by J. Nathan
“Once I win the gold, I’ll let her know. Because we both know if I don’t, she’s gonna find out anyway.”
Giselle’s eyes cast down, understanding the ramifications of me not winning the gold. “Like father, like daughter. I hate those people so much.”
“Cora had to get her evil streak somewhere.”
“Despite you ever dating that bitch, I’m proud of you, little brother.”
I rolled my eyes.
“I’m serious. Shay’s changed you in the best possible way.”
“You just called me a stubborn ass.”
She laughed. “Yeah, well some things will never change.”
“Real nice. Well, Shay likes my stubborn side.”
“I’ve gotta have a talk with that girl.”
“You’ll have plenty of time. I’m not stupid enough to ever let her go.”
A proud smile swept across Giselle’s face. She loved Shay. And, she loved seeing me happy. And, there was no doubt, Shay made me a cheesy kind of happy. I was Kason-mother-fucking-McCloud. I could be cheesy if I fucking wanted to be.
CHAPTER 43
Shay
Kason held my hand as we approached the McCloud’s home. Since he still had his cast, I carried the gift bags in my free hand. He and I hadn’t exchanged Christmas gifts yet, and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t curious what he’d thought to get me. But, those gifts were still in his Jeep since he wanted us to open them when we were alone.
Christmas music greeted us as we stepped inside the kitchen. The room was hazy with steam and, just like on Thanksgiving, pots and pans filled the stovetop. Mrs. McCloud, wearing an elf apron, spun to see who’d come inside. Her face lit up when she found us standing there. “Merry Christmas, you two.”
“Merry Christmas,” we said as she hurried over and hugged us.
She stepped back and gave Kason the once-over. “Let me look at you.”
“Mom, it’s just my wrist. And, this stupid cast should be off soon.”
I choked into my shoulder. “Liar.”
He gave me a look. “Fine. I want it off soon, but chances are it’ll still be on for the Games.”
Mrs. McCloud huffed. “You’re still planning on competing?”
“Absolutely,” he said.
She looked at me. “He’s such a stubborn ass.”
I laughed as she pointed to the gifts in my hand.
“You can put those under the tree, sweetie.”
I left Kason with his mom and walked into the living room to find Mr. McCloud and Giselle watching A Christmas Story. “Merry Christmas.”
They both jumped to their feet and hugged me, wishing me a Merry Christmas. I wondered where Giselle’s boyfriend was since Kason said he’d be flying in to spend Christmas with her.
I went to set the presents under the tree with the rest of the gift boxes and bags. There wasn’t a free spot so I piled some of them on top of other gifts. I’d never seen anything like it. Unlike Thanksgiving, I did belong there. And, I was making new memories with people who cared about me. People I cared about as well.
My phone buzzed in my pocket. I slipped it out and an unfamiliar number lit up the screen. “I’ll be right back,” I told Giselle and Mr. McCloud as I hurried into the sitting room. “Hello?” I said as I answered the phone.
“Shay Miller?” the woman on the phone asked.
“Yes.”
“Hi, this is Marybeth Snyder. I’m a representative from Crossroads.”
“What’s Crossroads?”
“We’re a full drug and alcohol rehabilitation facility. Your father asked that I let you know he’s here.”
A cold chill rushed up my spine as I lowered myself down onto the edge of the decorative sofa.
“He’s committed to a ninety-day stay with us.”
“I’m not really sure why you’re calling me,” I said.
“He knew you wouldn’t answer his call.”
I scoffed.
“But he wanted you to know that he’s committed to his rehabilitation and is staying this time.”
“If that’s true, Ms. Snyder, I’ll take his call in ninety days. I hope you understand that he’s let me down too many times to count and has failed at getting sober the same amount of times.”
“Oh, honey. We understand. Maybe you’ll consider attending some meetings here or even at local Al-Anon meetings if you’d prefer to do that.”
“I’ll think about it.”
