“Speaking of hot,” I cut in, wanting to defuse the brewing tension. “Have you guys noticed the attention you’re getting all day?” As the words leave my mouth, I spot a group of girls, college age if I had to guess, blatantly checking the guys out from the adjoining basket toss stall. “You’re like walking chick magnets. Girls can’t take their eyes off you. I’ve never seen anything like it.”
And I haven’t.
Jensen captures attention whenever we go out, but not on this level. Everywhere we’ve gone around the park, I’ve noticed girls ogling the guys, and I’m torn between gloating smugness and raging jealousy, which is something I’m still trying to figure out. The only reason girls haven’t approached them is because none of the guys are paying them even the remotest bit of attention. They are focused on me, and that helps keep my jealousy at bay.
Dane rolls his eyes, Maddox smirks, and sweet Beck blushes. Cooper shrugs, smiling as he slides his arm around my shoulder. “We don’t care what other girls think. All that matters is what you think.” His eyes glimmer with mischief. “So, Tori, what we really want to know is if you think we’re hot?”
Oh, shit. How did I walk myself into this trap?
Although Cooper’s ego needs no further stroking, there’s no point trying to deny the truth. I look at all four of them, watching me with varying levels of interest. Dane is pretending to be above all this, like usual, but I know better. He’s as invested in my answer as the other three. I drag my lower lip between my teeth, stretching the moment out, perversely enjoying the flirty atmosphere and the expectation in the air. Cooper’s confident smile is drooping the longer I take to reply, and poor Beck is shuffling awkwardly on his feet, looking everywhere but at me, so it’s time to just own this.
A wicked grin spreads across my mouth. “Of course, I think you’re hot. You’re all completely and utterly gorgeous, sexy as hell. The girls around here have great taste, and I don’t blame them for staring. I struggle to keep a sane thought in my head sometimes when I’m around you.” I thrust Cuddlebug into Cooper’s arms. “Now, I’m going to treat you to some cotton candy and funnel cakes. Who wants some?”
I’m smirking as I walk off, super-conscious of the eyeballs watching my every move. It’s not every day you see four hulking great alien sex gods at a loss for words. It’s definitely a memory to immortalize and cherish.
We settle on the Giant Gondola Wheel as our final ride of the day. I’ve got another last-minute surprise in store on the way back, so we need to leave shortly—I am determined to make a visible dent in Dane’s frosty exterior today, and I think I know how.
The five of us fit in the one gondola, comfortably, and Beck is massively impressed at the fact it has individual seatbelts, hurriedly strapping himself in. Cooper and Maddox burst out laughing, breaking out in convulsions when Beck shows them his middle finger. I lean forward and pat his knee. “Don’t worry, this ride doesn’t have any rocking motions or turn upside down or anything. I think you’ll like it, and wait until you see the view from the top. It’s spectacular. You can even see Lake Michigan in the distance.”
“Did you come here a lot when you were a kid?” Beck asks.
“Yep, my parents brought me at least a few times a year. Then, when I got older, a bunch of us would come out here a lot during the summer. There’s a campsite on the grounds, and we’d stay for the weekend. It was always so much fun.” I don’t elaborate because my memories are all full of Jensen, and I’m still so raw where he’s concerned. Besides, today is about the guys, not me, and I’m hellbent on making sure they have a day to remember.
With that thought in mind, I purchase five copies of the photo taken when we were on the Giant Wheel as we are leaving, smiling at the radiant, happy look on everyone’s face. The guys are all quiet when I hand them their mementos, but the bond feeds their reactions to me, and every one of them is choked with emotion. I’m feeding the same sentiments back at them, and I hope they understand how much today meant to me too.
I tell Dane to make a slight detour on the way back. I can tell he wants to argue with me, but he’s too afraid of getting a mouthful from Cooper and Maddox to bother. I sense the change in his mood the instant he pulls up in front of the racetrack. The rush of excitement whistling through him is infectious despite the fact he still wears an impassive face. But his emotions don’t lie, and I know he’s chomping at the bit.
