Death By Rum Balls

by Colleen Mooney

  “When you were dating? When did you stop dating Dante?” Hanky looked confused.

  “That’s over. It’s been over and neither one of us wants to admit it,” I said.

  “You need to tell him. Dante made a comment about going to some family party with you before he left for Houston,” Hanky said.

  “Really? To date, you must communicate. He must be in denial. That’s what you call it when one of you thinks you’re dating and the other one doesn’t. We haven’t made any plans because I haven’t heard from him in weeks,” I said. “It’s the holidays and Christmas is a week away. How could he possibly think he can just call me up now and pick up where we left off? If he can’t remember the last time we communicated, then he needs a time management course.”

  Hanky shrugged. She probably knew Dante as well as or better than I did. They worked as partners, and she at least had a front row seat when it came to seeing how he thinks.

  I had to ask her, “What did you tell your new partner about me and Dante?”

  “I told him you two have history, that’s all. I think he was curious to see if you were available since you were there with another guy.”

  “I’d have to be out of my mind to date another policeman, let alone someone who works for Dante,” I said.

  “Not out of your mind, more like you have a death wish for the other cop,” Hanky said with a mischievous grin. “Let’s go talk to Julia and Frank. I want to see if anyone remembers anything else from last night.”

  “Maybe you’ll have better luck than I did this morning,” I said. “Julia had been up all night at the hospital and she was crabby.”

  “Take a ride with me. She ought to be awake by now. I’ll have you back here in an hour,” Hanky said.

  “I can’t go back there today. I have too much to do, but I can go with you tomorrow. There’s a ton of last-minute stuff I need to do before I go to Yappy Hour with Jiff and Meaux. Meaux needs to go see the groomer so he will be handsome for the paw-ty photos. Jiff’s bringing Isabella. You can have photos taken with Santa Paws and your pets for a donation.”

  “If I get off early enough I’ll come and bring Valentine,” she said. Hanky had adopted a schnauzer from me a few months back. “I really want you there when I question Frank and Julia, because you know those two and you’ll know if they’re holding back. Let’s go tomorrow, say 10:00 a.m.?”

  “Make it 1:00 o’clock if you want them up and awake,” I said. “The guest house is vacant for the holidays so they both sleep late. Hey, did anything come back on the boxes of rum balls yet?”

  “No, maybe tomorrow we’ll know something from the tox screen. See you at one tomorrow,” Hanky said. “I’ll swing by and pick you up. You can ride with me if Taylor’s not going, or you can follow in your car.” Hanky left and I went back to getting my things together for the hectic day I had ahead of me.

  Jiff arrived with his dog Isabella to pick us up that afternoon at five-thirty. Isabella looked recently groomed.

  “Well, don’t you look pretty, Miss Isabella?” I said petting her. “Meaux went to the stylist today so he would look handsome for his Santa photo with you.” I had made a red-plaid vest and bought a red-knit scarf from the pet boutique for him to wear in the photos. He would stand out against the off-white beaded sweater I wore over cream colored pants. I made the same red-plaid vest, only a little longer with a ruffle around the neck, for Isabella so she looked more like she was wearing a dress. I instructed Jiff to wear a white button-down shirt.

  I put the plaid outfits I made on her and Meaux. They must have liked them, because they began barking and playing with each other and chasing each other through the house. They knew they were going somewhere special.

  Jiff said, “Ready? We look like a cute little family going for our Christmas pictures.” I thought so too.

  This pet-friendly feed store hosts monthly Yappy Hours to benefit different local rescue groups. Tonight they were hosting it for the benefit of Schnauzer Rescue, the rescue where I volunteered and managed. This was always fun for schnauzer lovers and their dogs. We arrived soon after the start time so we walked right up for the photo. There was a big red sleigh we could all fit in. Santa had to stand this one out because we filled up the sleigh, but I really didn’t want some guy I didn’t know sitting in the photo with all of us. Besides, even though he was wearing a Santa suit, he had black eyebrows showing and that just didn’t look right. Our first Christmas photo of Jiff and me together with Meaux and Isabella turned out great. It was fitting since schnauzers are what brought us together, sort of. The lady taking the photos printed one off for us and gave us the rest on a thumb drive, all for ten dollars.

