The Art of Deceit

by Fabiola Joseph

  “Yeah, but I have got to put our little private beach to some use. Why don’t you come with me? We can get our tan on,” I suggested seductively.

  “Only if we can get our freak on too.”

  He was always thinking about sex, but in a way, so was I.

  “Well, meet me outside, and I’ll see what I can do,” I said as I pulled away from him.

  I went downstairs and asked the cook to make a nice cold, strong drink for me and Tay. Carl and Tony were already outside on the porch, enjoying theirs. I joined them.

  “Why don’t you two go for a swim? There’s a pool out back, and we have our own beach,” I said.

  Tony said that he didn’t like to swim, which was so typical of him.

  “What about you, Carl? Want to get wet?” I said. Anyone who was out there could hear the sexual undertones to my question, and I did it on purpose.

  “Oh, uh, I’m black enough,” he said as he took a big swig of his drink.

  Tay’von came out and picked me up. It was clear that he had overheard our conversation. “Girl, you know that these niggas ain’t getting in no water. They probably can’t even swim. Black folks,” Tay said as he walked off the porch with me still in his arms.

  He put me down once we reached the sand, and we walked close to the water. Everything was already set up by the house workers. They made sure we had everything we needed and that we were very comfortable. Finding the section on the beach that was arranged for us, we took our seat on the lounge chairs, and the maid brought our drinks out. Tay told her to keep them coming, and I asked her to put on some nice calming samba music. A minute later we were downing our drinks, lying back, and listening to some sweet samba grooves.

  “So how does it feel now that you’re Mrs. Miller?” Tay asked a while later.

  “I have been Mrs. Too Fine since the day we met. You just didn’t know it,” I joked, but he took my hand and squeezed it hard, a little too hard.

  “No, Tangie, I’m not joking. This isn’t about me being Too Fine. I am talking about me as a person, without the fame, money, and everything else. Are you happy to be with me, and nothing else?”

  I could see that this question burned deep down in his soul. He really wanted to know; he needed to know the truth. In that moment, there was no longer any doubt about the love I had for him. It might not be the conventional love that the world felt was proper, but it was the way I felt, what and how I felt about him. From then on, I was going to leave all the bad and sad in the past. Everything may have been money driven at first, but love had found its way in. It had slid its way through the cracks, and for once, I was happy that I hadn’t stopped it. I had found love and hadn’t even known it until then. I got off my towel and sat in his lap.

  “Tay, I never let myself love anyone before you. Before you, the closest I ever came to letting someone in ended with me being hurt. I know that we have been to hell and back, but I am so happy that we fought our way through it and stayed together. I won’t lie to you. When I first met you, sure all I saw was the glitz and glamour that come with being with you. But with the time that has passed, I now realize that the only real thing in life is the love that we have for each other. Baby, I love you. And I love you for you. Sure, I love the life you work hard to give me, but above that, I love the person that you are. This is for life, remember?”

  He looked deep into my eyes while I watched tears form in his. I leaned in and kissed him deeply. I pushed him down on his towel as I pulled off my top. The question of his love no longer loomed in my mind, and that turned me on to the max. Knowing that Tay really loved me did something to me. It was as if some parts of my frozen heart had actually started to melt. It touched me; it made me wish that I wasn’t such an ice queen. It made me yearn to be normal. And although I was grateful for that part of me that he made human, I knew that I was a long way from full rehabilitation, if I was even capable of fully recovering. But it didn’t matter if some parts of me remained the same. I would be eternally thankful to him for reaching in and bringing alive the part of me that I thought was forever deceased.

  “Damn, baby, you make me so happy. I can’t believe it took me so long to find you. And you’re sexy as hell, on top of it. What would I do without you?” Tay said as the sun kissed my body.

  He untied my bikini bottom as I straddled him. I looked deep into the eyes of the man I loved and let him enter me slowly and lovingly. I rode him and let my hips sway to the smooth sounds of Brazil. We made love on our private beach until sundown. We even forgot that Tony and Carl were on the back porch, watching us, and even if we did remember, we wouldn’t have cared.

