by Harloe Rae
“Are you suffering?” Her voice cracks and more rivulets drift down those smooth cheeks. I curl my fingers, wanting nothing more than to feel the heat of her skin beneath me.
“I’ll adapt to this latest version of torment. Don’t worry about me, Sutt.”
She huffs into the phone. “That’s impossible, especially when they’re keeping us apart. Hopefully we’re past all those hurdles. I was the squeakiest damn wheel. Pretty sure their front desk phone didn’t stop ringing until they granted me permission. I’d camp out in the parking lot if that did us any good.”
I crack a grin at her tenacity. “You’re too much, beautiful. They’re gonna kick you out.”
Her gasp pierces my eardrum. “I dare them to try.”
“So feisty,” I growl.
Sutton gives me a long once-over. “I want to kiss you.”
“I want a lot more than that.”
“Is it weird that I find you ridiculously attractive right now? You’re so hot, Gray.”
I rub over my newly acquired beard. “You like the convict vibe? I wasn’t sure if orange is my color.”
Her forehead bunches, the flirty undertone between us vanishing in a snap. “Stop it.”
“I’m being real, Sutt. This is my new normal.”
“I refuse to accept that. Did you talk to a lawyer? My parents said they hired the best one for you. They wanted to come with me, but you were only approved for one visitor.”
I drag a hand through my shaggy hair. “Yeah, he met with me after initial intake. He’ll be back next week.”
“Have you heard about a court date?”
“The attorney says it’s best to drag out this limbo period for the maximum allotted time. That way we build the strongest case for a plea deal. Thanks to Lance and his persuasion, there’s no chance for bail. I could be a hazard to society.” I hitch a thumb over my shoulder. “I’m trapped in the holding pen until trial.”
“They don’t care about your side of the story?”
I offer a shrug. “It’s his word against mine. Who are they gonna believe?”
“How is that justice?”
“Flawed system, Sutt.”
She flicks her gaze to the stained ceiling. “What happens to you after the official judge’s hearing?”
“I’ll stay in county jail until getting hauled off to state prison.” I clench my jaw at those daunting options.
She flinches. “They can’t send you there.”
“They probably will, Sutt. That’s a reality we need to discuss. I don’t expect you to wait around—”
“You better stop that train of thought right now, Grady Bowen. We’re going to fight this. You’ll be free to go in a few days. You’re getting out of here. We’re getting you out, Gray,” she repeats.
She shouldn’t bother trying. None of them should. Why waste money and effort on me? But I know Sutton won’t quit. Deep down in the pit of my sour gut I can admit I don’t want her to. That doesn’t mean I’m going to let her be shackled to me.
I breathe deep and get another punch of rotten odor. “What the fuck do you think I can offer after this? I have no damn free will. There’s less than a thousand dollars in my bank account. I live in a money pit. What the hell kind of life will I lead for us, huh? A dead end, Sutt. I’m giving you an out. Be smart and take it.”
“No.”
“Wasn’t a choice, baby.”
“I’m not asking for one. There’s never been one. I’ve never needed one. I certainly don’t want one now.”
“You need to be the one to walk away. I’m not strong enough, Sutt.”
Her baby blues flash, all traces of sorrow gone. My girl is digging her heels in. “I’m not going anywhere.”
I let my shoulders drop with a mixture of relief and shame. “All right, beautiful. Hang on for a long haul.”
“I plan on it.”
We exchange a silent stare for a moment. I can feel my reprieve with her running out. “Tell me a happy something, Sutt.”
Her lashes flutter and she sucks in a quick breath. “That’s kind of difficult at the moment.”
“Please try for me,” I murmur into the phone.
She swipes at a fat tear trailing down her cheek. “There was a meteor shower last night. I wished upon a shooting star.”
Warmth spreads through my veins. “I bet it was a good one. Tell me another.”
Sutton wrinkles her nose. “Bear has been very attached to me. I let him sleep on your side of the bed. But he drools.”
A dry chuckle grates from me. “Lucky bastard. One more,” I urge.
