“Where in the hell have you been, Tangie?” Tay asked me when I finally reappeared one evening. I had been out with Amira so much that he really hadn’t seen much of me.
“I just been doing my thing and staying out of your way,” I said as I sat down and nestled into him. I couldn’t even lie; it did feel good to be in a man’s arms.
“Yeah, but I miss you, baby. You’re always out, and everyone has been asking for you.”
I looked up at him and kissed him. His lips were warm and inviting. I had missed him too at times.
“Well, I’m here now. And since today is your off day, let’s go out and do something.”
He smiled at my happiness to see him. “Where do you want to go? I don’t really know too many hot clubs in St. Louis, but I have heard of this club named Plush. Do you want to go?”
I told him yes while enjoying his touch.
As I showered, Tay called everyone up and asked them if they wanted to go. My heart almost stopped when he told me that Amira had said that she would go, even though she didn’t like clubs. The last thing I needed was to have to take a car ride with both of them. Well, Amira would just have to deal with the fact that I was going to be all about my man that night.
An hour later we all sat in the limo, and for once, Shamika looked normal. Everyone settled in for the ride and popped bottles. I sat next to Tay and kept quiet. Amira shot sexy looks at me while I tried my best to act like she wasn’t there.
Tay noticed that I was quiet. “Damn, baby. It was your idea to go out, and now you’re acting like you don’t want to be here. What’s wrong?”
“I’m all right, Tay. You know how I am. I’m just in my own mind. Pass me a drink.” I couldn’t wait to get to the club and out of that car. I felt like I was suffocating.
We got to the club and entered through the VIP entrance. At times I hated VIP; sometimes I just felt like being around other club goers. We chilled in there, but everyone started to get bored, which tended to happen when you were locked away in VIP. The DJ made an announcement that Tay, Black, and Amira were in the club, and the club goers went crazy. They set a table aside for us, and we went out and sat among the ordinary people. One after the other, their songs were played, and people started to crowd around us. It was too much for me, so I got up to go get a drink.
It was always crazy being around famous people. Other people didn’t know when to leave them alone. Sometimes you just wanted to be able to enjoy yourself without all the things fame brought. When you were famous, it was like you were no longer human. It was as if you didn’t belong to yourself anymore. You belonged to the world, and you had no time to just be yourself and do normal things without people running up to you or doing anything just to be near you. People always talked about the fun side of fame.... They talked about the money. We all forgot that there was a price you must pay for fame. But as some would say, it was a very small price to pay for a life of luxury. The truth was, though, it might just cost you your soul.
The bartender handed me my drink at the same moment I saw Amira heading toward me. As soon as she got to the bar, I smiled at her and told her to enjoy herself. Then I walked back to Tay—not to be mean, but I needed her to know that I couldn’t be all about her that night. During the rest of the time we spent at the club, I hardly looked at her. She didn’t seem too happy about it, but I was not her girlfriend. I was Tay’s girl, for the time being.
* * *
The next morning I woke up to Shamika and Black watching the tape of Tay and me dominating Miss Thick. I gave Tay’von a “What the hell?” look, and he understood.
“Come on, Tangie. It’s all good. Plus, it’s not like we did anything too crazy, like piss on her,” Tay said in his defense.
“It’s not about that, Tay’von. You shouldn’t be putting our shit out in the street like that.”
“Aw, come on, Tangie. We’re all friends here,” the hood rat had the nerve to say. I didn’t even know what made Shamika think that she should open her mouth during my and Tay’s conversation, but she did, anyway.
I shook my head. “This doesn’t have shit to do with friends. I’m sure R. Kelly showed his friends his tape, and you see how far that got him.”
“Okay, okay, Tangie. I’ll turn it off.”
Tay’von got up and turned off the camera. I pulled out the disk and went and put it in my suitcase in the bedroom. When I walked back out, Shamika was playing with the camera as if she were some ten-year-old. I sat down beside Tay and threw my legs up on his lap. Shamika turned the camera on us, and Tay leaned over and kissed me.
“You two are always all over each other. Don’t no two people have that much love in a relationship,” Shamika commented.
“Why can’t we have that much love, Shamika? I have made Tangie my world. Don’t you and Black share that same kind of love?”
I had to stop myself from laughing. I knew that Tay’s question made both her and Black uncomfortable.
“Oh, please, nigga. We got that thug love. We’re not into all that kissy-kissy bullshit.”
I just rolled my eyes at her dumb ass. She didn’t know shit about love. She didn’t even realize that Black was dying to have this kind of love, and that was why he was getting it elsewhere.
“Well, since we’re all talking about love, I have something that I was going to do tonight, but I think that this is the right time,” Tay said as he walked over to the phone.
A few minutes later Tony came up to the suite and handed Tay a small light blue box. Tay asked me to stand up. I looked over at Shamika, who was still holding the camera. I wanted to tell her to watch and learn, but I didn’t. What was about to go down spoke for itself.
Tay’von got right in front of me and looked in my eyes. “Well, Tangie, we have been together for a while now, and I must say that I have loved every minute of it. I have been with all types of women, and none of them have ever given me the love that you do. You have a spark that has lit my life since the day I met you. I love you, and I want you to be a part of my life till the day I die.”
