Hearts on Fire

by Amber Thielman

  I stood to wash my plate in the sink just as the tone went off. We all froze, and a hush fell over the room.

  “Ladder One, respond to 1654 Walden Street for a house fire. I repeat, respond to 1654 Walden Street for reports of a house fire.”

  “Alright, guys, let’s go.” I set the plate back onto the table and headed to the door. Hallie was hot on my heels, with the others behind her.

  “Wait, wait, wait,” Tanner shouted from the kitchen. “Did they say 1654 Walden?” His eyes darted from the computer screen that held the details of the call, to each of us, and then back again.

  “Why?” I asked, halfway out the door by now.

  “That’s my house.”

  Chapter 26

  Hallie

  Even over the sound of the sirens blaring, slicing into the silence of the air, the tension in the back of the truck was palpable. Every so often my gaze flitted over at Tanner, to read his face. I knew what it said. He looked scared shitless, and that’s about as real as it could have gotten.

  “Almost there!” Kyle shouted from the driver’s seat. “Get ready, guys.” I secured my helmet, and Tanner did the same.

  “Are there any other people inside, Rey?” Tate called.

  “No,” Tanner said. “It’s just me.”

  I wanted to reach out and put my hand on his shoulder, reassure him, tell him that at least he hadn’t been inside when it started. But I couldn’t, Tanner and I were hardy friends and I knew my sympathy would fall on deaf ears.

  “Jesus Christ,” he said when we pulled up behind the first truck. I silently echoed his sentiments, heart racing with anticipation and fear as I followed the guys out of the truck to survey the damage.

  Tanner’s house, or what was left of it, anyway, was roaring with red and orange flames. The wood structure, which I could tell had once been finished with beautifully lacquered logs, burned and sizzled until black. Another engine was already on the scene, but we were all too late. The house had burned, and it had burned far past saving.

  “I’m so sorry,” I said, but Tanner didn’t hear me. He was already helping Kyle unload the ladder and prep the hose. I stepped forward to assist them, unable to look Tanner in the eye as we cranked on the hoses and soaked the cabin with icy water, careful to keep a safe distance from the flames until they died down.

  “Stand back!” Tate shouted, motioning with his arm. We all took a step away as the structure collapsed on top of itself, falling into a heap of charred wood and flickering flames. Sparks licked at the tall trees above the fallen house. Beside me, Tanner let the hose droop slightly, and I stepped towards him to help keep it straight. My heart shattered into a million pieces as the rest of us watched Tanner’s house go down in flames. When I finally gathered the courage to look at him, a small tear was rolling down his face, and all I could do was look away.

  By the time the flames were down and the charred structure was soaked with water, we were all exhausted. The police were there searching the scene and gathering reports, and Tanner and Tate picked through the rubble in search of anything that may have made it out unscathed. Unfortunately, there didn’t seem to be much still salvageable.

  I was peeling the gear from my sweaty body next to the firetruck when Kyle stepped up next to me and leaned back against the bumper. Ash streaks colored his face and sweat shimmered on his forehead. Neither of us said anything for a long time, as we watched Tanner rake through the debris. A cop with a notepad was following him around, asking questions and jotting down notes. Finally, when I couldn’t hold my question in any longer, I leaned back against the bumper next to Kyle and crossed my arms over my chest. “Do you think this was an accident?”

  A heavy silence settled between us, and for a long time I didn’t think Kyle was going to answer. “No,” he said finally. “I don’t.”

  “Why?”

  “I’ve seen a lot of accidental fires. This wasn’t one of them.”

  “It could have been anything, you know. A woodstove. A space heater. Faulty wiring.”

  Kyle shook his head slowly, pondering this. “We won’t know anything until they do an investigation, but until then keep our suspicions on the down low. Tanner doesn’t need more stress. He’s lost everything.”

  “But you think someone did this?” I pressed. “You think someone actually did this to him?”

