I Am Elite (A Colors novel Book 1)

by Kimberly Westra

  I inhale sharply, forcing my heart rate down. If I want to make it through today, I have to find my focus, and my strength.

  Steve told me to wear whatever I wanted. The mountain does not look at outer appearance, and people come to work in any outfit they have available. I look down at my t-shirt and jeans, usually such comfortable and calming clothes. Now they feel wrong. Something is missing. The clothes fall back on my bed. I might not be Elite, but maybe dressing like one might make me feel a little stronger.

  I decide on wearing a dark blue pencil skirt and a white blouse. I used to wear clothes like these in the palace and they feel normal somehow. I twist my hair in a bun and pin it in place.

  The sight of my bare feet makes me snicker. What are the chances that going barefoot is a good idea?

  I pull out my flats, grab the locket Gilanna gave me and turn to check the end result. I look ready for a day at the palace office. Exactly what I was going for.

  My eyes flicker to the necklace. The way things ended with Aran still upsets me. Maybe I should just take his picture out. My fingers linger for a moment but I decide against it. Maybe one day he will no longer hate me, I hope. I miss him, and our old life. We were so carefree back then.

  A sigh escapes from my lips as I think back to those days. I play out the scenes in my mind, smiling at the memories. The moment I met him, the moment he and Gil first met and immediately hit it off, the moment we fell in love. Although now that I know Will I wonder if it really was love. Perhaps it was more of a crush? Puppy love? I really do care so much for him. I just do not know if the intensity of the feelings was comparable to the intensity of my feelings for Will.

  I swallow. A lump has formed in my throat at the thought of Will and my feelings for him. Breathing becomes harder. I really have to get over this man. His memory is haunting me and I cannot keep hurting myself like that.

  I take another look at my outfit. I am strong, I can do this, I can keep him locked away in my mind and I can do this job.

  I am Elite.

  The office is a wonderfully organized, but busy place. Just the way I like it. The center hub has most of the staff working behind their desks. All of them have different jobs and skills. The spider leg corridor on the right side has Steve’s office, and mine next to his. My office is a little smaller than his, but just as practical. Our spider leg seems a lot longer than the one we were in before. Maybe one day I can explore this place a little more, for now, I focus on my new job.

  I shadow Steve for a few days, taking notes, asking questions and paying attention to the little details. At the end of the week I understand his way of working and I adjust myself to his pace. We work well as a team. He is pretty straight forward, decent enough and I enjoy my time with him. Steve never seems to sleep. He is always working. Normally I would say it’s not healthy, but I catch myself working overtime too.

  The mountain is safe, but also boring. I do not do well in a closed space without a way out. I need to be able to run, explore and be alone. The boredom also does not help with the whole, forgetting Will, thing. So I often find myself at the office at odd hours, just to keep myself busy.

  The hours turn into days, and days turn into weeks. Steve and I find an easy flow together. He gives me more and more freedom and insight into the work. Everything blurs together, I forget what day it is, or what time. It allows me to pretend the outside world, with all of its horrors, does not exist. I pretend we are the only ones left. I pretend there is no life out of this mountain. I pretend there is no Will, no kingdom, no life. My body goes numb, my feelings become more dull by the day. Just the way I like it.

  “Mera, now that you have settled in, mind helping me with some more confidential materials?” Steve says.

  I look up from my desk, “Sure Steve.”

  He places a stack of papers in front of me. “Some of these might be a little confronting, not many people know the exact situation we are dealing with. I trust you will be discreet. And if you have worries or questions, find me?”

  “Of course Steve, I’ll let you know”.

  More curious than ever I lean into the papers. After weeks of pretending there is no life outside of this mountain it is both terrifying and exciting. Maybe this is the moment I start being of use. Maybe this is the moment I can start helping the humans still out there. The humans, I am embarrassed to admit to myself, I have completely forgotten. They need help, and I promised myself I would try to do just that.

  A little hesitant I grab the first page, my eyes grow large. My first instinct is to put the page back down. These are not the kind of truths I wanted to see. But the truth cannot be pushed away again. They have to be faced. If I ever want to help the humans, I need to know exactly what is going on.

  I take a sip from my tea while taking in the charts in front of me. The statistics and numbers are showing me things are getting worse by the day.

  The human unemployment rate is growing, and they are not getting any form of financial support. Another chart shows the number of humans that need to be relocated due to safety reasons. The numbers are skyrocketing exponentially. They are no longer welcome in their towns.

  I sigh, this is getting way too messy. Humans without any form of income will become desperate. If they cannot be relocated to places like the mountain, they will probably turn to a life of crime. Then the Elite will feel entitled to punish the humans even more. It is becoming a cycle that the humans will never win.

  I stand and pace my office while looking at the papers again. My heart racing, my palms sweaty. I need to do something. I cannot just sit here and pretend they are only numbers. I feel myself shrinking. How in heaven's name can I help?

  I am only human.

  But I am here, working for HR. And that means, in some small way, I might be helping a little after all?

