The Poi Predicament

by Lyle Christie

  “I had a nightmare and couldn’t go back to sleep, because I kept thinking about all this shit, so I went out for a walk to try and clear my head and do a little work on the case.”

  “Anything good come of it?”

  “Yeah, I learned some shit—some of which was based on something you said earlier.”

  “Do tell.”

  “Well, when we were heading back from dinner, you said that it’s faster to cut through middle.”

  “Yeah, because it is.”

  “Exactly, so why didn’t our killer do the same thing? Why take the long way there and back. It wasn’t raining that night, so there was absolutely no reason not to cut through the middle—especially since the shorter route has absolutely no surveillance cameras.”

  “Apparently, our killer wanted to be seen.”

  “Yeah, it’s just too bad that none of this really changes the situation.”

  “Maybe we’ll get lucky tomorrow.”

  “Maybe.”

  “Ready to head back to the room?”

  “Yeah, but what the hell brought you out here in the first place?” I asked.

  “I was looking for you, obviously. I woke up and couldn’t go back to sleep without you.”

  “Really?” I asked, with a smile.

  “Yeah, but don’t be getting all soft and sentimental on me.”

  “Me? I’m not the one who couldn’t go back to sleep.”

  “Shut up and get moving,” she said, as she prodded me along back towards the room.

  “Careful, people will think we’re in love,” I said, quoting the famous line that Anthony Hopkins spoke to Jody Foster’s character in The Silence of the Lambs.

  We entered my suite and headed straight past the D&D lounge and into the bedroom, where we immediately stripped and slid back into bed. Violet threw her leg over mine and placed her hand on my chest, and a few quiet minutes passed before she looked at me with her big blue eyes.

  “I’ve been an agent now for some time, and I’ve experienced some pretty scary shit, but today was definitely up there in the top spot for most crazy moment on the job.”

  “Being hunted by a group of trained killers is rarely fun.”

  “No shit, and I’m feeling pretty fucking alive at the moment.”

  “You can see how soldiers get addicted to the adrenaline rush.”

  “I can.”

  We both lay there in the quiet of the night as we continued to gently play our hands over each other.

  “Do you think you’ll be able to sleep now that you’ve had your little revelation?” she asked.

  “I don’t know. Why?”

  “I thought I might be able to help.”

  She reached down and took hold of my manhood and began gently stroking it.

  “I’m not sure I’ve got more in me,” I said.

  “That wouldn’t appear to be the case.”

  I looked down to see she was indeed correct, as my penis was filling with bravado and starting to point north. She climbed atop me and slid down and looked up at me with a devious smile as she ran her tongue around the tip.

  “I don’t agree. In fact, I’m pretty sure you have one more in you,” she said.

  She set back to work on my penis until it was hard as all hell, and it was abundantly clear that she was correct, and I was more than ready to approach reentry. She lifted her hips and mounted me and started rocking ever so slowly up and down, and it was just enough movement to cause her breasts to dance about before my eyes. I reached up and gently ran my fingers over her nipples until they sprung to life, and Violet let out a soft moan. I was once again seeing the wonders of her sensitive nipples, for she increased her pace ever so slightly and proceeded to add a slow counter clockwise motion with her hips. The heat of our passion was rising, and a thin veil of lover’s sweat was coating our bodies as we made sweet, hard love.

  The sense of time and place diminished as we kept up a strong though luxurious pace that allowed us to prolong the pleasure and enjoy the moment. She leaned forward and slipped one nipple and then the other into my mouth, and I felt a bit as though I were bobbing for apples at a country fair. Soon, I had both nipples dangerously hard and dangerously delectable, as their generous tips were pointing proudly from atop her magnificent peaks. Violet cooed like a kitten until I moved on and kissed her neck, then ear, where I nibbled her soft lobes before returning to her lips yet again. In response, she gave my tongue a gentle nibble then sat up and placed her hands on my shoulders to brace herself as she started moving her hips ever faster. It was obvious that we were again approaching the point of no return, so I took hold of her breasts and gladly accepted responsibility for their safety and well being. Meanwhile, Violet plunged her hips violently fore and aft and made it abundantly clear that climax was inevitable. She abruptly leaned down and kissed me, and it became the final impetus to push both of us over the edge and into the orgasmic abyss. Our earlier lovemaking session down by the pool had been about bold uncontrollable passion, but this one was special, as it was about sharing a moment of complete intimacy for as long as possible, and, in that spirit, we continued our coital embrace through climax and well into the post orgasmic phase of resolution. Upon coming to rest, we parted lips but continued to stare into each other’s eyes until Violet finally gave in and dropped her head to my chest and let out a long sad sigh.

