by Tillie Cole
Cowboy’s face lit up. “You wanna see me ride?” I nodded. “Then count me the fuck in.” He stretched his arms and cricked his head. “It’ll be good to get a hard workout.”
Cowboy sat on the fence of the training ring while I practiced hurtling around the barrels. The sun burned hot on my neck as the hours passed, as I pushed Sandy, cutting in and out of the barrels, galloping to the finish line. “Seventeen seconds,” Cowboy shouted as we crossed the line for the hundredth time. I pulled Sandy to a halt. Not the best times I’d ever had, but it was enough for today.
I walked Sandy past Cowboy. His arms were bare, his thin plaid shirt torn off at the sleeves. “Ready to sweat?”
Cowboy lifted his Stetson, combed through his hair with his fingers, and asked, “Are we talking about saddle-broncing Pepper here? Because I really fucking hope we’re talking about something different.”
I rolled my eyes. “Do you ever think of anything else?”
“Around you?” He smiled. A real fucking wide smile. “Not a damn chance.”
“I’ll meet you at the chute.” I handed Sandy to Clara, who gave me a knowing wink. Shaking my head, I led Pepper out of the stall. Cowboy was waiting for me. I brought Pepper to a halt and nodded to the shed. “Chaps and bronc reins in there.” Cowboy went inside. When he came back out, he was wearing the black leather chaps and a denim shirt that covered his arms and chest, and he held the bronc rein in his hands.
“Give him here.” Cowboy took hold of Pepper, checked his saddle and attached the bronc rein to the halter.
“Give him about three and a half fingers,” I said, referring to how much rein Pepper worked best with.
Cowboy smiled. “Was going to anyway, cher. Told you, I’m fucking good at this.”
I turned my head to the other side of the ring and saw Hush had pulled up on my poppa’s bike. He was leaning over the handlebars, watching his best friend like a hawk. I lost my breath when he met my eyes for a second. It was only for a second, and then he quickly focused on Cowboy again.
Clara and I led Pepper inside the chute, and Cowboy slid onto the horse. Clara ran to the chute gate and waited for my command. Pepper’s nostrils flared, his hooves padding in excitement on the dirt. Cowboy tightened his one-handed grip on the rein and positioned his feet.
“You sure you’re up for this?” I sought reassurance, having a momentary doubt. I knew Aubin Breaux could ride. Hell, he was the best around as a teen, but I wasn’t sure if “Cowboy” from the Hangmen still had what it took to stay on this stallion. And Pepper was a champion horse in the making.
“Open the damn gate, cher,” Cowboy shouted, as he threw me a typical laid-back wink and grin.
I looked at Clara. “You heard the man.”
Clara threw the gate open, and Pepper launched into action. The bronc kicked like a motherfucker, and my heart seemed to stop in my chest. I’d fucked up. I straddled the fence, ready to run for Pepper if he threw Cowboy. But my eyes widened and a smile spread on my lips as Cowboy threw a hand in the air and rode the stallion like he’d never stopped competing.
Clara nudged me, and her eyebrows shot up in surprise. “He’s damn good, girl!”
After staying on far longer than the eight seconds that was needed, Cowboy kicked his leg off the saddle and jumped to the ground, running clear of the stallion. Pepper took off, circling the ring, eventually calming down and coming to a stop. Clara crossed the ring to get him.
I jumped from the fence and ran at Cowboy, who was strutting back, arms wide and a cocky smirk on his beautiful face. I didn’t even think through my next action. One minute I was running across the dirt, adrenaline from Cowboy’s ride surging through my veins. The next I was launching into his arms. “That was amazing!” I felt Cowboy’s arms wrap around my waist . . . and I quickly became hyper-aware of the fact that he was holding me.
He must have felt me tense; he slowly lowered me to the ground. I dropped my arms, but he refused to let go.
“Fuck, cher,” he said, voice husky as he spoke directly into my ear. “If I’d known this was how to get you in my fucking arms, I’d have ridden for you the minute I arrived.”
Laughing nervously, shocked at the lack of unease I felt in his embrace, I tilted my head back to find his blue eyes locked on me. “That was pretty fucking incredible, Cowboy,” I said and ran my hands down to his wide chest. I watched as my palms flattened on his hard pecs. I couldn’t take my eyes off my hands. I was touching him . . . I was touching him. It had been so damn long. I wasn’t sure I’d ever be able to touch another man like this after Juan, after what I found out . . . after what he did . . .
