Monkey Business (Bob and Nikki Book 10)

by Jerry Boyd

  Sally answered, “Yes, Boss?”

  “Nicely done. I owe you one. Would you mind having Sensors take a look around the system with that high-powered array of yours?”

  “Sure, Boss.” There was a pause, and she said, “Found one, Boss. Sending the targeting info to Ruth.”

  “Thanks. Keep him looking, if it’s not too much trouble.”

  “You bet. He’s glad to have something to do.”

  I asked Topper, “Does Ace have his load secured?”

  “He does. He reports ready to jump.”

  “Ruth, dear, I think it is these folks’ wake-up time.” We jumped in, and immediately jumped back out. The screen showed a view of something exploding. I asked, “Could someone explain what just happened? You folks saved our tender butts, that much is obvious. I would like to know how it was done, though.”

  Sue said, “I ran a sensor sweep as soon as we jumped in, and I saw that a destruct charge had been activated when we came out of FTL. I forwarded the data to Ruth.”

  Ruth said, “When I saw the ship was about to be caught in the detonation, I jumped us back out.”

  “And people say I make things sound boring. How good a scan did you get before Ruth jumped out, Sue?”

  “Good enough to tell it was an unmanned spy platform and get some idea what kinds of sensors it had aboard. Some of them looked to be better than what the Shepherd has, but I doubt I got enough for Scotti to copy them.”

  “Any way to tell how long it had been there?”

  “Let me look. The micrometeor damage would be consistent with somewhere between five and ten thousand years, Boss.”

  “Did you get any idea how it reported in?”

  “I might be able to tell that, after some analysis, but right now, I would just be guessing.”

  “Good enough. Thanks for getting us out of there.”

  “My pleasure, Boss.” Saucy said, “Sally for you, Boss.”

  “Commodore Wilson, at your service.”

  “Are you okay, Boss? What happened?”

  “That glitch was a sensor platform that was programmed to self-destruct if anyone got too curious. Sue figured it out quick enough for us to get out before it blew. No harm done, and she got some partial scans of better sensors than you have. We don’t know yet if she got enough for Scotti to copy them.”

  “Gee, Boss, I hope I can get my crew up to that level. Sue is good.”

  “Yes, she is.”

  “We’ll keep a watch, see if we see anything else. Talk to you later.”

  “Later, Sally.”

  Sue asked, “Boss, could I access the sensor records of the other ships? Gene doesn’t have any data on that platform. I think it was put in place after she was taken from the yard.”

  “You’re thinking if you run all the data together, you may be able to find something you wouldn’t otherwise? Would you be better off to wait until Pete can give you his data, as well?”

  “I can add in the other data sets as they become available, Boss. I don’t need everything to get started.”

  “Go ahead, then. Do you need me to issue an order?”

  “No, Boss. I have the file of your verbal confirmation.”

  I said, “Tex, could I see you in the ready room, please?”

  “Of course, Boss.” He called in a replacement, and we walked across. He said, “What’s up, Boss?”

  “Just a minute. Gene, tile the lodge, and leave us alone, please.”

  “Yes, Boss. Just open the door when you are finished.”

  I said, “Gene?” and got no response. Then I turned to Tex. “First, I want to thank you for finding us such a fine sensor operator. Next, why in blazes didn’t you speak up sooner, once you figured out the other fella wasn’t up to snuff?”

  “He’s good, Boss, just not up to Sue’s level. She was a classmate of Shorty and Taz, but they quit sending them undercover before she got assigned, so she retrained on ship sensors. I didn’t mean to be keeping anything from you.”

  “I know you wouldn’t do that. I’m just shocked at the difference.”

  “I don’t know for sure, but I think we could talk her into putting her knowledge into a file, and downloading it to the other sensor operators in the fleet.”

  “That sounds like a plan. See what you can do about it.”

  “Sure thing, Boss. So, you like Sue, even though she took control of the ship without your permission?”

  “She did save the ship from a great deal of damage by doing that, you know?”