  For a second the thought that I am helping eases my mind. But, we cannot keep hiding all the humans? There has to be an endgame plan right? Maybe I should ask Steve what he feels the future will hold. Does he know what it is like out there?

  I close my eyes and recall the deserted shopping street in Springlake. I recall the words written on my house, the hatred. Chills run down my spine thinking about all the horrors that must be going on out there.

  Something just has to be done. I cannot let the world crumble while I sit here and pretend nothing is wrong. My fingers form a fist. Just sitting here, being a small part of the HR is not going to be good enough. I hold my fist in front of my face and study the skin turning whiter as I squeeze. I make a deal with myself, I will find a way to make this better. I have to.

  My legs burn as I run up the steps, pushing myself to go faster. I am going to have killer muscles from this place. There is nowhere specific for me to go. But after all the information I just absorbed, I need to run.

  A hand folding around my arm puts me to a halt. A small smile crosses her face as she looks up at me.

  “Ah, Annabel, sorry I didn’t see you there.” I say, truly happy to see her. I have been hoping to thank her for the tea she so kindly bought me.

  “Hello Mera, you sure clean up nicely,” she says eyeing my black dress.

  “Yeah”, I laugh, “I know clothes are not important here, but they give me the feeling like I am good enough for my job. I can always use a little encouragement,” I say truthfully.

  She nods understanding.

  I am not sure why, but I really like this woman. She has a vibe I really enjoy being around.

  “Could I maybe offer you a cup of tea this time?” I say, hoping to prolong her welcoming presence. I could use some of her calmness after my day. Reading all those numbers and charts has put me on edge.

  She agrees willingly and we make our way back down the many steps.

  Killer legs, I tell you.

  It is as if we have known each other for years. Annabel chats openly, but pushes away questions about her past. That is alright though, we all have our crosses to bear and if she’s unwilling to share
, that is fine.

  I tell her about my parents and about my life when I was still living in Springlake. I tell her about Aran, and my feelings for him. I tell her about Gil, and her wonderful nature. When we reach the part of me going to the palace, her smile fades and her eyes glaze over. The sudden change in her expression makes me rethink telling her more about my time there. Maybe for the better, I should not be telling people I fell in love with the handsome Elite Prince.

  I switch the subject casually to our jobs here and she seems relieved. She tells me she works at the daycare center located on the fourth floor. I am yet again in awe at the way this organization works. Her job is so fitting. Yet again I am impressed by the way people are placed into their jobs here. Somehow our skills are found within seconds and I really think it helps the general vibe of this place. If people do something they enjoy, it is easier to keep them happy. And we all need a little happiness. The mountain is a great structure and we really do have everything we need, but we are not able to just wander off and go outside. Which sucks. You need special approval to leave the mountain at all. I have been told those approvals are not easily given. I miss being outside and I often find myself looking through the little window in the apartment.

  “You okay?” she asks.

  “Oh sorry, yeah I am good. Just thinking of going outside. I miss it, you know?”

  “Ah yes, especially in the beginning it is hard to get used to the mountain. But you will be ok, I promise.”

  When we finish our cups of tea it is almost dinner time. The café is right next to the cafeteria where dinner will be served in only a few minutes. We both agree there is no way we will climb up the stairs, only to go down a few minutes later. So we sit and chat for a little while longer.

  “Hey do you want to come sit with us?” I ask as we make our way towards the cafeteria.

  “Oh I would love that,” she replies genuinely. I wonder if she ever sits with anyone.

  Annabel and my parents hit it off immediately. Annabel has great patience from working with the children. It helps when she tries to get to know Mom a little better. To see Annabel put effort in this conversation warms my heart. Mom notices it too and seems to open up more every minute. Dad and I watch them talk and bond with big smiles on our faces. This is wonderful!

  She also chats with Dad, who is still so proud of getting his internship. He tells her all about the job and the structure changes they are currently looking into. The mountain is currently up to seventy percent of its capacity and they are making sure it remains strong when it becomes fully used.

  Annabel listens intently and I find myself staring at her. The sadness in her face is very visible, she has definitely been through serious trauma. Yet here she is, happily talking to a man with one arm and a woman who can hardly communicate with her. I make mental note to keep contact with her. I need a friend like her to keep me sane in this place.

  “Steve?”

  “Hmm?” he replies looking up from his desk.

  “Got a moment?”

  “Sure,” he says gesturing to the chair across from him.

  I sit and look down at my hands which now rest on my lap. I have been working for him for over five weeks now, I might have proven myself as a good, trusted worker. I hope that will work in my favor. It is still quite a long shot, so I take a deep breath before stating my question.

  “I need to go out,” I say, trying to sound firm.

  “Out?” his eyebrow lifts.

  “Yes, just for a few minutes, or however long you can give me.” I say.

  I have been inside for almost six weeks and it is making me lose my marbles. Just yesterday I thought I saw Aran in the crowd. And then at dinner I thought I had seen Gilanna. It had made me so homesick for them that I had cried far into the night. The many stories and numbers I have been going through for Steve also do not help. Rather yet, I am going mental. I need a change of scenery, hopefully that will put my mind back into a normal state.

