Death By Rum Balls

by Colleen Mooney

  “LB?”

  “All I know about LB is Julia met him speed dating a couple of weeks ago and has been seeing him since. I also met him for the first time tonight at this party so I can’t tell you much about him either,” I said.

  “Do you know anyone here that would want to see Larry and his new wife dead?”

  I immediately thought Julia might but I shook my head no. I said, “You know he was eating rum balls that were left here as part of a Secret Santa gift exchange for Julia’s cooking club. I think something might be in one of those boxes. Larry had been eating those like there’s no tomorrow. I saw him force one on his wife and when he wasn’t looking, I saw her spit it out in a napkin. The rest of the boxes are in the kitchen.”

  “Good, thanks for telling me,” he said. “We’ll also take those boxes with us for forensics to run their tests on. Please show me where you think they all are.”

  He had an accent which was definitely not a New Orleans one but close. Then I realized he was a New Yorker.

  “There are boxes in the kitchen and two in the dining room,” I said.

  Taylor called a forensic technician over and told him to gather the gold foiled boxes of rum balls in the dining room and kitchen for evidence.

  “Who else do you know here?” Detective Travis Taylor asked me.

  “I really only knew two of the other guests here tonight. They are neighbors Ned and Janice who live directly across the street. They adopted one of my rescued dogs about a year ago, but that was the last time I saw them before tonight. I know Julia, the woman who lives here and owns the bed and breakfast, Jiff Heinkel, and Frank. Everyone else I met for the first time tonight. I did meet LB, Julia’s new boyfriend, when he answered the door. I never saw or met him before this party.”

  “How do you know Julia Richard?” He said it like the man’s name.

  “Julia Richard…” I pronounced it properly in French, “and we know each other from where we were both previously employed. I met her about three years ago, and we have stayed in contact even after the company downsized and she was let go. I still work there. In fact, she asked me to stay here tonight with Frank.”

  “Who’s Frank? Your boyfriend?” he asked while making notes, but I saw him look up to see how I reacted.

  “I’m guessing you haven’t met Frank yet. Frank is the waiter and bartender tonight. He works here.”

  “Oh, that guy.” He looked at me somewhat amused and asked, “How do you know Frank? The waiter?”

  Something in the way Detective Travis Taylor was watching me when he asked me the question made me feel uncomfortable. He wasn’t looking me up and down, but his eyes were dark, almost black, and he was watching me with a little too much intensity causing me to feel self-conscious when I answered a question.

  “Frank is not a waiter. Well, he’s the waiter tonight. Frank is Julia’s handyman here at the bed and breakfast. Well, he’s not really a handyman. Frank is more of an interior designer and makes Julia’s clothes. He sews and handles her social responses. He’s more of a personal assistant.” I stopped talking because Detective Taylor stopped writing and stood looking at me while I rattled on about Frank.

  “So, Frank, the waiter, is only a waiter tonight because he is not really a handyman, but rather a seamstress, an interior decorator, and a personal assistant? Frank has a big job description and more responsibilities than the President of the United States.”

  “You know what? You can figure it out, Mr. Oh-So-Smart Detective not from here. I’m trying to tell you who he is and how he fits in around here with Julia so you can see he’s not a suspect,” I said feeling very protective of Frank.

  “How does Julia know Frank besides his renaissance ability to be everyman?” he asked.

  I stood trying to figure out how to answer this without incriminating Frank and Julia. He asked questions in a way that wasn’t rude, just overt.

  “I think you should ask them,” I said.

  “I’m asking you. If you know, please tell me.” He waited with his ink pen, I then noticed to be a Mont Blanc, poised over his rather nice, leather-bound notepad. Actually, it was a leather cover that a spiral notepad could be slipped into and replaced as needed. It covered the notepad and tied closed.

  I let out a big breath. This was going to make his day. “Julia met Frank in central lockup when she was arrested for murdering a guest here in the bed and breakfast. You could probably get that exact date from the police reports that were filed. Ask Hanky. She worked that case and will remember. Will there be anything else?” I asked.