Cowboy growled low, causing me to look up, pulling me from my spiraling dark thoughts. “You feel fucking good wrapped around me, cher,” he whispered. I immediately dropped my hands.
“Can you go again?” I tried to calm the hell down. Confused didn’t even cover it right now. I hadn’t thought about men in a romantic way for years. The quickening of my pulse and the racing of my heart told me that had all changed.
It was Cowboy. His smiles. His kind heart.
And it was Hush. The mysterious closed-off man that I yearned to unlock.
“Always,” he said, and I stepped back from him. Cowboy let me go. Just as I was about to turn toward the chute, I glanced over my shoulder and found a set of ice-blue eyes staring back at me. I held Hush’s gaze, trying to decipher what the hell that fierce look meant. But a hand slipped into mine, causing me to break away.
“Let’s go,” Cowboy said, following the path of my attention. Hush looked at Cowboy, some unspoken conversation happening between them before my very eyes. Cowboy broke the connection first and led me back to the chute. “I wanna go again.” When I glanced back, I expected Hush to be gone. But he remained, watching.
My heart beat just that little bit faster.
*****
“Cowboy!”
Cowboy’s name rang out like a wailing siren from my mouth. My eyes widened in horror as I laid eyes on his hand. Pepper was bucking hard. Cowboy was trying to dismount. But his hand was caught. “He’s hung up!” I jumped from the fence. I sprinted to the other side of the ring, watching as Cowboy’s body was flung around as he tried to break free from the horse. He became unseated, his legs dropping to the ground. His feet scraped along the dirt, trying to keep up with the erratically bucking horse. But his hand was still attached to the bronc rein. Cowboy struggled, head tipped back toward the saddle, trying to work his way free. I flinched as Pepper’s legs flicked and kicked, almost catching Cowboy, as the horse spun in ever-decreasing circles.
“Around the other side!” I ordered Clara. Clara did as asked, rocking back and forth on her feet to try and catch hold of Pepper with the loose rein she held. She lunged forward, wrapped the rein around his neck, controlled his head, and managed to bring him to a stop. But Pepper’s hooves still padded frantically on the dirt.
“Cowboy,” I called, and moved to his trapped hand. The skin of his wrist was torn up and red from the rein. The minute I started tugging on the rein, Pepper began to shy. “Cher. Get back,” Cowboy shouted through gritted teeth.
I shook my head, refusing to move, and suddenly Hush was beside me. He yanked a knife from his belt and began sawing at the rein. I staggered back, letting out a deep exhale when the rein loosened enough for Hush to drag Cowboy out of the way. Pepper spooked at all the commotion, and Clara stepped away. He took off around the arena, bucking and kicking—doing exactly what he’d been trained to do. I watched him go, blood draining from my face when I realized that Cowboy could have been even more seriously hurt.
Hush was holding Cowboy up against the fence. I rushed over, seeing Clara was approaching Pepper to calm him down. As I drew near Hush and Cowboy, I could only make out a rapid French conversation pouring from their mouths. Cowboy was holding his arm, his shoulder dipped as if he could barely stand to straighten it.
“Cowboy!” I ran to his side.
He cracked a str
ained smile. “It’s . . . nothing, cher.” He wasn’t exactly convincing. His hoarse voice clearly showed me that he was racked with pain.
“It’s not nothing.” I opened the gate for him to get out. I helped Hush take him through to the yard and sit him on a nearby bench.
“What the fuck were you thinking?” Hush snapped at Cowboy. Cowboy rolled his eyes at his best friend. “You ain’t done this in years, Aub. This ain’t your fucking life anymore!” The panic in Hush’s voice made my heart squeeze. The raw terror pulsing from him at the fact that his best friend was injured. Could have been hurt worse.
“I can fucking ride, Val. I’ve been doing it all damn day. I’ve been doing it since I was barely outta diapers.”
Hush nodded at his shoulder. “Doesn’t fucking look like it—”
“I was hung up!”
“He was hung up!”
Cowboy and I spoke at the same time. Even in pain, Cowboy threw me a wink, but it was quickly followed by a wince.