“I wrote you a letter. They wouldn’t let me give it to you directly. Make sure a guard passes it along. There’s plenty of happy in there.” A flush rushes up her slender neck.
The prospect of her scrawled words gives me a little light in this black hole. “I will, baby.”
“Not a moment goes by that I don’t think of you. I’ll love you forever plus infinity.” She makes a sideways figure-eight with her fingers.
I trace the pattern through the air. “Even though I’m a convicted criminal?”
Her finger jabs at the clear divider. “You’re not, Gray. This is all a huge mistake.”
“What makes you so sure?”
“Because I know what’s in your soul. Lance is a snake, but you wouldn’t hurt him. Not without a damn good reason, like attacking me. I was safely inside.”
I scrub over my weary eyes. “Yeah, that’s a pretty big fucking issue.”
She tucks the receiver tighter to her ear and lowers her voice. “Lance is accusing you of assault, Gray. Can you tell me what happened?”
I shake my head. “Nah, not like this. It’s not safe. But make me a promise?”
“Anything.”
A murky shadow falls over me. “Stay away from Morris. He’s bad news. It drives me half-mad knowing he’s on the loose and I’m not around to protect you. Be safe and smart, okay?”
“That goes without saying.”
“I’m serious, Sutt. Don’t put yourself in harm’s way to defend my honor. Lance has zero limits. Don’t test them by being a vigilante.” I want to spill everything, but not in this public space. There are far too many prying ears who will put a bigger target on my back.
Sutton twists her mouth into an adorable pout. “You know me too well. But I can’t just sit by and do nothing. You can’t expect me to, Gray.”
I’m about to respond when a guard approaches from behind me. This guy is one I try to avoid by all means necessary. He makes it his mission to ensure we’re kept in line. His specialty is unethical punishments. “Time’s up, Bowen. Let’s go.”
She yelps at his harsh tone. I glare up at him before stealing another slice of happy from her. “Love you, beautiful. Don’t worry about me. Everything is gonna be okay.”
“I love you—”
The guard clamps a meaty hand on my shirt and jerks me off the chair. The phone clatters out of my grip. “You’re done, inmate.”
Sutton bangs on the glass and my heart cracks from the impact. When I swing my gaze to her, everything goes dark. Streams of fresh tears pour down her face. She’s on the verge of shouting at the man ripping me away.
“Leave him alone. He’s innocent.”
He laughs in my ear. “Quite the spitfire you’ve got there. I bet she’s a tiger in the sack. Maybe I’ll take her for a spin since you’re out of commission.”
Everything inside of me roars at his crude filth. A bellow rips from my throat. I want to smash my elbow into his nose. Instead of getting another sentence tacked on, I focus on my girl. She’s sobbing and alone and I need to be better for her. I mouth the three little words she needs. Sutton returns my sentiment with a watery smile. She draws a line of X’s and O’s on the glass.
“How fucking cute,” the guard spits. “Hold onto that image to get you off later.”
I wrench out of his hold and continue stomping toward my dungeon.
His laugh bounces of
f the chipping walls. “Better watch yourself, inmate. I can make your stay here far more painful.”
There isn’t a single doubt in my mind that he’d follow through on his threat. That doesn’t mean I’m going to kiss his degrading ass. I pause in the doorway and hold out my bound wrists.
“Maybe I should leave you cuffed. I have plenty of reason after that stunt. It’s a precautionary measure, right?”
What I really want to do is demand Sutton’s letter. But this asshole will only use that weakness against me. I remain silent, narrowing my eyes into thin slits.
The guard reflects my glare, adding a predatory snarl. “Maybe that lenient bitch Matthews has been too soft on you. Breaking you down will be fun, inmate. We’ll start tomorrow so rest up.” His rancid breath burns my nostril. “Get the fuck outta my sight.”
He shoves me backwards into my cell and slams the door. The heavy steel slides shut with a whisper of dusty wind. There’s no resounding clang of metal. No satisfying bang. Technology takes the fun out of it, unlike the movies. Maybe that’s a win in my column. I certainly could use one.