  “Fuck, I don’t know what the hell I’m going to do when you head back to the mainland,” she said.

  “Well, I know what I’m going to do.”

  “What?”

  “Get one of those little hula girl bobble heads then stick it on the dresser in front of my bed and think about you while I masturbate profusely every night until I fall asleep.”

  “That’s the sweetest thing a man has ever said to me.”

  “I’m pretty romantic that way.”

  “You’re like a special needs Shakespeare.”

  “Indeed m’ lady—indeed.”

  Violet dismounted and moved beside me and took hold of my arm and pulled me into a spooning position. I kissed her neck and gave her a gentle squeeze and felt relieved that my earlier anxiety and inability to sleep were now replaced with feelings of contentment, optimism, and a tiny spark that I feared might be the beginning of love. Perhaps tomorrow would indeed bring a needed break in the case, and to that end, I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep with thoughts of the beautiful Special Agent Violet Kalili filling my mind and warming my heart.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

  The Last Breakfast

  MORNING CAME A little later than usual, which was just fine, because the night before had been particularly eventful. I had come up with some surprisingly good revelations and had not one but two epic sexual encounters. Violet was still in my arms, and I was mildly afraid to move for fear that all the previous night’s alcohol might catch up with me this morning. I pulled my arm free, and the movement made Violet stir though not wake up. I sat up slowly and carefully and realized that I felt pretty damn good and had no trace of a headache. Miracles do happen.

  I placed my feet on the floor and stood, then took a second to wait for my equilibrium to adjust before sauntering into the bathroom. I stood over the toilet, lifted the seat, and felt a bit wobbly, as my leg muscles were tired and sore from a day of running and a night of sex. Regardless, I managed to set forth unto a mighty horse piss, and a short time later I let loose a decent sized fart that I couldn’t hold back without staunching the flow of urine. I therefore had to let it fly free and proud, and soon thereafter my body was empty in all ways, and I dropped the seat back down and brushed my teeth before ambling out to the coffee machine. In about five minutes, I had a pot ready to go, and I filled two cups, added cream, and returned to the bedroom to find Violet still sleeping. I placed the coffee on her bedside table, and the smell was enough to make her eyes flutter open. She sat up and picked up the coffee, and it brought her lovely breasts free of the covers, and allowed them to glow in the warm lat
e morning sunshine.

  We sat and sipped until our cups were empty, at which point Violet stood up and headed to the bathroom for her obligatory morning pee. Soon thereafter, I heard the toilet flush, then after that she brushed her teeth before returning and throwing on some clothes. Together, we sauntered out into the living room and picked up a menu then called room service. I was hungry as all hell and therefore ordered a man sized breakfast that included an omelet with ham, green pepper, onions, avocados, and cheese. On the side I went with hash browns and two pieces of wheat toast. Violet ordered the same, though she chose fruit instead of potatoes, as she thought she could eliminate the extra calories by only having a couple bites of my hash browns. Fucking women. If I had a nickel for every time one of them ordered the healthy meal only to scavenge my plate, I would have been a millionaire a hell of a lot sooner.

  Breakfast arrived twenty minutes later, and, again, the same waiter appeared at the door. He rolled in his cart and placed breakfast on the table then filled our cups with fresh coffee from a large carafe. I signed the bill and gave him another formidable tip, and he left the carafe and the tray with our food on the table then turned and started rolling his cart out of the room. As he passed the little D&D station he paused and looked intrigued.

