Naked or Dead

by Murphy, A. E.

  “Nope.”

  “Then why are you following me?”

  His answering smile is devious and makes my core give a painful ache of arousal. He ducks into a classroom and I hear somebody yell his name.

  Maybe he was just walking with me, but then why was he waiting for me outside of the office?

  He’s so weird, but in a hot way.

  I enter my own class and look behind me when Barbie waves my way. She pats the desk beside her so I look around the room frantically for another.

  “Come here, Lily.”

  I fucking hate being called Lily. I pad to her and slide into my seat.

  “You and Nok?”

  I knew it would be about that.

  I groan. “Don’t… don’t make it about that. I’m not dating him, I don’t want to date him.”

  She frowns. “No, you’ve got me all wrong. That’s not… I’m not jealous. I just thought well… I wanted to make sure you know what you’re doing.”

  My teeth trap my lips for a moment. “Oh, I do.”

  “He was vile to me, that’s all. If I can save somebody else the same treatment, I’ll try.”

  I look at her and place my hand on her arm. “He’s not going to get away with anything he’s done. Okay?”

  Fear flashes in her eyes. “Why? What are you going to do?”

  “Nothing, I just believe in karma is all.”

  “Eyes front, please, girls!” the teacher calls, tapping the whiteboard with her fingers.

  We look up front for a while until I whisper, “Is it true? Did he really sleep with you and then abandon you at a gas stop?”

  She nods, her eyes watery at the memory. “I was a virgin too. I really thought he liked me.”

  “What a monster,” I breathe, looking back at the board.

  “He’s very convincing so be careful, okay?”

  I nod. Oh, I’ll be careful all right.

  “Thanks for telling me, it can’t be easy to talk about.”

  “It’s not, but anything I can do to help a sister.”

  She’s so fake. I hate that about her. Even while being honest she’s just so insincere, it rubs me the wrong way. I want to tell her that I don’t like her and to stop talking to me, but I’ve got bigger fish to fry.

  “I saw something on the news earlier,” Willow tells me as I thread my fingers through her hair. She’s on the floor between my knees, her head resting back on my thighs. “They found a body off the I-5.”

  “Eww.” What is it with everybody’s obsession with death today?

  She snorts. “Not eww. It’s sad.”

  I blink. “I don’t want to talk about death and murder and anything else. Okay?”

  “But…”

  “No,” I snap. “You know I don’t like it.”

  She pushes away and glares at me. “You’re such a bitch these days.”

  “Well, I’m under a lot of pressure, what do you expect?”

  “You mean taking care of me?”

  “No.” I soften my features. “Never because of you… just… All the moving and I don’t have a fucking clue what they’re talking about in classes. I feel like an idiot.”

  “I’ve been doing your homework.”

  “I know and I appreciate it.” I mutter and hug her. She’s so frail. I can feel her slipping from me and I can’t cope with it. I have to do something to make her stronger again. “Did you take your medication?”

  “It makes me woozy.”

  “You’re already woozy,” I grumble and pull her back to me so I can braid her hair.

  She laughs gently, breathily. “Yeah, you’re right.”

  “We need to get you out and get you some sunshine, you look awful.”

  “Thanks, sis,” she grumbles and curls under my arm on the couch.

  Approximately ten minutes later there’s a knock at my door. An odd occurrence seeing as our neighbors did the welcome wagon already and we haven’t given out our address to anybody in town.

  “I’ll get it,” I say to Willow who is almost asleep. She hums and curls into a ball, remaining where she is. As bad as it sounds to an outsider, sometimes I envy her illness. To have a constant excuse to not deal with people and a quick exit out of life without having to bring it upon yourself.

  I pad through the hall and to the door, my freshly painted toes are bloodred. A contrast to the cream carpets that run through the hall.

  Whoever it is knocks again, louder this time, more insistent.

  “Just a sec,” I snap and look through the peephole. When I see his elongated profile through the domed spyglass, I let my forehead thud against the door for a second before yanking it open. “Nash… what are you doing here?”

