Had To Make You Mine

by Kat Long

  I braced both hands on the door and slammed it shut, leaning against the cold wood. My hands were shaking as I called the police, sliding down the door and wrapping one arm around Baxter. After I hung up, I whispered and cooed praise to him as the adrenalin wore off, holding my other hand to my chest. My wrist was throbbing. I closed my eyes and took several deep breaths, then looked down at my leggings. They were torn where I’d fallen, with several scratches bleeding onto the black fabric.

  I slowly stood when I heard sirens, stepping to the window with a groan. I saw Benjamin lying in the grass where Baxter bit him, clutching his leg. I wasn’t a vengeful person, but if anyone deserved an injured leg, it was him. Actually, since he tried to hurt my dog and get me fired, I’d say he deserved two broken legs, a fractured rib, and a punch to the jaw.

  The sirens got louder, and I focused on the noise until I heard pounding on the door. When I opened it, two police officers rushed in as my vision narrowed and the room spun. The last thing I remember was Baxter’s whining from the kitchen.

  The hospital lights were too bright, and the room was too cold. After an X-ray of my wrist, the doctor said it was sprained, and my calcium levels were too low. I felt so called out.

  I was bandaged and sore, with bruised knees and a raging headache. A nurse came in a short time later with several prescriptions, and I was ready to go home with as little drama as possible.

  I called Bird since he and Taylor were planning on spending the night tomorrow and asked them to come pick me up. I’d rather the girls come over to help me shower and such, but it was nice that Bird stomped in and took charge. I needed my bed in a bad way.

  He charmed the nurses and handled the discharge paperwork, getting me out of there with no fuss. Officer Hanson came by for my statement and told me Benjamin had ten stitches and was handcuffed to a hospital bed awaiting transport to jail.

  Officer Hanson also assured me that Benjamin would not make bail since he admitted he had been following Max and me for weeks between his hysterical wailings. This was finally over. The only thing left to do was call Max and tell him everything, after maybe kicking his ass for being a jerk, asking about his father, and telling him I loved him. I just needed to rest my eyes for a minute first.

  The next time my eyes opened, I was being pushed out in a wheelchair. Bird was hanging up the phone with a scowl on his face, and Taylor had pulled the car around to help me in the front seat. Bird sat in the back, fingers flying across his phone. Seeing his phone reminded me I needed to call my parents and text the girls. The hospital had shitty reception. Digging it out of my purse, I saw a missed call from Max. I called him back, pressing the phone to my ear, and listened to the rings.

  “Hey Blue,” he said, his voice sounding like dark chocolate. Hearing him soothed me. I missed him. I wanted him to cocoon me in his arms and whisper sweet words.

  “Hey, you, how’s your father?” I said as Bird put a reassuring hand on my shoulder from the back seat.

  “I don’t know. I’m heading to my old place to shower. I’m sorry for the way I left.”

  “Thank you, Max. I’m sorry for questioning your mother’s motives.” I put my hand on Bird’s and squeezed.

  “You had every right to, I snapped at you, and that’s never okay. I miss you, baby.”

  “I miss you too. Max, I need to tell you something.”

  My phone buzzed and I looked down to see a text from Jake. I replied I’d call him shortly, then pressed the phone back to my ear.

  “Blue? Blue?”

  “Hey. Sorry about that, Jake was texting.”

  “Yeah. Nice to know your boss is more important than your boyfriend,” Max said, his voice low.

  “What was that?” I asked, almost daring him to repeat himself.

  “Nothing. Let me call you back in five, the elevator has shit reception.”

  “Okay.”

  “Thanks, Blue. Bye.”

  I hung up the phone and let go of Bird’s hand, watching the palmetto trees that dotted the medium.

  “I’m glad he apologized.” Bird said, “He’s always been a hothead, a trait he, unfortunately, picked up from our father.”

  “Yeah. But hothead or not, his comments can be downright mean sometimes. I’m just glad this is over, Bird,” I said, trying to push his attitude aside. “Now I can tell him what happened, support you both through whatever is going on in Chicago, and we can come out stronger.”

