Death By Rum Balls

by Colleen Mooney

  When we got older and wanted to know why didn’t we go to Reveillon Dinners after midnight Mass, the excuse she gave us when we no longer believed in Santa was she and my dad had to put together the toys for Santa to bring. We knew only my dad put together those toys. She was off to bed. My poor dad had to do that after midnight Mass at about 2:00 a.m., with no food. I see now why he insisted on leaving cookies and milk out for Santa. While our toys were put together in the morning when we woke, my French friends still had their toys in boxes to be assembled while their dads slept off a few glasses of wine with their late dinner.

  I tuned back in to Jiff saying, “My dad’s still trying to decide which restaurant he wants to go to. He’s narrowed it down to Arnaud’s, Antoine’s, or Galatoire’s, but my mother is worried he’s waited too long to get a reservation.”

  “Your dad will have a reservation at whatever restaurant he decides on,” I said.

  “That’s what my brothers and I have been telling her,” he said. “My father and his firm has represented every kid (ever arrested or in trouble with the law) whose dad owns a restaurant in this city. They all owe him. In fact, there’s a whole new generation of kids who now owe him. Right about now they are all praying he doesn’t call them so they won’t have to bump someone or squeeze in another table somewhere.”

  “I’ve never been to a Reveillon Dinner,” I said. “This is a first for me.”

  “Great, our first Christmas together and our first Reveillon Dinner together with my family. I’ve never brought anyone to our family’s Christmas Eve traditions. I didn’t want to share it with anyone until I was sure,” he said.

  That made me nervous. As much as I wanted things ended with Dante, I was nervous about moving forward with Jiff and I still didn’t know why. I was excited over spending Christmas Eve with him and his family, and glad I didn’t have to sit with Dante’s family and mine giving me the disapproving looks and tapping their watches to let me know it was time to set a wedding date. This year might be different since both my mother and Dante’s mother were gaga over the idea of my sister having a baby, and one of Dante’s brothers is the dad.

  Dante was still his mother’s favorite and she wasn’t shy about telling everyone who would listen. His mother also wasn’t shy at saying she wanted Dante to marry me. Yes, this was a good year to sit out Christmas as usual. That’s what I had planned to do.

  I wrapped my last gift and it was to Jiff. There were a couple of different things I got for him. I marked the box, a thoughtful gift, that had a cashmere scarf to match his casual coat he wore with jeans in it. There was a fun gift which was a Sharper Image electronic radio he could ask to turn on and off with his voice. The last one was a romantic gift and it was a key to my apartment. He would know that I was ready to move on with him when he opened it.

  It was a little after 5:00 p.m. and I was already dressed to go to Christmas Eve at Jiff’s in the red silk suit he bought me that I had worn to Julia’s ill fated party. I wanted to drop a couple of gifts off to friends and co-workers on my way uptown, and I wanted plenty of time so I could visit for a few minutes if asked to come in. I had fed Meaux who was going to accompany me this evening. He was wearing the plaid shirt-like vest I had for him with a small white collar and black bow tie. I also had a red scarf for his neck which matched the color of my suit.

  Suzanne had already gone to her family’s home for the evening. There was a knock on my front door and when I opened it, Woozie was on the other side of it, all dressed up in her new coat, hat, gloves, and shoes.

  “Woozie, what are you doing here? Is something wrong?” I asked.

  “Well, Merry Christmas to you too,” she said. “Nuttin’s wrong yet. I just worried you was not gonna see your dad like you promised.”

  “Come in. It’s cold out there,” I said, as she came in checking out my apartment. “Well, how did you get here?” I asked her stalling, for time to cough up a great excuse as to why I was not going to see my family this Christmas Eve.

  “Uber. Your daddy set it all up. He know I only takes the bus. I don’t know no Uber,” she said. After looking me up and down, and there was never any way I could ever fib to Woozie, she added, “Humph. I knew it. You not plannin’ to see yo’ daddy. Is Woozie right?”

  I let out a heavy sigh. “Yes, you’re right. If I go see my dad, he is going to want me to go with him next door. Then Miss Ruth will cry if I say I can’t stay. I don’t want to start my Christmas Eve off with so much stress, and that’s not even considering what my mother and sister can add. You know how they continue to derail things for me,” I said. “Dante’s not even going to be home, so I guess it isn’t a bad idea to go if he isn’t there. Don’t look at me like that. I’ll get you an Uber to go home.”