  * * *

  Our honeymoon sizzled. With my newfound love for Tay’von came days and nights that were filled with back-breaking, nasty, sweaty, and delicious sex. We couldn’t keep our hands off each other, and I didn’t want it to end. I couldn’t face the emptiness that was waiting for me. Brazil was like my very own little make-believe world, and I loved living in it. But as our time there came to an end, the reality of Tay going back to work set in. I wanted to ask him to stay there with me forever as we waited for dinner on the back porch, watching the evening waves roll in.

  “Well, Tangie, this is our last night. Is there anything that you want to do before we leave Brazil?”

  “God, this went by so fast. I feel like we just got here. Maybe it’s because we didn’t go out.”

  “Well, you have about three hours to shop before our flight leaves tomorrow.”

  “Yeah, yeah, I know, but how about we go out dancing tonight? You know how much I have gotten into the samba music here. What do you think?”

  “We can do whatever you want,” Tay said. Then he got up to tell Tony and Carl that we were going out.

  After dinner we got ready to party with the Brazilians.

  * * *

  The club was off the hook. The Brazilian women and men were some of the most beautiful people on earth. Most of them even came up to me and started speaking Portuguese. I had to let them know that I was not a native. People even recognized Tay and asked him to rap for them. I was having such a good time that it saddened me even more to think we were about to leave paradise. The night was young, and it had an aura of sex. The freedom I felt from that place was beyond words. I was a woman in love, and it felt like a wonderful new world out there. The attention and love that Tay was showing me made my insides burn, and I was in love with being in love.

  After another round on the dance floor, I headed to the bathroom to freshen up. As soon as I got in there, I heard someone walk in after me.

  “Looks like you’re having a good time, Tangie.”

  I knew exactly who it was once I heard him speak.

  “Carl, you have got to get out of here. You’re in the ladies’ room.”

  “I know where I’m at. I just need to talk to you. Just give me a minute.”

  Oh hell, no. I didn’t trust myself alone with him in that bathroom. I had to get him out of there fast. This “no cheating” thing was all new to me, and I didn’t want to lose the fight so quickly.

  “Okay, Carl, we can talk. Just let me tell you something first.”

  I went on and told him about my plans for a fresh start, and about my newfound love for Tay’von. I tried my best to make him understand that we would no longer be sleeping together.

  “Oh please, Tangie. We both know that this won’t last. You may want to make yourself believe that you love Tay, but you know what I think? I think that you really love me.”

  I laughed in his face. He was really delusional.

  “Carl, you are crazy. I have never loved you. It was all just sex.”

  “Yeah, laugh all you want, but it was me that you were looking at while you walked down the aisle, not Tay.” He was telling the truth about me looking at him, but that didn’t mean that it was him that I loved.

  “Okay, I’m getting out of here, because you seem to have lost your mind.” I had started to walk away from him when he pulled
me back.

  “You can walk out of this bathroom, but you can’t walk away from the feelings that you have for me.”

  He let me go, and I left him standing in the bathroom with unanswered questions.

  * * *

  The next morning we woke up, packed our things, and checked out of the house. Tay took me shopping and then to a late lunch. Before I knew it, I was saying goodbye to Brazil.

  About nine hours later we were home. As soon as we walked through the door, I was ready to hit the bed. It wasn’t really the traveling that had made me tired. I was just sad that it was all over. My comfort of paradise was gone, and I missed it already. Tay and I headed to the bedroom and turned on our phones. We had promised to leave the real world behind while on our honeymoon, and surprisingly, we did.

  When I called my mailbox, it instantly told me that it was full. I pressed ONE to listen to my messages, and that was when the craziness began. I sat on the bed once I realized that the first ten messages were from Shamika. She sounded like a madwoman. In between Shamika’s voicemail rampage, there was a message from Carmello.

