Hearts on Fire

by Amber Thielman

  “The shower helped.”

  “Good.” Jeremy came around the counter and took me in his arms, pulling me in. I melted into him, inhaling the familiar scent of aftershave mingled with a subtle hint of books, the scent of a college professor. Jeremy’s lips rested on my forehead, his hand caressing the back of my head as he trailed a kiss from my nose to my mouth. Our lips met, parting, and he kissed me, sweeping me up in an unyielding kiss for each other which made me yearn for more.

  He grew hard against me and I reached down and rested my hand on the bulge in his jeans, softly teasing him as he nibbled on my lower lip.

  “I love you, Hallie. I want you all to myself.”

  I froze, pulling my head back to look at him, eyebrows shooting up in surprise.

  “I’m sorry, what?”

  “I want you,” he repeated.

  “All to yourself? Who do you think you’re sharing me with?”

  “Nobody,” he said, but the damage was done. And just like that, my desire for him deflated, and I unraveled myself from his hold.

  “What are you insinuating?”

  “Let it go, Hal.” Jeremy stepped away from me and went to the fridge for a beer. I watched him pop the cap off and take a long swallow.

  “I don’t think I’m going to,” I said. He stared at me for a moment, eyes searching my face as if trying to decide if this was a fight worth having.

  “Fine.” He slammed the bottle down on the countertop. “I’m tired of sharing you with a dozen other guys.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “The department, Hallie. I saw them all there when I got to the ER; they’re quite a crowd of attractive men. And that one guy, Tate...your boss; he’s a looker, isn’t he? I mean, no wonder you love your job so much.”

  For a moment, I was so shocked at the words coming out of his mouth I couldn’t even react. I stared at him, my mouth slightly open, fists balled and sweaty at my side.

  “You’re fucking kidding me, right?”

  “Nope.” Jeremy took another drink of beer and wiped his lips with the back of his hand. “I figured that once something like this finally happened, you’d come to your senses and quit. But I guess I was wrong.”

  “I can’t even believe what I’m hearing right now.”

  “Really? You can’t?” The sarcasm in Jeremy’s voice stung. I wanted to reach out and smack him, shake some sense into him, yell and scream and try to make my voice heard. But I knew it was no use. Nothing had changed; I didn’t think it ever would.

  “If you can’t handle what I do with my life, Jeremy, then maybe we need to rethink this whole marriage thing,” I said steadily. A migraine was coming on, completing the full-body ache I’d had since the accident. Although I couldn’t bring myself to curl up into a ball—not just yet.

  “Yeah, Hal, maybe you’re right.” Jeremy set his beer down and went to the door for his jacket, shrugging it on. “Maybe we do.”

  “Where are you going?”

  “To work. I need some time to think.”

  “To think about what?” I rushed to the door, slamming my hand out to stop him. He hesitated but didn’t look at me. “I’m tired of you running away every time things get tough, Jeremy. We’re adults. Let’s talk about it, like adults.”

  For a moment, I thought he would give in. Silence settled between us as we looked at each other. I wanted to reach out and pull him into me, to hold the man I was so in love with, the man I’d soon marry. But I didn’t—call it pride or anger, I wanted him to be the first to reach out, just this time.

  “I can’t do this right now, Hal, I’m sorry.” He turned and walked out the door.

  Chapter 19

  Tate

  I came home to an empty house that night after my shift, remembering as I went to the fridge for a beer that Julia was working the night shift. I felt lonely suddenly, craving comfort and attention after the shitty day the station had had. Both of my people would be fine, but the image of their still and unconscious faces haunted me.

  I took a seat in front of the TV but didn’t have the energy to turn it on. Hopefully by the end of the weekend things would be back to normal. That is, if Hallie’s fiancé Jeremy even let her come back to work.

  I didn’t pin Hallie as the passive type. I was sure no matter what Jeremy did or didn’t say about it, she’d do what she wanted, regardless of the consequences. After all, she’d done just that today. I didn’t know her well, she’d only been with us a few weeks, but the girl was a fighter. It didn’t take a genius to see that.