  “No. I’m not goin’ home. You gotta take me over to yo’ daddy’s house. He made me promise and I keeps my promises. That’s why I stopped here,” she said.

  “Oh, all right. I’ll take you over there but I have about fifteen minutes of stuff left to do before I can leave. I told Jiff I’d meet him at his parents’ house,” I said. “I need to finish cleaning up Meaux’s bowl and put the rest of this in the car.”

  If there was one person Woozie was more loyal to than me, it was my dad. She raised him and subsequently me, but he was her boy. I was a mere girl, so her loyalty to him trumped hers to me. I knew that. I just wished this thought had crossed my mind before I put her in my car and headed over to my parents’ home.

  Meaux sat in Woozie’s lap on the drive to my parents’ house. The two of them were comical in their new outfits. The plan was to bring him with me to Jiff’s parents’ so he could play with Isabella. Their housekeeper would let them both out since we would not be home until very late.

  I hoped Mr. Albert wouldn’t be coming home with the tree or that Miss Ruth wouldn’t see my car and come over to beg me to visit even for a minute. I parked in front of my parents’ house on the street so no one would block me in. The ground was cold and wet so I carried Meaux as we walked to the front door.

  I asked Woozie, a little late on the uptake I might add, “Woozie why are you here at my parents’ for Christmas Eve? You usually spend it with your family.”

  “Cuz yo’ daddy asked me to make sure to get you here,” she said as she knocked loudly on the front door three times, paused, and knocked two more times.

  “Get me here for what?” I asked her. “Is that a secret knock?”

  The door sprung open and my dad was standing there, grinning from ear to ear. He said, “Oh, good. You’re here. Everyone is already next door. Let’s go.” He grabbed me and spun me around by the shoulders in a hug and ushered me along.

  “Next door? No, no, no. I can’t go next door. I have somewhere else I need to be,” I tried to tell him but he was not having any of it.

  He laughed a big old belly laugh, the laugh he had when he was up to something. This made me more nervous and apprehensive of what was going on. Woozie was in on it and fell in behind us, following us next door.

  “Dad, wait a minute. I can’t go over to the Deedlers. I have other plans,” I said.

  “Don’t be silly. You are going to be so surprised,” he said. “It’s what you have been waiting for.”

  What have I been waiting for?

  My stomach was so tight, it felt like the jaws of life were trying to pull it out through my belly button.

  We were already at the Deedlers’ front door. Dad knocked and it sprung open with both families all standing there looking at the three of us, four if you count Meaux. I stood there holding Meaux. My Dad was on my left with his arm still firmly gripping me around my shoulder, and Woozie was still standing to my right but a tad bit behind me. My dad was trying to take Meaux out of my arms, but I only held onto him tighter and tried to turned away from my dad. “Don’t worry about a thing,” he said. “I already gave Dante my blessing.”

  “Your blessing for what?” I asked right as I saw Dante come forward from the tribe of Deedle
r brothers surrounding him and get down on one knee as he opened a small, blue jewelry box.

  I stood there mortified that my father all but dragged me next door after Woozie betrayed me by showing up unannounced at my apartment and asking for a ride to my parents’ house.

  The entire room was deadly quiet waiting for Dante to pop the big question and listening for my answer when Hanky stormed thru the front door announcing there was a multiple homicide with hostages and Captain Deedler was needed for it… NOW.

  Dante looked relieved when he shoved the ring in his brother’s hand and ran out the house behind Hanky like he was shot out of a cannon. I followed on their heels and jumped into my car. Dante had not officially asked the question, and I had not officially answered. I knew I never could.

  My next call was to Jiff to tell him I was running a few minutes behind, but I was on my way.

  The End

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  About the Author

  Colleen Mooney was born and raised in New Orleans, Louisiana, where she lives with her husband and rescued Schnauzers. She graduated from Loyola University of the South and has lived in Birmingham, Alabama, New York City, Madison, New Jersey and Atlanta, Georgia. She has been a volunteer for Schnauzer Rescue of Louisiana in the New Orleans area for over fourteen years and has placed over 350 abandoned, surrendered or stray Schnauzers. If you are interested in learning more about New Orleans or have questions for Colleen, please contact her at one of the following:

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  facebook.com/ColleenMooneyAuthor

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  twitter.com/mooney_colleen

  OR

  To find out more about Schnauzer Rescue visit their webpage, Facebook or email and share photos of your BFF with us here:

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