  “I said seven.”

  “I said no.”

  “Well…” He points to Nok’s truck on the street and smiles a triumphant smile. “We’re all going so you have to.”

  Looking sheepish and hopeful with eyes so much like his brother’s, he stuffs his hands into his jeans and waits.

  “Who is we?”

  “Huh?”

  I snort and roll my eyes at his obliviousness. “You said we’re all going?”

  “Oh, right, me, Nok, Joseph. A couple of Nok’s friends from school are meeting us there.”

  “And Joseph is where? I only see your brother in the truck.”

  His smile broadens. “We’re getting him on the way. Don’t trust me?”

  “I don’t trust anyone.” I look between him and the truck again and can’t think of a good reason to not go. In fact, I can think of about ten reasons why I want to.

  One of them is that I love movies, another is because Nokosi is driving, which means alone time with him, which means progress.

  “Give me five minutes, I need to…” I glance back at the room where my sister is on the sofa out of sight. “Get my shoes and stuff.”

  “You’re coming?”

  I close the door in his face and puff out my cheeks. I was looking forward to just a night in alone with my favorite person in the whole world. But plans change and this is good.

  When I enter the room she’s gone, and then I hear her bedroom door close upstairs right before my phone vibrates.

  Willow: Have fun. The sooner you get this out of your system the better.

  I slip my sandals on because I can’t be bothered to find my sneakers, and then exit my house with my bag over one shoulder.

  “Shotgun!” I yell with a smirk and race towards the truck where Nok is sitting behind the wheel, eyes ahead. He looks annoyed about something, could it be because I’m joining them?

  Not that I care or even feel apologetic about that in the slightest. I’m just curious.

  Nash races me, beating me to the door by a millisecond, but only to pull it open and motion for me to climb in. I do so, admiring the cream leather interior and decked-out dash. No wonder Nok yanked me out of his truck. I was covered in grease. I get it now.

  “Your truck is ballin’,” I mutter as I squeeze into the middle seat, careful not to sit too close to Nok. Nash sits to my right and I jolt when Nok reaches across me for my seatbelt and clicks me in. I swear he inhales my hair as he passes. I almost do the same, but I need my panties dry. “Can we listen to the radio?”

  He turns the knobs and presses the small screen as Nash smiles apologetically at me. Likely because his brother is being rude. Or he thinks he’s being rude. I don’t mind that he doesn’t want to talk. It makes it easier to dislike him. Although when he does talk it’s not usually very nice so even then I still don’t like him. He just rubs me the wrong way, all the while rubbing me all the right ways. Metaphorically speaking. He hasn’t properly touched me yet and I hate how much I want him to.

  “So, popcorn or fries?” Nash asks.

  Raising my brows, I snap playfully, “You’re gonna force me out here and then make me choose?”

  “So… both?”

  “Duh.”

  “And your popcorn, how do you like it, salted or
sweet?”

  “Both mixed together.”

  Nash grimaces. “You two can share then. I’m getting sweet. Nobody likes salted and sweet mixed together.”

  “Nobody but us,” Nok retorts, his eyes on the road so I’m extremely surprised when he flicks a bug off my bare thigh. A bug I didn’t notice, and he did, despite the fact he’s driving and paying attention. How? Is he always watching me, and I just don’t notice?

  We drive through Westoria, collecting Joseph from a grocery store on the way. He has a crate of beer and a bag full of snacks. How old is Joseph? I put him at around nineteen because of how cute he is, but I guess he must be at least twenty-one if he can buy beer.

  My phone vibrates, alerting me to a text so I pull it out of my bag.

  Willow: Miss you.

  “That your mom?”

  I shake my head. “It’s my sister.”

  Nok’s hands tighten on the steering wheel.

  Nash sounds surprised. “You have a sister? How old is she?”

  “My age, she’s my twin.”

  “Twin? There’s another one of you? God help us all,” Joseph jests and I find myself smiling with him.