  “Is this yours?” he asked.

  “Not exactly. It belongs to my friends. Why? Do you play?”

  “I do, but sadly I haven’t yet been able to find other players here on the island.”

  “Yeah, sunshine, a warm blue ocean, and beautiful weather do tend to draw people outdoors.”

  “Yeah,” he said, sounding a little sad, obviously missing the irony of my statement.

  “Well, I can ask the nerds if they want another player.”

  “Seriously? I’d be incredibly grateful. It’s been a long time.”

  “No problem. Leave your name and number on the table, and I’ll pass it along.”

  The young man leaned down and wrote Jerasian along with his number, and I had to look at his name tag to see that his name was indeed Jerasian.

  “Unusual name,” I said.

  “Yeah, my parents couldn’t decide between Jeremy, Jason, and Ian, so I ended up with the compromise—Jerasian.”

  “Still better than Cricket, Apple, Knute, or North.”

  “True, well thank you. I’ll leave you to your breakfast now.”

  Jerasian left, and we dug into breakfast, and the calories felt as though they were being instantly processed by my body—with my testicles perhaps needing most of the replenishment after last night’s double hump session. Every few bites, however, Violet would shoot her fork across the table and grab a clump of hash browns, and, while at first I saw this as a sign of intimacy, I was now starting to wonder if I’d get enough food for breakfast.

  “You know you could have just ordered hash browns,” I said.

  “Too greasy. Fruit is healthier.”

  “Yeah, but hash browns are not any healthier on my plate.”

  “I only wanted a bite.”

  “Or two. Or three. Or four.”

  “Oh quit your bitching. You can have half of my fruit.”

  I reached over and started to spear the chunk of pineapple, but Violet swiftly parried me away with her fork.

  “Sorry, not the pineapple. That’s my favorite.”

  “Of course it is.”

  I left her fruit alone, as I realized that the war for breakfast was already lost. Instead, I focused on my plate by seizing as many bites of my omelet and diminishing pile of hash browns as quickly as possible, and, in seconds, my plate was empty. Violet’s was nearly empty as well, though it still contained the nearly untouched fruit bowl, whose only missing occupant was the pineapple. Done eating, it was time to shit, shower, shave, and get on with the day, and I grabbed more coffee and entered the main bathroom feeling utterly confident that Violet now understood the code. I therefore didn’t even bother to lock it or close the door all the way. I knew I was taking a big chance, but trust was important in a new relationship, and now I trusted Violet. We’d shared a life and death encounter after all.

  I pulled out my trusty iPhone and brought up my email, took a sip of coffee, then opened the damn and brought forth a great flow of humanly waste. Meanwhile, I went line by line through my email and deleted spam while reading the others. Interestingly, I had exactly forty-two emails, which was the answer to life, the universe, and everything in Douglass Adams’s Hitchhiker’s Trilogy. What did that little coincidence mean for me at the moment? No idea, but at least my dump had been interruption free thus far.

  I reached over and took another sip of coffee then brought up my browser in hopes of searching the local news. I clicked on the top story, which was a piece about the large number of recent car thefts on the island of Oahu, and I had only read the first line when Violet walked in and froze in place with a legitimate look of fear in her eyes.

  “Oh my God! I’m so sorry! I saw the door was open a crack and figured you were done.”

  “Goddammit!”

  “Don’t blame me. This time, it’s your fault, you idiot! You left the door open!”

  “It was a test.”

  “A stupid test.”

  Of course my test was stupid.

  “Whatever, just leave me in peace to finish up. You now understand what you’ve unleashed after what happened yesterday.”

  “I do, and I’m really sorry.”

  “What’s done is done.”

  She left and closed the door behind her, and I took a moment to try and relax. Two dumps in a row. What did that mean? Double the trouble, and, if so, what could possibly be worse than yesterday? Fuck. I flushed and entered the shower, and, a moment later, Violet joined me, and she was looking apologetic.

  “You still mad?” she asked.

  “No, just scared.”

