Naked or Dead

by Murphy, A. E.

He’s outside, leaning against the side of his truck waiting for me, looking at the invisible watch on his wrist.

  “Impatient,” I admonish, leaning into him to kiss his lips.

  Grinning, he wags his brows, opens the door for me, and smacks my ass as I climb inside.

  I love it when he does that.

  “If only we had bikini weather.” Nokosi sighs heavily once in his own seat. His eyes linger on my breasts which are hidden behind two layers, my white top that gets floaty at my stomach, and my thick bra that makes my tits look a bit rounder.

  “You see me in my underwear all the time,” I point out, helping myself to his soda in the cup holder below the stereo.

  He snatches it from me. “It’s not the same as a bikini.”

  My head hits the headrest as I laugh. “It’s exactly the same thing.”

  “Agree to disagree,” he declares with extra elongation of each word. His hand goes to my thigh. “How’s your sister?”

  “Not good today, but I think it’s because of all the sneaking out she’s been doing.” His hand on my thigh squeezes harder for a moment. That’s weird. Is it a reaction to what I’m saying or is it meant to be comforting?

  “Sneaking out?”

  I think she’s up to something, which worries me, but I also don’t want to start questioning her if she’s getting herself back into the world. She’s been so afraid of connecting with people for so long. Could this finally be it? Could she be healing? Or is she continuing the legacy I was hoping she’d leave behind? “Yeah, she’s a hermit… she’s terrified of people.”

  “Why?” he asks gently, giving my thigh a different kind of squeeze this time.

  “Not today, Nok. I don’t want to ruin the day.”

  “But you’ll tell me?”

  I think about it for a moment, considering it. It’d be nice to speak to somebody about it, but then it’d lead to questions I can’t answer. Questions that could put my sister in danger.

  “If I tell you,” I say, looking at him. “At any point… do I have your word, on your life, that you won’t ask me any questions.”

  He frowns, his eyes ahead as he navigates the car with ease. I love driving with him. I just love being near him. He’s an anchor to my calm. He helps keep me grounded.

  “Because if I don’t have your word, I won’t give you even one.”

  “No questions? Not one?”

  “No. Not one.”

  “That’s going to be a hard promise to keep.”

  I nod with understanding. “Trust me, I know.”

  The beach is fucking cold, the water colder. I don’t get to surf but Nokosi does take me on a bit of a hike which I enjoy. We come to the top of a cliff and stand looking over the harsh waves hitting the face of it. I love standing on the edges of cliffs. It gives me a certain rush because of how dangerous yet beautiful it is. It’s deceptive.

  I suppose it’s the closest thing I can think of to compare myself to.

  “I am this cliff edge,” I say to Nokosi who just raises a brow. “I’m beautiful…”

  “You are.”

  “I’m dangerous.”

  “You’re that too.”

  “I’m deceptive.”

  He hesitates. “Not with me, I hope?”

  I look at him in the eyes and then spread my arms as the wind whips through my hair and caresses my body. Closing my eyes, I let my foot hang over the edge out in front of me. It would be so easy to die here today, to hit the water and drown, or to hit the rocky decline and break my neck, or perhaps it’ll be slow, and I will beg for death… or for life.

  “What are you doing?” Nokosi snaps, grabbing the back of my shirt and yanking me back.

  “Tempting fate,” I reply when my butt hits the grass as he falls to his knees in a bid to protect my body from my twisted soul.

  “Why?” He’s seriously mad, his eyes are aflame with the anger coursing through him. “Do you want to die? Are you suicidal?”

  “Suicidal is a subjective word.”

  “It’s about as fucking subjective as a potato!”

  My lips twitch into a smile. “A potato?”

  He tightens his ponytail. “Nobody can say a potato isn’t a potato.”

  “This is true, but suicidal is more of a condition of the brain, like depression, a chemical imbalance, your body warring against you. I don’t have that. I’m not suicidal. I don’t want to die. I just know that I’m going to and I’m ready for it.”