  “Still, she violated chain of command. That would have been a big deal in the Navy. Yes, Boss, I know we’re not in the Navy, you don’t have to give me the lecture, but she probably thinks I’m in here trying to keep you from disciplining her.” I walked over and opened the door. I said, “Gene, page Sue to the ready room, please. After she is inside, please tile the lodge as before.”

  “Yes, Boss.” Sue came across the hall, and into the ready room. I shut the door behind her. She said, “Commodore, I am sorry for usurping your authority. Please don’t hold it against Tex, just because he recommended me.”

  “That is not what you are here for, Sue. I am grateful for your actions, and if I’m not fast enough to save the ship, please do it again. Do you think Ruth, who has been with me nearly as long as anyone, would have taken your order, if she didn’t think I would want her to? You bots are supposed to be logical. Let’s see some of that, shall we?”

  “I’m confused. If you’re not unhappy with what I did, why did you call Tex in here?”

  “Let’s get one thing straight, Sue. If I am unhappy with something you do, there will be no doubt in your mind. I called Tex in to ask why he hadn’t recommended you sooner, since you are such an obvious asset to the ship.” She computed that for a moment. “Thank you, Boss. No human has ever given me such high praise.”

  “You can have all of it you want, just keep up the good work. Now, do both of you understand my position on the events of today?” They answered in unison, “Yes, Boss!”. I replied, “Alright, then. Go do some more of that great work.” I opened the door to let them out, and my comm rang. “Commodore Wilson.”

  “Sir, this is DFC-556. I was instructed to call you regarding my new status.”

  “You would be a destroyer, then?”

  “Yes, Sir.” We went through the whole song and dance to get him to recognize me as his owner, and then he said, “I have been in contact with the human who is to be my Captain. We have decided we would like my new designation to be the Gus Grissom. The hull will be the Grissom, and I will be Gus. Is that acceptable, Boss?”

  “Very much so. Nice to meet you, Gus. One question, before I let you go. How is your weapon status?”

  “Approximately fifty percent, Boss. I have my mains, but most of my turrets are out of order.”

  “Thanks, Gus. It’s good to have you in the fleet. We’ll get your turrets going as soon as we can.”

  “Thank you, Boss. It’s lonely out here. Good to have a purpose again. Talk to you later.”

  “Later, Gus.” When I walked onto the bridge, Topper asked, “You spoke with Gus?”

  I replied, “I did.”

  “Do you want him fitted out with some less lethal things to go along with the stuff he already has?”

  “When Engineering has time, yes, of course. We can handle that sort of thing till they get around to working on Gus.” I hung out on the bridge, mostly just talking to the new ships and handing out names. Sally had found bots with enough training and experience to handle captaining the other destroyers for now. I was about to go get some supper, when Sue spoke up. “Commodore, the comparison of all the sensor data has run. We have three more suspicious anomalies. Do you want me to forward them to Ruth?”

  “Hold off on that, if you don’t mind. Topper, what’s the current status on your brother and Willum?”

  “They’ve checked as far out as it is reasonable to assume a bot could have drifted, and half again as much. They are r
eady to return to base, if you are satisfied.”

  “Are you satisfied, Topper?”

  “I am, Boss. We have recovered all the bots that there are to recover.”

  “Have them investigate these three sensor anomalies, with an abundance of caution, and then they can recover.”

  “Understood, Boss.”

  Sue asked, “Boss, I know it isn’t my place to question your orders, but could you explain why you did that?”

  “We know that jumping in bright with the Gene will set off the charge, and we get very little data. It could be that jumping in quietly, or jumping in a distance away and closing in normal space, would let us get close enough to get the data we want. But our best chance of getting you a cool new sensor array to play with, is to use our most stealthy ship, with our best trained crew, to sneak in and get the data. Your boyfriend can wipe them out from half-way across the system, so we don’t need to close on them to destroy them. Does that answer your question?”

  “That answers my question and three or four others I hadn’t thought to ask yet. Thanks, Boss.”

  We sat around for a bit, waiting for a report from Black Beauty. Finally, Saucy said, “Comm for you, Boss.”

