by J. Nathan
“I’m not looking for you to feel sorry for me. I’m looking for you to understand what goes on in my head on the daily.”
I nodded, knowing he wasn’t someone who needed my pity but appreciating that he felt comfortable talking about it with me.
“But then,” he continued. “When I was home this weekend, I realized I really liked that me. The one who loves his family and loves snowboarding when there’s no pressure. I could be that guy with my family. And I could be that guy with you.”
I could see how he could lose himself along the way when he had to play so many different roles. He’d always made it look so easy to be him. He walked around as if he didn’t have a care in the world. But, of all people, I should’ve realized you never knew a person until you walked a mile in their shoes. I’d put on a façade for teachers and friends my entire life. Why would Kason be any different? “I like that you can be yourself with me.”
He smiled a vulnerable smile that softened something inside me that I’d shut off a long time ago. He leaned down, lowering his lips until they were a mere breath away from mine. “Then let me.” He pressed his lips to mine, kissing me slow and gently. The soft touch tingled my skin, sending sensations coursing all the way down to my toes. Kason rolled forward until half his body covered mine. Could he feel the thrashing of my heart?
I pulled back first, needing some air.
Kason gazed down at me. “I can’t get enough of you, Shay Miller.”
My eyes lowered, finding it difficult to hold his gaze—especially since his words were directed at me.
“Look at me, Shay.”
My eyes lifted to his.
“I like you. And, I hope to God you being here means you like me too. I’ve fucked up, but I won’t make that mistake again.”
“What do you want from me?”
“That’s a loaded question,” he said and laughed. “But seriously? I’ve never wanted a girlfriend because I’m usually so busy traveling. But for the first time, I want someone to be here when I get back.”
“Someone?”
“You, Shay. I want to come back to you.”
I gnawed on my bottom lip, knowing a smile would have overtaken my whole face if I didn’t.
“This is where you say something to boost my ego,” he said.
“As if you need more ego-boosting.”
He laughed as he tightened his arms around me and rolled onto his back, pulling me on top of him. “I’d learn a lot more physics like this. Any chance you’ll still tutor me?”
“Are you doing all this as a ploy to get me to tutor you again?”
His brows furrowed. “I hadn’t thought of that. Would it work?”
I shook my head.
“Will you at least sit with me in class?”
“No. You’re too distracting.”
“You mean my good looks?”
I laughed. “No. You make a lot of noise.”
“Noise?”
“You always slam your books down or close your laptop when it’s super quiet.”
“For someone who was ignoring me, you paid a lot of attention.”
I rolled my eyes, but he did have a point. Even when I was ignoring him, his presence was always there.
“Will you stay with me tonight?”
My stomach flipped. “I have a seven o’clock class.”
He smiled. “I know. Remember?”
My lips curled at the bad memory of our first encounter.
“I’ll have you back to your dorm whenever you want,” he assured me.
“I don’t have my pajamas.”
I cocked my head. “Shay, you don’t have to hide with me.”
He was right. He’d already seen my ugly scars and hadn’t run.
“Besides, I want you wearing one of my shirts.”
“Why?”
“Because you’re gonna make it look good.”
I laughed.
“We’re gonna be good together, you know?” he said.
“Why’s that?” I asked.
“Because we balance each other out.”
“Sounds boring,” I said.
He chuckled. “I meant it as a compliment. You’re smart and I struggle. You’re calm and I’m hot-headed. You play it safe and I take risks.”
“Yeah, right. Being here with you is one of the biggest risks I’ve ever taken,” I admitted. “I’m trusting you not to hurt me. That is not easy for me to do.”
His eyes cast down, hopefully grasping the depth of my words. “I understand.”
“Do you?”
He nodded. “Giselle and my parents will kick my ass if I hurt you, so there’s that, too.”
I laughed before he lifted his head and captured my lips in a long kiss.
CHAPTER 27
Shay
I woke to Kason trailing soft kisses over the back of my neck and his strong arms wrapped around me from behind. I didn’t open my eyes or move, because I didn’t want him to stop the glorious torture. I wanted to capture it in my memory forever. The feelings. The calm. The safety I felt wrapped up in his arms all night long. It turned out that he wasn’t rushing me and sleeping beside me was all he wanted when he asked me to stay the night. I’d always been so independent. But, Kason had given me a taste of what it felt like to be cherished and taken care of. I just wished I didn’t like it so much.
“Morning,” Kason said, his raspy morning voice so deep and sexy it sent a quiver rushing through me.
“Hi.”
“I like having you in my bed.”
“Why’s that?”
“Because I can kiss you whenever I want to,” Kason said. “But I know I need to get you home.”
“What time is it?”
“Six.”
“A couple more minutes.”
He chuckled into the back of my hair. “I think I’m rubbing off on you.”
I could feel his erection pressing against my ass, but I knew that wasn’t what he was referring to. I opened my eyes and lay still, the feeling so unfamiliar yet intriguing. I had the sudden urge to push back and rub against him. To feel what all the talk was about. My thighs quivered and I knew I was in uncharted territory.
