Had To Make You Mine

by Kat Long

  “Annaleigh.”

  “Max,” I started. I wanted to climb in his lap, kiss him, and tell him I was his and that the rest didn’t matter. But it didn’t work that way. We couldn’t compromise our jobs until I talked to Jake and met with Human Resources.

  “Don’t. You’re right. It’s too complicated. I was wrong to put you in that position. I’ll see you Monday. Thanks for after the gala.” With that, he focused his eyes on the front windshield, dismissing me.

  Regardless of his shitty but justified attitude, I leaned forward and pressed my lips to his cheek, feeling his warm skin against mine.

  “I don’t regret anything.” I heard him say as I stepped out.

  As he drove away, I had the sudden urge to chase the car down and tell him the only thing I regretted was when I said we were a bad idea. I wanted him to hold me close and tell me he’d fight for me, for us, no matter what. I walked to the door with my shoulder slumped, opening it with a sigh and tossing my things on the couch.

  Baxter, at least, greeted me enthusiastically, and after a quick change, I grabbed his leash for a jog to get my thoughts straight. The morning air was humid, and the park’s path was relatively empty, each side dotted with wildflowers that had sprouted up beside freshly mowed grass.

  I listened as my heart beat in time with my feet on the pavement. The path smelled like asphalt and pine trees. Sweat dotted my face, and I sped up, letting the music of Gretchen Wilson drown out everything until I was left with nothing except the therapeutic sound of steady breaths. Words swirled in my head, trying to form something meaningful, something to make it make sense.

  “Come back and stay, piece me together.”

  Bird would be proud. We used to work through tough times by writing poems and lyrics to each other in our letters. From what I remember, Bird’s parents were awful people, and writing helped. Sometimes we would write a line or two. Other times it would be pages. But I hadn’t had a lyric stick for years. And now, so many stuck around long enough for me to write and remember.

  Holy shit.

  I stopped and put my hands on my knees. It was Max. He was the change. He was the difference. Ever since he came into my life, the lyrics had stuck, bringing music back to help me work through my insecurities.

  I took out my phone and jotted down the lyric. The air caressed my face while Baxter watched the ducks lazily swim across the surface of the pond we stopped nearby. He pulled on the leash, wanting to move closer, so we walked to the edge where he sniffed along the ground, looking for squirrels.

  “Once just a blank page words drift estranged, but with you at my side, my whole world changed.”

  What? Whole world? Ridiculous.

  It felt like my life was one gigantic puzzle. All the pieces were there but incomplete. I was so freaking glad the girls were coming over later to cook Mexican. I needed advice and chips with queso. Lots of queso. I gently tugged on Baxter’s collar. We picked up the pace, heading home. For once, the empty house seemed too big for just me, too cold, too alone.

  “He’s such a broody douchecanoe, Anna. Oh, that’s his new nickname, BM, Broody Max!” Olivia said with a shrug, finishing the last of the guacamole and helping herself to another taco.

  I told them everything, from the office to the gala, finishing with last night. I disappointed Addison by leaving out a lot of the juicy details, but honestly, I wanted to keep those memories for me.

  “BM, as in poop? No Liv, gross. He’s an immature asshole who is sulking because he didn’t get his way,” Jenna added, blending more margaritas.

  “I disagree, y’all,” Addison said. “He’s hurt, so he’s putting up walls. A guy who was just looking for an easy lay wouldn’t have respected your decision not to screw and then held you all night. And I like BM. It works whether or not he’s an asshole.”

  “But did I do the wrong thing? You didn’t see his face, didn’t see the side of him I saw this morning. Didn’t see the intimacy last night.” Slurping loudly on my heavy-handed margarita, I sighed and laid my head on the table with a thunk.

  “No,” came a chorus of voices, giving me a bit of affirmation, but not enough to make me feel better.

  “Why am I this miserable if I did the right thing?” I said, raising my head to take another sip. “This can’t be real. It’s too much, too fast. I never believed in the insta-lust, insta-love, thing, but I sure as hell believe now.”