  “Hey, I know you told me not to call you, but I had to have ‘her’ thrown out of my office. She came up here screaming that we set her up and that she is going to kill us. Give me a call when you can.”

  I laughed. I was so happy that Shamika was feeling the effects of what I had done to her. Never underestimate a bitch with a brain, I thought. I looked over at Tay, who was also checking his in-box.

  “This bitch is crazy,” he said as he put his phone on speaker.

  “That fucking no-good bitch is dead, you hear me? I’m gonna kill her ass,” I told him.

  “She filled my whole in-box with this bullshit,” Tay said as he shook his head. He was just as over her craziness as I was.

  “I tried to tell you that she’s crazy, but you just brushed it off.”

  He picked up the house phone so he could see if she had left her scent on that too. Let’s just say that she didn’t let him down. The robotic voice told him that we had sixty-six voicemails waiting to be heard. He found the situation to be so out of hand that he called Tony and Carl into the room so that they could hear her rant and rave about my death. I didn’t care to hear any more of it, so I got up and headed for the shower. She didn’t scare me one bit.

  * * *

  I was so bitter that Tay was leaving that I halfway lost my mind. It made me go into this crazy crying fit that I couldn’t control. I didn’t want him to leave. Married life had been wonderful. I could go with him, but I wasn’t in the mood to go on the road again. A part of me was also fearful that if I did, thoughts of Amira would rain down on me. The road would bring back too many emotions that I knew I was pushing to the side, and I wasn’t ready to face them.

  I stood at the front door, holding on to Tay so tight that I was choking him. I felt that we hadn’t had enough time together. And I didn’t want to have to look for our new house without him. In fact, with my newfound love for him, I didn’t want to do anything without him, not even breathe.

  “Honey, I’ll be back as soon as I can. You’re gonna make me late, baby,” Tay said as he tried to push me away from him.

  Tony had to step in and help, because I wasn’t going to let go. Tay kissed my forehead and told me not to fret, because I would see him in no time. He walked out the door as I ran upstairs. I didn’t come out of my bedroom for the next three days.

  For the next three weeks, I felt so alone and lost. And although it was a new feeling for me, I soaked in my loneliness, not knowing when I would snap out of it. Tay’von was gone, and I felt like he had taken my soul with him. I rarely emerged from my bedroom. I spent days at a time not eating, and then I’d end up going downstairs in the middle of the night and eating everything in sight. I even refused to talk to Tay when he called. I felt that he shouldn’t have left me. We had just married, for crying out loud.

  By the third week of me doing this, Tay was worried, and he told Carl to do anything he could to get me out of the bedroom. He knew that I was slipping into a deep depression, and that was the last thing that he wanted to happen to me. I was in bed when Carl started banging on the door. Just the sheer thought of Carl being the person who was knocking on my door rubbed me the wrong way.

  “Come on, Tangie. Open up. Tay says that he really needs to talk to you,” Carl called.

  I didn’t answer. I just waited for him to go away, but the banging just continued and even got louder.

  “I am told to kick the door open if you don’t unlock it. Do you hear me, Tangie?”

  Still I said nothing.

  “I’m going to count to ten, and if it’s not open, then I’m going to have to open it myself.”

  I didn’t think that Carl was really going to kick open the door, so I just rolled over and pulled the covers over my head. But as sure as the sky was blue, he counted to ten, then kicked my door in. He walked over to the bed and pulled my covers off my head. He held the phone out, but I didn’t take it. He told Tay that he was holding the phone up to my ear and that he could talk.

  “What in the hell are you doing, Tangie? This is not like you. I have left plenty of times, and you have never acted like this. What’s up, baby?” Tay’s voice dripped with concern.

  I wanted to tell him that I hadn’t loved him all those other times he left. I wanted to let him know that I had just started to really love him. But before the words left my mouth, I had to run to the bathroom. I had been throwing up for the past week and had been trying to convince myself that it was from my bad eating habits, but that was just me trying to run away from the truth. The two home pregnancy tests that I had taken both came out the same way. Two lines meant that I was pregnant.

