Monkey Business (Bob and Nikki Book 10)

by Jerry Boyd

  “Good work, Gene.” It was then I noticed Jackie, hovering. I asked, “Yes, Jackie?”

  “Your ship, Boss.”

  “Sorry, I should have waited for your acknowledgment before I started issuing orders. I’m trying to fix a mistake I made, and I got ahead of myself.”

  Saucy asked, “Mistake, Boss?”

  “I mentioned going to the Navy yard on a comm the Squirrels have tapped. If we’re lucky, we might get there before whatever contingency plan they have goes into effect.” Ruth, Topper, and Sally came onto the bridge. I asked, “Ruth, did Scotti clear you for duty?”

  “Yes, Boss. I’m right as rain.”

  “Let Dixie fly the entry. We’re too close to mess with changing pilots.”

  “Yes, Boss.”

  Sally came to stand next to Jackie. She asked, “What’s the hurry, Boss?”

  “I screwed up, and mentioned going to the Navy yard on my comm. I hope we can still get there before the Squirrels rig some kind of surprise for us.”

  Sally thought a second, and then said, “You remembered when Scotti told you about her idea for securing the comms?”

  “Yep. If I’m the best we can do for a Captain, we’re in a bad way.”

  Dixie sang out, “Entering FTL.” She was just as smooth as Ruth. When she had us steadied out, she passed the helm to Ruth, and left the bridge. Topper stepped up to Saucy and asked him if there was anything he needed to be aware of before he took over. Saucy said, “No, Sir. Would you like me to resume training?”

  “Yes, please. Your progress so far is encouraging. I may have to get you to help me train some of the others.”

  “Thank you, Sir. Your board.”

  “My board, thank you.”

  I turned to Sally. “Do we have any training material on the size and configuration of the Commonwealth Navy?”

  “Yes, Boss. Would you like me to have Jasmine light you up?”

  “Since we’re headed to go wake them up, I should have some idea what I’m getting into, don’t you think?”

  “That sounds like a good idea. What would you like to know?”

  “I don’t know enough to answer that question, Sally. I have time to do three courses before we get there. Pick the ones you think will do me the most good.”

  “I understand, Boss. May I have the conn?”

  “Your ship, Sally. Are you ready to take a ship when we get there?”

  “I have all the training, but I’m not sure that’s enough.”

  “Somebody told me that a lack of self-confidence isn’t necessarily a bad thing in a captain.”

  “What is it the humans call you? I remember, asshole. That’s it.”

  Topper spoke up. “I think she told you, Boss.”

  “That she did, Topper. She’ll do fine.”

  “Just remember, Boss. Even with you recognizing my field promotion, I’m still only a First Lieutenant. I don’t have enough rank to take a ship.”

  “We could always give you another bump, Smartass.”

  “I’m fine, Boss, really, I am.”

  “If I have to be the bathroom door, you can be a captain if I need you to.”

  Topper looked puzzled. “Bathroom door?”

  “Commode Door.”

  I was glad we were cruising safely in FTL, because Ruth was laughing like a hyena. She said, “Good one, Boss.”

  I went across to the ready room, and Jasmine was there to light me up. She said, “Are you okay, Boss? I know it’s hard on you, passing sentence on people.”

  “When I have time to slow down and think about it, it will be rough. That hasn’t happened yet.”

  When I came out of the course, I was by myself. I decided to go find Diego, and see how he was taking his people turning on us. I said, “Gene, where is Diego Chachi?”

  “Sim deck, Boss.”

  I grabbed a transit and headed down. Jasmine was there, supervising. She said, “Are you here to work, Boss?”

  “I had hoped to talk to Diego, but he seems to be busy.”

  “He’s been burning through the scenarios nearly as fast as you, Boss. He could use some real competition.”

  “You want me to go against him? Is that fair, Jasmine?”

  “Do you think the Squirrels will play by the rules, Boss?”