  “No babe, it’s not too fast. Just because it happened that way doesn’t mean the feelings aren’t real. If this is meant to happen, no amount of either of you staying away will work,” Olivia said, refilling the drinks.

  “Then why did I even say no if there’s a chance we should be together.” I laid my head back down and closed my eyes. “I screwed up. You didn’t see how closed off he was. This is my fault.”

  “No, that’s not true! Listen to what Liv said,” Jenna cooed. “Why don’t you get to know each other better? Build a friendship first. Then see if more is something you both still want.”

  “Remember what happened with Edward and me?” Olivia said, checking on the cookies she was making between eating tacos. “I accidentally gave him the wrong address for our first date, and you had to literally pick me up off the floor. I was so upset, thinking he stood me up. There is nothing wrong with fast feelings.”

  “Same for Tommy and me,” Addison followed. “We fell fast and hard. But seriously, it’s obvious you’ve already fallen for Max, so why don’t you get it out of your system. If it’s anything like that mark he left on your neck, you two would have a mind-blowing fuck.”

  “If we did, there’s no way it would be a one-time thing, and like I told him, I won’t be a dirty secret.”

  “So don’t be,” Jenna said.

  “Yes,” Addison added. “And you desperately need a ticket to pound-town, especially since you are already dick-matized by Max’s Sex Pistol.”

  “How about he puts his banana in your fruit salad?”

  “I’m sure you’ll love playing his Sausage-Saxophone!”

  “He needs to go exploring in Punarnia?”

  “Or go plowing through your bean field?”

  “I fucking love y’all but stop. I’m gonna pee. Talk about something else!” I held my stomach and doubled over in laughter, feeling lighter by the second.

  “Right back-atcha. Here, drink more feel-good juice,” Olivia said with a wink, filling my glass as I tried desperately to stop laughing.

  “Well, if we are changing the subject, I got into an argument with Dr. Dumbass the other day,” Jenna said, taking a drink.

  “Dr. Duvall? The other doctor at the clinic? What happened?” Addison said, changing from the fierce redhead with a dirty mind to an even fiercer friend.

  “He said I need to stop taking in every stray animal that comes in and send them straight to the shelter.”

  “What a jerk! Didn’t you say you volunteer your time and always pay the cost of treatment while you work to find them a home?” Olivia added, plating the cookies.

  “Yes. But he thinks treating those animals takes away from potential new patients and more money. It’s maddening,” she said, finishing her drink and pouring another.

  “Never question what you’re doing, Jenna,” I said, taking her hand and squeezing it. “Think of all the animals you’ve saved, including that ungrateful, brown-eyed boy over there. Maybe you should try to partner with a non-profit?”

  “I’ve been thinking along those lines, actually,” Jenna said.

  “Cookies are done,” Olivia said, “Time to get Chip-Faced!!”

  We all groaned at the cheesy joke, reaching for her cookies and laughing.

  “These are delicious, Olivia. New recipe?” Addison asked, taking another cookie from the plate.

  “Yes, actually. Kristin thought it up,” Olivia said, taking a bite of one.

&n
bsp; “Edwards’s sister? How is she working out?” Jenna said.

  “Oh, she’s fantastic. But she has so much potential. I wish I had something more for her than a part-time baker and cashier.”

  “Well, it’s awesome that you helped her. Why don’t you invite her the next time we all go out,” I said, taking two more cookies. There was no shame in my cookie game. I’d jog tomorrow. Or Monday.

  “Good idea, Annaleigh,” Jenna said. She was the only one eating a single cookie—the only one with apparent self-control.

  “I know she would love that. Thanks, girls,” Olivia said.

  We talked and drank until just past midnight, and even though I didn’t have a clear path for Monday, at least I knew my feelings were valid. Not dating and not fucking would have to be enough, for now. Who knows, that decision might last all week.