That quiet hum of the lock system initiating is a nail in my coffin. I’m trapped with my hands securely fastened in front of me. Looks like I’m shit out of luck once again.
Happy something #187: Having a shoulder to sob on uncontrollably.
The porch swing tilts upward with a creak when Jace straightens his knee. We hover at an angle on the bench before he lifts his foot. Our bodies rock on the wooden seat from the forward motion. Forth and back in a repeated glide. This is reminiscent of our youth, but there’s no joy between us now. The usually comforting sway is flat and dull. Much like my mood.
I’ve lost count of how many monotonous cycles we’ve completed. Other than the squeak of rusting springs, our surroundings are quiet. Under different circumstances I could probably doze off. My parents’ farm has a somber lull from missing a vital member. Not even the endlessly rolling acres or stunning cloudless sky holds appeal.
Another metallic grind interrupts the silence. Neither one of us seems to care about time ticking by without subsequent meaning. My mom and dad left for dinner an hour ago. They tried convincing us to join them. According to them, getting out of the house would be good for us. We had a different opinion. Jace and I pretended to be content eating cold turkey sandwiches. The truth is that we didn’t bother making any. We’re caught in a damn rut that only gets wider with no way out.
The cling of humidity is still sticky in the air. I have my legs tucked underneath me to ward off an internal chill. That cloying heat doesn’t penetrate the frost that’s burrowing into my bones. I better get used to the cold.
A shuddering sigh whisks from my lungs. I’m metaphorically teetering on the ledge of a steep cliff. One wrong move and I’ll go tumbling down. It’s impossible to focus on keeping myself stable. My mind is miles away in the county jail. There’s no forgetting that specific type of horror.
I tried to force a brave face for Grady yesterday. On the inside I was crumbling faster than a tissue in the rain. He looked so defeated. The dark cavern in his green eyes made me shiver. I can’t let him rot in that disgusting place. Our lack of options are making me sicker by the day. My wheels are spinning to the point of failure.
I can’t take the silence another moment. “What’re we gonna do, Ace?”
My brother drags his foot on the deck to pause our endless loop. “I dunno, Sutt.”
I’ve asked a similar version of this question an infinite amount over the last eight days. Jace always gives a nearly identical response. Just one more way we’re stuck. I press two fingers over my puffy eyes. “He’s already changing from being in that awful place. We have to help him.”
“I’m well aware. Too bad our hands are mostly tied.”
“We need to try harder.”
My brother groans and thumps the back of his head on the seat. “Don’t you think I know that? We’ve been over this.”
I tug on a snarl in my hair. “There has to be something we’ve missed. Can’t we uncover a piece of clear evidence in his favor? Grady didn’t have any blood under his nails or traces of Lance on him. How can they prove he hit him?”
His gives me a pitiful shrug. “They really can’t. But no one else was around. It goes both ways. Assault is a fine line like that. All signs point to Grady being the guilty party.”
A groan barrels out of me. “That’s bullshit. There should be a more in-depth investigation before tossing someone in jail.”
“I’m not disagreeing with you, Sutt. But think about how it looks to everyone from the outer edge. Lance comes across as an innocent police officer trying to keep the peace. This was another bar fight gone to the extreme. Grady is the brute bully throwing fists.”
“Well, they’re all morons with a skewed view. He’s the greatest kind of man.”
Jace nods and nudges my arm. “He truly is. It’s a shame more don’t see him that way.” He clears his throat, avoiding eye contact. “I owe you an apology.”
My thoughts reel on a zipline while I gape at him. My brother rarely admits to any sort of wrongdoing. “For what?”
“I’ve given you a lot of shit for dating Grady. That isn’t fair. I should be more supportive. You’re clearly meant to be with one another. So, I’m sorry for my shitty attitude.”
My lashes stick together when I blink at him. I find myself at a loss for words. “O-okay.”
His lips twitch ever so slightly. “I also need to say thanks.”
