In Search of the Long-Lost Maverick

by Christine Rimmer

  He stroked her hair. “You want to run away, don’t you? To hide from this, from you and me?”

  “Yeah. I do. A little.”

  He chuckled. It wasn’t a happy sound. “More than a little, I think.”

  “I just, well, the last thing I expected was you.”

  “Well, you got me. And I guess I’d better not say more until you’re ready to hear it.” He took her by the shoulders. “Tell you what.”

  She caught her lower lip between her teeth. “Hmm?”

  “We’ve already thrown out one batch of perfectly good eggs. Let’s eat these before they get cold, too.”

  She gave him a slow nod. “Yeah. Good idea.”

  So they sat down and had breakfast. A silent breakfast, during which she couldn’t help feeling she was throwing away the best thing—the most important thing. At the same time, she felt bound and determined to carry through with the promise she’d made to herself, to create a life on her own.

  They cleared the table and loaded the dishwasher. By the time that was done, the silence between them felt like an open wound.

  Had she done that? Wounded him?

  He said, “I get the feeling you’re leaving now.”

  “Yeah. I think I’d better go. I need to get in to work early. The boss is coming into town to see how I’m doing.” She’d been looking forward to catching up with DJ Traub. He was a good guy and a great boss.

  “Right.” Gabe picked up the diary from where she’d left it, on the table. “I was watching your face when my dad asked to read this. You seemed uncomfortable with the idea of leaving it here.”

  How did he know her so well? “I was. I am. I’ve grown kind of attached to it. But I know that I need to let go. You need to read it and I think your dad does, too.”

  “You’re sure?”

  Dear Lord, he was the most beautiful man. She wanted to grab him and hold him, to drown in his sweet kisses. To never, ever lose him.

  And yet, here she was, walking away.

  Was getting a little distance from him the right thing to do now—or simply proof of her fear he would break her heart if she gave him too much power over her?

  She answered his question about the diary. “I’m sure. I want you to keep it.”

  “All right.” His fine mouth was a bleak line. “I’ll get it back to you in a few days.”

  “No!” The word escaped her of its own volition. She sounded panicked. With considerable effort, she softened her tone. “I mean, really. After you and your dad read it, your grandfather will want to read it, too. And your mother. And what about your dad’s brothers? And your cousins? I think a whole bunch of Abernathys are going to want to know about Josiah and Winona. They’ll want to try to figure out where Beatrix might be. I’m starting to accept that my part in this old mystery is pretty much finished. Through some crazy twist of fate, I brought the diary to Bronco—to you and your family—where it needs to be. I think it’s time for me to let it go. I’m turning the search for the truth over to you.”

  Something had happened in his eyes. They were no longer warm as a summer sky, but wintry. Cold. “It’s one thing to turn your back on me, Mel.” His voice chilled her.

  She gasped. “But I’m not!” It was a lie. After today, she fully intended to stay away from him, to give herself some much-needed distance from the danger he posed to her vulnerable heart.

  And he knew it, too. “You’re walking away from me, Mel. And you’re a liar to say you’re not. I don’t like it, but I get it. I know you’re scared, though I am not that SOB in Bozeman.”

  “I don’t think that you’re like Todd.”

  “Yeah, well. Could have fooled me. And hey, I understand your fear that I might just do you like he did. I’m willing to wait, back off, give you the time you need to see how wrong you are. What I’m not willing to do is watch you drop this diary on me and walk away. You’re in this and you need to stay in it. You’re the connection to that woman named Winona in Rust Creek Falls. Are you just going to turn your back on her, too?”

  “Of course not.”

  Those ice-blue eyes said he didn’t believe her. “You’re lying to yourself as well as to me. That woman believes her child died being born. What if Beatrix is still alive today? What if there’s a chance your Winona could be reunited with her daughter? You’re just going to walk away from that, dump it all in my lap? What if your help would make the difference, somehow? Gramps and Winona are both in their nineties. They don’t have a lot of time.”

  “I’m aware of that.”

  “Then what are you doing? What if your walking away slows the whole process down just enough that Winona doesn’t live to meet her own daughter?”

  “That’s crazy. That’s not going to happen.”

  “You don’t know what could happen—what will happen. Stop kidding yourself. What about that guy named Wilder whose family lives in the house that more than likely once belonged to my great-great-grandparents? What if I need to talk to that guy? Are you going to make me do that without you?”

  She drew herself up. “Wilder will be glad to talk to you. You don’t need me for that.”

  He shook his head slowly. “You just won’t admit what you’re doing, will you?”

  She couldn’t bear to tell him the truth—so she lied some more. “I don’t even know what you’re talking about.”

  He held up the diary, held it right in her face. “This—what’s in this old book here—it’s a sacred trust and you damn well know it. You didn’t want to take it on, but you knew that you had to take it on. Why are you suddenly ready to just drop it and run?”

  “Gabe, I... Look, I didn’t just drop it on you.”

  “Yeah, you did. You know you did—and no, Mel. You don’t get to dump the diary on me and walk out the door to your independent life where no one can ever hurt you again. Not without me first telling you exactly what I think of what you’re doing.”