  After our holiday photo, we found glasses of wine being served for us near the cheese table. I would sneak a piece of cheese to Meaux and Isabella now and then when no one was looking. Ned and Janice arrived with Kringle, who was wearing a doggie holiday sweater. When Jiff and Ned went off to get wine refills for us, Janice spilled the beans on Julia.

  “I was shocked to see Patrick and Sheila at that party last night. Patrick is still having an affair with Julia right under Sheila’s nose after he swore to her it was over. Sheila forgave him, but if she finds out he’s back to his old tricks, I wonder how she will handle him this time. Can you believe the audacity?” Janice asked.

  “Are you sure Julia’s still seeing him? Frank told me she was seeing a married man. He didn’t tell me who it was, only that the wife was in her gourmet cooking club. Frank thought it was over after the wife found out and confronted Julia at a class meeting in Julia’s kitchen. I can’t imagine why either of them would want to come to Julia’s party after all that.”

  “Sheila is in my church group, and Julia is too. I can’t imagine why Julia stays in our group or why no one has asked her to leave,” Janice said.

  “Are you sure Julia and Patrick are still seeing each other?” I asked her.

  “Sheila and Patrick both come from influential families uptown who will make sure that marriage stays together. Sheila was working hard to forgive Patrick, but I know Patrick is still seeing Julia. I have a clear view from my kitchen window of both entrances. I can see who comes and goes out of Julia’s building, both the front and the back. The back is closer and I can see it better,” Janice said. “Since Sheila found out and confronted him, Patrick stopped for about a week. Now, Patrick has been going in and out Julia’s back door.”

  “Frank told me she was seeing him until the wife found out. I don’t think Frank would have told me that if it was still going on,” I said. I thought, something slipped by Frank? “Frank is a strange guy. Frank and Julia have a weird and strange relationship, so he isn’t afraid to tell her when she is doing something she shouldn’t be doing. Hard to believe he is the voice of reason over there.” There was weird and strange again.

  “I see Frank leave out the front door on an errand, and then Patrick comes over within minutes. He parks in that shed she has behind the house. If Frank comes home, he goes out the back door and into the shed. She installed an automatic garage door on it. Patrick must have one of the devices to open and close it.”

  “I wonder why she is still seeing him when she has the new boyfriend,” I mused out loud.

  “Julia is using LB like she uses Ned and Frank,” Janice said.

  “What do you mean?”

  “The day before the party, I saw LB walking around the front yard telling the workmen who delivered one of those PODs which contained all that stuff she has on display where to set it all up. She wasn’t out there, he was. Then she had him pruning her bushes on the side of the house.”

  “Pruning her bushes?” I asked. “This isn’t the time of year to prune bushes, is it?”

  “I only know to prune rose bushes in winter, but I don’t know what she had him cutting,” she shook her head and shrugged her shoulders. “It’s the one right under the third window from the front of her house on the south side—the side I can see from my kitchen window. It�
��s the only bush I saw him cutting.”

  Ned and Jiff returned with our refilled wine glasses. Janice and I began to notice and comment on all the dogs dressed in holiday wear. One family came in matching pajama outfits on the parents, the two kids, and the dog. Some owners wore their holiday party clothes and their pets had a festive sweater or scarf to coordinate. There were some owners who were all about their dog’s outfits and not their own. One pair of pugs wore Santa and Mrs. Claus costumes. There was a variety of elf outfits and holiday wear on big dogs, little dogs, and all sized dogs in between.

  “Do you know for a fact if Frank is living at the bed and breakfast full time?” I asked Janice. “I’ve been meaning to ask him.”

  “Ned might know. Julia is always asking him to do favors for her. She asks him to help Frank move this or that. She has enough men going in and out of there. She doesn’t need Ned’s help,” she said.

  “Oh, I don’t mind,” Ned said. I saw Jiff raise his eyes when neither of them were looking. I thought, Ned doesn’t know when to keep his mouth shut.