I lean my head through the gap in the front seats, tilting my head up to look at Dane. “This is one of the coolest things to do in Indiana if you’re a guy.” I shrug. “Or a girl, if speed racing is your thing, I guess.” Cooper starts tickling me from behind, and I lean back, swatting his hand away. “Anyway, I phoned ahead, and you can all get fifteen minutes on the track in a car that has previously raced in the Indianapolis 500. How awesome is that?”
Cooper hauls me back, settling me in his lap. “I think you’re pretty awesome, beautiful.”
The others groan. “I doubt there’s a person on this planet who doesn’t know that by now, Cooper,” Beck says, grinning.
“It’s embarrassing,” Maddox cuts in, climbing out of the seat.
“And cheesy as fuck,” Dane adds.
“Bite me,” Coop says, blatantly grinning.
I get out of the car, and Cooper slaps me lightly on the butt. “Watch it, handsy.”
He holds his palms up, shooting me an obviously fake apologetic look. “Sorry. Just can’t help myself.”
“Well, try harder,” I murmur, intentionally softening my tone so he doesn’t get upset. I’m still officially with Jensen, and I’m not going to compromise myself, and betray his trust any more than I already have, by doing something I will regret later. Keeping Cooper at arm’s length is the best policy for now.
I hang around the little diner area while the guys undergo a brief orientation program. I wish them all luck before hotfooting it to the stands to watch as they take turns around the track. I’m almost sorry I didn’t sign myself up for it now, but I wanted them to experience this together. One by one, they come and join me, and their exhilaration rubs off on me. Dane is the last out on the track, and I really hope he’s letting himself go, even if he pretends otherwise afterward.
His cheeks are flushed, his eyes shimmering with excitement as he joins us out by the car twenty minutes later. “Dude, that rocked, right?” Maddox asks him, slapping him on the back.
“It was good.” His cool response and demeanor isn’t fooling any of us though, and he’s struggling to hold on to his neutral mask.
I’m considering it a win, and as we return to Eaton Lake, tired but happy, I realize it’s the first time in ages I honestly had so much fun.
The guys drop me off first, and I hand Cuddlebug to Cooper. There’s no way I can bring the teddy or the photo inside and risk twenty questions from Jensen. I won’t rub his nose in it any more than I already have. “I’m entrusting you with her life.” I jokingly narrow my eyes at him. “Make sure she arrives in my bedroom in one piece. You can put her on my bed, and she can keep it warm for me.”
“I’ll guard her with my life,” he promises, wrapping his arms around the pink teddy, and I commit the swoony visual to memory. He leans over, kissing my cheek. “That’s for today. I had a blast, beautiful.”
I beam at him. “I’m really glad.”
I hand my photo to Beck. “Could you put this on my bedside table?”
He nods. “Sure thing, and thanks for organizing everything today. It was very thoughtful of you.” His cheeks flare up, and my heart melts.
Maddox twists around, popping his head through the gap and squeezing my hands. “You sure know how to show a guy a good time.” Cooper snorts, and I pinch his knee. I doubt Maddox meant it how it came out, and now he looks a little embarrassed. “Today was awesome. Thank you, princess.”
“You’re very welcome.”
I look to Dane, but his gaze is focused straight ahead, and he’s making no attempt to turn around or to offer any gratitude. N
ot that I did this to be praised, but it’d be nice to hear him say he had fun, because that was the whole thought process behind the excursion. Cooper coughs purposely, and Dane’s shoulders stiffen. I shake my head in warning at Coop; Dane shouldn’t be forced into saying anything.
Resigned to his silence, I curl my hand around the door handle. “It was fun, guys, and we definitely need to do it again some time, but now my bed is calling to me.” I wiggle my fingers, stifling a yawn. “I’ll see you later.”
Coop sends daggers at the back of Dane’s head as I climb out of the car, my heart a bit dejected, but I give myself a little pep talk, reminding myself that they all had a blast and that’s all that matters. Dane doesn’t need to verbalize it for me to know that.
I have my key in the lock when he calls out to me. I turn around. He stands awkwardly on his feet, rocking back on his heels. “I appreciate what you tried to do today, so, um, thanks.”
The phrase “blood from a stone” enters my mind, and I’m tempted to tease him, but I have a feeling that would go down like a lead balloon, so, I take the higher moral ground instead. “You’re welcome, Dane. I’m glad you enjoyed it.”