  “Maybe.”

  “Why?”

  “I have no idea.”

  Tate joined us then, and both Kyle and I shut our mouths to keep from spouting off more assumptions.

  “Was anything salvageable?” I asked. Tate wiped the back of his hand over his face, shaking his head. Even with beads of sweat forming at his temples and ash in his hair, I longed to reach over and run my hand over the stubble on his face.

  “No,” he said. “Hardly.”

  Kyle and I looked at each other again, but we didn’t press any further.

  “I, uh... I have to go down to the station to answer some questions, Cap.” Tanner Rey came up behind us with a cop on his heels. I couldn’t read his expression, and honestly, I wasn’t sure I wanted to

  “Of course, Tanner.” Tate reached out and rested a hand on his shoulder before giving it a little squeeze. “Take all the time you need and do what needs to be done. Can the crew help in any way? Where will you stay?”

  “I have options, thanks, Cap. I just have to figure this out.”

  “I’m sorry, Tanner,” I said. “Let me know if I can help in any way.”

  Tanner glanced over his shoulder, and for a split second I saw something in his expression that send a shiver of fear down my spine. But before I could place that look, he’d turned away, unspeaking, and followed the officer to the patrol car.

  “Damn,” Kyle said, shaking his head. I swallowed and glanced again at the ashen ruins of the house, a home burnt to the ground, with everything inside. I looked back towards the cop car, but they were already pulling away. Raking fingers through my hair, I sighed heavily and nodded along with him.

  “Damn is right.”

  Chapter 27

  Tate

  I found myself in my office around one a.m. with my fingers on the keyboard of my computer as the rest of my crew caught some shut-eye upstairs. It was the middle of the night, yet sleep eluded me, just as it had for the last few weeks. The glow from my computer screen stung my tired eyes as my fingers clicked away at the keyboard, searching for anything and everything I could that might help me fathom what we’d seen.

  The fire at Tanner Rey’s had been different. So different in such a way I’d never quite seen a fire like that before. It had been unfamiliar, as far as fires go . . . the odor, the color, the patterns of the flames. Part of me knew the answer to my question already, but the other part of me wanted nothing to do with it. Fires happened, they happened randomly, with no warning, no reason, that’s what made them so dangerous.

  I sat back in my chair and folded my hands around my stomach, staring at the cursor on the screen. The words “arsonist in Washington” hadn’t produced much at all, not even a sliver I could get my hands on, and that made me doubt anything I had already assumed.

  A light rap on my office door pulled me out of my stupor, and I glanced up to see Hallie peek her head in. She was smiling, if only slightly, and had a mug cradled in each hand.

  “Am I interrupting anything?” she asked. Even fully dressed in her uniform, dark circles under her eyes and her brown hair messy around her shoulders, I wanted to kiss her. Hold her. Take her where she stood and never stop. Instead, I shook my head and fought the urge to tell her that her company was exactly what I needed, in that very moment.

  “Have a seat.” I pointed to the chair across from my desk and Hallie came in, closing the door behind her with the bottom of her foot. She set both mugs down on my desk and slid one over to me before taking a seat in the chair opposite and crossing her legs, picking up her own mug to cradle it between the delicate curves of her fingers. My eyes searched the lines in her
face, the light glow of her skin that flushed with pink hues.

  “Thanks for this,” I said, and took a long swallow of coffee. “I can’t sleep. You?”

  “No.”

  “Is it for the same reason that I can’t?”

  “You mean Tanner’s house?”

  I nodded.

  “Then yes.”

  “What do you think?”

  “It’s above my pay grade to say anything,” she said with a shrug, and sipped at her drink. She licked her lips, and once again I had to restrain myself from leaning over the desk to kiss her.

  “I want to know what you think.”

  “Professionally or personally?” she asked, and I couldn’t fight the smile.

  “Both.”