  “Yeah. One more thing. Who was the guy standing with you when Detective Hanky and I pulled up?”

  “Jiff Heinkel.”

  “How do you know him?”

  “I already mentioned he’s the only other person I know here tonight. He is my escort to this party,” I answered. Calling someone my boyfriend sounds like high school and saying he was my significant other suggested we are living together. Calling him my date implies a casual, not an ongoing relationship. Jiff was none of the above.

  “Escort as in date, friend, or as in paid?” He had a deadpan look on his face.

  “Are you asking if I’m his paid escort or if he is mine?”

  “Escort can go a lot of different ways. I’ve only been here six weeks. Everything about this city is new to me. You guys have weird names and do weird things, and most of the time it sounds like you are speaking a foreign language. I’m just trying to get the correct information.”

  Yeah right. I crossed my arms across my chest. I felt my chin push up toward the ceiling.

  “Please, just one more thing. What’s the fascination with costumes and big, plastic blow-up Christmas objects on the front lawns here? I saw a big, pink pig dressed up like Santa Claus.”

  “That’s just normal stuff,” I said.

  “Since I’ve been here I haven’t seen anything that comes close to normal,” he said.

  “So what did bring you here from New York?” A quick eye movement showed an instant of surprise that I guessed where he was from.

  “I worked ten years in homicide and undercover there, and I saw too many weird and strange people do too many weird and strange things. I wanted to get away from it,” he said.

  “You moved to New Orleans to get away from weird and strange? We wrote the book on weird and strange. Wait until Mardi Gras.” This guy didn’t know what he was in for. I felt myself smiling because I felt sorry for him. “Are we finished Detective?”

  “Well, I finally got you to smile. Thank you, Ms. Brandy, Brandy Alexander. I’m sure I’ll want to speak with you again.” I could feel him watching me walk away from him.

  Chapter Eight

  Frank looked relieved when I said I’d stay the night, because Julia had called and said she would be home really late if at all. He found me some night clothes and set up one of the upstairs guest rooms for me.

  “Frank, why isn’t she staying the night at the hotel with LB?” I asked. “He said he was staying at the Fairmont. That’s just a block or so away.”

  “I asked her that, and she said she didn’t have a change of clothes. You know Miss Priss wants to look like a million bucks when she steps out of here,” he said. “Besides, she thinks he has money and she wants to make sure before she jumps in bed with him. She thinks it makes her more desirable.” Frank did his signature eye roll.

  Jiff and I decided it might be best if I stayed and he would come get me tomorrow. It was late, almost 3:00 am I had already called my roommate, Suzanne, and asked if she would take care of my dog, Meaux. I kissed Jiff good night, and I went back to the kitchen. Frank was busy cleaning up and putting away dishes, covering leftovers, and sampling things here and there before he wrapped them up and put them in the refrigerator. He pulled out two clean plates, set them on the kitchen island, and then pulled two ribs off the crown roast and put one on each plate.

  “Might as well see if this is as good as she said it was going to be.” He
cut off a big bite and after taking a moment to make a decision, started shaking his head yes and making an um-m-m sound.

  I tried my piece by taking a tiny nibble off the bone and Frank was right, it was tasty. The presentation was pretty with all the ribs in a circle with the ends sticking up. Each rib was wearing a small white topper that looked like tiny chefs’ hats. After we ate our helping of dinner, we both were ready for bed. It was almost 3:30 a.m. when Frank finished cleaning up and putting things away in the refrigerator. Eating made me even more sleepy.

  Before my eyes closed I asked Frank, “What inheritance were you talking about with Julia and her brother earlier. We got cut off.”

  “She got a call from an attorney a couple of weeks ago, and he told her that her dad had died and left no will, so it was going to probate. I don’t know what that means, but her dad’s estate was worth a lot of money, and it would go to her and her brother,” Frank said.

  “Do you know how much?” I asked him.