  “So, what… you’re some raging adrenaline junkie?” Standing, he yanks me to my feet and watches me shrug my shoulders with dark eyes. “Can you maybe think of somebody else when you’re finding your stupid thrills by tempting death and testing your lifespan?”

  “Like who? You?” I ask, raising a brow. “Are we at that part in our relationship? Do you care if I die, Nokosi?”

  “Is that a serious question?”

  I place my hand against his racing heart. I scared him. I kind of like that, as fucked up as that sounds. I like that I have the ability to terrify him, that he needs me in his life so desperately. “Deadly.” I play invisible drums with my hands. “Bad-um-tss.”

  He turns away from me, but I see him trying to stifle his smile.

  I wrap my arms around his waist and press my cheek against the space between his shoulder blades. “I’ll stay with you for as long as I can, Nok. I don’t want to be anywhere else. Dead or alive.”

  “Your sister…”

  “I’m starting to work her over I think, she’s starting to see things my way. If I can just get her to see that life here could be good.” I blow out a breath and he turns until both of his arms are around me too.

  “Your mom?”

  “My mom’s a cunt.” I can’t remember the last time I had a conversation with her. “She just looks at me with these judgy eyes and then fucks off to work, usually leaving me notes telling me how proud she isn’t of me.”

  “She’s not proud of you?”

  “I’m not a good person, Nokosi. She knows it. I know it. We accept it and move on. I’ll never be the daughter she wanted.”

  “You sound just like—” His lips thin to a white line as his words cut off abruptly.

  “Like who?”

  Thunder rolls in the distance, seconds after a flash of blinding white light over the sea. I smile and move towards the cliff edge again but Nokosi pulls me back.

  “Let’s go make camp.”

  I look around us. “Can’t we camp up here?”

  “Away from everybody?”

  Nodding, I try to move to the cliff edge again.

  “I want to watch the storm, Nokosi.”

  “Can we stay on one topic? My brain is fried.”

  I look at him and think about us staying up here, alone. But then I see him glance over his shoulder, his body language telling me that he wants to be back with his friends as much as he wants to stay with me. I need to stop selfishly taking up all his time.

  “Let’s go back,” I state, deciding now is as good a time as any to turn over a new leaf and relieve my body of its selfish ways. For the most part. Some things are better left kept as they are.

  “Good, because I have a surprise for you…” he mumbles, taking my hand and leading me back down the cliff towards the others.

  “What is it?”

  “You’ll see.”

  It takes thirty minutes, but we greet the others with enthusiasm, relieved to see tents up and crates out.

  “What are we thinking about the storm?”

  “It should stay out.”

  Both Bobby and Joseph speak amongst themselves as I lift myself into the bed of Nokosi’s truck as he builds the tent upon it. He has a truck bed tent. That’s so fucking cool. When he said he had it handled he really meant it.

  “Did you have fun?” Nash asks, pulling himself up beside me. “You were gone a while.”

  “I was testing my ability to fly,” I joke and Nokosi grunts and starts grumbling under his breath about crazy
bitches, meaning me. My smile only gets brighter. “Your brother worries about me. It’s cute.”

  “Everyone worries about you,” Nash replies, nudging me with his shoulder. “You’re a headcase.”

  “I am not.”

  “I bet if I told you to swim to that buoy and back, you’d do it.”

  “Nash,” Nokosi warns.

  I shake my head. “Even I’m not that dumb. Those waters are feral, man. I’d sink faster than the Titanic.”

  “The Titanic didn’t sink fast,” Bobby argues so I throw an empty can at his head. “Ouch.”

  “Your surprise is here,” Nokosi whispers in my hair and kisses my ear.

  I turn, looking around him to see a car pulling up. My excitement rises. But then Mackenzie gets out of the car and with her comes another girl I don’t know.

  I can’t even fake a smile. “You shouldn’t have, Nok. You really shouldn’t have.”

  “Hey!” Mack cries, waving animatedly. She races over to me and hugs me like we’ve been friends for years.

  The evil shit chuckles under his breath like he’s hilarious.

  Nash grabs my hand because I’m legit about to rip her head back by her hair.