“Shay?”
“Yes?”
“There’s no rush. We have time.”
“Oh…I…” Thankfully, he couldn’t see my face because heat pulsed in my cheeks.
“Have you never been in bed with a guy like this before?” he asked, and I could hear the wonder in his voice.
I shook my head.
He tightened his arms around me. “That just makes this even better.” He kissed the top of my head and then rolled away from me, leaving me alone in his bed.
I exhaled heavily and tried to slow my erratic heartbeat before slipping out of bed. I was wearing only Kason’s T-shirt and my thong. I slipped on my glasses from his nightstand and grabbed my clothes from the top of his dresser. Before I pulled off his shirt, I glanced over my shoulder at him in the corner of the room. He’d stopped getting dressed and his eyes were on me. A boldness I didn’t know I possessed came over me and I slipped off the shirt. I heard his breath hitch, surprised by my confidence—and the fact that I was only in a thong that left very little to the imagination. And, while I knew he’d probably seen plenty of naked girls before, I’d never undressed in front of a guy.
“Shay,” he whispered.
I froze. My back.
I felt Kason step up behind me, and I was so glad I couldn’t see the look on his face. His fingertips drifted over the long diagonal scar on my back. I closed my eyes, knowing he must’ve had so many questions, but I didn’t want to ruin what had been amazing up until that point. “We’re gonna have to talk about this when you’re ready.”
I nodded, before hurrying to slip on my bra and T-shirt. I tugged on my jeans and boots.
Once I was dressed, Kason wrapped his arms around me from behind and rested his chin on my shoulder. “I don’t want to bring you home.”
�
��Why not?”
“I’ve gotten so used to having you around. I might need to have you with me all the time.”
“I’m not a babysitter.”
He spun me around, tugging me against his chest.
I tipped my head back and met his eyes, happy he wasn’t looking at me differently now that he saw my back.
“You’re definitely not a babysitter. Unless you’re the type of babysitter horny boys daydream about.”
My nose wrinkled as I pushed at his chest. “Ewww.”
He laughed before planting a closed-mouth kiss on my lips. I appreciated the gesture since neither of us had brushed our teeth yet.
Kason dropped me off at my dorm with just enough time that I could shower before calculus. Then, he met me outside the physics building before our class and held my hand, bringing the sense of security I felt every time he did it. I didn’t know if it was because he made me feel safe or if it proved he wasn’t embarrassed to be seen with me. Either way, I liked it.
We entered the classroom and eyed our respective tables. Our tablemates already sat at our tables. “Looks like this is where we go our separate ways,” I said.
“Let me ask her to move,” he said.
“I think an hour apart will be okay. And, like I told you, you’re kind of distracting.”
He laughed before lifting our joined hands and kissing the back of mine. “Fine.” He released my hand and walked to his seat as I walked to mine, feeling like I was walking on cloud nine.
“Lucky,” my tablemate whispered.
I stifled a smile and slipped out my laptop.
My phone vibrated on the table beside my laptop a few minutes into Professor Raymond’s lecture. I glanced at Snowboard Hottie’s message. Can I take you out tonight?
Trying to be nonchalant, I slipped the phone off the table and into my lap. I texted back. Where?
His response was quick. Does it matter?
I smiled. Fine. But pay attention.
I am. You’re pretty cute.
I laughed to myself as I tucked my phone into my backpack so he could see that I wasn’t going to let him distract me anymore. Boy, what a difference a week made.
After class, he walked over to my table and waited as I packed up.
“So where are we going?”
“So impatient,” he teased.
“Well, do I need a snowsuit or a dress?”
He considered my question as I began to slip my arms through my backpack straps. He grabbed my backpack before I could get it on and threw it over his shoulder. “Let’s say no snowsuit.”
“Thank God.”
He laughed as we made our way to the door. “I’ll make you a snowboarder yet.”
“Good luck with that.”
He slipped his hand into mine as we made our way out of the classroom and outside the building. Once we hit the top of the steps, he hesitated.
I glanced over at him. His eyes were locked on someone in the distance. I followed his gaze and saw Cora with a group of girls, and she was glaring at us. I wondered why that would bother Kason. He was the one to bring me to the event to make her angry. I thought he’d love rubbing us in her face. But instead, he pulled me away from Cora and her friends.
“So, tonight,” he began as if nothing had happened. “Wear whatever makes you comfortable.”
I tried to ignore his reaction to seeing Cora—and the tinge of disappointment I felt that he didn’t want to be open with her about us yet.
But, something about the way he paused unsettled me.
Why did he care what she thought?
***
I sat on the edge of my bed tying my boots.
“Meet me at our spot in the library?” Kendall said, repeating Kason’s text that I’d received earlier.
“That’s what his text said.”
“But I thought he wanted to take you out?” she asked.
“Me too.” I tried not to sound disappointed, but when I’d received his text, I felt let down that we wouldn’t be going out. Since the Slopes event didn’t count, I wanted this date to be special. Something I’d always remember. I wasn’t high maintenance, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want our real first date to be romantic.