  “No, I went to listen in on her office extension, but by the time I got there to pick up, I guess the attorney had already told her,” Frank said and was about to continue.

  “Frank, you eavesdrop on her calls?” I asked.

  “Of course, how else do you think I know what goes on around here. Anyway, as I was saying… she was asking the attorney not to tell her brother until she had a chance to speak with him. The attorney said it was too late, Larry already knew,” he said.

  “I’m exhausted, Frank. I hope money is not at the bottom of all this between Julia and her brother. Let’s talk about this some more in the morning if Julia isn’t home,” I said and headed upstairs.

  In one of the vacant guest rooms, there was a warm up-suit of Julia’s Frank put on the bed for me to sleep in. Tomorrow I’d just have to wear the warm up home and pull my hair into a ponytail. I started to doze off and boxes of rum balls danced in my head. My eyes popped open when the one from the mailbox danced by. Who sent those rum balls? It was the only thing Larry was eating, and eating a lot of. It had to be the rum balls, and Julia said they were all anonymous except that the president of the gourmet club knew who sent which one. Maybe someone sent an extra.

  Every time I dozed off another question I needed to know the answer to would pop in my head. So much didn’t add up, and I needed some basic info from Julia or Frank. I thought maybe someone who wasn’t at the party might be important, like the someone who might be in the gourmet club that might have left the gift in the mailbox.

  By 7:00 a.m. I was sitting in the kitchen having a cup of coffee. No one else seemed to be stirring. All the dogs were put on the back porch at night. I looked in on them trying to decide if I should let them out, but they all were zonked out asleep. They hadn’t recovered from the late night either.

  I sat down with the list of people Julia and I had made while we waited for the police. Frank and Julia would have to help me fill it in. I started making notes to keep me on track, because once Frank and Julia started to tag team me, I might run up the street screaming. It’s a good thing this was a Saturday and Christmas Eve was a week away. I still had some shopping to do and gifts to wrap. Work had not slowed down, and there were a couple of things I had to do before I closed out the year. Jiff and I had a full week of night or evening activities planned. There was Christmas Caroling in Jackson Square tomorrow night. Tonight was a Holiday Yappy Hour where we could have photos taken with our pets. My place of employment had an after work get together one night this week and so did Jiff’s office. I still had to get a gift for Jiff’s parents since we were spending Christmas Eve with them. I added it to my Christmas to-do list in between jotting down questions for Julia and Frank.

  I was tapping my pen on the list of people, trying to think of what didn’t add up. If the rum balls were poisoned or tampered with, that would be figured out fast enough by the police. Then the president of the gourmet cooking club would find whose name was associated with that box number and case closed.

  The holidays would resume for everyone except Donna, if she made it, and Julia, who would have to bury her brother. The police needed to find the murderer. Twenty-one people were here, and the only ones I was certain were not the killers were Jiff and myself. While the two neighbors I knew didn’t seem like they would murder anyone or have a reason to, I wouldn’t put my neck on the chopping block for Janice. She had Julia issues too.

  While I waited for Frank to wake up, I called and spoke to Suzanne, “Hey, I’m sorry to have to ask you again, would you mind feeding Meaux this morning and letting him out and back in? I’ll be home in a couple of hours… I hope.”

  “I already fed him and I let him sleep with me last night. How’s it going over there? Do you want me to come rescue you from the clutches of Julia’s weird and strange world?” Weird and strange. I thought about the conversation with Detective Taylor last night.

  “No. Jiff will come get me or I’ll grab a cab. It wasn’t the party we thought we were going to, that’s for sure. Be glad you didn’t come. Although… since someone left a box of rum balls anonymously, and we think that might be what killed Larry and made Donna sick, I’ll have to add you to the suspect list,” I joked.

  “If I had any free time between work, school, and studying, and I wanted to kill Julia, I wouldn’t waste any of it making something for her to eat and hope she eats it. I’d just knock her in the head,” Suzanne said. “Besides, I was working last night.”