  “I’m pretty sure Frank is living there,” Ned said to me. “She has a double parlor upstairs in the front of the house set up for a bedroom and office with double doors that close. I think Frank sleeps on the hide-a-bed in the office. I helped him move it in there. I think he and Julia share a closet.”

  “That is the only thing I can’t believe,” I said. “Julia sharing a closet with anyone.”

  Ned said, “He looks like he wears her makeup.”

  “Ned!” Janice snapped.

  “He wears somebody’s makeup,” Jiff said, and we all laughed. Jiff could put anyone at ease in any situation. He had the gift. When we were together, everyone we met seemed to like him. He was an agreeable guy, and I’m sure it came in very handy in court when it was important for the jury to like you and your client.

  Ned asked, “So what kinda name is Jiff? Is it a nickname?”

  Janice rolled her eyes and to me said, “It’s the wine talking.”

  Jiff, with his ever-so-gracious self went on to explain how he’s named after his dad, Geoffrey, but when he was a little boy they called him Geoff. Jiff used to say his name was Jiff, like the peanut butter since it sounded the same to him. The nickname stuck. Jiff and Ned started talking about football, the Saints, and who was likely to win the playoffs. While they were occupied, Janice said, “Julia is always asking favors of us. She asks me to watch her dogs, let them out, pick up her packages or newspapers, but she’s always too busy to reciprocate. I have only asked one favor of her, and it was to come over and let Kringle out when I had to take Ned to the hospital for emergency gall bladder surgery. We had to leave at 3:00 a.m. When I called, she didn’t answer, not that I expected her to at three in the morning. I left a message saying I was leaving our key in her mailbox, and she never called back. Frank called me and asked how Ned was doing and said he had gone over to take care of Kringle. He gave me back my key. To this day she has never asked about Ned, or even gone out of her way to make up a reason for not getting back to me.”

  When it looked like I was going to say something, Janice went on, “I know what you are going to ask; did Frank erase the message? I asked him that question and he said that she told him to erase it. He said ‘That’s how she is.’”

  “Let me ask you one more thing about the day of the party. Did you see anyone leave a box about so big,” I made a size with my hands, roughly the size of the box the rats came in, “at Julia’s front door?” I asked. “I was there at about one-thirty in the afternoon and Frank said it had just arrived. We are wondering who sent it. There was no return address.”

  “The day of? No. I don’t remember seeing anyone leave a package, but there were workmen there all day setting up all that crap-o-la on her front lawn,” Janice said. “Why? Did someone actually send her a gift and she wants to write a thank you?”

  “No, not hardly,” I said. Someone waved at Janice from across the room to come get in line with them. I welcomed the distraction.

  I noticed a few people who had adopted from me standing on the other side of the room, waiting to have their photos taken. Ned and Janice got in line with Kringle to take a photo. Jiff and I walked over to say hello to those who had adopted a rescued schnauzer from me and to ask how everyone was doing. After catching up and wishing my extended schnauzer family a Yappy Holiday, I spotted Hanky with her dog Valentine with Detective Taylor. They had moved into Ned and Janice’s place near the cheese table.

  Hanky and Taylor were drinking bottles of water from the big ice bucket on the cheese table. “Mr. GQ and I are technically still on duty,” Hanky said. Taylor acted like he didn’t hear her. “I wanted to get my photo taken with Valentine or just one of him, but that line is too long. We only have thirty minutes left on our dinner break before we have to get back. I forgot his search and rescue ID badge too. Oh well.”

  “Come on. I know almost everyone in line and I’ll get you to the front of it,” I said. Then I looked at Taylor and said, “Give me your shield.”

  “What?” he asked me and looked like I just asked him to shoot someone.

  “Give me your shield. For this to work, Valentine has to be an NOPD canine on dinner break,” I said, holding out my hand.

  Jiff and Hanky nodded to him in the direction of my hand. Painfully slow, he handed over his shield saying, “Are you guys for real?”

  Jiff told him, “It’s her world; I’m just in it.”