  “Professionally, I think that the fire that burned down Tanner Rey’s house was intentional.” Hallie swallowed and looked away from me, as if to gather the courage to continue speaking. Her eyes searched the wall, the certifications and awards that hung in a neat row above the office shelves. I kept my eyes on her face. I couldn’t look away, even if I wanted to.

  “And personally?”

  “Personally, I think that we want a reason,” Hallie said. She looked back at me, eyes meeting mine and holding my gaze. “Maybe we want someone to blame, if only to make it hurt less.”

  I stared at her across the desk, searching her expression for any underlying emotion that she was so good at hiding. I remembered the taste of her lips on mine the other night, the sweet scent of her perfume, the way her hair tickled my face when we’d kissed.

  “Are we still talking about the fire?”

  “Maybe,” she said softly, and still I longed to touch the soft skin of her cheek.

  “Listen, Hallie,” I stood from the desk and crossed around it to be closer to her, but she didn’t bother standing to meet me. Her legs were still crossed, long, beautiful legs that I desired to see and feel, to touch. Her hair fell in waves over her shoulders, taunting me, and an excited buzz grew in the pit of my stomach. I kneeled in front of her and reached out to touch her hand, and the mere feel of her skin against mine raised an erection that I couldn’t fight back. God, I was a mess; a mess for her. “About the other night—”

  “We’re not talking about the other night,” she said abruptly. “We’re talking about the fire. Right, Cap?”

  I ignored her, pretending not to notice as she moved her hand away, avoiding my touch. “What happened with you and Jeremy?”

  “Nothing happened,” she said.

  “Hallie.”

  “What?”

  “Is everything okay between the two of you?”

  She sighed, a weary expression creeping over her face as she stared at a nick in the wood of my desk, avoiding my gaze. “We’re coworkers, Tate. You’re my boss. We’re not friends.”

  “We can be both,” I said, but it sounded desperate even to me. What a fucking pussy. I wanted to take her, hold her, ravage her...and yet I could barely find the words to speak at all. If I had it my way, I’d push her down onto my desk and fuck her until neither of us could stand.

  But I didn’t.

  Hallie only smiled, but just barely. She pushed my hand off her thigh and stood from the chair, gripping the now-empty cup of coffee she’d brought in earlier.

  “You know we can’t,” she said, and her beautiful chestnut eyes met mine with a kind of sadness and devastation that send a pang of ice through my heart. “We can’t be both, Tate. I’m sorry.”

  Chapter 28

  Hallie

  Being home was no better than being at work. The loneliness was suffocating. I still did everything I could to ignore Jeremy’s texts and calls. I had no interest in hearing from him, not even for a second. The image of some college student giving my fiancé a blow job in the academic’s office was a scene I didn’t want to hash out or mull over, possibly ever. I didn’t miss him. Whether it was anger or betrayal or sadness or loneliness I didn’t know. But I couldn’t face him. I didn’t want to. Even the stifling loneliness wasn’t enough to make me forgive him.

  A bottle of wine kept me company each night I was home, and it was better company than Jeremy had ever been. My phone stayed on silent for the most part, lighting up occasionally when Jeremy called, or when my mother texted me to bury her nose even further into my business. I knew that without Jeremy’s help in paying rent on the apartment, I’d have to find a roommate. It was a daunting thought, especially since I didn’t know where to go from there. I didn’t want to adult, didn’t want to hurt my head trying to figure things out. I just wanted to sleep, and I wanted to work. Most of all, I wanted to work. It felt like it’s all I had to cling to anymore; I’d swear off all relationships and become a workaholic like my father had been. Go to work, come home to drink, sleep, and repeat.

  Fatigue pulled at me, but I resisted. I couldn’t sleep well. I hadn’t been sleeping well for weeks. The big king mattress in the bedroom called to me, but I couldn’t face it, not anymore. Once it had been a special place for Jeremy and me, the place we held each other, made love, and devoted our lives to each other. We’d laughed at each other’s jokes, cuddled, read together, and loved one another. Now, it was just a mattress, cold and lonely with no bodies to occupy it.