Chapter 32
Monday rolls around again, and it’s the start of another new week. I sit with Kylie, Kenzie, and Zara at a table by ourselves, as we’ve done for the last week, thanks to my “persona non grata” status. While I didn’t ask the girls to pick sides, I hate that I’ve caused a rift in our squad, that there is a segregation between the boys and the girls that didn’t previously exist. Jensen casts surreptitious glances my way every few minutes, and I can tell he’s as miserable as I am. At the back of the cafeteria, the guys watch me closely, equally as miserable. The more time we spend together, the more intense the connection grows, so much so that it’s almost torturous being apart. I know they want me to sit with them at lunch, and beside them in class, but the rumor mill is already running at full steam, and I won’t give the gossips additional ammo to throw at me.
Several girls I used to consider friends are giving me the cold shoulder. Others glare at me any time the guys show me attention, so I’d rather maintain a distance at school. My girl friends have chosen to stand by me, and I’m touched by their support, but I’m fairly certain if I started hanging out with the Roth brothers at lunch that I’d be permanently ostracized from them. Except for Kylie, who would loyally follow me to the dark corners of hell. Not for the first time, I offer up thanks for my best friend. There is no way I could survive all the stuff I’m going through without her.
Come sit with us.
Cooper sends me puppy dog eyes across the cafeteria, and I hate saying no, but I’ve enough to contend with as it is, so I’d rather try to keep the peace. I subtly shake my head, and his face falls further.
I know the guys think I’m just delaying the inevitable. That it’s better to rip the Band-Aid off and start off as I mean to go on, but I need to do this at my own pace. My life has already altered beyond all recognition, and I’m doing my best to adjust to my new reality, but cutting myself off from everyone I’ve ever known wouldn’t be good for my state of mind.
I’m not naïve—I know it’s coming—but I need to psych myself up for it.
“What’s with you and those guys, anyway? I don’t get why you’re being so secretive,” Kenzie asks, glancing over her shoulder at the end table, and I feel like banging my head off the wall.
She’s like a dog with a bone, and she won’t give up. I hate that I’m lying to her and Zara, but it’s in their best interests. Every time the guilt starts to get to me, I have to remind myself of that fact. I give her my standard reply. “I told you, they’re training me in self-defense.”
Her lips pull into a tight line. “That’s right. I forgot. They need to teach you how to protect yourself in case my ex comes back and tries to get in your pants again.” The bitterness in her tone is blatantly obvious.
“Don’t be such a bitch,” Zara says, jumping in to defend me. “It’s hardly Tori’s fault, and it’s not like Jack was asking for permission. He was going to take what he wanted whether she was down with it or not.”
Any evidence of an appetite disappears, and I push my lunch away, my stomach souring at their words. “Can we drop the topic, please.”
“And where the hell did he go, anyway?” Kenzie muses, ignoring me. “It makes no sense why he’d run off like that.”
Zara has a murderous look on her face as she leans across the table at Kenzie. “Are you actually this dumb? Or is the stupid bimbo routine your pathetic attempt at reclaiming the attention?” She looks around, deliberately lowering her voice so only we can hear. “Jack tried to rape Tori. That’s why he ran away. What part of that don’t you understand?”
“Now who’s being a bitch?” Kenzie retorts, glowering at Zara. “You’ve got to admit there’s some crazy weird shit going on around here these last few weeks.” She sends a pointed look at me. “And in some way or other, Tori seems to be at the center of it. Excuse me for being concerned about my friend.” She folds her arms, half-pouting, half-glaring.
Zara looks like she’s seconds away from exploding. Kylie and I share resigned expressions. Sometimes I really don’t understand those two. They can be the best of friends one minute and at each other’s throats the next. “All you’re concerned about is how this makes things look for you. You’re not fooling anyone with this fake concern routine,” Zara hisses.
The chair screeches across the tile floor as Kenzie gets up. “I’m not going to sit here and listen to your insults. Jack was a big part of my life, and I know him better than any of you, so I think I’m more than qualified to voice my opinion, but I know when I’m not wanted.” She slings her book bag over her shoulder and lifts her tray. Ignoring Zara, she nods curtly at Kylie and me. “I’ll catch you later.”