  “Our father didn’t have a heart attack.”

  “What?” I must have misheard him.

  “I called the hospitals. He’s not there.”

  “Then what’s going on? Why didn’t you warn Max?”

  “I tried. But like I said, he’s a hothead.” Bird shook his head and stared out the window, tapping his fingers on his leg.

  I waited for Bird to elaborate, but he didn’t. Taylor looked at Bird in the rearview mirror, and they had a married mind-meld conversation. I hated being the last to know everything. I hated being kept in the dark. I sat there, silent and brooding, until the phone rang again.

  “Hey you,” I said, resting my head back and pressing a palm to my cheek.

  “Hey, Blue,” Max said. I could hear keys rattling, and he drew in a long breath. “I’ve been meaning to tell you something. Something I realized. I should tell you when we’re together, when we’re naked, or when I’m holding you. But I think the words are more important than the moment. And I can’t wait a moment longer. I should have never left without telling you, and even if I’m not holding you, I don’t want to wait a moment longer.”

  I held my breath and put my hand across my mouth. He was going to tell me he loves me. I could feel it, down to my bones. He was going to tell me, and I was going to shout from the rooftops, that I love him more than chocolate, more than my favorite guitar. I love him. I want him by my side.

  But first, I shouldn’t have to explain myself, or justify talking to Jake, especially when it’s my job. And some small, nagging part of my brain wanted to reassure him before we said anything else.

  “Max. You know better than anyone that my job is more than nine to five, right?”

  He sighed loudly before answering. “Yeah. I know. But he covered pretty quickly for us, you know. It makes me wonder if he’s done it before.”

  “Done it before? Are you serious?”

  “Yes. No. Who knows. Just seems like we got off easy. And you didn’t answer the question.”

  “I shouldn’t have to answer!” I said, getting madder by the second. I took a deep breath, ready to give him a piece of my mind, but there was a voice in the background. A high, silky voice, almost purring. It sounded like nails on a chalkboard and made my skin crawl. But it was the words the voice spoke that cut me to the core, and I pressed a hand over my mouth, whimpering.

  The words, her words, wrecked me. Gutted me. I didn’t know what to think. I didn’t know what to feel.

  Bird leaned closer, hearing every word, and I shifted in the seat, trying to hold back tears. He reached for the phone, but I jerked forward and cried out, trying to stop the sobs.

  “In this moment, you broke us,” I whispered, sobs making my voice quiver.

  “What?” said Max, sounding worse than when he was monotone. He sounded breathless, panting, worked up.

  “I said, in this moment, you broke us, Max!”

  “Annaleigh!” he yelled, but I hung up the phone and leaned back, letting my tears fall. I missed the good old days of being able to slam the receiver down. Maybe that would make me feel better. But truthfully, I wasn’t mad. I was hurt and tired. So tired.

  “What a stupid fuck,” Bird said, reaching over to rub my arm.

  We pulled up to my house, and Taylor parked, both of them helping me in. Tears streamed down my face, and Baxter whined when we got inside.

  “Oh god. How could he hav
e done that? How was I so naïve? I love him so much. Or I did. I do. I don’t know.”

  “He’d be a fool to let you go. I don’t know what his deal is, but I know he loves you. If he is this stupid, Taylor and I will kick his ass, even if he is my brother. I am taller and younger, after all.”

  “And you have better hair,” Taylor said.

  “That I do, baby. Now you need to sleep and let us handle all the things. Tell us what to do,” Bird said, looking to Taylor, who nodded in agreement.

  “Oh, guys. Thank you. I need to call my parents and the girls. And Jake. How could I keep working at the bank? How can I go there and see him every day? And the prescriptions I got need to be filled, and… and…”

  “Honey, you need to sleep. The girls will be over tomorrow, and Tay and I will handle everything.”

  Taylor helped me upstairs, and propped several pillows on my bed and handed me the remote. I turned my head and smelled the pillow. It still smelled like Max. More tears fell, and I wondered if I’d have any left by the time morning came. I didn’t want to sleep in the same place he held me hours earlier, the same place we all but admitted we loved each other.