  “You should have said,” Nash puts in. “We’d have brought her too.”

  I shift uncomfortably, I don’t like it when I’m the focus point of the conversation, or my sister. “She wouldn’t have come.”

  “We can go back for her?” Nok suggests.

  “She’s sick,” I respond shakily, trying to keep my voice steady.

  “Is that why she doesn’t go to school?”

  Nodding, I chew on my lip and stop talking.

  It’s Nash who asks, “How sick is she?”

  “It’s terminal.”

  “Cancer?”

  I turn up the radio. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

  Nash puts his hand on my thigh, over the fabric of my lace black skirt but I shift so he removes it. “If you change your mind.”

  He and Nok share a look. I know they’re concerned now, even Nok. Though he’s probably just worried I’ll bring the mood down.

  “Are you sharing those beers, Joseph?” I ask, putting on a cheery façade to lighten things up a bit.

  He breaks open the box under his feet and grabs two beers, using one to open the other. I take a long pull and nudge Nok with my elbow.

  “Sucks to be you tonight.”

  He smiles and surprisingly nudges me back. “Puke in my car and I’ll throw you in Columbia River.”

  Laughing, I take another pull, smack my lips, and flex my neck from side to side. “I almost wish I didn’t have to leave if this is what the rest of my senior year is gonna be like.”

  “No chance your mom will stay?”

  “What is it that she even does?”

  “Can we just not talk about my family tonight?” I ask, frowning at them. “Why are you so fascinated?”

  “You’re a mystery that’s why,” Nash answers.

  “You roll into town all cool on your bike, with major attitude, no prior history to mention, family as private as you are, and you have pink hair and great tits,” Joseph explains, smiling his cute, dimpled smile.

  “Really great tits,” Nok mutters so only I can hear.

  My breath catches in my throat and I look at him, forgetting how close we are. Luckily my attention is diverted to the half-full gravel lot that resides in front of a huge screen. People are already here, parked by individual meters.

  “I’ve never been to a drive-in movie,” I admit, leaning forward to look out the windscreen as Nok navigates us past people and smaller vehicles. When he finally decided on a spot near the back, he reverses into it. “How are we going to see the screen if we’re facing the wrong way?”

  “Truck bed,” he replies and offers me a hand when he climbs out.

  I don’t take it, I’m no delicate flower. Instead I put my hand on his head just because I think it’s funny. Oh my God his hair is so soft.

  We move around the back and Nok tugs the cover off, revealing a padded truck bed covered in a dark blue sheet and multiple pillows. I gasp when he grabs me by the hips and lifts me over the side of the truck.

  I almost stumble forward as my body tips but I right myself at the right moment.

  “Don’t do that,” I snap at his smug face, hands on my hips as I glare down at him from my towering height.

  “Lift you?”

  “Sneak up behind me.”

  “You knew I was behind you,” he argues, not caring that I’m irritated in the slightest.

  “I didn’t know you were about to manhandle me!” I sit on the makeshift mattress, fluffing up the pillows behind my back. This is so comfortable. It smells good too, so I know they’ve used clean sheets and cases.

  I look around for Nash but he’s with Joseph, pointing to a food truck about forty yards away so I settle again and wait.

  Nok climbs in after me and motions for me to shift up to the middle. I do so, fluffing those pillows too seeing as he took the ones I already organized.

  It’s getting darker now.

  I listen to Joseph and Nash argue over Joseph’s snack choices when Nok suddenly starts to howl again, like he did at the track that night. His reservation buddies all join in, I’m surprised by how many are here and laugh when the howling is the only thing that can be heard likely for miles and miles.

  He then sits next to me and passes me a new beer. His shoulder is touching mine. This guy does not care about boundaries. This is good. This is what I need. Though not when it’s from behind. Nobody needs that.

  “What time does the movie start?” I ask and look up at the darkening sky. It’ll be pitch-black soon. I’m really looking forward to this. I’m getting this feeling of excitement that I haven’t had for such a long time. I try not to let it take hold because I need to remain impartial. I’m leaving in a few weeks and when I feel things, it’s hard to leave. It’s so fucking hard.