A wrinkle pinches my brow. “For what?”
“Bringing my best friend back to life. He was lost without you. I didn’t realize just how much until you came home. That dude brightens up whenever you’re nearby.” His smile tips a bit higher. “Grady really loves you, Sutt.”
I feel the tremble start in my chin. The heat pinches my eyes shortly after. Soon tears zigzag down my cheeks. I press a hand to my chest and check for a Grady-sized hole.
Jace’s gaze snaps wide open. “Ah, hell. I didn’t mean to make you cry.”
I wrap my arms around him and sputter into his shoulder. “T-that is s-so sweet. Thank y-you, Jace. I needed to hear that.”
“As if you didn’t know,” he murmurs into my hair.
“It’s so hard being apart from him,” I sob. “Everything seems so hopeless lately. I miss him so much.”
“I guarantee he misses you more.”
“We’re supposed to be carrying out our happy somethings and making new ones. But he isn’t here.” I hiccup over a shuddering exhale.
He hugs me tighter. “A happy what?”
“It’s special between us. Joyful moments.”
“You’re still doing those? I remember hearing a few when we were young.”
“We never really stopped.” At least our hearts didn’t.
Jace forces out a dry chuckle. “Damn, you two are perfect.”
“Thank you,” I whisper.
“It’s gonna be okay, Sutt. Life can’t be this unjust.”
I pull away from him, catching his stare. “You sure about that?”
His body deflates with a long sigh. “No, but I have faith. Something will give.”
“Have you dug up any new info on Lance?”
He reclines on the swing, pushing off the ground so we begin rocking again. “Nah. The guy is definitely shady, but he covers his tracks well. A few friends on the force tell me he’s an oddball and hard to work with. No one wants to patrol with him.”
“Isn’t that a red flag?”
“Not a big enough one. Do you recall anything else about when he was in school with you?”
I lay my cheek on an open palm. “It’s tough to remember more and I don’t know who to ask. All I’m certain of is his family moved to Silo Springs our freshman year. He didn’t stand out in the crowd. I never noticed him.”
“Maybe that’s part of the problem,” he mutters.
“What do you mean?”
“I’ve been hearin
g he’s rather obsessed with you, Sutt.”
I glare across the yard at a wide expanse of nothing. “That’s what people keep telling me.”
Jace grunts. “Yeah, exactly. It probably didn’t help his delusions when you wouldn’t give him the time of day. Who the hell knows. That’s a wild assumption.”
Blame rests heavy on my shoulders. “This is probably all my fault. Grady was on his radar because of me.”
He shakes his head. “No, that’s not true. Lance was picking on Grady when you were off at college.”
“Yeah, after I ignored him all four years of high school. What can I do about it now?”
“Have you talked to Molly? Maybe she’s privy to something useful.”
I yank at the collar of my shirt, a creeping sensation prodding at me. “They broke up. I think it was his doing. She doesn’t seem too bent out of shape, but also didn’t want to discuss it.”
He blows out all the air trapped in his cheeks. “Damn. There goes that lead.”
“Should I try talking to him?”
Jace jerks his startled gaze to mine. “No. Absolutely not. It’s too dangerous.”
“But what if he tells me the truth? I can save Grady.”
“At what cost, Sutt? I can’t let you dive into this shitfest headfirst. We’ll think of something else. Be smart and safe.”
Grady’s warnings come screeching to the surface. Another bout of searing pressure squeezes my eyes and I look away. My brother notices.
“What’s wrong?”
I wipe my face against my bent knees. “Grady told me the same thing.”
He smirks. “Because he’s looking out for you. I’m not surprised in the slightest. Even locked up, he’s watching your back.”
“I want to return the favor.”
“Then stay out of trouble. For all our sakes.”
My empty stomach gurgles, choking on acid and cracking dreams. “Easier said than done, Ace.”
He bumps into me. “I mean it, little sister. We all want Grady to be set free. Don’t do anything to jeopardize yourself for when that happens.”