  “Yes, that’s a good alibi only if your work confirms it. Then your statement clears you,” I continued to joke with her. “You are more action oriented. Believe me, there are enough suspects right now without trying to find more. Tell Meaux I’ll be home as soon as I can.”

  “You really need to consider Frank as the murderer. If I had to work with Julia as much as he does, I would have tried to kill her by now. Maybe his attempt went haywire. Don’t overlook the obvious,” Suzanne said laughing. She added, “Don’t worry, your precious Meaux will still love you when you get home, even though I am making inroads to displace you with food. See you later.”

  Hanky had left a message on my cell phone. She and Taylor had gone to the hospital and said the doctors were cautiously optimistic that Donna might pull through. Julia’s brother arrived DOA. The coroner still had to do an autopsy but should get the tox screen back soon. His initial findings looked like poison. After all the tests results came back they would know more.

  Frank drifted down first around 9:15 a.m. He isn’t a morning person, so I was surprised he was up before noon.

  “Some night, huh?” I greeted him. “Not the party I was expecting.”

  “Not a party. She will be tougher than usual to deal with today.” Frank looked at me and said, “You sure you want to be here when she gets back, cuz I know I would rather be somewhere else. I have to be here. You can leave.”

  While Frank and I were alone in the kitchen, I asked, “What do you think of Julia’s new boyfriend, LB?” Even though Julia was not here, she had an unbelievable ability to overhear a whisper across a street while she stood next to a jackhammer. I worried she could somehow hear us talking right now from wherever she was.

  “Hmmm,” Frank slowed his movements in mid dishwasher unloading to choose his words. “He seems all right at first, but then he gets pushy,” he said.

  “What do you mean ‘he gets pushy?’” I asked him. “How so?”

  “Well, like yesterday when Julia’s brother and the wife arrived early, she sent them off to the French Quarter, remember? Well, they left their luggage inside in the hallway. When LB came over and saw it there he told me, didn’t ask mind you, told me to bring their luggage upstairs and put it in their rooms,” Frank said. “It was like he knew who it belonged to without asking.”

  I raised an eyebrow, thinking most luggage was bigger than Frank, and there was no elevator in here. I couldn’t imagine elfin Frank wrestling a big rolling bag up the grand staircase, just like I couldn’t imagine him setting up the nutcrack
ers on either side of the entry doors. “So what did you do?” I asked him.

  “Julia heard him and said Larry could drag his bags and Donna’s upstairs himself. ‘LB,’ she said, ‘I have Frank doing things here to help me for this party tonight. If you want those bags upstairs, you can take them yourself.’” Frank’s hands had started shaking, and he almost dropped a plate.

  “What is it, Frank?” I asked and took the plate from him, closing the dishwasher door. “What is it about him?”

  “He gave me a sideways look that was so mean, like he was not used to someone not jumping to do what he told them to do,” Frank said.

  “Well, Julia was the one who told him she didn’t want you doing that,” I said.

  “Yeah, but I got the feeling from the look he gave me that he expected me to do it anyway. He’s weird,” Frank said.

  “Weird and strange?” I asked. I really thought about doing a list of everyone ever referred to as weird and strange and comparing all the names to each other to see what made them similar.

  “No, weird and mean,” Frank said. “I’ve met men like him before. He appears to Julia all nice and helpful, but I don’t trust him. She doesn’t really know him, and everything she knows about him, he told her.”

  “What did he tell her about himself? Rather, what has she told you she knows about him?” I asked.

  “I think she said his last name was Smith or maybe it was Sutton. Sutton. It’s Sutton. Before you ask, I don’t know what LB stands for,” Frank said, opening the dishwasher door to finish unloading it. “Julia and Larry are from Baton Rouge and sound like they’re from Texas. I’m guessing he’s from Texas, too, since he wears that big hat.” Frank was running his fingers through his pixie haircut in an attempt to get it to wisp along his face. He went to the kitchen sink and wet his fingers to help his hair cooperate, and I noticed his hands were still shaking.