  Her throat felt tight. She ordered her lungs to draw in a slow, shaky breath. “You’re not being fair.”

  “You’re right. I’m not. I don’t want to lose you and so I’m not playing fair. I’m not keeping my mouth shut while you walk away and tell yourself you somehow did the right thing by turning your back on me and Winona and Gramps and a missing little baby who never knew who she really was.”

  “You’re way overreacting.” She tried to stay reasonable, to keep her voice even and calm.

  “Wrong. The truth is, I was underreacting. I was trying hard to be understanding. I was going to let you walk out on me without a fight in hopes that you’d realize on your own what a mistake you were making and finally come back to me. But, Mel, you went too far. You dumped the diary on me and said you didn’t want it back. You did that for one reason and one reason only—to cut ties with me completely.”

  Panic rattled through her. She had done exactly that—and now she couldn’t stop herself from jumping straight to denial. “No. No, that’s not—”

  “True? Yeah, it is. You’re willing to abandon the truth in order that you won’t have to talk to me or have me reach out to you.” He shook his head slowly. “I gotta tell you, Mel. I’m not very understanding about that. I’m not letting you go without telling you what I think of what you’re doing. I damn well am being honest, Mel. And you? You’re lying to yourself and acting like a coward, to boot.”

  She was shaking. She couldn’t take any more. “I can’t do this. I need to go.”

  For several truly awful seconds, she was certain he would light into her again. But then he only scooped up her purse from the chair at his side and shoved at her. She took it from him as he muttered, “Fine. Let’s go.”

  With trembling fingers, she hooked the strap on her shoulder. “Listen. Whatever you need from me, concerning anything in the diary—anybody in Rust Creek Falls you need to get in touch with—of course
, I’ll help in any way I can. You just have to call and I’m on it.”

  He only stared at her, his cold eyes giving her nothing. Finally, he shrugged. “I’m not calling you. You want out, you’re out. Come on, I’ll drive you home.”

  * * *

  The ride to Bronco Heights seemed to take forever. Mel stared blindly out the windshield most of the way. Neither of them said a word.

  When he pulled to a stop in front of BH247, she didn’t know what to say to him. She had this ache in her chest and she had a really bad feeling it was only going to get worse. If she’d imagined she could leave this man and be untouched by what she’d had with him, however briefly...

  Well, she’d been deluding herself.

  Her stomach churned. Her heart ached with desperate yearning—for the chance she couldn’t make herself take, for what she was throwing away. This really was the end for them and, well, she had this sudden awareness that she’d made a whopper of a mistake in calling it off between them.

  And now it was too late. He really seemed done with her in a very final way.

  And his being done with her was only what she’d asked of him.

  It hurt so bad, much more than she’d allowed herself to admit that it might—and she had only herself and her fearful heart to blame.

  All it took was one quick glance at his steely expression and the hard set to his jaw to know there was nothing she could say right now to make this moment better.

  She unlatched her seat belt. “Thanks, Gabe. For the ride. For...everything.”

  He turned his head and faced her then. His eyes remained that frosty blue, distant and withdrawn from her and all they might have been, if only she’d been braver, truer. Or at the very least, willing to risk her heart again. “Goodbye, Mel.”

  She yanked on the door latch and got out of there, fast. Eyes front, she raced for the building. If she so much as hesitated, she might just whirl and run after his big pickup as he drove away.

  It took forever, or it felt like it, to get to her door, to let herself in. She shut the door behind her, dropped her purse to the floor and then let her knees give way, until she was sitting there, her back against the door, her breathing ragged and frantic, her heart pounding so hard she almost feared it would explode inside her chest.

  Across the room, Homer sat on the foot of her bed. He watched her through those enormous gray-green eyes.

  “Hey,” she said weakly, still gulping in air.

  Homer jumped down and came to her. She held out her hand and he ducked under it. Scooping him up, she cradled him to her chest, pressing her ear against his soft fur so his welcoming purr radiated through her.

  For a long time, she just sat there, holding the purring kitten. At some point, the waterworks started. She ugly cried, getting snot and tears all over poor Homer. He didn’t seem to mind. He didn’t even try to squirm away from her, just let her hold him and cry on him as he continued to purr.

  She cried for her parents, cried for all the love they’d given her so freely, all the years of tender care. For all the love she had within her, stored up for them. They were supposed to be there, for her wedding to just the right guy, to be grandparents to her children, to be among the ones she loved and cared for as the years went by and they needed her more.

  She missed them still. She always would. The loss of them remained, an empty space inside her, an empty space that echoed with all that would never be.

  And what about Cheating Todd? Yeah, she cried for him, too—well, not for the reality of Todd. But for who he was supposed to be. The man she’d created in her heart, the shoes that the real Todd had never actually filled.

  And Gabe?

  Him, more than anything. She cried for what might have been with Gabe, for the love that she couldn’t quite bear to accept from him. Because her heart just wasn’t ready. Because after losing her folks and then saying yes to a man who had turned around and betrayed her, well, she just wasn’t able right now to trust her own judgment. Not with something so scary and overwhelming as love. She could end up with a big hole inside herself, another terrible emptiness like the one her parents had left through no fault of their own.

