the term intellectual badass. He laughed uproariously.

  By the time Sebastian and Mila came in the kitchen, dinner was on the table and smelled wonderful. As we ate, the sun was setting and a golden glow came in through the window and lit the table. Leo had turned on some R.E.M., and a song about losing your religion played. I looked at each of them. Sebastian’s cheeks were bulging because he’d tried to stuff as much bread into his mouth as he could. Leo thumped him in the arm, telling him to mind his table manners around their company. Mila had spaghetti on her fork, but it plopped in her lap when she burst out laughing at their banter. I closed my eyes, savoring, because this . . . this was one of those happy moments I could string on my necklace.

  Leo jumped up. “Time for dessert,” he said, grinning, as if he knew something I didn’t.

  “What’s going on?” I asked the other two as he went into the pantry.

  Sebastian laughed and Mila grinned.

  Leo came back holding a giant misshapen pink cake with candles on it, and my heart swelled because I could tell by looking it was homemade, and no one, not even Aunt Portia, had ever baked me a cake.

  “Is that what I think it is?” I whispered in amazement.

  “Surprise. I know it’s a little late in the game, but seeing as you didn’t tell anyone until the day of . . .” Leo said, setting the cake down on the table. I watched him light the candles.

  “Happy Birthday,” he said, leaning over and surprising me by tucking my hair behind my ear. “Now, make a wish and blow them out, so we can eat this monstrosity.”

  “Beautiful monstrosity,” I murmured, staring at the fluffy icing, imagining Leo standing in the kitchen making something special just for me. I grew emotional, sitting there, thinking of him trying his best to be my friend. I blew out the candles and made my wish. It might never come true, but my heart still yearned for Leo.

  Some would say love at first sight is ridiculous, and perhaps love never happens for those people at all. I kept thinking about what Sebastian had said: that when it was real then you know it. I looked at Leo, sitting there around his friends and family and knew the truth. I loved him. Forever. Was it surprising that as I was searching for myself, I’d also found love? Yeah. Fate, destiny, karma, kismet, God, crazy coincidences, or whatever you wanted to call it, had written in the stars that I would find my soulmate.

  Only he didn’t feel the same. It wasn’t fair, I wanted to yell out. Why grant me this once-in-a-lifetime chance and then leave me unrequited? Why was he my Romeo, but I wasn’t his Juliet?

  Did I have the strength to move on and find my happy moments with someone else? Could I let him go?

  “Um, meerkats? Yeah, not so cute and cuddly.

  Have you seen the nasty things they eat?

  I bypass them at the zoo . . . freakish little things.”

  –Nora Blakely (shuddering)

  A FEW DAYS later, I arrived at the gym for my first day on the job. Leo let me in after I buzzed the bell since the gym hadn’t officially opened yet for the public. He sat down with me and explained the requirements and gave me several shirts with Club Vita’s logo on them. He informed me he was going to pay me twenty dollars an hour, which I thought was ridiculously too much, but he insisted. My schedule would be three days a week from one o’clock until four, which would put me at close to one-hundred eighty dollars a week before taxes. I did the math and figured I’d have a small nest egg saved by the time college started.

  He left me to work in his private office, so I settled in at the front desk, getting familiar with the computer and the list Leo had left for me to do.

  As Sebastian let himself in the door from school, my phone buzzed. I looked down to see Finn had left me another text, but thankfully no picture. He’d been bombarding me with emails and texts all week. Usually I deleted them without reading, but this time, I needed to know what he was thinking. I suspected he was growing desperate, and it scared me.

  I didn’t feel safe.

  -- Call me. This is your last warning, sister. If you don’t answer...

  I stared at it for a long time, trying to understand why he was like he was. I came up with nothing except that we’d both been raised by Mother.

  “Nora?” Sebastian asked, sitting down beside me. “What’s wrong?”

  “Read a text from Finn,” I said, gesturing at my phone. “Stupid. I shouldn’t have.”

  “He’s not going to bother you here,” he said, resting his hand on my back.

  I shook my head, thinking how naïve he was. “Haven’t you ever watched a horror movie? The bad guy always comes back for the girl. And he pops out of nowhere just when you least expect it.”

  “But the good guys win in the end.”

  I chewed on my lip uncertainly. “His messages are coming more often. I think he’s finally lost it. I mean, he’s moving back home. He hated it there as much as I did. Mother was horrible to us both.”

  “Damn it, Nora, tell Leo. He’ll put a stop to it, trust me.”