“I have no idea what the fuck that means. But it doesn’t matter,” Hush said. Cowboy closed his eyes and took a deep breath. I grimaced as his face grew red. “You need a doctor?” Hush ran his hand over his shaved head. He was agitated. More so than he should be. Hush was practically falling apart at Cowboy being hurt.
“Val,” Cowboy said slowly. “I’m okay.” Cowboy sent me a quick cautious glance, before he leaned in closer, getting Hush’s attention. “Calm down. I’m fine.” Hush took a long deep breath.
I was wondering what the hell was happening between them when Cowboy distracted me by saying, “Help me back to the house, Val.”
“Wait!” I said. “I’ll go get my truck.”
I took off at a jog, passing Clara and giving her a thumbs-up to make sure she had everything under control. She nodded and led Pepper into a stall in the barn. In less than five minutes, I was in my truck and heading back to Cowboy and Hush. Hush sat beside Cowboy, Cowboy’s hand on Hush’s thigh. Hush’s head was lowered, but I could see his eyes were closed. He looked like he was counting; his lips moved slightly as he said something to himself.
Hush’s head snapped up as I got out of the truck. “You got my chariot, cher?” Cowboy asked.
“Sure have, darlin’.” I moved to where he still sat, slouched on the bench. I looked at Hush. “You okay? You don’t look so good.”
“Bon,” he replied and stood to face Cowboy. “Allons.” Hush helped Cowboy to his feet. I moved to his other side. Cowboy managed to put his good arm over my shoulder, and he playfully said through a clenched jaw, “Anything to get you to touch me again, cher.”
I rolled my eyes. “You don’t have to get injured for that, cher,” I teased.
Cowboy smiled. “Good . . . to . . . know.”
Hush’s brow was furrowed. His attention was on the truck. But I knew his frown was a reaction to me and Cowboy. I couldn’t understand why, if what Cowboy had told me was right. If they shared women, then what the hell was so wrong with me?
I was starting to believe that Cowboy was full of shit. That Hush wasn’t just keeping me at arm’s length because he liked me. But that, in fact, he really didn’t.
Which was like a damn hammer blow to the heart.
Hush helped Cowboy into the truck. I thought he would ride back on Poppa’s old Harley, but Hush got in the cab too. As I pulled out of the yard toward my house, Cowboy put a hand on my thigh. When I looked toward him, I saw he had done the same to Hush too. “Well . . .” he managed to push out through his pain. “This is . . . cozy.”
Hush pushed Cowboy’s hand from his thigh. “Not the fuck now, Aub.”
Cowboy turned to me and smiled, not even bothered by Hush’s pissy comment. My chest warmed. I’d never known anyone like Cowboy. Never known anyone so free spirited. Someone who just seemed to want to make everyone happy.
And I’d never known anyone so closed off as Hush. At least to anyone but Cowboy. In fact, with Cowboy, he seemed weirdly dependent.
I stopped at my house. Hush opened the passenger door and helped Cowboy out. Cowboy staggered up the steps. I smoothed my hand over my cell in my pocket, almost calling Ky to send a doctor. But then I didn’t want Ky to know about Cowboy riding Pepper. I didn’t want to give him any excuse to pull Hush and Cowboy from my ranch and replace them with someone else. My heart rolled at the thought of them leaving. It had only been a couple of weeks, but I had gotten used to them being around. Cowboy with his easy flirtations and suggestive winks. And even Hush with his silence and permanent scowl.
They made me feel safe.
To me, that was worth its weight in gold.
Deciding to forget the call, I strode up the steps and entered my house. Cowboy was already lying on the couch. Hush was helping him out of his chaps and denim shirt, leaving him in his jeans and white wife-beater. I gasped on seeing the bruises already beginning to sprout on his arm and shoulder. His wrist was raw from the rope burns. “Cowboy,” I whispered, my eyes watering. “I shouldn’t have let you ride Pepper. I . . . I wasn’t thinking . . .”
“I wanted to, cher.” He grinned, only wincing when Hush placed a bag of ice on his arm. “Gotta be honest, it felt good to ride again.”
Hush made a low sound in his throat. Turning away, he announced, “I’m gonna go get the bike.” Hush left the house, and I couldn’t help it, but I sighed. I was sick and tired of his constant cold shoulder. I had done everything in my power to be nice to him. To talk to him. But he wanted nothing to do with me.