Tay’von got on his knee and took my left hand. “Now is the time for us to stop playing house and to make things legit. Will you marry me?”
In that moment, nothing else mattered. I didn’t care about my cars, about Shamika. Not even the love that I had for Amira mattered. It was all about me and that ring. All I could think of was that my dream was coming true. I had been chasing ballers, rappers, actors, and anybody else with money ever since I was old enough to date. Now I had one asking me to be his wife. D-day was here, and all my efforts had paid off.
Tay stayed on his knee until I answered.
“Yes, Tay. I’ll marry you, baby.”
Tears ran down my face as Black got up and popped a bottle of champagne, while Tony and Carl look pissed. I knew why Carl was mad, but I just thought that Tony was being a bitch about this. Shamika just looked like she had the jealous monkey on her back while Black poured the champagne and made a toast.
“Here’s to the beginning of your happiness. And may it last forever. To many more years of love and lovemaking.”
After we all took a sip, Black said that we all should go out to lunch. Since I was the only one who was not dressed, I told them that I would meet them at the restaurant.
“That’s okay, baby. We can all wait for you,” Tay said as he sat back down on the couch.
“No, don’t worry about it, Tay. It’s going to take me at least forty-five minutes to get ready, so you all go ahead and order drinks. I’ll make it in time for the food.”
“I’ll stop and see if Amira wants to go,” Black said right before he walked out the door.
I wanted to stop him, but Tay’s lips stopped me. He kissed me and said goodbye. I was unable to move as I watched them leave.
The door closed, and I walked over to the couch and sat down. What was I going to say to Amira? She was bound to flip out. I got up and went into the bathroom. I thought about it as I showered but didn’t come up
with much. What will I do? What would a normal person do? Would they give up on their dreams and go with love? Or would they take everything that is owed to them and be with the person that they can learn to love just for the cash? I just didn’t know. Hell, I hadn’t been normal for most of my life, anyway.
After getting clean, I got out of the shower, dried off, and sat on the bed to put lotion on. The phone rang, and it was Tay. He gave me the name of the restaurant and told me to take the hotel limo.
“Did Black tell Amira about lunch?” I asked.
“Yeah. She wasn’t ready, either, so Black told her to come with you.”
“Was she happy to hear the good news?”
I really just wanted to know if she had flipped out when Black told her. I heard Tay asking Black in the background if he had told Amira about the engagement, and I eagerly awaited the answer.
“He says that he didn’t tell her. But you can tell her. I’m sure she’ll be happy to hear about it.”
Damn. Now I had to be the one to break the news to her. As soon as I hung up the phone with Tay, the doorbell rang. I knew who it was and thought about ignoring it, but that would be no use; we still had a car ride ahead of us. I opened the door with my towel on and let Amira know that I would be ready shortly. I tried to go back to the bedroom, but she stopped me.
“Hold up. I want to talk to you.”
“Come on, Amira. They are waiting for us. We can’t be too damn late.”
This was not the truth. I just didn’t want to have to face her and tell the truth.
“This won’t take that long, Tangie.”
I sat on the couch and lit Tay’s half-smoked blunt.
“What was with you last night? You hardly even looked at me,” Amira began as she took a seat across from me.
I took a deep pull and blew out the smoke. “Things have been heavy between us, and I know that we like each other and all, but—”
“No, Tangie, you told me that you love me. Not like, but love. And now you’re acting like that meant nothing.”
What could I say? She was right.
“What is the problem, Tangie? We can’t be, because I’m a woman? You have known this since day one.”
“Why are you asking so much of me? Why can’t we just be? Why must you ask me things that I have no control over? Maybe it has something to do with you being a woman, but then again, maybe it has to do with my love for Tay’von. I just don’t know right now.”
She stood up and started pacing the room. “This is bullshit, Tangie. You have known that I don’t have a dick since before we started messing around. You knew this before you told me that you loved me. Hell no! We can’t just be. I’m not one of them dumb niggas, Tangie. I can’t just fuck you and let things be. I want us to be together. Don’t you want to be with me?”
I just sat there. I couldn’t say anything to her without it hurting her. So I just smoked.
“Tangie, I can’t turn myself into a man. I will stay a woman, and that is what I want to be.” By then, she was screaming, and I didn’t even have the guts to look at her.
“Fine, Tangie. You don’t want to be with a woman, right? Fuck it. I’ll do it your way.”
She took off running to the bedroom. I went after her, and once in the room, she started going through the suitcases.
“What in the hell are you doing?” I yelled at her as she opened another one of my suitcases and found my dildo. She took it out and shook her head in disgust.
“You’re so hung up on dick that you even have to travel with a plastic one.”
I just walked out of the room. I wasn’t going to win this fight against her, so it was better that I let her be. She had lost her mind, and I needed a drink. There I was in a hotel room with one of the top-selling R & B singers, and she was crying for my love. And at the restaurant was my fiancé, who happened to be a top-selling rap star. You would think that my life was at its best, but instead I was backed up against a wall.