  “No,” I said, turning back to the computer.


  Sebastian grunted angrily, but I ignored him.

  As we worked, Tiffani buzzed and Sebastian let her in. She breezed through the door, dressed in another designer workout outfit. Her top was bright pink and cropped, showing off her spray tan and slim waist. The matching pants were glued to her short legs.

  She stopped at the desk and stood there, moving from one foot to the next. I sat there pretending to type life-threatening membership information in the computer.

  “How was BA today?” she asked, her eyes darting between Sebastian and myself.

  “It was great, thanks for asking,” Sebastian replied. “Are you here to work out?” he asked, glancing at her clothes. “Most of the machines are up and ready if you are.”

  “Oh, that’s okay. I just finished a run at the park. I must look a mess,” she said with a tinkling laugh, smoothing down her perfect hair. Of course, she didn’t have a drop of sweat on her, and this was September in Texas.

  “I just dropped by to see Leo. Is he around?” she asked Sebastian, flicking her eyes at me and smirking.

  Sebastian said Leo was checking on the tennis court construction, so he’d text him. In a few minutes, Sebastian got a text back. “Uh, Tiffani, Leo says he’s in the middle of something right now, but he’ll meet you here in the lobby in half an hour.”

  “Sure, tell him I’ll wait as long as he needs. It’s my day off. Um, Nora, I’d like to talk to you. Can we chat somewhere privately?” she asked sweetly, blinking her false eyelashes at me.

  I fidgeted. “Sure,” I said, getting up out of my chair and leading the way to the band room.

  I held the door open for her as she walked in, and as soon as the door shut, she said, “Stop whatever game you’re playing because Leo is mine.”

  “I’m not playing a game,” I said. Did everyone know how I felt about Leo?

  She went on. “I got news for you. I called your mother up last week and asked her to lunch, and when she heard I knew you, she couldn’t wait to meet me and fill me in.”

  I let out a deep breath. Mother. When would I be free of her?

  “Yeah, I thought that would get your attention,” she said, crossing her arms. “You know, I knew you were a snobby bitch who thought she was better than everyone else, but I never dreamed you’d be enough of a slut to screw your own brother.”

  Deep shame rushed over me, and I wanted to run from the room and hide. She knew the truth; she knew how disgusting I was. But had Mother told her? I couldn’t believe she’d spill our dirty secrets, but how else would Tiffani know? I couldn’t see Finn admitting his crimes to some girl he’d never met, so it had to be true.

  And if Mother told her it probably meant she was paving the way for Finn’s defense in case I went to the police. Was she spreading rumors about me to everyone I knew? Who was next?

  I sat down.

  “I’m going to tell Leo everything about you. About the drugs, about your brother.”

  I stared out the window, imagining Leo’s face if he saw the pictures Finn had taken. Would he blame me for it all? Would the man I loved do that? My heart told me no, that he would never think badly of me because of what had happened. But my head wasn’t sure.

  “Aren’t you going to say anything?” Tiffani said with a sneer.

  I arched a brow at her. “You think you know the truth, but you don’t.”

  She glared at me. “You’ll never get Leo. He may put on a big act about how tough he is,” she said, “but he loves me. He said so.”

  Her words made me want to scream. She had to be lying.

  I jumped up and paced around the room, feeling feral, like I wanted lash out and claw her pretty face. I calmed myself by taking deep breaths and running a list of new words through my head. Words that described her, such as: bird-brain, hobbit-chick, and slut.

  If Leo loved this vile creature then let him have her.

  I opened the door for her.

  She gave me a haughty look as she moved to the entrance. “Tell you what. As long as you stay away from him, I’ll keep my mouth shut about your sex life.”

  “If he really loves you, Tiffani, then he will stay away from me. And he’s paying me to work not chat, so if you’ll excuse me,” I said politely, using the skills Mother had drilled into me. I straightened my shoulders and went back to the front desk.

  After a few minutes, Leo came striding down the hall with his eyes locked on mine the entire way. I deliberately scowled at him and then pointedly looked at Tiffani. He did not have the right to pull his eye whammy on me when she was right here. No way.

  Tiffani squealed when she spotted Leo and ran up to meet him. She threw her T-Rex arms around him and squeaked out, “Leo! I’ve missed you, darling!”

  He disentangled himself. “What’s up? Everything okay with the food order?” he asked her. I wanted to think he seemed annoyed at her, but that was debunked when she asked him if they could go upstairs and be alone, and he agreed.

