“Just remember that I can always change my mind,” I said, speaking of marrying Tay, and stepped out of the car.
I took a deep breath and got ready to deal with whatever happened next.
Chapter 12
This Is All Your Fault,
You Fucking Bully
There are some things that will haunt you for the rest of your life. The decisions you make may change your life forever. “If only I knew” just doesn’t cut it and will never change what fate has in store for you. The funny thing is, I just can’t help but to say . . . if only I knew.
I walked into the restaurant, not knowing what would go down. Things could really get out of hand, although I was praying that they didn’t. If Amira flipped out, I wouldn’t know what to do. All these thoughts were banging around my head as the hostess led us to our table. I sat down, and Amira sat right next to me.
“Girl, what took you so long? We didn’t think that you would make it,” Tay’von joked.
“Well, we are here now. Did everyone order?” I said, hoping that the engagement would not come up.
Tay’von shook his head. “No, we were waiting for you. Now that you are here, let’s order another round of drinks. I’ll call the waitress over.”
I moved around in my seat because I knew that the news was about to come out. I was sweating bullets as the waitress came back with our drinks.
“Well, bottoms up,” I said, trying to bypass a toast.
Tay’von held up his hand. “Hold on, baby. I want to say a few words.”
My body started to tremble as Tay stood up. I knew that the shit was about to hit the fan.
“Tangie, you have made me the happiest man in the world by telling me that you will be my wife—”
Amira damn near jumped out of her seat once the words left Tay’s mouth. “What, what happened? She’s going to be you’re what?”
“Oh, she didn’t tell you? Tay’von asked her to marry him today. That’s why we’re here,” Shamika said before she faked a smile from ear to ear.
“No, she didn’t tell me. I didn’t know anything about this.”
Amira’s face was turning red. I reached under the table and touched her knee. I squeezed it tight, trying to calm her down.
“Yeah, I asked her back at the hotel before we left,” Tay said as he leaned over and kissed my neck.
I could feel Amira’s legs shaking while I still held on to her knee.
“Well, this is to many years of love,” Tay said as he raised his glass.
We all took a sip of our drinks, except for Amira.
“I’m going to go to the bathroom,” Amira said as she stood up.
I wanted to go after her, but I didn’t want to be so obvious about our love.
“What in the hell is wrong with her?” Shamika asked.
“She said that she wasn’t feeling well when we were on our way here. It may be her stomach,” I answered, praying that they all would buy it.
“Well, I hope that she feels better for the show tonight. That new song of hers is getting good reviews,” Black boasted.
When Amira got back to the table, everyone ordered food and took it easy on the drinks, but not her. She just downed one strong drink after the other.
“You better slow down on them drinks, A. Don’t forget we have a show tonight,” Tay’von warned.
“Yeah, well, sometimes you just have to say, ‘Fuck everything,’ and get drunk,” Amira answered with sarcasm in her voice.
“I see that we have a party pooper on our hands.”
Tay was joking, but she didn’t laugh. Actually, she didn’t say anything else for the rest of the day.
We all ate, then headed back to our hotel. Amira rode in the other limo with Black and Shamika. Thank God.
* * *
“Hey, baby, I’m gonna chill on the couch and watch some TV. If I fall asleep, will you wake me up in an hour so that I can go to the sound check?” Tay’von said as I walked to the bedroom to go change.
It wasn’t long before he yelled for me to come back out and watch the tape of him asking me for my hand in marriage. I slipped off my shoes and went to join him. I sat down on the couch as he pressed PLAY. He sat next to me and laid his head down in my lap, and we joked about how corny we thought he looked. I leaned over and kissed him. Things were funny with me. I always found myself loving the person that I was with: it was always an “out of sight, out of my mind” thing with me.
I ran my hands through his hair as I thought about how hard things had gotten. Yes, I loved him, but I also liked her a whole lot, so I was stuck asking myself whom I should pick. Did I go with love for Tay and his money, or did I go with the one I was sure to fall in love with for all the right reasons? Should I pick him or Amira? I just didn’t know. I was lost in my thoughts and wasn’t prepared for what was about to happen next. I stopped moving my hands through his hair because there I was on the TV, with my towel on. Fuck! Everything that happened with Amira earlier that day had been recorded.
“What the hell is this?” Tay asked as his temper started to boil.
I couldn’t talk. My body was as stiff as a board. I hadn’t even thought to check the video camera after they left. Tay’von watched the whole thing, and I could see his jaw clenching. He heard every word and saw everything that we did. I just sat there as he watched Amira and me make love. The next thing I knew, Tay’von turned around and slapped me clear across the face. I didn’t even fight back. I was in the wrong.
“You fucking bitch!” He jumped on me and wrapped his hands around my neck. “I can’t believe this shit. You’re a fucking dyke? How could you do this right after I proposed to you?”
His hands were so tight around my neck that I was sure I was turning blue. He let me go, then slapped me again. I held my neck and tried to catch my breath.
“I am so sorry, Tay. I just had to follow my heart,” I managed to get out.
He smacked me yet again, this time making my nose bleed. “You don’t have a fucking heart, bitch. You’re just a fucking ho in its truest form.”