  “Hanky, I’ll put yours on Valentine’s collar in case someone gets close enough to read the name. You hold Taylor’s,” I said.

  We walked up to the front of the line and I asked out loud, “May I have everyone’s attention?” When they all stopped talking and looked at me, I said, “This detective adopted this little schnauzer from me after he helped find a missing person buried in a backyard.” I left off the fact that Valentine and Meaux dug up the body in my backyard while I was fostering him. “Now he’s a working dog. They are on their dinner break and only have thirty minutes before they are due back at work. Does anyone mind if Detective Hanky and her dog get their photo taken ahead of you? They are working a homicide.”

  “No, no, go ahead,” most people said. One or two looked a little put off and grumpy, but the overwhelming sense of good cheer squashed any complaints.

  Technically, Valentine did work for the NOPD once, and now he’s a volunteer with Hanky when she goes to storm or tornado-damaged areas on her time off to aid in recovery efforts. Hanky thought he was a great little dog and fell in love with him the second he jumped in her lap and kissed her face, even before she knew he would make a great search and rescue dog. Valentine is a natural and finds people in collapsed structures or people who have been missing.

  We waited while a lady dressed like Mrs. Claus and a female Weimaraner dressed like a Raggedy Ann got in position for their photo. The big dog had a red wig with pigtails and when she sat down, the dog’s front legs were the doll legs and the top of the dress had arms off the shoulders so she looked like Raggedy Ann standing up. Her other dog was small, a rat terrier dressed like a clown. She had a large-size jack-in-the-box with the rear panel cut out, so when she placed it on the floor, the little dog ran into it from behind and put his head up through the top to look like he “popped” out of the box.

  After Hanky and Valentine were snapped, we went back to Jiff and Taylor.

  “People make a big production here out of dog pictures with Santa,” Taylor said, looking at one man walk by to take a photo in his tux with tails and top hat, while his white Great Dane also wore a tuxedo with tails and a top hat. The Dane looked like he wore a rental that would fit a small person, maybe a child or Frank.

  Jiff said, “This is nothing. Wait until you see Barkus. Barkus is the Mardi Gras parade just for dogs. Hundreds of people with their pets show up in costumes—very elaborate costumes.”

  “People make floats for their pets. There’s marching dog bands…you have to see it,” I said.


  Hanky leaned into Taylor and said, “Let’s not make a production of exchanging shields in here. We might get Brandy run out of her own party.” Taylor nodded and Hanky said, “Wait until we get in the car.” To me, she said, “Thanks, Brandy. That line is going to take an hour or more to get through. I hope it makes good money for your rescue group.”

  “Yeah, it looks long and more people are coming in now,” I said nodding at the door.

  “You do rescue?” Taylor asked. “For dogs?”

  “For schnauzers only. She is a breed specific rescue,” Jiff answered. “That’s how we met.”

  “Is that your day job?” Taylor asked.

  “Hardly. I work for a telecom company in fraud prevention,” I said. “I try to find bad guys hacking companies to rip them off. You guys have a gun. I have a computer print out.”

  Hanky said, “Don’t let that face fool you, Taylor. She sees patterns where some of us don’t. She helped us with a case not too long ago.” She looked at her watch and said they had to get back to work. I walked with them to the door while Jiff held both dogs on their leashes. “Janice and Ned from the party last night were just here. I think they’re still in line. She just told me something interesting. It could be important. Pick me up tomorrow so we can drive together and I’ll update you.”

  “Okay, and thanks for your help with the photo,” Hanky said, getting in the squad car. Valentine sat in the front between them.

  Jiff and I stayed a bit longer so I could visit with some of my adoptive schnauzer families I hadn’t seen in awhile. When we did head home, it was with two very tired paw-ty animals and more dirt on Julia than I really wanted to know.

  Chapter Ten

  After I fed Meaux, I called the president of the cooking club, Ms. Agnes Reyes. Frank said she was elderly and probably couldn’t hear well. If that turned out to be the case, then I’d ask, loudly, if I could come visit her.