  I was still mildly surprised that Hallie had a fiancé. I shouldn’t have been, because it was none of my business, but he’d never been mentioned, not in passing during her training, interviews, or even the swearing in ceremony. After meeting Jeremy, I got the feeling that he wasn’t as keen on her job as she was.

  I sighed and sipped my beer, checking my phone for any texts or missed calls from Julia. We hadn’t had time to talk after delivering Kyle and Hallie to the ER, but that was pretty standard. We often worked jobs together if more than one medic and bus was needed, but there was rarely time for chit chat. Sometimes that was okay. Today was one of those days, I didn’t necessarily want to talk to her about Hallie tonight...or ever, actually. Had she been home, we would have already been hashing it out, and I didn’t have the energy for that.

  As I checked my messages, my finger hovered over Hallie’s name in my contacts. An overwhelming urge to dial her up and ask how she was feeling. But somewhere down in the pit of my stomach, it went beyond that. I merely wanted to hear her voice. Our brief collision in the hall had been nothing short of unsatisfactory and abrupt. I hadn’t been able to speak to her, to make certain she was okay, that she wasn’t too shaken up. She’d been pulled away by her brooding fiancé, there had been no time.

  I tried to convince myself as I sat there with my finger over the call button that I had the same worry for all my crew; they all meant so much to me, and it wasn’t just Hallie I wanted to talk to. While I had no doubt that was all true, it wasn’t Kyle’s phone number I was getting ready to dial.

  Clenching my jaw, I started to set my phone aside, knowing damn well Hallie’s fiancé wouldn’t appreciate me calling her up this late at night to have a chat with her. Before I could pull my hand away, however, the text notification pinged, and I drew it back to me, expecting an update from Julia. But it wasn’t from Julia. It was from Hallie.

  Sorry about earlier. Jeremy was kind of rude.

  I smiled despite myself and stared at the words on the screen, pondering the ways I could respond that might keep the conversation going.

  You don’t need to keep the conversation going, I thought. She’s your employee, dumbass. Just send something simple back and be done with it.

  I didn’t even know you had a fiancé, I typed back, and then hit send before I could talk myself out of it.

  Jesus. What was I doing? Her personal life was none of my business.

  Sorry, it’s not my business. I sent the second text before she had time to respond, then rubbed a hand over my face, trying to get a hold of myself. If I was the reason she quit, I’d never forgive myself.

  There was no response for a few minutes, and it was about that time I was certain I’d scared her off. Mentally kicking myself, I set my phone aside and chugged the rest of my beer. We were treading on dangerous territory here, and for more reasons than just one.

  A few minutes later she replied.

  He’s not very supportive of what I do, so it’s difficult to talk about it at work.

  I stared at the text, torn as to whether I should answer. I was Hallie’s boss, captain of the fire department, and a conversation like this was off limits.

  And yet...yet, I couldn’t ignore it, and I found my fingers typing up a response before I could stop myself.

  If he knew how good you are at your job, he might feel differently.

  Easy, Cap.

  I doubt it.

  I don’t.

&
nbsp; He doesn’t like me working around all you guys. He’s jealous.

  Shit. At this point, I couldn’t exactly reassure her that there was no reason for him to think that, could I? After all, my own girlfriend was still at work and I was texting the department’s only female firefighter about her shitty relationship. I was no better than Jeremy, when it came down to it.

  Maybe you should have a conversation with him about it.

  I can’t. He took off.

  I cleared my throat and stared at the screen. I wanted desperately to push further, to gather more information, to comfort her in her time of need. But I didn’t. I couldn’t. The boundaries were already being pushed as it was.

  I typed, hope to see you at work on Monday, then hit send, before powering down my phone. I didn’t like this new sensation brimming inside. The feeling I could talk to Hallie all night long, about anything and everything. But I couldn’t. I wouldn’t, because I wasn’t that guy. I never wanted to be that guy.