I stood up, and even though I was a little wobbly, I tried to make it to the front door. “I’m just gonna get out of here. I don’t even need any of my shit. Just throw it out.”
He came at me again. This time he landed a punch on my chest, and my body flew onto the couch. My eyes felt like he had pulled them out.
“Do you really think that I am just going to let you leave?” he yelled. “Oh, I see . . . You want me to let you go so that you can go and be with that gay bitch.”
Tears rolled down my face in an endless stream. He balled up his fist while I rolled my body into a ball on the couch. I couldn’t take any more of his punches, and although I told him that, he said he didn’t care. He walked over to me and grabbed me by my hair.
“You’ve been fucking this bitch the whole time, haven’t you? All this time you’ve been bumping pussies with Amira, huh?”
When he slapped me, I almost passed out. He jumped on me, straddled me, and grabbed my neck again.
“Now, listen to me good. I don’t care how long this has been going on, but it ends today. You’re not going anywhere. I’ll fucking kill you before I let you go.”
He let go of my neck and walked over to the bar and poured himself a drink. He looked at his watch, then back at me. By then my makeup was running down my face due to the endless supply of snot and tears.
“Shit. It’s time for me to get ready to leave,” He growled.
He went into the bathroom and washed his face. When he came back out, he looked like an animal with bloodshot eyes.
“Get your ass up,” he ordered.
“Where am I going?”
He turned around like he wanted to hit me again. But instead, he just walked over to the couch and grabbed me by my hair for a second round. He pulled at it and made me stand up.
“This is the wrong goddamned time to question me. I’m taking your ass down to end this shit with Amira.”
&n
bsp; He pulled me to the door and pushed me out of the suite. We took the elevator down to Amira’s floor. Thank God no one was in there with us. He kicked on her door, and she opened it with a face full of shock. I wondered if it was because of Tay or because I looked like I had been through a war. I didn’t say anything, but Tay’von had much to say.
“What in the hell are you looking so shocked for? I saw your little tape. Yeah, that’s right. Everything you did today was recorded. How the fuck could you do this to me? We have been friends since before the tour. I heard that you were gay, but I would never think that you would do this to me. Man, if you were a nigga, I would whup your ass. Since I can’t, Tangie has something to tell you.”
I didn’t say anything, so Amira spoke up.
“Come on, Tay. Just come in so we can talk about this.”
“Fuck you, bitch. We don’t have anything to talk about,” he said as he pulled me out in front of him roughly.
He told me, “Bitch, if you don’t speak up, I’m going to break your fucking neck. Now tell Amira what you came down to tell her.”
“Amira, I am sorry, but our relationship is over. This can’t go on anymore.”
He glared at Amira. “There, you heard it. Now, if I see you anywhere near her, I’ll kill you.”
With that, Tay’von shoved me toward the elevator. Amira tried to push past him and run toward me.
“Tangie, you don’t have to do this. Don’t let him scare you into staying with him.”
I turned around to walk back toward her, but Tay’von pulled me back.
“Are you fucking crazy? I just told you to never go near her. It’s over, Amira. It’s over,” he yelled.
Amira tried to get past him again, but this time he pushed her to the floor. He yelled so loud that I thought the people in the other rooms would come out.
“Get the fuck over it, Amira. She will never be with you. This is the end of whatever you thought you had with her. I fucking mean that shit! Do you hear me?”
The elevator doors opened, and Tay pushed me in. Amira was hysterically screaming my name, but I did nothing. I just looked at the floor like a coward. Tay’von stepped into the elevator and continued his yelling before the doors closed.
“Remember, if I ever see you near her, you won’t live to regret it.”
As the doors closed, Amira tried to get into the elevator, but she was too late. We rode up to the suite with the fading sounds of her screaming my name.
Once we got back upstairs, Tay opened the door and let me in. Before he turned to leave, he looked at me and said, “Get yourself together. I’m gonna send Carl back to pick you up later for the show.”
He closed the door as I fell to the floor. I stayed there for the next hour, crying my soul out. Then I picked myself up and walked into the bathroom to get ready. Amira never came up to my room to try to talk to me, and I didn’t go down to hers, either.
* * *
Carl came to pick me up, and his eyes popped out of his head. Although my makeup covered my bruises, it couldn’t cover up the swelling of my lips and eyes. I stopped him before anything came out of his mouth.
“Please don’t say anything,” I mumbled.
“What do you mean, don’t say anything? Who in the hell did this to you?”
“Who do you think did this to me? Tay did.”
“Why would he do this? What did you do?”
“Are you saying that if I did something horrible, this would be justified?”
“Hell no. I’m just trying to figure out what happened.”
I picked up the camera and threw it against the wall. “That’s what happened. Now let’s get the hell out of here.”
* * *
We got to the stadium, and Carl walked me straight to Tay’s dressing room. I walked in on him yelling at some man because his microphone was not sounding right. I was sure that his attitude had a lot to do with what had just happened and not the actual mic. The man walked out and slammed the door behind him.
Tay walked over to me and took my hand. He walked me to the couch, and then he pulled out a chair and sat in front of me. At first, he just sat there staring at me and shaking his head. And then he spoke.