“I think it would be good for you to begin to heal. From what he’s told us, you’ve been through a lot.”
Something about his acknowledgment of what I’d been through gave me hope that maybe this time rehab would stick. But, for my own self-preservation, I wouldn’t get my hopes up. I’d done that too many times before. “Happy Holidays, Ms. Snyder. Thanks for the call.”
“Merry Christmas,” she said before I disconnected the call.
A long breath whooshed out of me. I would not get my hopes up. I would not allow myself to believe he’d be fixed after rehab. I had a science brain and had done too much research on addiction to know there was so much more involved in quitting addiction than ninety days. But maybe after the help he received, he’d come out on the other end a better person. Because there were so many bad memories—so many physical and emotional scars to know if I’d ever be able to forgive him.
“Here you are,” Kason said, sitting on the sofa beside me. He noticed the phone in my hand. “You okay?”
I nodded. “My dad’s in rehab.”
“How do you know?”
“The facility just called to tell me.”
“How does that make you feel?”
“I thought I’d feel nothing. There’s so much hurt there, you know? But, I feel strangely…at peace knowing he finally sought help on his own.”
He slipped his hand into mine, squeezing it gently.
“She said I could go there for meetings if I wanted to.”
“What type of meetings?”
“Family of alcoholics.”
“Will you go?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know.”
“I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to forgive the man who hurt you, but I’ll support whatever you decide to do. I can even go to meetings with you if you’d like.”
“Thanks.” I released a long breath, letting all the thoughts of my father leave my body so I could enjoy my time with Kason and his family. “Okay, let’s go help your mom. I don’t want anything spoiling today.”
“You got it.”
***
We ate dinner in the dining room, sitting at the table long after the dishes had been cleared and darkness replaced the sun.
Kason cleared his throat. “I have an announcement.”
All eyes moved to him, curious for his unexpected news.
“You all know Shay tutored me in physics,” he said.
“Poor soul,” Mr. McCloud said.
Everyone laughed, even Kason.
“What I was trying to say…” he turned to look at me in the chair beside him. “I passed.”
My eyes widened. “Are you serious?”
“I emailed Raymond last night. I wanted to wait until today to tell you.”
I grabbed his good hand beneath the table and squeezed it. “I’m so proud of you. You worked so hard and deserve it.”
He nodded, his eyes filled with appreciation and happiness.
We spent the rest of the time talking about Kason’s recovery, the upcoming Games, and Giselle’s business. She never once mentioned her boyfriend who had yet to show up. I wondered if Kason knew what happened. I’d only ever heard that he was this wealthy business owner in Florida who found it difficult to get away. But, this was Christmas. What businesses were open today that he couldn’t get away from?
We relocated to the living room and Giselle sat on the floor in front of the tree, while Mr. and Mrs. McCloud shared the sofa and I sat on Kason’s lap in the recliner chair—but only because he pulled me down in
front of everyone and when I tried to get up, he wrapped his arms around me and wouldn’t let me go. His parents exchanged a satisfied glance, and I knew they were thrilled we were together. So, I stayed put, which wasn’t actually a hardship.
Giselle began handing out the gifts. The McCloud tradition was one person at a time opened all their gifts so everyone could see what they received. Giselle gave her parents their gifts first. They thanked both Kason and me for their restaurant gift cards, coffee mugs, and sound bar for their television. I felt funny taking credit for gifts Kason had paid for and added my name to. But, he knew I had minimal spending money, so I appreciated him doing that. It was bad enough I cut into emergency funds for Kason and Kendall’s gifts, but Giselle had hired me to work during winter break. So, my money situation would get better.
Giselle separated her gifts into a pile. Then, passed Kason and me some gifts. I hadn’t expected anyone to get me anything, but by the looks of the three bags with my name on them, they had.