  WHEN HALLIE ARRIVED back to work on Monday, I’d already decided that there would be no more playing; I would treat her exactly as I treated any of my other men, whether I liked it or not.

  “Harper, can I see you in my office?” I said when she walked through the front doors. Truth was, I hadn’t been sure she’d come back to work, not after her complaints about her fiancé and his utter dislike for her choice in career. But here she was, walking into the station as she had every day before, jacket slung over her arm and boots clunking against the floor.

  “Sure,” she said, and followed me into my office. I couldn’t pretend as though nothing had happened back at the scene of the fire. She’d still disobeyed me; any other staff would have been written up for it.

  “I need to discuss the call we had the other day.” I kept my tone clipped as Hallie took a seat across from my desk. “I didn’t say anything until now because I wasn’t sure you’d be back. But what you did is unacceptable. It’s grounds for dismissal. You know that, Hallie.”

  She stared at me for a moment. I’d completely caught her off guard, and my reprimand was unexpected. I hadn’t said anything about it up until this point, and she probably thought it was water under the bridge.

  “I know I made a mistake,” she met my eyes with her words. “But I thought you already knew it won’t happen again.”

  “That’s not good enough.” I shook my head and folded my arms, anger boiling in my chest. I could see her in my mind yet again, as it had been for days, being pulled out from under that rubble, undoubtedly dead; her and Kyle both. “If it was any of my other rookies who’d gone in against my orders, they’d be on suspension.”

  “So why isn’t Kyle on suspension?”

  “He’s not a rookie, Hallie. This is his job.”

  “And it’s my job now, too,” Hallie spat. “Which part of that do you all have a tough time grasping?”

  “You don’t get it, do you?” The rage boiled over as she stared at me. “YOU could have been killed! You could have gotten Kyle killed!” I slammed my fist on the table in front of Hallie. She continued to stare at me, her eyes unwavering, face void of any emotion that could give her away. She didn’t even flinch.

  “But I didn’t,” she said. “And I saved a life that day.”

  “You disobeyed a direct order.”

  “I helped him.”

  “Against the rules of this station, Hallie!” Fury was building inside of me, an anger so deep it was a feeling I didn’t recognize. Something I’d never felt in my entire life. She still wasn’t backing down, refusing to cower under my gaze. She didn’t waver, didn’t take her eyes off mine.

  “I don’t regret doing what I did, Becker,” she said. “If I hadn’t gone in there, one of your men would have died. That would have been on me.”

  “That would have been the nature of the job, Harper.” I sat down across from her, my anger and frustration simmering down from a boil. The thought of losing my good friends and best men made me sick to my stomach. Even now, after all the years in the department it has never gone away. We were family here, and I’d almost lost too many of them . . . all because I hadn’t been there.

  “You say you want to fit in here, but you’ve already ignored a direct order?” It was a low blow even for me. I regretted saying it as soon as it was out of my mouth.

  Hallie stood, taking me by surprise, and gathered up her jacket to shrug it on.

  “Fire me if you need to,” she said. “But I was just pushing back.”

  Before I could ask her what she meant, she was out the door without another word.

  Chapter 20

  Hallie

  Avoiding Tate the rest of the day was easier said than done. He seemed to be everywhere at once. Finally, after bumping into him for the third time in an hour, I grabbed a newspaper from the pile on the kitchen table and hid out in the chief’s office. I had a difficult time reading the room, deciphering the expressions on my crew’s faces, understanding what they were thinking under all that emotional armor. I could only assume at this point that the rest of the squad was still trying to decide if my going into the burning building for a fellow crew member was enough for them to finally accept me . . . or reject me entirely. No one had spoken to me since I’d been back, and I couldn’t figure out if that was a good or bad thing. Maybe it wasn’t a thing at all. Maybe they just didn’t care, and that was something I would have to live with.

  I was three cups of coffee in when a light rap knocked on the office door. Expecting it to be Tate or Finn, I swiveled around in the chair to face them. But it wasn’t either of them. It was Kyle. I hadn’t even realized he was back at work, too.