  She started lathering me up from head to toe and spent a lot of extra time in the groinal region, where Tag Junior, in spite of the omen of doom, was seemingly impervious to fear, as he was standing up tall. Trading tit for tat or, more accurately, tat for tit, I decided the proper thing to do was lather up my shower buddy, and, to that end, I took a lot of care to get her boobs, buttocks, and thighs particularly clean. Now that we were both mutually sudsed from head to toe, we moved under the torrent of water and rinsed off, and Violet looked at me with a deviously predatory look in her eyes.

  “If something terrible really is going to happen today, then maybe we should have sex again—in case it’s our last time,” she said.

  “Right here?”

  “Right now. Maybe it can break the curse.”

  She kissed me, and our tongues mingled while she reached down and steered my man-sword unto her lady-sheath. I took her in my arms and lifted her onto the small ledge of the shower, and I proceeded to bring my hips to hers, knowing full well that it may be our last moment of sexual abandon on God’s green earth. My head was spinning as I tried to focus, but my attention was diverted equally between the physical pleasure and the visual spectacle of watching her writhe before my eyes. Within minutes, we were both calling out loudly, and the tiny room was echoing with our lustful cries.

  “Oh God, yes!” she yelled.

  “Oh fuck yeah,” I responded.

  “Oh, fucking fuck me!”

  “Fuck yeah! I’m going to keep fucking you until I pass out, my fucking balls explode, or I start crying!”

  “Oh shit, I’m going to cum!” she screamed.

  “Me too! Here come the tears!” I said

  I held her tightly in my arms as we pounded our way headlong into climax with an ear crushing crescendo of cries of passion serving as the unlikely swan song of our sweet lovemaking session. We stopped moving and shared a long kiss before finally parting to rinse and leave the shower. We dried off then got dressed before exiting the bedroom to find the entirety of the nerd army already engaged in their D&D game. Annoyingly, they all turned and started clapping and cheering. Fuckers.

 
“Finn, from the sound of things in there, I’m thinking that maybe you could give Beebs a few pointers,” Rachel said.

  “Rachel!” Beebs said, plaintively.

  “Oh, you know I’m just kidding,” she said, before mouthing to me that she wasn’t.

  “So, what’s the big plan today?” Doug asked.

  “That depends on you fuckers. How’s the email trace coming?”

  “Should have it any minute,” Beeber said.

  “Good, so for the moment, we wait.”

  There was a knock at the door, and I opened it to find Lux, Jessica, and Bridgette.

  “What’s up?” I asked.

  “We’re going out for some lady time and wondered if Violet and Rachel wanted to join us.”

  “What the hell is lady time?” Beeber asked.

  “Manicures, pedicures, and shopping. I thought it would be a nice stress reliever.”

  Rachel, who was sitting at the table a few steps away and holding a twenty sided die, immediately dropped it and stood up.

  “I’m in,” she said.

  “Wait—what about our game?”

  “I could use a little break.”

  “Don’t worry, guys. I have an alternate, and he works here at the hotel. His name and number are on that piece of paper.”

  Beeber looked at the paper and thought for a moment.

  “OK, you go and have fun. We’ll fight the Orc king with this Jerasian guy.”

  “What kind of name is Jerasian?” Rachel asked.

  “Parents couldn’t make up their minds—Jeremy, Jason or Ian, so he ended up as Jerasian.”

  “Cruel.”

  “No doubt.”

  “So, what do you say, Violet? You in?” Jessica asked.

  Violet looked at me questioningly.

  “We don’t have anything to do except wait around for Beeber’s software to finish up, so you should go have some fun. I’ll hang around here and hit the beach, get a massage, and, I don’t know, maybe even meet a nice girl.”

  “The hell you are. You’re staying right here with the nerds while I’m off with the girls.”

  Violet kissed me goodbye then joined the hen party as they left the room, and Beeber immediately picked up his phone and dialed Jerasian, and, five minutes later, there was a knock at the door. I went over and opened it, and our unlikely third player came in carrying a satchel.