  “Be nice,” Nokosi warns but his tone holds his amusement. Nash releases my hand but he looks as entertained as Nokosi does. “I thought it would be good for you to socialize with your own species.”

  “I’m going to kill you,” I mouth at him, eyes narrowed and hands gripping the truck, so I don’t stick my thumbs in his eyes.

  He just whistles casually and gets on with making the truck tent while Mack chats excitedly about being a part of something awesome in senior year. I only perk up to her chipper arrival when she tells me she has more FBI intel.

  Bobby who had already sidled up to her looks as excited at the news as I feel. Nash helps Nokosi finish the tent and the rest of the people all put plastic sheeting on the ground between the few tents standing in the small clearing. They pin it all down with heavy rocks and put lanterns on top of those. These people don’t mess around.

  “Tell us then,” Bobby begs, looking at Mackenzie with round, lusting eyes. He’s like a puppy eyeing a juicy bone. I resist the urge to roll my eyes. “What’s new that we don’t know already?”

  “Well… they think they found the killer,” she whispers excitedly, her eyes as round as saucers.

  “Who is it?”

  “I don’t know for sure, I couldn’t get that info, but…” She wets her lips and bounces from foot to foot. “The killer, if it’s this person, has already been declared dead. They found the body in Vegas a few weeks ago but only just connected it with the murders.”

  “Vegas?” I ask, frowning with confusion.

  She nods, her eyes still wide. “Yep. I’ve been trying to figure out a timeline while checking over everybody declared dead that month but there are so many to go through. It’s a needle in a haystack.”

  “You’re determined.”

  “Duh. And that’s not even the craziest part…”

  “Tell us,” Bobby demands, and I can taste his excitement in the air.

  “They found two more victims. Students of Saltwater High or something. I forgot the name. Both teen males.”

  “Whoa… that’s twenty-nine, right?” Bobby breathes, looking on edge now and freaked out. As am I.

  Mackenzie nods, looking sad. “All those lives lost. So sad.”

  “Do you know anything else?” I ask, chewing on my lip. “Are they closing the investigation?”

  “No idea. I doubt it. They still haven’t identified who this person is or why they think it’s this person and their security systems are getting harder to crack.” She slaps a hand over her mouth. “Forget I said that.”

  “Said what?” I ask, smirking.

  Bobby shrugs his shoulders. “All I can hear is thunder.”

  “That’ll be my beating heart from all this excitement,” Mackenzie jests and then slaps Bobby around the face when he takes this as an invitation to put his hand over her chest, directly over the swell of her breast.

  “Ouch,” he murmurs but doesn’t argue the fact he deserved it and more.

  “Don’t touch titties without permission, dude,” I admonish playfully and pat him on the shoulder.

  “Understood,” he replies, rubbing his cheek dramatically, “I still love you, Mackenzie.”

  “No,” she states simply, shaking her head. “Just no.”

  “I’ll win you over eventually with my charm and serial killer knowhow.”

  “So attractive.” I laugh under my breath and move to where Joseph is keeping Mackenzie’s guest entertained.

  I get annoyed at her laugh and walk away before Joseph finishes introductions. She has one of those nervous giggles that sprout at any fucking time and I can’t deal with it.

  “S’up?” Nokosi asks as I approach.

  “Can we go back to our cliff to get away from Giggly, Chatty, and everyone else?” I ask but I’m only half-joking. “I want to smoke weed and have sex.”

  He groans into my neck and hardens against my thigh. “Why do I get hard whenever you mention sex or anything pertaining to?”

  “Because you find me really attractive and devilish in the sack?”

  “You’re not very humble these days.”

  “I’m dating you… have you seen you? Imma gloat for the rest of my life at the world.”

  Laughing, he guides me around the finished tent and lifts me inside where the mattress is ready and covered. My bag is stuffed to the side behind his and I’m happy to see two flashlights and a lantern. Within reach.

  I take the biggest flashlight but Nokosi snatches it from my hand. “Mine.”

  “Okay, Seagull,” I mutter petulantly, taking the smaller one which actually feels nicer in my grip but I won’t admit that to him. “So… who has the beer? I’m ready to get this party started.”