  As I look at Steve I miss my blue contacts. Even though they had been fake they gave me a sense of power. They were a symbol that I was, in fact, strong. And I for one, do not feel strong at this moment. My eyes are begging him, pleading with him to agree. I do not like to beg, or feel small. But I can’t help it. I need to get out, I cannot start seeing old loved ones all over the place. I cannot start seeing Will everywhere. If that happens, it will break me.

  Steve sits back in his chair, his right hand rubs his bald head. His eyes are focused on mine and I can tell he is thinking over his options.

  Moments pass us by and I am starting to deflate. No way he is going to let me go.

  “Thirty minutes, but only on my terms.” he says while standing up.

  I nod, shocked, not really caring what his terms are. I get to go out!

  He gets up and my heart leaps as he gestures me to follow him.

  “Now?” I am almost tripping over my legs trying to get up.

  He only laughs and leads me out the office door. The spider’s belly is to our left, to our right there are a few more offices, but I never really go there. So when we turn right I am surprised. For some time I have been wanting to explore this area more. But it was so dark, I just always assumed it was a dead end.

  “You never thought of how we intend to get everyone out in safety if there is ever a fire?” He says smirking at me when he spots my confusion.

  I am ashamed to say, no, that has actually never crossed my mind. My confusion only grows when we actually do reach a dead end. Is this guy messing with me?

  He chuckles at my expression. He is enjoying my confusion. Then very theatrical he pushes against the left side of the wall. I let out a small yelp as the wall opens.

  Oh, that’s how.

  “Well, you coming?” he says holding his hand in front of the, now open, wall.

  I only hesitate for a moment as I follow him into the darkness.

  “If we are to use this as a safety exit, we might want to consider some form of lighting,” I say as we take baby steps in the darkness.

  Steve laughs. “Agreed, look into that once you are back inside, kay?”

  It really is only a small distance, I notice a small glimmer of light and as we turn a corner more and more light beams in.

  And then, we stand in a small clearing. It is magnificent. My skin tickles with the sun beaming down on me. I close my eyes and lift my hands to soak it all in. This is amazing.

  “Alright, I’ll leave you too it, I expect you back at your desk in thirty,” he says as he turns.

  “Thank you!” I yell back at him with my eyes still closed and my arms still in the air. This is probably the happiest I have felt in months and yet I feel the ever present pressure on my shoulders. I try to push it away. This is a moment to enjoy. This is my opportunity to clear my mind and to regain control over my thoughts. I kick off my shoes to feel the grass and a small sigh escapes my lips.

  As I sit down, wiggling my toes in the green grass. My fingers trace the grass and a small yellow flower catches my attention.

  Ha, a buttercup flower.

  I smile.

  My body relaxes as I lean back letting my head sink into the grass.

  The clouds, white and fluffy float by. One looks just like a crown. It reminds me of Will. What is he up to right now? Does he ever think about me? Will I ever see him again? Does he miss me?

  I swallow hard. Who knew you could miss someone this much. It is ridiculous, I was only in the palace for a few months and we did not actually spend that much time together. But he seemed to be exactly what was missing in my heart. Not knowing if we could have worked out kills me. Knowing we have no future is even worse. Missing him hurts so much. His handsome face, the muscles in is arms and his lush thick brown hair. His kind words, the way he made me feel, the way he showed his confidence in me. Ugh, I really have to get over this guy. Still not knowing what he has been doing these last few months crushes me.

  I sigh as I check my watch. So much of m
y precious time has passed by thinking of the man that will never care for me. He made it so clear that he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. So why do I still care?

  With only a few minutes left I take that time to walk the edge of the clearing. My fingers trace the trees as I walk, allowing nature to calm my troubled mind. Then I bend, put on my flats and walk back into the darkness.

  “Same time, same place, tomorrow?” I say winking at Steve while passing his office.

  “How about once a month?!” He yells after me and I smile, that is more than I could have hoped for.

  The time outside feels like a little miracle. My mind feels ready to work again. My battery feels recharged. With my energy and focus back on track I set into a nice flow. I work hard, and after work I hang out with my parents or with Annabel. I meet some other young adults while trying to get some exercise at the gym, and I try to say hi to people as they pass. I need to have familiar faces, like Annabel told me. And I am putting in effort. We might be here a while and this place has to become my new normal.

  I miss Gilanna though. I often check my phone to see if there are any messages from her. It is probably good news that she does not call. She does not have a phone at her disposal and I am sure she will only contact me if things are bad.

  My mind often goes back to the numbers. All those humans suffering out there. My focus should be on them. My energy should go towards fixing everything that is going on. Even though a part of me knows it is not my fault, I still feel responsible. I am only one little human, where would I even start trying to fix this? If only I were an Elite, I could make the King and Will listen to me. But then again, if I were Elite, would I have cared about humans at all?