  “Do you have a minute?” he asked. I set the paper down on the desk, apprehension flooding my chest as he closed the door behind him. This is the first time I’d seen him since we’d both been buried under the rubble of that building.

  “I wanted...to thank you for the other day.” Kyle looked down at his hands, studying the callouses, unable to meet my gaze. For the first time since I’d met him, he seemed different somehow; timid, quiet, and not like such a womanizing jackass.

  “It’s no problem.” I turned back to the paper, hoping he’d get the hint and free himself of the torture he must have felt having to thank me. For a moment, he seemed to almost turn around and leave. But he didn’t. I didn’t look at him, just pretended to focus on the newspaper. Finally, after what seemed like an age, he sat down in the chair across from me and folded his hands on the desk in front of us.

  “No,” he said. “I want to thank you. I want to thank you for saving my life.”

  “Kyle, it’s fine.” I set the paper down and met his gaze. He was looking directly at me now, staring intently, forcing his words to be heard.

  “You put your neck on the line for me,” he continued. “You were told not to go in, but you did anyway. Why?”

  “I don’t know.” I leaned back in the chair and shrugged one shoulder. “I guess it’s because we’re family, Kyle.” I paused, letting my words sink in. “I mean, aren’t we?”

  He was quiet for a moment. Then, just for a brief second, a smile appeared on his lips.

  “Yeah,” he said. “I guess we are.”

  Around six that night we got an EMS call. Despite my annoyance with Tate, we had no choice but to take it together. The ride to the scene was quiet although it seemed like he kept wanting to say something to me, but he never did. I couldn’t think of anything to say either. I didn’t know if he was still angry at me or if he was finally letting it go. It didn’t matter though, because work came first, not our personal feelings about each other—whatever those may have been.

  We pulled up to a quaint little house near the university, and I grabbed the BLS bag and followed Tate into the house. A young man, around Tate’s age, met us on the porch. He had dark hair and intense eyes that seemed to read us from where we stood.

  “I’m Logan Ryder,” he said. “Thanks for coming. My girlfriend’s friend Abby passed out, bu
t she didn’t want to go to the hospital. Kass is in with her now, but we wanted her to get checked out.”

  Logan opened the front door and ushered us inside. Lying on the suede couch in the middle of the living room was a pretty, bushy-haired redhead, and sitting on the arm of the couch next to her was a young woman, maybe a year or two younger than me. The brown-haired girl who I assumed could be Kass was in the middle of taking Abby’s BP. Abby sat up as we came in, waving her friend off, and smirked a bit, looking like she wished she was anywhere but here.

  “Don’t mind Kass,” she said, waving a hand in her friend’s direction. “She’s a compulsive worrier and control freak. I’m fine.”

  “People who are fine don’t randomly pass out,” Kass argued. She jotted some numbers down on a piece of paper and rolled up the BP cuff. “Don’t mind me,” she said with a smile. “I’m a Paramedic with Seattle FD, but I’m off duty right now.”

  “Paramedic and med student,” Logan said behind us.

  “Impressive,” I noted, and Kass smiled, blushing a bit.

  “Abby, right?” Tate asked.

  “Yeah.”

  “I’m Tate and this is Hallie. Your friend said you passed out. How are you feeling now?”

  ” Kass is being dramatic. I’m fine.” Abby rolled of her eyes. “Sometimes this happens when my blood sugar drops. It’s not a big deal. It’s certainly not the first time she’s called an ambulance for me.”

  Behind us, Kass sighed loudly, clearly concerned. I looked over my shoulder and smiled to reassure her.

  “Even so, Abby, we want to make sure it’s nothing worse, okay?” Tate said, jotting down the girl’s BP that Kass handed over to us. Abby looked up at him, her eyes searching his face for a moment too long before she blushed and looked away. I hid a smile as he went back out the house for the stretcher.

  “If he is the one who takes me in each time, I have no issues with going,” Abby said with a giggle. Behind us, Kass made a sound between a snort and a laugh. I chuckled.