  Or with a deep and abiding sense of betrayal, an anger that gnawed at her, like the smoldering fury she’d been gifted with courtesy of Todd.

  It was too much, what Gabe had asked of her. Too much to ask and much too soon.

  She’d been right to say no to him. She would get over this pain. Even though, at this moment, it felt like her heart was breaking for the third time.

  Even though now it seemed to her she’d just thrown away everything she needed most.

  Chapter Eleven

  After a good hour of bawling on the floor, trying to convince herself she’d done the right thing to end it with Gabe, Mel finally dragged herself to her feet and got down to the business of pulling it together enough to go to work.

  Hiding the ravages of her long crying jag wasn’t easy, but after sticking her face in a sink full of ice water and piling on the concealer, she hoped maybe she looked at least presentable. She arrived at DJ’s Deluxe a full hour before she was expected.

  DJ Traub was already there, sitting behind his giant desk in his private office in the complex of offices on the floor above the restaurant. His door was wide open, as usual.

  Mel pulled her shoulders back and tried to look cheerful and confident as she tapped on the door frame to get his attention. His gaze shifted from his laptop to her at the sound.

  “There’s my favorite manager.” He rose to greet her. “Come in, come in.”

  In his forties now, Dalton James Traub was a handsome man. He had that steady, boy-next-door quality that made others trust him. A family man to the core, he’d been happily married to his wife, Allaire, for as long as Mel had known him. From the day he hired her to wait tables at his Bozeman Rib Shack, Mel had admired not only DJ’s genius as a successful restaurateur, but also his big heart. He was good to the people who worked for him, paying them well, offering decent benefits and reasonable hours.

  He came around the desk to meet her and they shared a quick hug. When they pulled apart, she could see by his worried frown that all that concealer hadn’t hidden as much as she’d hoped.

  “Sit down.” He gestured at the seating area over by the tall windows that looked out on the street. Reluctantly, she went over and took a chair. He shut the door and dropped onto the leather sofa across from her. “What’s happened?”

  She smoothed her hair and crossed her legs and tried to look breezy and relaxed. “Long story. Nothing to do with the job, DJ, I promise you.”

  “I’ve been over the books. I know we’re doing just fine here—better than fine. And I’ve spoken with both Gwen and Damien. They have nothing but good things to say about you. You’re doing a terrific job, as I knew you would. But I’m not asking about DJ’s Deluxe. It’s you I’m concerned for.”

  “I’m fine.”

  “I don’t think so.” He frowned. “How long have I known you?”

  “DJ, I mean it. I’m okay.”

  “Just answer the question. How long?”

  She glared at him for several seconds, but he didn’t back off. “Eight years or so?”

  “And I’ve only seen those haunted eyes I’m lookin’ at now one other time.”

  Mel knew he wasn’t referring to her breakup with Todd. When she’d visited his corporate offices in Bozeman last month in search of a job to tide her over until the one in Austin opened up, she’d held it together just fine. Why?

  Because I was more angry than brokenhearted over what happened with Todd.

  Right now, she felt shattered.

  And she hadn’t felt shattered since...

  Her throat got tight and her lower lip started trembling. She ordered it to stop and said softly, “You mean the day I got the news about my parent
s...”

  DJ gave a slow, solemn nod. “You don’t break easy, Mel Driscoll. So when you do, I notice. I care about what’s going on with you. Tell me what the problem is. You never know. Maybe I can help.”

  “You’re the best. But there’s nothing you can—”

  “Try me.”

  “It’s a relationship thing. You don’t need to listen to me whine about my love life, or lack thereof.”

  “Let me decide what I need, Mel. Talk.”

  She shouldn’t. It was so completely unprofessional. But DJ was a good guy and he really seemed to want to help. “I, um, think—well, I’ve just totally blown it with a very special guy. I’m sad, really sad. I’m also disappointed in myself. I promised myself I wouldn’t fall for him, but apparently, my heart failed to get the memo. Now I’ve broken it off with him and I feel horrible. I’ve ruined everything with him and there’s no going back. It’s over. I kind of hate myself, if you want to know the truth.”

  “Hating yourself will get you exactly nowhere.”

  “Yeah, well, hating myself may not be constructive, but I seem to be doing it anyway.”

  “And as far as you and that special guy being ‘over,’ you might be surprised. It might all work out for you two in the end, after all.”

  “Of course, you would say that, DJ.” She’d seen him and his wife together more than once during the years she worked for him in Bozeman. “You and Allaire have been married for as long as I can remember. You’re in love and have been forever and you naturally think everyone’s going to end up happily married to the perfect person, too.”

  “Mel. You don’t know the whole story. Allaire and I, we had a very rocky start.”

  “It couldn’t have been that bad. It’s obvious you two were meant for each other.”

  “Allaire didn’t think so at first.”

  That made no sense. “What do you mean?”

  “I mean, I always loved Allaire, but she chose my big brother. She and Dax got married right out of high school.”

  Okay, that was a stunner. “You’re not serious.”