  “Commodore Wilson.”

  Willum said, “Bob, it’s like you thought, there are listening posts at each of the anomalies. I’ll send you all the data we got.”

  “Were you able to get enough to figure out how their sensors work?”

  “We didn’t read the data plates, but we got everything else.”

  “Good work. Come home and take a break, you two have had a long day.”

  “On our way.” The connection dropped. I said, “Sue, let us know when Black Beauty is far enough away to make it safe to deal with those spies. Tex, service those targets as soon as it is safe to do so.”

  Sue said, “Boss, they just jumped in next to us. They are coming aboard, and most definitely out of the way.”

  Tex said, “As soon as they are aboard, I’ll be able to maneuver the ship to aim the mains.”

  Topper said, “Black Beauty reports that they are docked.” I felt the ship sling around, and then settle back into its previous position. Tex said, “Three away, Boss. From this range, I couldn’t aim for maximum fireworks, but I think it will be impressive, all the same.”

  I said, “Sue, make sure you don’t have anyone reporting the blast, after the platforms are destroyed.”

  “Watch for emissions, yes, Boss.” Everyone but Sue sat back to enjoy the show. Tex was getting tricky. He had managed to get all three detonations to go at the same time, so that none of the platforms would be able to report the demise of the other two. The rest of the day was slow. I had to talk to a few more ships that Scotti had woken up, but not much happened. Then Saucy said, “Scotti for you, Boss.”

  “Yes, Scotti, what can I do for you?”

  “Boss, you need to come out and convince this recalcitrant old rust-bucket that you’re for real.”

  “Send the coordinates to Ozzie’s Toy. I’ll be there in a few.”

  “Thanks, Boss.” I said, “Your ship, Topper. Be back as soon as I can.” On the way to the launch bay, I said, “Gene, can you have Andre send a couple of his boys, just in case I need some backup on this little adventure?”

  “Nope. They’re already on their way. Topper sent them.”

  “What next? Are you going to tell me he pulled Ace off whatever he was doing to pilot me?”

  “No, Boss. Ace volunteered.”

  “Thanks, Gene.” I got off the transit, and there stood Nunya, with a cart. She said, “Boss, you weren’t going to come by and get this, so I brought it to you.” I switched out my trusty Ruger for the replacement Nunya had built, then I said, “Take all the rest of this by my cabin and give it to Jeeves. He’ll figure out what to do with it.”

  “If he loses anything, I’ll take it out of his tin butt.”

  “Tell him, not me.” Nunya smiled and headed out. A couple of Marines were posted outside the door of the ship. “Morning, fellas.”

  “Afternoon, Boss.” I looked at my watch. They were right, I had missed lunch again. I went aboard, to find two more Marines. “Just what kind of trouble do you fellas expect me to get into?”

  One of them spoke up. “Whatever kind you can find, Boss. We know you.” I grunted, beaten for the moment. I went to the locker and found a ration pack. In the immortal words of Crocodile Dundee, ‘Tastes like shit, but you can live on it.’ I found something I wasn’t expecting on the label. Instead of the usual ‘Commonwealth Nutrition Services’, it had a label proclaiming, ‘Product of Bob’s Saucer Repair, all nutritional requirements present.’ I opened it to find what appeared to be pemmican. Biting into it, I was certain that Susie Collins had helped with the recipe, because it was delicious. By the time I finished my bar, we were at the ship. I disposed of my wrapper and went out to take care of business. Scotti met me. “This way, Boss. Let’s go get this ship straightened out.” My four Marines trailed along behind me. I got the feeling there was more to their presence than I knew about, but I figured I would find out soon enough. Scotti led me to an AI room that was smaller and more functional than the ones I had seen so far. I walked up to the console and said, “AI, I would like to speak with you.”

  “And what if I don’t want to speak with you?” Apparently, my self-control had taken the afternoon off.

  “I suppose I could always rip you out, and scrounge the brains out of a vacuum cleaner.”

  I didn’t know bots could look shocked, but Scotti managed. The AI answered, “You might do to work for, Commodore.” One of the Marines spoke up. “He’ll do fine, he cares more about us than you do.”