  I was parked on the couch with a glass of wine and the remote on one of my rare nights off, when the news report on the TV in front of me caught my attention.

  “A local fire which started last week in the small city of Lakewood has the police department caught up in an ongoing investigation,” the blond-haired anchor lady was saying. “Inquiries are ongoing and officers are continuing to appeal for information. The structure in question, a home belonging to one of Lakewood’s very own firefighters, Tanner Rey, is thought to have been started deliberately. There were no reported injuries, but the investigation is still ongoing.”

  I cursed under my breath and took another drink of wine. Our suspicions had been correct, at least so far. But who in the world had that kind of vendetta against a guy like Tanner? Besides me, Tanner didn’t seem to have any enemies, and honestly, I couldn’t even say enemy with a straight face. He was one of the guys at work; appreciated and befriended by the rest of the crew. Maybe it was a crazy ex-girlfriend or a scorned lover. Maybe he was a douche to all women and not just to me; that would give plenty of people motivation for revenge.

  My phone lit up again from its position on the coffee table, but I had a feeling it wasn’t Jeremy again. Risking my sanity, I picked it up and scrolled through my new text messages. The newest one was from Tate, and I tried to ignore the way my heart leapt in my chest when I saw his name pop up on the screen.

  Did u see the report?

  I sighed and stared at the words on my phone, wondering if I should respond. The awkward encounter we’d had in the parking lot of the bar hadn’t stopped haunting me since the moment it had happened. I felt like a fool, an idiot, some drunk, blubbering girl who couldn’t keep her scorned hands to herself. And he’d rejected me, for a damn good reason. I’d done the same thing to Tate and Julia as Jeremy had done to me. Truthfully, I was a bit shocked he was still talking to me, let alone working alongside of me. The worst part was, I liked it. I liked hearing his voice, seeing his face. He felt...safe. Safe in a way that even Jeremy never had.

  Yea, I texted back. I wonder when they’ll know for sure.

  He didn’t respond for a while, and disappointment settled in the pit of my stomach. I sipped a little faster on my wine and found myself shaking my foot anxiously. I wanted to talk to him. I always wanted to talk to him. No matter how shitty I felt for coming on to him the other night, the loneliness wasn’t just going to go away. But loneliness wasn’t the only reason I wanted to talk to Tate; I wasn’t lonely for just anybody. I was lonely for him.

  A few minutes later, my phone lit up again.

  Did u and Jeremy make up?

  I closed my eyes and nibbled my bottom lip until the copper tang of blood touched my tongue. So much for keeping th
ings professional. I wondered if he was at home right now with Julia curled up in the curve of his arm while he texted the woman who had tried to seduce him mere nights ago. She would have no idea. I’d be the homewrecker this time around.

  Fuck.

  No, I typed back. We broke up.

  I stared at my response, my finger hovering over the send button. I couldn’t do this, not now, not after what had happened in the parking lot. I loved my job, devoted my entire life to making it onto the squad and, preferably, staying there for a long time. I couldn’t have this conversation, not with him, my boss. It didn’t matter how handsome he was or how much my body lit up and reacted to his touch. It didn’t matter, because I worked for him, and he had a girlfriend. That was bigger than everything. He had a girlfriend, and I was not this person.

  I hit delete on my response and tucked the phone away where I couldn’t see it anymore. A twinge of pain vibrated in my throat, but I ignored the sting of tears against my eyeballs. This was for the best, even if we both hated it.

  I set my empty glass of wine down on the coffee table and pushed it away. Then I huddled down into the couch and closed my eyes to see if I could catch some shut-eye despite the restlessness in my limbs and joints. My thoughts worked overtime, head swimming with what if’s and why not’s.

  If I couldn’t take the hint, maybe he could. It would save us both the heartache.

  Chapter 29