I rub a tense spot between my brows as I watch her retreating figure. “I know you mean well, Zara, and I really appreciate your support, but Kenzie has a point too, and she’s hurting, so I’d really like it if we could just let this subject drop. Permanently.”
Zara jumps up, nostrils flaring. “If you two didn’t pander to her so often, maybe she’d grow up, but, fine, have it your way, Tori. I won’t mention Jack again.” She stomps off, and I rest my head on the Formica top, groaning.
“Hey,” Cooper asks, looming over our table. “Everything okay?”
“Peachy, Coop,” I drawl, lifting my head up. “Just peachy.”
He quirks a brow at Kylie. “Oh, no,” she says, gathering up her things. “Don’t look to me. I’m staying well out of this one.” She hugs me briefly. “I’ve got to run, but I’ll catch you later.”
I wiggle my fingers at her and stand up. Coop swoops in, taking my tray and my bag. “Can I walk you to class?”
I narrow my eyes at him, snatching my bag back and holding it firmly to my chest, noticing Jensen’s scowl deepen as he watches our exchange. “Only if you don’t mention the M word.”
“The M word?” he asks, steering me out of the cafeteria.
I slant him a warning look. “Yes. That word you keep bandying about in the hope I’ll cave to your demands.” Cooper has maintained a relentless, daily campaign of pleading and begging—he wants me to move into the house, going on and on about how it isn’t safe for me at the farmhouse. Last night, Beckett quietly suggested it wasn’t safe for my parents either, and I hate that he’s right. My presence in their life places them in danger, but I’m not ready to contemplate leaving them. Even the thought of it has me in floods of tears. I don’t know what the future brings, but I can only deal with one day, and one issue, at a time.
Jensen is waiting for me outside the locker rooms when I emerge after practice later that evening, catching me off guard. “Hey, could we talk?”
Yes. No. I don’t know. “Sure.”
He falls into step beside me, and we walk quietly along the corridor. “I really miss you, Tori.”
“I miss you too.” I hang my head, l
etting my hair fall around my face to disguise the growing moisture in my eyes.
His hand is warm on my arm as he pulls me to a stop. “If this is what it feels like to break up, then I want no part of it. I love you, Tori.” He cups my face. “And I’m sorry I betrayed your confidence. I shouldn’t have said anything to the others. Not if it means losing you. You are all that matters to me. I don’t care about anything else.”
He swipes at the tears pooling in my eyes, and it’s as if my heart is cracking wide open in my chest. When he brushes his lips against mine, it’s a reminder of everything that is right and wrong in my life. His tender kiss unravels me, and the pain in my heart is like nothing I’ve endured before.
“Tori!” Maddox yells from the doorway. “You coming?!”
I pull away from Jensen. “I’ve got to go.”
“Don’t go over there tonight. Please, Tori. Let’s hang out.”
I grip the straps of my bag tighter. “I can’t, Jensen. I’m sorry.” I start walking toward Maddox, with my lip trembling and my heart aching, chastising myself for my blatant cowardice. Prolonging the inevitable isn’t going to make it less traumatic, for either of us, but finding the courage to end things with the guy I thought was my forever isn’t easy.
Maddox doesn’t speak on the ride home, putting some kind of sultry jazz music on in the background. Patting my knee, he offers wordless comfort, which is exactly what I need right now.
I’ve got to man up, or woman up, to this. I’ve got to break things off with Jensen, sooner rather than later. I need to pull my big girl panties on and just do it.
The acknowledgment does little to improve my mood.
We drop our bags in the hall and head toward the delicious smells wafting from the kitchen. Maddox quirks a brow, crossing himself. “What?” I ask with a puzzled grin.
“I’m just praying it was Beck that cooked and not Coop because he can’t boil an egg without burning it.”
It’s unusual for any of the other guys to cook; they normally wait for Maddox to get home. Some nights, I’ve prepared a meal with Maddox and we work quietly and efficiently side by side. I won’t admit it to them, but there are some nights where I physically have to force myself to go back to the farmhouse, because I feel so comfortable here with them, and it’s a wrench pulling myself away.
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