  Ten minutes later, she came back down without Leo. She stopped in front of us, opened her purse, and took out a compact and a tube of lipstick. Sebastian and I watched as she carefully applied it and then puckered her lips at herself, wiping the excess away with her fingers. She snapped it shut, dropped it back into her purse, and looked over at us slyly. “I don’t know why I even bother wearing makeup around Leo.” She shrugged and walked out the door.

  We watched her the entire way, both of us deep in thought.

  “She’s smarter than I thought,” I said.

  Sebastian nodded. “Yep, that whole scene was orchestrated for your benefit. She thinks you’re a threat, always has.”

  “Not anymore.”

  “She’s a naturally territorial person,” he mused.

  “Yeah, she reminds me those meerkats you see at the zoo. You know, they’re kinda small, excitable, and self-absorbed in hierarchy. That’s her, an evil little meerkat.”

  Sebastian exploded in laughter. “Nora, you’re a nut.”

  I agreed.

  “What animal am I?” he asked, wrapping his arm around me as we headed to band practice.

  “Still working on it, my friend. Keeps me up at night thinking about it.”

  “I’m not that hard. Hell, I’m a guy. Aren’t we all open-books?”

  I stopped and pointed my finger at him. “Sebastian Tyler Tate, you are not fooling me one minute with your happy-go-lucky, couldn’t-give-a-shit-about-anything attitude.” I poked him in the chest. “You got some deep stuff in there and one day somebody’s gonna come along and wham! steal your heart.”

  “I seem to remember saying almost the same thing to you at Emma’s party,” he chuckled.

  “And that’s why I love you. You’re always looking out for me,” I teased.

  He wiggled his brows at me. “Wanna go get in the cleaning closet?”

  I punched him in the arm, and he laughed, following me into the music room.

  Later, when Leo came down to join us, he looked disheveled and preoccupied, and I tormented myself by wondering if they’d ended up in his bedroom again. I did my best to ignore him. He did the same.

  After talking a little about the upcoming gym opening, he handed me some sheet music he’d picked out for the band to play. It was songs he and Sebastian already knew, so most of our practice would be for Teddy and Vixen. We separated so Sebastian and Leo could work through the music with Vixen while I played the pieces for Teddy.

  The first song was ColdPlay’s hit “Clocks,” and I played it for Teddy while he hummed along. The second song was Five for Fighting’s haunting piano tune “100 Years,” and Teddy watched me steadily, his eyes on my fingers, his head cocked in a pronounced way. After a few times of playing them both, he said he was ready, so I listened as he played them back. Not perfect, yet it was beautiful.

  “Can I hug you, Teddy?” I was feeling needy.

  He flapped his arms a little. “I like to be touched by people I know.”

  I leaned over and hugged him tightly.

/>   When I pulled away, he said, “Are you happy?”

  I thought about it, and discovered that, yeah, maybe I would be soon. “Some. Why?”

  He stared at nothing over my shoulder. “The first time I saw you, you looked sad. Did I make you sad?”

  I reached out and took his hand and squeezed. “No, Teddy, you did not, but I was unhappy that day. You know, I didn’t have many friends when I met you, so meeting you was special.”

  “I’m your friend,” he said, in his sing-song way.

  I smiled. “Yeah, and I’m glad you are.”

  He nodded. “Okay, let’s play more music.”

  The rambunctious “Great Balls of Fire” was our last song to practice, and when Teddy heard what it was, he became the most animated I’d ever seen. I played it while he paced around the piano, staring at the keys the entire time. When I got to the chorus, he suddenly belted out singing, and I grinned widely. I felt eyes on me and glanced over at Leo. He’d stopped playing his guitar and was sitting there, watching us with a small smile on his lips. I continued playing, beating on the keys with a passion that was born from the ache in my heart, knowing Leo would never belong to me.

  When the song was over, Teddy wanted to tell me the details he found fascinating, and because I could appreciate his fixation, I listened.

  He said, “It was first recorded by Jerry Lee Lewis at Sun Studios in Memphis, Tennessee in 1957,” he informed me. “And in 1986 it was used in the movie Top Gun when Anthony Edwards played it on piano and then he and Tom Cruise sang together. Anthony Edwards dies in that movie. I like Tom Cruise.”

  I smiled and agreed. Then, I sat and watched him play it back for me.

  By six o’clock we had finished, and all of us complained of being hungry. Since it was Friday night, Sebastian and I made plans to hang out at Gilligan’s, a nightspot that played live music, sometimes good and sometimes bad, but always served a mean hamburger.