A fact I had to accept . . . even though the thought of it sent a slice of pain spearing through my heart. As if Cowboy could read my thoughts, he said, “He’s just quiet, cher. I promise. It’s nothing more.” He pointed to his arm. “And probably pissed that I’ve done this to myself.” He shrugged. “Been years since I’ve been on a bronc.”
I went to the kitchen and grabbed a couple of pain pills and a glass of water. I handed them to Cowboy. He knocked them back, but then frowned at the water. “You got something stronger than water, cher?” I took a bottle of bourbon and a glass from my cupboard. “Just bring the bottle, darlin’,” he said, shooting me a wide grin.
I laughed. “That grin gets all the ladies to do your bidding, huh?”
He tipped his head to the side. “Don’t know. Is it gonna get you to blow off whatever you had planned tonight and play nurse with me here on this couch?”
“I hadn’t had anything planned, as you well know.” I sighed, shaking my head when he patted the couch beside him.
“Well then, you’ve got no excuse.” I sat down and watched him take a swig of the bourbon. He handed the bottle to me. “Get drunk with me, Sia.”
I took the bottle from him, startled when he shifted and lay flat on the couch, putting his head on my lap. I stared at him, shocked, breathing deeply. There was a man sprawled across my thighs. I closed my eyes, trying to fight back the memory of the last person who had done this to me.
As if he could see the war inside my head, Cowboy asked, “You want me to move, cher?”
My eyes sprang open. My heart friggin’ melted at the sincere look in his eyes and the fact that he had understood I found it hard.
That he had given me a choice.
“No,” I whispered. Cowboy looked up at me. I gave him a shaky smile and moved his Stetson off his head. I placed the hat on the floor and lowered my nervous hand to his forehead. Cowboy closed his eyes and sighed.
“That feels real fucking good, cher.”
My hand faltered when I heard the echo of another voice in my mind. “That feels so good, mi rosa . . .”
My breathing sped up, too lost in the memory of the past. But I was guided from the nightmare when calloused fingers wrapped around mine and squeezed. “You’re safe, cher,” Cowboy’s soft, beautifully accented voice soothed.
I looked down at the man lying next to me. It was a small matter. Just a tiny fucking thing, really, but I never thought I would get to this point. After all that happened in Mexico,
I never thought I’d ever be like this with another man.
Something as simple as a head on my lap felt like the biggest leap I’d ever made.
Feeling brave, I took my free hand and brought it to Cowboy’s hair. “You got hair to die for, darlin’. You know that?”
Cowboy grinned. “It’s what all the bitches tell me.” His face adopted a serious expression. “I’m thinking of becoming a shampoo-commercial model.” He blinked, looking anything but the innocent man he was trying to play. “Think I have what it takes?” I lightly pulled on his hair and shrugged. “Damn, cher.” He waggled his eyebrows. “Keep doing that and I’ll forget my injured wrist and let you pull on something else.”
“Shut up,” I said, pretending to be annoyed. I pushed his head, but the stubborn asshole just placed it back in my lap. I couldn’t help but laugh, the humor breaking the heavy weight my memories had briefly placed on me.
Cowboy’s eyes closed as I raked the blond strands with my fingers. We stayed like that for ages, me still smiling like a fool, until Hush walked in the door. He froze, his eyes zeroing in on us.
My hand stilled, and Cowboy opened his eyes. “I was enjoying that, cher. Don’t stop.” He closed his eyes again, but my eyes remained locked on Hush’s. His cheeks flushed, and I saw his hands tighten into fists at his side.
I released my hand from Cowboy’s hair to move the ice bag back into place. All the time Hush held my stare, like he couldn’t look away from the sight of his best friend and me on the couch. But I didn’t see hatred or jealousy on his face. No, in fact, I saw what looked like longing . . . and my fucking heart tore. Hush stood rooted to the spot. He stared. I stared. And for the first time since he’d come to stay at my ranch, I didn’t see indifference or coldness when he looked at me. But warmth. Such blazing heat that I felt as though I were sitting beside a burning fire.
Heat for me . . . That fire was for me.
“Come sit down,” I found myself whispering, barely breaking the silence that had blanketed the room. Cowboy’s breathing had evened out. I thought he had fallen asleep, but when he moved his legs, creating a space for his best friend, I knew he could hear every word.