Giselle opened hers first. Most were clothes, except for our gift for her, which was a round trip airline ticket to be used whenever she wanted to see her boyfriend. The smile slipped off her face for the slightest second when she realized what it was before it returned and she looked at us. “Thank you. This was such a great idea.” But, her words didn’t match the look in her eyes and I hated not knowing what was going on with her.
Kason urged me to open my gifts next. I did, unwrapping socks and scarves from the McClouds, and some hair accessories from Giselle that were all sparkly and something so much nicer than I’d ever owned.
Kason opened his gifts next, most of which were snowboarding-related gifts. Once the wrapping paper mess was cleaned up in the living room, we moved back to the dining room for dessert. I could have sat and listened to the McClouds talk for hours. And, I found myself talking more now that they’d accepted me into their family. The laughter came so easily and the love just exuded from each of them. I just wanted to bask in it for as long as I could.
Somewhere around ten, Kason excused us from the table so we could go upstairs and exchange our gifts. “Thank you,” I said to the three of them, making sure to make eye contact with them all. I just wished the sentiment didn’t sound so insignificant for what they’d given me—both physically and emotionally.
“You’re welcome, sweetie,” Mrs. McCloud said as Kason and I stood from the table.
“Thank you,” Mr. McCloud said. “Can’t wait to use my new coffee mug.”
I smiled at his excitement over the mug.
“Thanks, you two,” Giselle said. “Can’t wait to use my ticket.” Again, her happiness didn’t reach her eyes and I hated seeing her that way.
“Good night,” Kason said as he placed his hand on the small of my back and led me up the stairs. Once we were alone in his room, he pushed me down on his bed. I landed with a bounce. “I finally get you alone.” He crawled on top of me until I had no option but to lay back. He kissed me and I could feel the love all the way through my body. I didn’t want to be disrespectful making out under the McCloud’s roof after they’d been so welcoming to me, but I needed Kason as much as he needed me.
When he finally let me up, I was all flushed and breathless.
He moved to his closet and pulled out a stack of gift boxes.
“Where did those come from?” I asked as I sat up and got comfortable against his headboard. “They weren’t in the Jeep.”
He smirked as he placed them on his bed. “They were already here.”
I cocked my head, feeling like I didn’t get him enough. “Kason.”
“Shay,” he mimicked.
I pouted, feeling uncomfortable with what looked like a boatload of gifts for me.
“Stop pouting and open these gifts,” he said as he sat down beside me.
I eyed the stack of boxes. “This is too much.”
“Just open them.”
I began to unwrap the top box, knowing Kason hadn’t wrapped it since his wrist was out of commission, hence all our gift bags for his family. When it was unwrapped, I lifted the top of the box. I pulled out a massive pink winter jacket with a white, fur-lined hood.
“What do you think?” Kason asked eagerly.
“It’ll definitely keep me warm.”
“Now, you can come to all my events and not be cold,” he said with excitement in his eyes. It was then I realized the gift was so much more than a jacket. It was an assurance that he wanted me around for the long haul. This wasn’t temporary for him. And, I loved knowing that.
I opened the rest of the boxes, all of which contained outdoor gear: hats, socks, ski pants, and boots. He wasn’t kidding. He expected me out there with him—and he expected me to be warm.
I looked over the stack of new items he’d bought for me. “Thank you for all of this. But, it’s way too much.”
“Wait. You’re not done.”
“What?”
He reached under his bed and pulled out a small gift bag. “Those gifts were selfish. They were for me. They were to make sure you had no reason not to be at my events with me.”
I tipped my head, realizing that I’d been right. And, also realizing that this strong confident guy had a vulnerable, less-assured side, just like the rest of us.
He handed me the bag. “This is for you.”
The bag was super light as I took it and placed it in my lap. I reached inside the tissue paper peeking out of the bag and grasped a flat box. My heartbeat began to speed up. My eyes sought his, but they were eagerly trained on my hand slipping the box out of the bag. I pulled in a breath before lifting the top off the small box. I gasped as I saw what lay inside. A silver bracelet. I lifted it and examined the single charm hanging from it: a boat. What was I missing? My eyes met his. “It’s beautiful.”