  Nokosi cups his hands to his mouth and howls at the sky. I do the same, trying not to laugh as the entire camp joins in. It’s his thing and I fucking love it.

  We drunkenly hit the mattress giggling… yep… both of us. Even Nokosi. He’s so wasted but so am I so who cares? The tent interior is spinning so I cover my eyes with my arm. It’s cold. Not so cold that I’m shivering but I just want to bury myself under the blanket.

  He takes a gulp of his beer after fumbling with the tent zip and goes to lift his shirt over his head.

  “Too cold,” I whisper, rolling onto my front. “I don’t want to get naked anymore.”

  “Whatever,” he breathes and yanks my pants down just over my rear. I squeak, then laugh, then yelp when his cold hand creeps around my front and finds himself between my legs. He nudges his way into my warm sex, stretching my skin in a nice kind of way as his girth struggles to fit. My legs are stuck together so I’m not much help, and his chest is against my back so I can’t raise my hips or anything to meet him.

  I relax, wriggling to help him find his way, sighing when he pushes into the hilt and starts thrusting wildly, grunting in my ear with each powerful jerk of his hips. I swear the truck bed moves but I’m too drunk to care.

  It’s so fucking tingly but I’m too drunk for it to be more than that. Or at least I think I am. I soon find I’m wrong when the hand that guided him in starts playing with my clit.

  I groan and bury my face in the blanket as he kisses my neck and grinds into me.

  “So tight,” he whispers, getting harder and faster. “Fucking love your pussy, Lilith.”

  “Shhh,” I hiss, giggling when he cries out louder just to be an ass.

  “Take it in the ass, Lil!” he yells, still pounding inside of me.

  “Oh my God, shut up!” I try to roll over, still burning with need, still laughing my metaphorical ass off. “I swear on all that is Satan I will shave off your beautiful hair while you sleep.”

  He snickers, tipsy and happy and stops thrusting wildly so he can kiss me softly, forcing me to crane my head at an unnatural angle
to accommodate it. Then he slaps my bare ass and keeps going, working me to orgasm before I even realize what’s happening. I almost scream… it surprises me that much. It feels incredible and I can hardly breathe when he’s done.

  He holds his hips against my body until his own orgasm subsides and then pulls out immediately, finding wet wipes in his bag which we both use to clean up.

  “I WANT THAT PASSION!” Mackenzie yells and Nok and I look at each other wide-eyed.

  “I’M STILL PASSIONATE!” Bobby replies and I have to clutch my stomach to stop me from choking on my laughter. Oh it hurts. My sides are splitting.

  Nokosi and I undress in record time, getting into our matching onesies that his father purchased for us specifically for this trip because he thought it would be funny. We both look like teddy bears but now I’m under the blanket in his arms, fur on fur, I’m so happy Dasan did. I’m so snug and warm in a way I never would have been in normal pajamas.

  He also gave us a talk on sex education… reminding us that sex equals babies and disease and all that stuff. It was really funny. Nokosi didn’t think so. I couldn’t stop laughing into my shirt.

  I told him that I got the implant over a year ago, so he didn’t have to worry about becoming a granddaddy just yet. He called me smart then asked when he could meet my mother. Nokosi promptly removed me from the house before his father could start talking weddings next.

  In Nokosi’s culture they aren’t supposed to have sex before marriage, but his father isn’t as strict as most. He understands his son’s needs to explore life a bit before settling down. But I also think he’s convinced that Nokosi will settle down with me. Apparently Locklear men marry young and usually always pick the right woman for them. I can’t say I’m completely opposed to the idea. Especially if I’m now off the hook with my past.

  That would be fucking amazing.

  “Remind me to thank your dad.”

  “Uh-huh,” Nokosi drunkenly mumbles and relaxes when I trap my thigh between his.

  Lilith

  Bobby throws a napkin at Nokosi’s head, so I throw a butter knife at his face. He ducks and screams like a little girl. It misses by a mile, but it was never meant to hit him anyway.