I Am Elite (A Colors novel Book 1)

by Kimberly Westra

  Springlake comes into sight. What once felt like home now feels like a distant memory. I try to be happy to be back, but it’s a failed attempt. He is not here, and the feeling of loneliness hits me. A single tear finds my cheek and I quickly wipe it off. Hopefully Mom did not see it, I do not want to go into details about my feelings and emotions. And I do not want her to feel bad about having me home.

  We continue on the familiar roads and I see the town square where this whole mess started. At first it looks peaceful, calm and just the way it has always been. The people seem content as they walk over the square, on their way to wherever. But I notice the men standing on each corner. Something is off. Before I can inspect more we have passed and the square disappears behind me. Still, something feels weird. Something feels off.

  After a warm meal, another hug and a shower I find my way to my bedroom. I look around, reminiscing. My window still cracked, the walls bare. My finger traces one specific bad part of the wall where I can feel the outside air come in.

  The selections started when spring was just coming around the corner. In previous years the warming of the country had been one of my favorite things. I would feel the walls move as the wood became warmer. I’d lay my hand on the cracks and feel warm air push through. The memory makes me smile. Life had been so simple. This year I was not here for those first weeks of warming. I wish I had been, then I would not feel so devastated now. But I would also not have met the wonderful people I have met. My head rests against the wall. Would I take this whole experience back? Now that I know what I know, and now that I have seen what I have seen? Would I really let it all disappear? The whole part of the King wanting to hang me, yes. The rest, not so much. Pain is part of our growth here on this earth. It helps one enjoy the good things even more. But that does not mean that I am particularly fond of it.

  My mind drifts back to the square and the strange feeling it gave me when we drove past. It had all looked normal enough, why did it feel so strange? The uneasy feeling makes me stand. I step towards the cracked window. The wind has been picking up and I feel a summer storm coming to match the storm inside of me. The clouds pass over my house swiftly and I hear thunder coming in from the west. The analogy almost makes me smile, I had just come in from the west, was I the thunder coming in?

  Chapter 11

  Something is wrong. I stand in the middle of the town square. Everyone around me is running in panic. There are familiar faces everywhere, they have great agony in their eyes. Everyone around me is running, screaming and I watch it all in slow motion, unsure of what is going on and what to do. I see Dad, tripping, but pushing himself off the ground with his one arm. I see Mom in a corner, unable to move with her arms around herself.. I see Aran and Gilanna, they are yelling at me. Yelling to make me move and yet my body won’t move. I notice Amber, which is strange, what is she doing in my town? The street fills with red water, but it is thicker and it smells more like iron. I look down at my body, I am wearing the dress I wore on the first day of the Selection. My heels are now covered in the red, thick.. blood, I realize. The blood closes around my ankles and slowly makes its way up. It rises and my balance fails me. I attempt to scream, search for hands to help me and reach out to the silhouette in front of me. Will just stares at me. His arms across his chest. The look in his face is a punch in my gut. He will not help me. He will let me drown in the dark red blood underneath me. I tumble, I fall, into the deep, dark, nothingness.

  My eyes pop open, I breath heavily and feel sweat all over my body. It was only a dream, but the realness of it makes me hurt. I have lived with disappointment all my life, always hearing I was not good enough, or that I was not important. I always thought I was pretty tough, always capable of handling the hardships of life. Yet here I am, completely shattered. There is just no relief for this pain in my chest. I have been keeping in all these emotions. My bucket has overflowed. My emotional bag is full and there is nothing left in me. It isn’t just my feelings for Will. It’s more. It’s years of dealing with life, and then being sent to the palace as a fraud. The fear of dying, of letting my family down. All of it comes at once. How does one cope with this outburst of emotions? I have been so good at not feeling as much, now that I do, it is horrible. I want it gone.

  I need to get up, I need to shake things off.

  My legs find their way to the kitchen without my mind really following. Absentmindedly I grab a glass and allow my heavy breathing to slow while taking small sips of water. It is still dark out, but I am way too restless to continue sleeping. Instead I make my way across the kitchen to the sofa. A large stack of local newspapers catch my attention. There is usually not much noteworthy that happens in our area. Buying the paper has never been one of our money priorities. So why do they have all of these here now?

  Grabbing one I scan it over. My eyes grow as I look at the different front pages and my mouth drops. The papers seem to have one thing in common. No wonder why they have collected these. I look into my own eyes, my own face.

  Oh no.

  The papers are filled with stories about… me.

  The people in Springlake know that I am human, so I should not be surprised that our local press is all over this. The first paper has a picture of me falling down at the airport. I cringe as I scan over the pictures. This is so embarrassing. But the embarrassment quickly makes way for unbelief. The next papers have two very different stories. First I read the headline of a smaller newspaper in town, owned and run by humans. There is a picture of me, standing strongly next to the Queen at one of the functions I had helped her set up. The headline reads: ‘A human saves the day.”

  Another paper, this time run and edited by Elite has the same picture, but it says: ‘Queen feels pity for lying human.’ And the next says; ‘Queen is blinded by the lies.’