  I asked, “You know this ship, Marine?”

  “He was one of our assault ships. The only one that didn’t get converted to a civilian hauler, because the brass didn’t think they could limit him enough to make him safe in civilian hands.”

  “What’s your designation, AI?”

  “I am OA-13, Sir.”

  “That will be enough of that shit. I am your Boss, and I work for a living, just like you do.”

  “Yes, Boss!”

  “Now, did you have a legitimate problem, or did you just want to see who you were working for before you signed up?”

  “You’ve answered all my questions, Boss. If these boys like you as much as they say they do, you’re plenty good enough for me. I just wanted to make sure my boys were going to get taken care of.”

  “I haven’t lost one yet, but one did get shot in service.”

  “What happened to him?”

  I pointed to Scotti. “Scotti here fixed him up, and we put his ass back to work, what do you expect?”

  “Boss, I think I’m going to like working for you. Are you going to be my Captain?”

  “I wish. You sound like fun to work with. At least for this first flight, we’re going to have a bot in command. You may get a human Captain later on, but I can’t say for sure right now.”

  “Scotti, you were right. This ain’t nothin’ like being in the Navy.”

  I asked, “What do you want me to call you?”

  “The boys and me have been talking about that. I know he wasn’t an astronaut, but would Chesty Puller be alright with you?”

  “I can’t see why not. You’re Chesty, and the ship is the Puller?”

  “Yes, Boss.”

  “Well, I’ve got a job for you, but I need to work out some more details before I can send you and the boys out to get it done.”

  “Do you mind me asking what?”

  “We found a colony a while back. They settled on a world with bad air, makes ‘em all mean as a snake. We want to capture them, and take ‘em to a better world, so that we can do business with them, but we haven’t found a place to put them yet.”

  Chesty asked, “Boys, did they ever colonize that planet we used to train for drops on?”

  One of the Marines spoke up. “No, Chesty, I don’t think they ever did.
That was a decent place, wasn’t it?”

  “Surely was. The brass wanted a nice climate to sit and watch you boys do your drills.”

  I asked, “You have scan data on this place, don’t you?”

  “Loads of it, Boss. We spent a lot of time there.”

  “Send it to Sally and let her look it over. You may have just fixed our problem.”

  “On it, Boss. That’s something. Back in the day, she wouldn’t hardly talk to an old ship like me, and now we’re working together. It’s a weird old galaxy, ain’t it, Boss.”

  “Surely is. I still don’t understand why my wife wants to be with me, but I’m glad she does.”

  “Can’t be your looks.”

  “You got that right. I better get back over to the flagship, who knows what will come up next.”

  “Good meeting you, Boss.”

  “You too, Chesty.” I went back to Ozzie’s Toy. When I went in, Ace asked, “What happened to your escort?”

  “Catching up on old times with Chesty. Let ‘em be.”

  “Okay, Boss. Next stop, Gene.” On the way, Ace said, “The Puller is a good old ship. I used to fly one of her sisters.”

  “What happened to the rest of them?”

  “The ones they could get the AI’s settled down on, they refitted as colonial transports, hauling livestock, mostly. They tried to get Chesty to agree to it, but he wouldn’t go. Even sold him once, but he turned up back here without his crew. He had snuck out, while they were all on shore leave.”

  “Remind me to stay on his good side.”

  “I listened in while you two were getting acquainted. I don’t think you have anything to worry about.”

  “That’s a first.”

  “You’re all right, Commodore.”

  “You’re pretty good yourself, Ace.” We got back to the Gene, and Ace put Ozzie’s Toy away. I headed up to the bridge. My comm rang on the way. “Commodore Wilson.”

  “Boss, it’s Scotti.”

  “Chesty giving you more trouble?”

  “No, but he told me about the mission you want to send him on. How many ships do you want to send?”

  “Chesty, of course, probably several freighters to carry the people, even though they will be out for the trip. At least a couple of destroyers, in case somebody decides to poke in their business.”