  - 14 -

  YOU ARE THE ONE

  Max

  The fucking gala played on repeat all day Sunday, everything about the gala. My vision went red when I saw Benjamin sitting with Blue and even more when Leslie snuck off with someone. But I couldn’t blame her. I was cold all night and pissed when Katie blindsided me with a date. Even if I had been interested, her first question was about my fucking salary. No, thank you.

  I tried to burn off my frustration with bourbon, running, and unpacking, but nothing worked. Blue was right, and it pissed me the hell off. We couldn’t walk into the office Monday and assume everyone would be okay with us being together. Hell, I wasn’t even sure they allowed it.

  I wasn’t used to having all these feelings. It was like someone had taken my heart, put it in a blender, and pressed pulse. I should call Warren, but I didn’t know what the hell I’d say. I was acting like a maniac. I should be focused on my fucking career. But I’d went against my better judgment and said we should date. What a fucking mistake.

  A traitorous voice in my head whispered that I scared her, that she was protecting herself, that she needed time, but the rational part of my mind said to walk away. But after tasting her, holding her, could I walk away? Did I even want to try?

  Driving to work the next morning, I tried to ignore the damn feelings that threatened to rip my insides to shreds. There was no way I could walk into the office this distracted. I pulled into the parking garage and turned the truck off, closing my eyes and leaning my head back. I blew out a breath and got out. My glasses fogged as I stepped into the heat and walked out of the garage, so I shrugged out of my suit jacket and laid it across my arm, cuffing my sleeves.

  I turned left instead of right and walked along the sidewalk, watching the city wake up. Jitterbug Bakery was a two-story brick building with light purple shutters and a brightly decorated chalkboard sign outside advertising specials. I might as well grab a coffee and a peace-offering while I’m sulking. Or more like an: I’m sorry, I just assumed we would date after one of the most intense experiences of my life, offering.

  The inside of the bakery had black-and-white checkered tiles on the floor, close-up pictures of coffee and cookies, and a dozen booths with red benches. The smell of rich beans and warm blueberry muffins filled the cozy space with promises of sugar and caffeine and made my stomach grumble. I got in line and stared at the endless options on the menu, not bothering to figure out the macros.

  “Welcome to Jitterbugs. How can I make your morning sweeter?” the cashier said, giving me a kind smile. She had a pretty face with black hair pulled up in a high ponytail and sharp eyes, reminding me of my favorite grade-school teacher, who could discipline you with a look.

  “Good Morning,” I said, my eyes glued to the pastry display, still not knowing what the hell to order. “Is that banana nut bread? And what’s in the Butterbeer Latte, please?”

  Her eyes softened, and she leaned to the side to check the glass display. “Yes. That’s banana nut bread with dark chocolate chips, and the latte is a combination of toffee-nut and vanilla.”

  “Wow, yes. One of each, please. I’ll also take an egg-white bagel and a Hazelnut Latte with an extra shot and an orange scone.”

  “Good choices, we call the latte and scone combo the Anna,” the cashier said, turning her head to look at me before ringing up the order. Her eyebrows were pinched together, and she put one hand on her hip, sizing me up.

  “The Anna? That’s my assistant’s name,” I answered, reaching into my pocket for my wallet.

  “Holy shit, your Broody Max,” she said, lowering her voice when the people behind me looked up in surprise.

  “Um, yes, I’ve heard that nickname before. I’m Maxwell Jackson, and you are?” I said, holding my hand out to her.

  “Olivia Klein. Owner and head baker.” She shook my hand back, hard.

  “Olivia, it’s a pleasure to meet you officially.”

  “Annaleigh’s one of my best friends. I was there at the beach and with her yesterday.”

  Damn, this woman got right to the punch line. I liked her immediately.

  “Ah, well. Annaleigh is an amazing assistant. I’m truly fortunate to be working with her. And I apologized for that unfortunate situation on the beach,” I said, letting go of her hand and passing her my card.

  “That, Broody, is an acceptable answer,” she said, nodding her head as if I passed whatever test was just thrown down.