  I stare at the different papers. I read the stories over and over again and allow tears to come. Is this what I had noticed yesterday at the square? Have the toxic thoughts of our king reached the heads and hearts of our Elite right here in Springlake? Do they all believe the lies he has been feeding so many for so long? Is this what they think of me, a lying fraud.

  I always thought we were at peace here. The humans have a harder time getting jobs compared to Elites, but I never thought we were this divided. Or maybe I just never wanted to see what was happening right here, under our noses. Are we heading towards the same doom as so many other towns? Will told me about the true size of the rebel attacks when we were in the movie theatre. It is getting closer to home now. Are we going to be affected even more than that one attack? Will we ever be safe again?

  When the sun comes up I go for a walk around town. I need to see for myself if there has been an actual change since I have been gone. There are also a few errands I want to run.

  The walk towards town reminds me of the walk to the region office. Back when the glass still seemed half full. This time the glass is rather empty. The checks my family got are not going to last forever. So instead of going straight, towards the region office, I take a left, towards the Factory. My boss hated to see me go, he must have some job for me.

  When entering the office I expect to be greeted happily. We had such a great group of people working here. My colleagues were very sad to see me go. I missed them, and I am sure they are happy to see me back.

  I cannot be more wrong. Nobody dares to look at me as I pass the desks. I spot one of my favorite old colleagues and make my way to him. He must be happy to see me. He knows me so well.

  “Hey Freddie,” he cringes as I say his name.

  “Hey,” he whispers, not looking at me.

  I look at him in unbelief. What is going on here? I turn and look at the once so loving people around him. I miss a few familiar faces and quickly make out that I am the only human here. Where are Maria, Sam and Gerard?

  I am only human.

  I never thought I would miss my blue contacts. The fake strength it gave me could be rather useful now. I feel watched and do no
t like this one bit. Where did the other humans go? What the hell is going on?

  They all either stare at me, or purposely look at their shoes as I pass them heading towards the door at the end of the room. Anger and frustration rise, I am about to open the door with force when it opens. My hand hangs midair in front of the, no longer there, doorknob.

  “Get in,” Micha speaks firmly, even angry.

  I look at my old boss and see nothing of our old friendship. It has only been a few months but it feels like a lifetime. What is happening here?

  “Sit,” he says, cold as ice.

  I obey.

  Hopefully he will break the silence first because I have no idea what to say right now. I came in to ask for my job back, that is clearly not going to happen. Now I just want answers.

  “You cannot come here anymore,” he says.

  Anger comes over me. Something is off and he is blaming me. He used to be my friend, my confidant. What have I done to deserve this?

  There is only one way to keep the tears from falling. My Elite mask goes on. “And why is that exactly?”

  Micha’s hands show a little quiver. Is he scared of me?

  “Word says you are working together with the rebels, that you motivate them. You are their face, their inspiration,” he says.

  Wait, what?! Is this a joke?

  A laugh escapes. It is just so ridiculous.

  But there is no humor in Micha’s eyes. There is only fear. There is only anger.

  “Why would you think that Micha? It was not my choice to go to the palace. You know I did not choose this. You know they made me pretend to be an Elite.”

  Before I left for the palace we had spoken. He had let me cry in his arms, and this is what he thinks of me? Looking down at my feet I debate what to do next. Without my contact and those ridiculous heels I might as well be an invisible human yet again. But yet again, here is an Elite, scared to even look me in the eye. If he is unwilling to listen to me, to believe me, there is no reason for me to stay here any longer.

  “Thanks for nothing Micha,” I say sarcastically, “I expected more from you.”

  Leaving the building I keep my head high. I might feel tiny, I might feel miserable. But apparently this little human has the ability to make Elite fear. And even though that has never been something I wanted, it is better than to pity me.

  I have nothing to do with the rebels, I do not agree with their methods one bit, but still it looks like the town has linked me to them. Micha said I am their inspiration, their face even...? Gosh this is a mess. Only yesterday the King wanted me dead, and now the people I care about hate me. How do I deal with all of this?

  No..

  How do I provide for my family if I cannot work? Panic fills me.

  I no longer care about what people feel about me. Shock sets in. All the other humans were gone at the factory. Does this mean they are all out of jobs? This means everyone is in trouble. Nobody is going to help us. Not with everyone linking me to the rebels. How will my family survive?

  Breathe Mera. You gotta keep your head cool.

  My bare feet keep moving. My mind racing. My next visit should be better. Hopefully she will not hate me like everyone else. Not sure if I could handle yet another person who used to love me, hate me.

  Her orange and red hair bounces up and down while she runs out of the front door. She jumps for me, arms stretched out and we fall in the grass. She screeches with joy. I am so grateful for a friendly greeting and face that I soak her in. The sun falls perfectly on her red hair, it makes her shine like the sun. Her summer freckles have emerged and the sun has given her skin a healthy glow. She truly is stunning. She wears a summer dress with yellow sunflowers. How she is single, there really is no telling. Either the boys here are so blind, or she is too picky. Probably the latter.

  “I am so glad you still like me,” I say, sighing.

  “Oh gosh of course, you are not smart enough to both be a spy at a palace and be the head of the rebels,” she winks. “Besides, who gets shot by their own friends, trying to save an Elite.”