  Carl walked into the bathroom after me, and I could hear him telling Tay that I was throwing up. Then he stopped and zeroed in on the two pregnancy tests that were lying out on the counter. He picked them up and saw the same two lines that had been haunting me for the past week or so.

  “Oh shit,” he said out loud without even realizing it. I could hear Tay yelling through the phone for Carl to tell him what was going on, but Carl was speechless, and for good reason.

  “I think that Tangie better tell you,” he finally said before he handed me the phone.

  I took it from him and told Tay the truth. After doing so, I handed the phone back to Carl and got back in bed. I heard him tell Tay exactly what he had seen in the bathroom. Once Carl hung up, he walked over to the bed to deliver Tay’s message.

  “Tay’s going to call back and let me know when he’ll be able to come home. Once I know, you’ll know.”

  I showed no emotion, even though I wanted to scream and yell. I was not ready for this, by no means. I needed more time before I started having kids. I was too damn young. And whose baby was it? I had slept with both Carl and Tay’von around the same time, and let’s not forget Carmello. Oh shit, shit, shit, shit. I ran into the bathroom and looked at the calendar on the wall. Indeed, everything had happened in the same week. I had slept with all three of them too close together to even try to guess who the father was. Fuck!

  The phone rang, and Carl picked it up before the first ring was even finished. He spoke for a minute or so, then hung up.

  Carl stuck his head in the bathroom, where my eyes were still glued to my calendar, and said, “Tangie, Tay will be home in three days.”

  I didn’t answer him. Not because I was being rude, but because my mouth had gone dry. My vision became blurry, and I could no longer see the dates on the calendar. I couldn’t take the madness. My body suddenly became too heavy for my knees to support it, so I just let it go and fell to the floor.

  I woke up in bed, with a cold washcloth on my head. Carl was in a chair beside the bed, looking like he had been through hell.

  “What happened?” I said weakly.

  “You passed out, so I picked you up and put you in bed.”

  It all started to come back to me with the force of hurricane w
inds. I touched my stomach, then pulled my hand away quickly. Carl picked my hand up and put it back on my stomach.

  “It’s okay to let yourself feel, Tangie.”

  He put his hand on top of mine, and we let our hands rest on what was to be.

  * * *

  Tay’von showed up three days later, at 11:00 p.m. I was in bed, half asleep, when I felt his body next to mine. Knowing he was there made me happy. I needed him, and although it took a few days, his presence made me so damn content. He wrapped his arm around my waist, and we slept that way until morning. I woke up to Tay’von kissing me on the neck and whispering in my ear.

  “Tangie, wake up. I made an appointment for you at Dr. Webber’s.”

  I turned around and faced him as he smiled at me lovingly. Seeing his face first thing in the morning heated my insides.

  “I’m so happy you’re home, Tay. I have missed you so much,” I said as tears ran down my face.

  “Yeah, well, you don’t have to worry about that. I have canceled all my shows—”

  “For how long?”

  “For as long as it takes,” he said.

  That was when I really started crying. Tay really loved me, and that was very different for me. Men always loved my body. They loved having sex with me and being seen with me. But Tay’von seemed to love me . . . the person.

  He picked me up and took me into the bathroom as if he were my superman. He stood me up and undressed me slowly. Once done, he helped me into the tub, which was already filled with warm, calming water. I took my time and enjoyed everything he was doing for me. After washing my back, Tay went downstairs, then came back up with a tray that had eggs, bacon, and orange juice on it. The sight of the eggs made me want to throw up, so I just ate a slice of the bacon and drank a little of the orange juice.

  Tay never left my side that morning. He helped me in the tub and then helped me get dressed. I didn’t tell him that I could still do these things for myself. I could tell that he found joy in helping me. He smiled the whole time and was so caring. And sometimes in life, just letting someone help you brought them more joy than you helping them.