“Tangie, I know that I may have taken shit too far today, but I want to be crystal clear. This will not happen again. Man or woman, if you ever do something like this, they won’t even be able to find your body, understand?” He leaned in and gently kissed me.
After that, he got up and left the room. I couldn’t stop myself from crying. I hated having to hold back and not really react the way that I wanted to. Tay had no idea who he was dealing with, and I was going to let him stay in the dark for a little while longer. I looked through my purse, hoping that I would find some coke. Shit! I had forgotten that Tay threw all my snow out. I got up and went straight to Black’s dressing room. I was sure that he and Shamika would have something stronger than weed in their room. I knocked on the door, wanting to have no conversation. Shamika opened the door and gave me the same look that Carl did.
“Look, I was just wondering if you had anything stronger than weed with you tonight?” I said.
“Girl, I told you that I don’t do drugs,” she joked.
“Cut out the bullshit. As you can tell, I’m having a bad day.”
She looked me up and down and then opened the door wider so that I could walk in.
“I ain’t even gonna ask who, but I do want to know why. You must have really pissed Tay off.”
“Yeah, I must have. Anyway, what do you have in here?”
She walked over to her purse and pulled out a whole bunch of different things. “Girl, I have everything. I have Boy, Girl, X, dippers. Whatever you want, I got it.”
I didn’t want Ecstasy, because I wasn’t in the mood for that. And I wasn’t going to smoke a dipper, because that shit would make me flip. I took a little bag of coke and turned to leave but stopped myself.
“You know what? Let me try a little of that H.”
“Girl, I didn’t know that you got down like that.”
“I never have, but I need something strong tonight. Do you want to do a line with me?”
I sat on the couch, and she sat down next to me and took a key and another little bag out of her purse.
“I haven’t done any of this in a long time, but I’ll do a little bit with you,” she told me.
She took the end of the key and put it in the bag. Then she took it out and brought it up to her nose twice, making the yellowish powder disappear. She handed both the key and the bag to me and waited. I did what I watched her do, and it sure as hell wasn’t coke. It was like nothing I had ever done before. I didn’t do too much, because I hated the feeling. I just sat there for about ten minutes and tried to ride the wave. I didn’t want any more, so I closed the bag and put it back in Shamika’s purse. After a short while, I got up and left. I went back to Tay’s dressing room and sniffed up all the coke that I had gotten from Shamika.
The mixture of the drugs left me numb and wobbly. Now I needed something to mellow me out. My heart was racing, and I needed to calm down. I looked around Tay’s dressing room, and I found some weed but no blunt. Once again I made my way back to Black and Shamika’s. This time I just walked in without knocking. Black had just come in from doing a set with Tay and had the same look on his face as all the others when they first saw me.
“Hey, Tangie. How are you feeling?”
I was sure that he could tell that I was fucked up. Black then told me my eyes looked frozen from the glaze the drugs had given them.
“Hey, Black. What’s going on? I just came in to see if y’all had any blunts,” I slurred. I could hardly hold myself up.
“Oh yeah, we got some blunts. But are you okay? Maybe you need to sit down?”
“No, I’ll be all right. Just give me the blunts.”
He got up and gave me a box. I opened the door to leave, but he told me that he would walk me back. He closed his door behind us, and we started to walk
back to Tay’s dressing room. I wrapped my arms around him for support and could feel that he was there for me.
“Hey, Tangie, I heard about what happened today, and I just wanted to tell you not to worry. I’m the only one who knows what the fight was about. Before we went down to the sound check, I went to Amira’s room to see if she wanted to ride with me. When I walked into her room, she was a mess. She told me that you and she were having a relationship, and that Tay found out about it today.”
I didn’t look at him; I just looked at the floor. He must have thought all kinds of bad things about me by then.
“Look, Tangie, I’ve been thinking that maybe something had been going on between the two of you for a couple of weeks now. I just never came out and said anything, because Amira and I are kind of close, but the best advice that I can give you is to make your own choice. Just remember that nobody can make you do what you don’t want to do.”
I lifted my head and smiled at him. Then Amira’s door opened. She looked just as bad as me, except she didn’t have a split lip and a puffy eye. Black and I just stood there. I didn’t know what to do.
“Can I talk to you? Please, Tangie, just for a second.” Amira said.
I looked at Black, hoping that he would know what I should do. He looked at his watch.
“Tay’von has about two more songs to do,” he informed me. “So that means you have about five, maybe eight, nine, minutes. I’ll knock on the door when his last song is about to end.”
I handed him the box of blunts and weed and asked him to roll it up for me, while I slowly walked into Amira’s dressing room.
“So was that really your choice? You really don’t want to be with me?” she asked, getting straight to the point.
“Why is everyone talking about choices? I have no choice in this. What’s done is done.”
Her eyes started to water, and I knew that my own tears were not far behind.
“Come on, baby. Just this morning we were making love. And now you’re telling me that you have no choice in this? You told me that you loved me. Doesn’t that count for anything?” she said before downing a glass full of Hennessy.
The Art of Deceit Page 16