  “Help me hook up, then. Remember, I need to get three courses in before we go back to real space.”

  “Yes, Boss.” Having had all the Squirrel tactical training, I could manage to look like a normal Squirrel ship, until it came time to surprise Diego. I pulled several flavors of sneaky crap on him before he ended the sim, and came to see who he was flying against. He said, “Dang, Boss, I’m glad you’re on our side. You’re sneaky.”

  “I do my best. I just wanted to make sure we were still good after what I had to do to your people.”

  “They brought it on themselves, Boss. I had no idea Jennie was as far gone as she was, or I would never have recommended her. That was my fault, and I think Bill probably could have fit in, if she hadn’t been pushing him to mutiny.”

  “I think you’re right. I just wish I could have figured it out sooner, and saved Bill.”

  “He was a follower. She managed to push the right buttons to send him the wrong way. Not your fault, Boss.”

  “Not yours, either, Diego. I can see where you might think so, but it’s not.”

  “Thanks, Boss. You have time for another round?”

  “Danged if I know. Ask Jasmine, she keeps my training schedule.”

  “What are you training on, Boss?”

  “The Navy. If we’re going to wake it up, I need to know what we’re getting into.”

  “What changed your mind all of a sudden?”

  “I screwed up, and mentioned we were going to have to wake them up on a comm that the Squirrels monitor.”

  “So, we’re going before they have a chance to get there and destroy the ships?”

  “I hope we’re quick enough. It took me awhile to realize what I had done.”

  “As much of a speed advantage as we have, and the fact that we started from so much closer, we should be able to beat them.”

  “We’ll still have to wake the ships up, and get them underway, hopefully before they show up.”

  Jasmine spoke up. “Boss, it’s nearly time for your next training session.”

  “Yes, Ma’am, on my way, Ma’am. You’re doing good work, Diego. You just need to let the bots help you more. There’s no way one of us slow organics is quick enough to beat these simulations.”

  “Thanks, Boss.” Jasmine got him ready for another round of sims. I headed back up to the ready room, satisfied that Diego didn’t hold a grudge. I wasn’t properly equipped for this political stuff, but I was the one in the big chair, so I did my best. Jackie was waiting on me when I arrived. I asked, “Am I late?”

  “No, Boss. Actually, we should wait five more minutes, according to Mr. Branham’s rules.”

  “I won’t tell if you don’t. Let’s get it done.”

  “Yes, Boss.” When I finished, Jackie was still there. I asked, “Something I can help you with?”

  “Well, I’m not sure how to say it.”

  “Just say what you want to. I’m fairly hard to offend.”

  “You admitted the only reason we had to go to the Navy yard in such a hurry is because you made a mistake.”

  “I did. Is that a problem?”

  “I’ve never worked with a human who wouldn’t put the blame on a bot, if they had an opportunity. You taking blame for your own mistakes is new to me. I’m not sure how I feel about it.”

  “How am I supposed to get better at being Captain, if I don’t acknowledge my mistakes? We’re in a tricky situation, we need the best Captain we can get. I’m trying to improve where I can. I’m not sure what the problem is.”

  “Back in the Navy, the Captains all thought they knew it all. You’re different, and it’s taking me a while to get used to.”

  “I don’t mean to ca
use you problems, Jackie. Is there something specific you think I should do differently?”

  “That’s just it, Boss. Your way works better, I just have trouble remembering that the Navy way isn’t the only way.”

  “We’re all doing what we can to keep the ship going. If you see me doing something you think I could do better, please let me know. I need all the help I can get.”

  “I’ll do that, Boss. Thanks for taking the time to talk.”

  “No problem.” I headed down to medbay. John was at his desk. He said, “Hello, Captain. What can I do for you?”

  “Captain? What happened to Bob?”

  “You went and put me in your chain of command, for starters.”

  “Well, if you’re going to be that way about it, Sally says it should be Commodore now, anyhow.”

  “Because you’re about to be in command of a fleet?”