  Taylor pushed Tylenol in my hand and a glass of water. I swallowed it down and laid back, staring at the wall.

  “Sleep, Annaleigh. And you know what you need to do.”

  “No. I don’t.”

  “Well, you’re going to get out of bed every morning and breathe in and out all day long. Then, tell me, what will happen?”

  “Taylor.”

  “What will happen next, Annaleigh?”

  “Then, after a while, I won’t have to remind myself to get out of bed every morning and breathe in and out,” I said, lying back on the pillows.

  “That’s right. Now sleep.”

  I nodded and turned my head, smelling the pillow and trying not to fall into self-doubt. Anger slowly replaced my hurt, and I threw the covers off and held in another moan. I didn’t want to smell him. I didn’t want reminders of us. I held onto the anger. It gave me strength, and I grabbed a blanket from the linen closet.

  Stripping the bed as best I could, I curled up on the bare mattress and wrapped myself in the blanket. But that didn’t fix it. Max’s masculine scent has permeated the bed down to the mattress.

  I felt like I was about to tumble over a waterfall, with no way to stop the undertow from pulling me down. I’d had some bad relationships, but nothing like this. I knew it was because I’d never loved anyone like I loved Max. Like I love Max. I’d never given myself so fully to someone else, and he broke us. I was shattered to a thousand pieces.

  There was nothing to do but sleep. Everything would be clearer when I woke up. I’d call Jake, ask to transfer, call the girls, eat too much ice cream, and breathe. I had to remind myself to breathe. In and out. Maybe tomorrow I wouldn’t have to remind myself anymore.

  - 28 -

  LEAVING ALL WE BUILT BEHIND

  Max

  I walked out of the airport and hailed a cab, checking the voicemails on my phone. There was one from Warren and one from Jake. I fired off a text to both. I’d call them back once I checked on my father. My mother had gone silent since I told her I was heading to the airport, and that had me so damn worried. She asked me to go to my old place and shower before calling her.

  The Chicago air was stale and smelled nothing like the ocean. It smelled nothing like home. The city I was born and raised in was no longer familiar and no longer where I wanted to be. Tall, cold buildings dotted the skyline, and car exhaust permeated my wrinkled clothes. Ugh, no. That wasn’t car exhaust. I smelled.

  But I didn’t care. I’d much rather head straight to the hospital, but the last thing I wanted was to cause my mother more stress. And with every step I took, I smelled oranges. Oranges, sweat, and guilt. A shower could help, and there might be clothes left in the closet.

  A cab pulled up, and I rattled off the address as Warren’s name flashed across my phone. I was sure Annaleigh told him where I’d gone and how I’d left. The phone was wedged between my ear and shoulder, and I put my glasses on my head and dug my knuckle into my eye to stave off a headache.

  “I don’t have time to talk right now, Warren. I’m heading to my old place to take a shower before going to the hospital.”

  I rubbed my hand over the scruff on my face. Maybe I could find a razor stashed somewhere in the bathroom.

  “Good. I’ll be brief, you stupid ass,” Warren said.

  “What the hell, man?” I bit back, “I know it was a shit way for me to leave this morning. I left a message for her as soon as I landed.”

  I put my glasses back on and sighed, waiting for him to argue back.

  “First. Shut up, Maxwell.”

  Shit. He used my real name.

  “Two,” he continued, voice getting louder. “I called Northwestern and Rush. He’s not there. Mom’s lying. You’re walking right into whatever shit they have planned.”

  Whatever I was going to say vanished with those words. Was father already discharged? Had he died? Several scenarios were running through my head, except one where I was wrong. I was not fucking wrong.

  “And third. I know what you’re thinking, and you are wrong, Max. Don’t let them manipulate you. And you better call her again to fix how you left things this morning. But hey, I still love you. And remember, I’m a men’s large when you’re shopping for ‘Warren was right presents,’ and I like shiny things. Seacrest out.”