  “In about forty minutes.” He catches a lock of my hair and brings it to his nose. “You smell like…” He sniffs twice. “Apricots and vanilla.”

  I move my head to get him to free my hair and look at the large rusting screen which is now holding an odd glow to it. It slowly gets brighter and brighter until a faded image takes shape. It’s a soap commercial, complete with sexism in a bottle.

  “You got into a fight on my first day.”

  “Yep.”

  “Why?”

  Fiery eyes roam over my face as I look at him expectantly. “He said something I didn’t like.”

  “Do you fight everyone who says something you don’t like?”

  “Yep.”

  I can’t fight my smile. “Me too.”

  We laugh together gently, and he edges closer, just enough that I can feel his body heat.

  His eyes flicker to my lips as that familiar smug grin plays at his. “Do you want to kiss me, Lilith?”

  “Oh God,” I groan and push his face away. “You really love yourself.”

  “You were tempted.”

  I shake my head. “You’re incorrigible.”

  “You were still tempted.”

  Narrowing my eyes, I slap his chest and shift away slightly. Being cautious about my skirt and legs. “You can stop staring at me now.”

  “You. Were. Tempted.”

  “If I kiss you will you leave me alone?”

  “No.”

  I grin and try to unsnap my gaze from his but it’s impossible. He’s a magnet and I’m his opposite, we’re always going to be drawn together. “I thought you don’t date white chicks, anyway?”

  “I don’t.”

  “So why are you trying to kiss me?”

  His eyes glint with humor. “You’re not white in the dark.”

  I laugh, unable to stop myself, and then shiver as cold seeps into my bones.

  “Cold?” Nash asks, appearing out of nowhere, his eyes round with concern. Nok moves to grab the popcorn and drinks as Nash climbs into the truck bed, m
aking it a tighter squeeze. He grabs a rolled-up blanket and shakes it out over the side. Dust sprinkles into the air.

  Joseph helps but doesn’t climb in after him, he grabs a couple of beers from the crate by Nok’s feet and moves to a car that pulled up at the right of us.

  I sip my beer and listen as Nash and Nok converse in another language. Nash seems mad about something or maybe it’s just familial ire. Satan knows my sister and I have enough of that between us. They both settle either side of me, seeming perfectly comfortable. Whereas I feel flanked.

  Though I feel a lot warmer and less exposed when the blanket is draped over the three of us. I’m not so worried about anyone being able to see my panties, not that anybody is even looking this way.

  “This is really cool,” I tell them both as the sound of the advertisements get louder. People are still rowdy, but Nash already said they’ll settle down when the movie starts.

  The beer gives me a warming buzz and the two bodies either side of me add to that warmth.

  “Nok, I thought you were going to sit with Vienna in her car?”

  My body solidifies in a split second. I don’t want Nok to go.

  “She cancelled, had to work.”

  “Vienna is Nok’s girlfriend,” Nash explains, leaning closer to my ear.

  “She’s not my girlfriend. She’s just somebody I fool around with from time to time.”

  I keep my eyes on the screen and remain silent. I don’t care who is with who.

  “My brother likes to fool around with girls,” Nash whispers and Nok hears him.

  “Means he’s probably good at it,” I mutter and grab a handful of Nok’s popcorn from his lap. Nash falls quiet and Nok laughs silently but I feel it shaking his side of the truck. I bet Nash can feel it too.

  Nok says something to him and whatever Nash says back has Nok laughing even louder; something I can tell he rarely does.

  “Sitting right here,” I murmur, feeling like a fucking doorstop between them.

  “Sorry.” Nash gets comfy and puts his own popcorn on his lap as I finish off my beer and look for a place to put the empty bottle.

  Nok tosses it out of the truck bed. It lands on the gravel with a thud.

  “Don’t litter,” I admonish. “It’s bad for the environment.”