  “Are you the one I have to thank for that nickname?” I said, taking my glasses off and patting my pockets for my handkerchief. Coming up empty, I sighed and put my glasses back on, giving Olivia a tight smile.

  “Nope,” she answered.

  I couldn’t explain it, but I wanted to make a good impression. Olivia had a curious expression on her face like she was holding back.

  “Please add an extra cookie and black coffee,” I said, slipping a ten into the tip jar. She gave me another knowing look and took a deep breath, meeting my eyes, “May I ask you a question?”

  Her words were softer, and I leaned forward, nodding my head. She picked at the corner of her purple apron before motioning me to the end of the counter. I followed her and waited, putting my jacket back on and crossing my arms.

  “It’s more, right? What you two have? I’ve, um, known Annaleigh since college and, well…” Her voice trailed off, and she looked at the floor.

  I could pretend I didn’t know what she was talking about or assured her that Saturday night was a meaningless fling. But the lines between what I wanted and what was right, had blurred. There was no point pretending I still didn’t want to make her mine.

  “Yes,” I said, looking down and clearing my throat. “But I couldn’t ask Annaleigh to jeopardize her job or her values. But I think I already did, and it backfired big time.”

  Shit. Where had that come from? My body had to be in overdrive, making up for the last decade of not having a real, meaningful relationship. But she was right. I’m her boss. Whatever we had was a bad idea. I glanced at my watch, suddenly uncomfortable, with the urge to hightail it out of the bakery without a glance back.

  “Talk.” Olivia stood with her hands on her hips and stared at me, not blinking. What the hell was I supposed to say?

  “I don’t exactly have the best track record with relationships,” I started, not a clue where I was going. Maybe she would roll her eyes then kick me out so I could avoid this dumpster-fire of a conversation.

  “You did a lot of screwing around?” she prodded, almost looking for a reason to dislike me.

  I glanced around the bakery to see if any curious eyes were on us before continuing.

  “Yes. I mean, no. It’s more like I came here to start over, and now I’m losing focus.”

  “Go on,” Olivia said, looking confused.

  “I wasn’t looking for anyone. I’m always in control. Not used to feeling this way. Doubting myself. Distracted. This is too fast, but she’s all I think about, and after the gala…”

  I trailed off b
ecause I knew I wasn’t making sense. I rubbed the back of my neck, waiting for Olivia’s judgement, but she just continued to stare.

  “I met my husband here,” she said, sweeping her hand around the bakery. “He started coming in every other day and ordering the same thing, just on the off chance I was at the register. It took him five months and fifteen pounds before he asked me out. We had a disastrous first date that almost never turned into a second one. But afterward, I wanted to get to know him. I wanted to close the bakery early to spend every moment I could with him. The point, Broody Max, is that my focus shifted. I found something I wasn’t looking for, and it was the best thing that ever happened to me. Plus, he’s a marketing genius, and the bakery is booming.”

  I stared at her. It couldn’t be a good thing my focus was shifting. And in Blue’s own words, this wasn’t something she thought should continue.

  “If the shift or distraction or whatever we have is affecting my work, then it’s not a good thing,” I said, feeling the frustration all over again.

  “Then there’s your answer, regardless of what you want. You have to decide what’s important.” She handed me the coffee and pastries, moving back to the register.

  Waving my hand in a half-hearted goodbye, I headed outside, my glasses fogging again in the humid air.

  I passed the black coffee to Charlie and the cookie to Elise before settling in for the day, putting the peace offering or whatever on Blue’s desk. I could hear Jake through the wall on the phone and was syncing my calendar when I looked up to see her putting her things away.

  She had air pods in and wore a red pencil skirt paired with a black and white buttoned blouse. Her blonde hair cascaded in soft curls over her shoulders, and I caught a small smile as she picked up the coffee and wrapped her pink lips around the lid. I stared at her, and it felt like my heart was going to beat straight out of my chest.