  I laugh. Thank goodness there is at least one person who still cares for me. One person who sees me for who I am. She pulls me up and then hooks her arm in mine.

  “Come in, we have lots to talk about,” she says.

  It is not until she is here with me again, that I realize just how much I missed her. At the palace the emptiness was filled with Amber and Shanna. Both of them have been great friends, but there is something about Gil that just feels like home.

  I watch as she works in the kitchen grabbing us drinks. Just watching her calms me down. With a glass in our hand she moves me to the sofa in the backroom. I sit down, and pull my legs in. This has always been one of my favorite places to sit. Gilanna’s house is a whole lot nicer than mine. Her mother is from the Orange House, like Gilanna and also fills her days with art. She has made quite the name and many richer families have her paintings hanging above the mantel. Gilanna’s father is a Purple. He gives talks each Sunday at our local church. I really like him. He tries to teach us that we are all created by a God. Does that not mean we are all of importance? He does not make much money but with the selling of his wife’s art they are able to live quite comfortably.

  Gilanna has her eyes set on me. She tries to remain patient but her foot bounces up and down and her fingers circle on her dress. She is willing me with her eyes. She wants me to tell her all about my adventure at the palace.

  “Alright.”

  Her eyes grow and she bounces up and down a little in excitement.

  I spill out everything. From the moment we said goodbye to the moment I just fell into her arms. I tell her about the paintings on the ceilings, and the baths. I tell her about the sweet little moments the Prince and I shared. Her eyes grow as she hears about the rebel attack, and how Amber and Shanna helped me and the Queen. A lump forms in my throat as I tell her about the King exposing me to Will.

  By the time I finish my mouth is dry and my throat is swollen. She looks at me with sorrow in her eyes, her hand reaches for mine. For a moment her warmth soothes me. She remains quiet next to me and I am grateful for the silence.

  “Gil,” I say once the storm inside me calms a little, “What is going on in Springlake?”

  She sighs, then shifts in her spot.

  “I..,” she pauses, “I am not really sure.”

  She shifts a little, her legs twist to the other side and she takes a quick sip. I wait patiently, she is trying to collect her thoughts.

  “When you left, the papers wrote different stories. Some were really good, positive and uplifting. Others were filled with lies and weird theories. At first nobody thought anything negative, but I do not think anyone was expecting you to be gone for so long. The papers continued writing stories. The longer you were gone, the stranger they became. I think it was the last straw, I guess?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Well, a lot of humans and Elite have been feeling a shift lately. And I think for the humans the stories about you showing everyone who was boss, showed them they are more worthy and stronger than they are given credit for. So that has created a change in their behavior. Perhaps the other stories, where you are made out as a fraud and a liar shows the Elite that humans are nothing but fakes and frauds and that the King is right. They feel like this was proof to start treating humans the way the rest of the country treats them. It created a rift.”

  I can tell she feels embarrassed by saying these things. I know it must have taken a lot of courage to tell me this at all and I lean in to squeeze her hand. She gives me the faintest of smiles and we silently look at the wall for a while.

  An image comes to my mind and I look at her again, “Who were the men I saw when we drove back to town? On the corners of the square.”

  “Guards, to make sure the humans do not attempt an uprising.”

  I shiver, an uprising? With my eyes I ask her to continue.

  “Many Elite are loyal to
the King. He has sent out a broadcast telling all Elite that the humans should be submissive to them. He basically gave them permission to treat humans as pets.”

  I am unable to look at her as I get up from my spot on the sofa and start pacing the room. So much anger rushes through me, not knowing what to do. He is making it impossible for the humans to work. That’s why there were no humans at the factory anymore. He is going to make us all starve. And why? Why does he hate us so? Have I not proven to him that humans are good at things too? Have I not proven to him that I have talents, that we all have talents? And what about the Queen? She has shown faith in me? Are we humans really this weak? Is this all we are worth to him, pets? This explains not only the Elite’s behavior, but also the humans. I have ruined every human’s future living here. This must be why Aran was so angry with me. I cannot blame him. I just caused his family their income.

  The fury running through me is unmanageable and I cannot stand here and do nothing. I grab Gil’s hand and give her a small squeeze. She nods at me, knowing there are no words left to be spoken right now. She gives me an encouraging face as I turn and walk out the door.

  I run. I run until my lungs make me stop. Still my feet keep moving. They move until I find myself standing at the edge of the docks. Last night’s storm has turned into a beautiful summer breeze and my hair moves around my face and back. If I were not half way choking trying to catch my breath I might even have looked beautiful. I take in deep breaths of clean air and let the sun fall over me. Once I have stabilized my breathing again I sit, cooling my feet in the water.

  My mind drifts to my parents. They said nothing to me yesterday and this morning I left before they were up. They have always given me everything, always pushed their own comfort away so I could have a little more. I have never fully appreciated them and all they have done. It breaks my heart to think of all the things they have sacrificed for me. Most human families know the struggle of living with so little and sacrificing for their children. To know that I am the one that has taken the little security they had away makes me sick. How did I, single handedly, without knowing it, ruin everyone's lives?