“Well, look at it this way. It’s not like he’s trying to hide the fact that you two are hanging out,” Kendall said.
But was he? He’d avoided Cora. Now he was hiding me in the back corner of the library for our first date. Maybe today on campus made him realize we were total opposites, and I didn’t fit into his world.
Feeling foolish for borrowing one of Kendall’s sweaters, I grabbed my backpack and headed to the door.
“What are you doing?” Kendall asked.
“It’s ten of seven. I’m gonna be late.”
“No. Your backpack. This is a date.”
“Yeah, but I’ve got a feeling it’s a study date.”
She sighed, probably catching the disappointment in my voice. “Call me if you need me.”
I nodded before taking off for the library. I crossed campus in record time, probably because it was freaking cold outside and I needed the warmth of the library. I hurried inside to warm up then took the stairs to the third floor which was oddly deserted. I made my way through the stacks toward the corner of the library, stopping when I reached our spot. My eyes widened.
Oh. My. God.
A black tablecloth covered our normal table and tiny candles were placed all around it twinkling under the dim lights. Kason stood there smiling as “Something About You” by Bad Company played from his phone.
Kason McCloud did give me a romantic first date.
“Do you like it?” he asked.
“I think you might set off the fire alarm.”
He laughed as he walked over to me. It was then I noticed his T-shirt. Never trust an atom…they make up everything.
I laughed. “Nice shirt.”
“You like?” he asked, glancing down at the geeky science shirt he’d undoubtedly purchased for our date.
The trepidation about this not being a real first date released from my body.
“Why do you have your backpack?” he asked with confusion coloring his tone.
“Oh, I…”
He slipped it off my back and placed it on a chair. “We won’t be needing that tonight.”
Of course we wouldn’t. I was seriously going to self-sabotage this thing between us if I always expected the worst. I needed to trust Kason. He’d proven to me that I could now.
He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into his chest, his warmth encompassing me.
I tipped my head back to meet his gaze. “Thank you.”
“I wanted to do something special for you. But everything about us has been so backward. I figured changing some bad memories into good ones would be the best start for us.”
“Like last night’s redo?”
“Exactly.” He stepped forward, causing me to step back until my butt leaned on the edge of the table. He lifted me off my feet and sat me on the table with my legs dangling. “Stay right there.” “Something About You” ended and Tesla’s “What You Give” began to play as Kason pulled out a chair and sat in front of me.
Laughter burst out of me, understanding what he was doing. “I’m not spreading my legs.”
He rested his hands on my thighs, brushing his thumbs over them. “I don’t want any other girl sitting in front of me. That’s what tonight’s about. I just want us to be us.”
“I think this is a perfect date…” I glanced around. “As long as you brought food.”
He nodded. “Lasagna, since I know how much you liked my mom’s.”
I smiled, loving that we had already created some good memories of our own. I hadn’t even realized it. And now, we were working on making all the bad memories disappear. “So, a library picnic.”
“Only the best for you,” he said. “Oh, I almost forgot.” He stood and circled around to a chair. He picked up a rectangular gift bag th
e size of a pillow. He handed it to me. “For you.”
“My birthday’s not until March.” I took the handle, skeptically eyeing the heavy bag.
He smiled. “It’s not a birthday gift. Just open it.”
I chewed on my bottom lip, curious what the bag contained. I hadn’t received a gift from anyone in a long time, and I felt uncomfortable accepting it, let alone opening it in front of him.
“Just think of it as a thank you for all your help with physics.”
“You haven’t passed yet.”
“Gee, thanks for the vote of confidence.”
I laughed as I reached both hands inside the bag and pulled out a shoebox. I glanced to Kason but his eyes were eagerly on the box. I placed it on my lap and lifted the cover. A pair of glittery pink combat boots sat inside. My eyes flashed to his.
“I saw them in one of Giselle’s boutique catalogs and asked her to get a pair. Do you like them?”
“I don’t know what to say.” I looked back down at the boots. I probably wouldn’t have chosen them for myself, but they were kind of cute and quite a contrast to my worn black ones. I looked at him. His eyes were hopeful and his cheeks a little flushed as if nervous for my response. “I do. You didn’t need to get me anything.”
“I know that. I just saw them and thought of you. Besides, black doesn’t match everything. You need options.”
I laughed. “Did you really just say that?”
“I did.” He grabbed one of the boots from the box and kneeled in front of me. He slipped my black boot off my foot and slipped the pink one on.
I laughed to myself. If I didn’t feel like Cinderella at that moment, I didn’t know when I ever would.
The boots would take getting used to, but I could already see they’d wear on me. He slipped off my other boot, and I handed him the pink one left in the box. He slipped that one on. “What do you think?”
I moved the empty box off my lap and scooted off the edge of the table. I walked around in a small circle. “I like them.”
He smiled, pleased with my response to his gift.
“Thank you.”
He shrugged like it wasn’t a big deal, but it was. Where I came from, gifts were few and far between. He grabbed my hand and sat down, pulling me onto his lap. “Let me spoil you, Shay.”