A few minutes later Amira walked out of the bedroom, dressed in Tay’s clothes. She even had on one of his fitted hats.
“This is what you want, isn’t it? Okay, Tangie, I’m a man. Will this make you love me?”
I looked at her as if she had lost what was left of her mind.
“Don’t look so shocked. You can’t love me as a woman, so here I am as a man.”
By then I was back on the couch, gulping down my drink. She walked over to me and stood in front of me. She unzipped Tay’s jeans and stuck the dildo through the slit.
“There it is, Tangie. There’s the dick that you can’t live without.”
She leaned over and pulled my towel from me. I stood up to get it back, but she threw it across the room.
“You’re really bugging out, Amira. All this shit isn’t necessary.”
She reached out and pulled me close. “This is what you want, right? What, you’re still not satisfied?”
I was standing face-to-face with her, and even with Tay’s clothes on, she still looked womanly. She still held her beauty.
“I will do whatever I have to do to be with you, Tangie. Can’t you see that I will do whatever you want me to do for you? Just tell me what it is that you want. Please just tell me.”
I pulled away from her with a sordid heart. It sickened me that all I could do at that moment was think about myself. I was too selfish and could no longer stand my own existence. I felt low, unworthy of the love she had for me, and unworthy of the love she was fighting to show me. Maybe if I went about this situation another way, she would get it through her thick skull and finally understand that I was poisonous. With one bite, I would kill the most wonderful thing about her, her heart.
“You know what, Amira? You talk a lot of shit. Here you are, dressed like a man, but you will never be able to fuck me like one. You are a woman, a woman!”
My words dripped with the venom that lurked deep down inside me. It made her face transform, and the rage that was brewing inside her swam through her veins and exploded when it got to her face. Her sweet outer shell became hard and unrecognizable.
“Fine, Tangie. You say I can’t fuck you like a man, but there’s no harm in trying.”
She pushed me down to the floor and put a leg on each side of me.
“Suck my dick.”
“What?”
“Suck my dick,” she repeated as she took the back of my head and pushed it toward the dildo that was in her pants.
“Amira, you don’t have to do this. We can—”
“Fuck that,” she screamed. Her whole body was shaking. She lifted her hand, saying she felt pain in her chest. She said she knew that it was not from a premature heart attack but from a broken heart.
“You want a man, right? Well, this is the best that I can do. Now, suck my dick, Tangie.”
I leaned forward and wrapped my lips around the dildo as she pushed it deeper into my mouth. After a couple of minutes of this, she pushed me off.
“Now get your ass on that couch,” she ordered.
I sat on the couch and tried to talk sense into her. “Amira, you don’t have to prove anything to me. My feelings for you are still here, and we can make this work. I just need some time.”
“How much fucking time do you need? I’ve been fucking you for almost a month now, yet you’re still asking for more time. Time won’t make me grow a dick.”
She got on her knees and leaned me back. She pulled me toward the edge of the couch until my ass was hanging off.
“This is one thing I know I do better than a man.”
She lowered her head and did what she did best. She had me begging her not to stop.
After a while, she raised her head. “Yeah, I know you love this shit. I knew that once I started, you wouldn’t want me to stop. Now tell me that you love me,” she said, then put her head back in between my legs.
The more she licked, the more I told her that I loved her. I was dripping wet, and at that moment I didn’t give a damn that everyone was waiting
for us. They could have waited forever if it were up to me. She stood up and told me to lie down as she climbed on top of me. I reached to pull her shirt off, but she told me no. She took my legs and put one on each of her shoulders. She slowly worked the dildo inside me. I couldn’t do anything but lie there and love it. She worked the hell out of me and hit all the right spots.
Amira moved her hips like any man would. She took my legs off her shoulders and spread them apart widely. She pounded me with the dildo. Her eyes look glazed over and demonic. I screamed and moaned with pleasure. I loved everything that she was doing to me, but right before I went over the edge, she stopped.
She had tears streaming down her face and didn’t try to hide them. She looked down at me and started to move slowly while her eyes stayed on my pussy. She reached down and rubbed my clit. She knew that this drove me crazy, and she didn’t hold back. I reached up and knocked off her hat and ran my fingers through her hair. She came down and kissed me but never lost her rhythm. I came hard, so hard that tears now ran down my face. We both lay there crying, and then she stood up and took off all of Tay’s clothes. She got right back on top of me, and we held each other as if one of us was about to die.
Ten minutes later the phone rang. It was Tay asking me why I was still at the hotel. I told him that I was walking out the door and that I would be there soon.
“I’m going to go clean up. We really have to get out of here,” I told Amira after I ended the call.
She got up and followed me to the bathroom. Now the panic set in. What would she do when she found out about Tay and me? I put my ring in my purse, and fifteen minutes later we headed to the restaurant. My heart pounded as we were driven to lunch. When we got there, I slid the ring on my finger without her seeing me do so, then reminded her of my true feelings.
“No matter what happens, I just want you to know that my feelings for you are real, and I do love you.” I leaned over and kissed her but pulled away and slipped on my sunglasses as the driver opened the door.
The Art of Deceit Page 15