  “Because she’s a Captain now, and she doesn’t want anybody confused about who is in charge, mostly. The other doesn’t matter till tomorrow when we get to the yard.”

  “I’m guessing you’re not here just to give me an update on our command structure?”

  “I know you would rather be in charge of medbay, and nothing else, but circumstances are making us all do things we don’t want to. Is Dixie ready to be Chief Medical Officer?”

  “She passed her last cert this morning.”

  “What about Jane? You can’t be on the bridge where you belong, and in medbay, too.”

  “She’s ready, but she won’t admit it.”

  “I’m giving you Pete, so Greg won’t have to get used to a new trainer.”

  “So, you’re going to try and keep families together on the ships?”

  “I’d rather have it the way it is now, with all of us together, but that just isn’t going to be possible. We need experienced people on all the ships, if we have enough.”

  “Are we going to wind up going back to Earth and raiding Veteran’s Homes, for crew?”

  “The way things are going, I’d hate to rule it out.”

  “So, what’s our plan for now?”

  “I want to get the ships mobile, and move them someplace the Squirrels won’t be able to find them. Once we have that done, we can worry about our next move.”

  “We’re not doing anything right away to impress the Squirrels?”

  “I have to think they would take that as a hostile gesture, and things are tense enough with them already. If we wind up having to deliver more of their ships, I could be convinced to make it a fleet exercise.”

  “You mean, jump into orbit with the whole fleet, dump off their ships, and jump out, without any fuss?”

  “That was floating around the back of my mind, yeah.”

  “I hate it when you and Nikki get separated. You get mean in a hurry.”

  “You don’t think that’s the right way to go about it?”

  “I do, but usually, you come up with a plan that is less aggressive than mine.”

  “So far, being less aggressive with the Squirrels really hasn’t bought us much, do you think?”

  “I see what you mean, but I’m still a little leery of pushing them too hard.”

  “I am too, but what I’m thinking is that we demonstrate that we could, if we so desired, do them more damage than they are willing to take. At the same time, we demonstrate that we have no such desire.”

  “That sounds reasonable, but it seems to me that we could get put in a situation where we have no choice but to shoot our way out.”

  “We can always send Taz and Willum in first to see how much they’ve improved their defenses.”

  “You don’t think much of the Squirrels as opponents, do you?”

  “What I’ve seen so far doesn’t lead me to that conclusion, no. They seem to be all bluff and no tough.”

  “They do like to avoid direct conflict, don’t they? Makes me wonder if we need to be on the lookout for booby traps once we get there.”

  “Somebody snuck the Gene out of there, so I doubt there were any at that time. What I’ve seen of Squirrel tech is hard to understand, for a human. Of course, they’ve had a few thousand years to correct that mistake.”

  “I wonder if there are any training courses on their ideas about booby traps in that mess of stuff we captured?”

  “If there are, we should have Steve taking them, ASAP. Gene, connect me to Steve Mason, please.”

  Steve answered, “Yes, Boss?”

  “I’m here with John, and we were wondering if there were any courses on the Squirrel approach to booby traps in all that training material we got from those ships we captured.”

  “There were six different courses. I’ve done five, and I’ll do the last one as soon as my four hours are up.”

  “You’re telling me that you are already on top of the situation, and I should quit trying to look over your shoulder?”

  “Not at all. I’m putting off my training for captain to finish it up. It’s good to know I made the right choice.”

  “You sure won’t need the captain’s training, if we let the dang Squirrels blow all the ships before we can get them woken up.”

  “That’s what Zoom said you would say.”

  “Study hard, because there’s a good chance the charges we’ll be looking at will be a few thousand years old.”

  “And here I wanted to be able to sleep a while before I tackled these things. If they’re that old, no telling what may happen when we try to turn them off.”

  “Nothing we can do about it till we see for sure what we’re facing. Just be as ready as you can.”

  “On it, Boss.”

  “Later, Steve.”

  John said, “At least we’re not the only ones worrying about it.”