  Warren hung up before I could argue. I tried to close my eyes but was too geared up between worry, guilt, and my cab driver, who was driving like a fucking maniac. The breaks squeaked in the cab as I kept hold of the oh-shit handle until we pulled up to the high rise. The air was smoggy when I stepped out, and I walked in, straight to the concierge, barely lifting my hand in greeting as he handed me a key.

  I paced the lobby, my sneakers squeaking on the floor when Annaleigh’s name flashed across my phone. I stopped, answering, “Hey Blue.”

  I needed her, needed her to calm me, soothe me. I needed to cocoon myself in her orange scent and blonde hair. But first, I needed to apologize. I let my temper get the best of me, again. There was never an excuse for speaking to the woman I love like that.

  “Hey, you, how’s your father?” Her voice sounded shaky, weak, like something was wrong. Way more wrong than the way I left her.

  “I don’t know. I’m heading to my old place to shower. I’m sorry for the way I left.”

  “Thank you, Max. I’m sorry for questioning your mother’s motives.”

  “You had every right too, I snapped at you, and that’s never okay. I miss you, baby.”

  “I miss you too. Max, I need to tell you something.”

  I waited for her to talk, but the line stayed silent. I took the phone from my ear to check the connection, but the call hadn’t dropped. I said her name once, twice, before she answered.

  “Hey. Sorry about that, Jake was texting.”

  Jake was texting? My father had a heart attack and we were in the middle of a conversation, but Jake was texting?

  “Yeah. Nice to know your boss is more important than your boyfriend,” I said, almost growling into the phone.

  “What was that?” she asked.

  I thought for a second and decided not to repeat myself.

  “Nothing. Let me call you back in five, the elevator has shit reception.”

  “Okay.”

  “Thanks, Blue. Bye.”

  A doorman jogged after me and followed me into the elevator, pushing the button for the penthouse.

  “Good evening, Mr. Smerdon. Welcome home,” he said with a tip of his head as the doors opened. I turned around, about to correct him, but didn’t bother. It wasn’t worth it.

  A sense of dread washed over me the higher we rose, and as I walked down the hall and stood out
side. The last time I opened this door, I walked in on Nicole getting plowed by her yoga instructor. This time, I’d do to it talking to Blue.

  “Hey you,” she said.

  “Hey, Blue.” I tossed the spare keys in the air and caught them, drawing in a long breath. I didn’t want to be here, but I stepped inside anyway, almost gagging on the sticky, cloying smell of perfume. The place looked the same. White and red with clean lines and hard edges. Fresh lilies were in the foyer, and the living room lights were on. The sticky-sweet scent got stronger the further I walked in, but all I could think about was telling Blue I love her, then taking a shower.

  Forget going upstairs. I kicked my shoes off in front of the spare bedroom on the first floor and dug around in the linen closet, finding a towel, washcloth, and soap. I didn’t see a razor, but the faster I got out of here, the better.

  “I’ve been meaning to tell you something. Something I realized. I should tell you when we’re together, when we’re naked, or when I’m holding you. But I think the words are more important than the moment. And I can’t wait a moment longer. I should have never left without telling you, and even if I’m not holding you, I don’t want to wait a moment longer.”

  I smiled into the phone and paused, not really sure where I was going. I wanted more than anything to tell her how much I love her, but something kept needling me, preventing me from blurting out the words. Before I could figure it out, she started talking.

  “Max. You know better than anyone that my job is more than nine to five, right?”

  I sighed loudly before answering. “Yeah. I know. But he covered pretty quickly for us, you know. It makes me wonder if he’s done it before.”

  “Done it before? Are you serious?”

  “Yes. No. Who knows. Just seems like we got off easy. And you didn’t answer the question.”

  “I shouldn’t have to answer!”

  Shit!

  She was right. She shouldn’t have to answer because I should trust her. I do trust her. I love her. My love for Blue filled up every deep, dark spot that Nicole ever tarnished. I scrubbed a hand over my face again, ready to tell her sorry, again, but a voice cut through the silence. The cloying smell made sense, and I could hear my heart thundering in my ears.