He burst out laughing. “Do you understand the boat?”
“Not exactly.”
“We’re taking a cruise for spring break.”
My eyes rounded. “What?”
“We’ll get you a charm to commemorate every place we go together. That’s the first of many.”
I stared at the bracelet, at a loss for words. These gifts were so over the top and expensive. “I don’t know what to say.”
“Say we can go. And, that you love it.”
“It’s just way too much.”
He lifted his hand to my cheek and urged me to meet his eyes. “You’re worth it, Shay. You missed out on the Christmas experience for too many years. I wanted this one to be perfect.”
“I think I just need to process everything.”
“I’m sorry. I know my family’s a lot. And, this is all new for you. But, you’re part of our family now.”
Tears glazed my eyes. “You’re not helping with comments like that.” I tried to laugh, but my voice cracked with emotion. “Let me give you your gift.”
“I already got her.”
I rolled my eyes but knew, despite his cheesiness, he still meant it. I climbed off the bed and hurried into the hallway. I returned with a box Giselle had wrapped for me and handed it to him. I sat beside him on the edge of the bed. He tore into the paper before opening the box. He laughed when he saw what it was.
“Take it out,” I urged.
He lifted the signature ugly pink Slopes helmet that I’d somehow snuck out of his room. It now had tiger stripe decals all over it leaving minimal pink which I knew he hated. “This is awesome.”
“It’s not a cruise.”
“Don’t do that,” he said. “You knew I hated that helmet and did something to make it better. Don’t you see? It’s what you’ve been doing for me since day one. In that case, you hated me and still helped to make me better.”
“The real Kason’s always been in there. You just had to want to see him and let him come out.”
“Which him are we referring to here?” he asked, and we both laughed.
“Thanks for giving me my best Christmas ever, Kason.”
A flicker of sad
ness flashed across his eyes.
I didn’t want my words to make him sad. I wanted them to convey how much I appreciated him and all he’d done for me.
He forced a smile. “Merry Christmas, Little One.”
CHAPTER 44
January
Shay
Snow blanketed everything in Aspen and continued to fall right outside the window of our hotel room. It was the perfect day for the Games. Unfortunately, the gorgeous view overlooking the mountains didn’t bring me the type of calm I’d hoped it would.
The water in the shower filled the silence for the past hour. Kason had been known to take long showers, but this bordered on him hiding in there. I’d expected him to be calm, cool, and collected like he normally was. But, from the moment he woke up, he barely spoke and didn’t even want to eat. I tried to make him laugh and talk about anything but snowboarding, but I only earned a few small smiles. I had never been around him before a big competition before, so I had no idea if this was normal. I hoped it was and I hadn’t done anything to make him this way.
The shower switched off and a pit formed in my stomach. I was trying to be strong and act like nothing was weird, but now, I was afraid to say anything.
The bathroom door opened and Kason stepped out with a towel wrapped around his waist and steam billowing out behind him. Our eyes met across the room.
I waited him out. Waited for him to say anything. But he didn’t.
“Jesus Christ, Kason. You’re freaking me out!” I blurted.
He tilted his head and a sliver of the Kason I knew shined through. He walked toward me until he stood in front of me. He slipped his arms around me and pulled me into him, dropping his chin to the top of my head. “I’m sorry.”
I relaxed into his embrace, hating that he felt like he needed to apologize to me. “As long as you’re okay, there’s nothing to apologize for.” I pulled back and met his eyes. “You are okay, right?”
His lips twisted and his eyes got that far off look. “Just got a lot on my mind. I need to kill it out there.”
“You will.”
He scoffed, and his reaction scared me. I was so used to the overconfident Kason. I wasn’t sure how to take this uncertain version of him. I knew he wanted the gold badly. So, if I had to endure another few hours of awkwardness, I’d do it.