  “No, we’re not. I need to get with Sally before it’s time for me to train again. I better get going.”

  “Later, Commodore.”

  “Later, Captain.” I got a transit and headed for the bridge. I said, “As you were.”, before anyone could announce me. I asked Sally, “Captain, do you have time to go over a few things with me in the ready room?”

  “Of course, Boss. Mr. Topper, you have the conn.”

  Topper replied, “My ship, yes Ma’am.”

  Once we were in the ready room, I asked, “Surely you have a better idea than I do about what to expect when we arrive at the yard. Can you give me some idea what we’ll be up against?”

  “Scotti was active more than I was, Boss, but she’s given me a report of the situation as of the time the Gene was absconded with. Many of the smaller vessels had their weapons removed, and were sold off to civilian operators. The Gene was the best of the carriers, when she was last there. There were four other carriers, and some smaller fighting ships that couldn’t be easily converted to civilian use.”

  “The Gene has a load of small ships that appear to be civilian in origin. I’m assuming they were brought aboard by the folks who converted her to civilian use?”

  “That’s correct. None of the other carriers should be loaded down that way.”

  “Will there be room to carry the smaller ships of the fleet aboard those carriers?”

  “The patrol craft shouldn’t be a problem. There are a few warships that may be challenging to get aboard, but there aren’t many of those.”

  “Assuming no unforeseen issues, how long do you think we’ll need to clear the yard?”

  “It depends on how long you can stay with boarding ships and giving the salvage speech, but I think we could finish in a day.”

  “All the other ships had maintenance bots keeping them ready to fly?”

  “Yes, Boss, but don’t expect them to be as good as Scotti.”

  “I didn’t. Scotti is one of a kind. Do you think they had enough supplies on board to keep things functional this long?”

  “Flyable, yes. Able to pass a thorough inspection? I doubt it.”

  “You’re saying they have priorities about which things to fix, and which to let go?”
<
br />   “Yes, Boss.”

  “That’s sensible. Do you have some way to tell the other ships that we are friendly when we show up? I’d rather not have to get their attention before we start talking.”

  “I have some old codes. It remains to be seen whether or not the other ships will regard them as still valid.”

  “Do what you can, and we’ll go from there. Anything else we need to talk about before we get there?”

  “I just ask that you be patient with them. This ship at least had some exposure to doing things the civilian way when we were refitted as a colony ship. The others still consider themselves Navy, and may be less receptive to being salvaged.”

  “I’ll try to keep their perspective in mind, but you may need to remind me, Sally.”

  “Understood, Boss. Things do tend to happen in a hurry when you are around.”

  “Just trying to keep up with things around me. I hope to find a way to slow it down, but so far that hasn’t worked out so well.”

  “I better get back to work, Boss. You need anything?”

  “An hour or two playing Frisbee with Snitz, but he’s back on the planet.”

  “Go get acquainted with that new pistol of yours. The Grannies decided they couldn’t break it, and Nunya finished their 25’s, so they won’t be in your way.”

  “Good idea. Be sure and page me when it’s time to study again. We need every edge we can get.”

  “I’ll be sure, Boss.” She went back to the bridge, and I took off for the armory. I managed to keep it together when I went in, but I’m not sure how. Grandma Chachi, dressed classy, doing Kasarda drills and drawing from concealment, was funny as all get out, but I knew they wouldn’t take it well if I laughed. I went over to Nunya. “Is there another range I can use, so I don’t disturb her? She looks pretty serious.”

  “You could join in, I have kettlebells in lots of weights, surely we can find one that’s right for you.”

  “As much as that sounds like a good idea, I think it will have to wait for another day. I only have a couple of hours to kill before I need to be back at the ready room for training.”

  She said, “Your loss.”, as she opened a door and let me into another range. She handed me my new pistol, and a box full of magazines, all loaded. “We all got tired of loading them, so I printed up enough to have a good range session without having to mess with it.”