Kiss Me Slow (Top Shelf Romance Book 1)

by Tijan

  Kristin steps closer, and her voice drops. “Are you okay? Why the hell would he be in your house? What’s wrong? What happened? Did you sleep with him?”

  Her questions go so fast I couldn’t answer them if I wanted to. “I’m great. I promise. It was a crazy night after the concert and then Eli returned something I dropped.”

  I guess it wasn’t that long of a story after all.

  “There’s something you’re not telling us,” Danni says as she tilts her head. “Because how would he know where you live?”

  My eyes move to Nicole for saving. She owes me that much.

  “So, how about that work we’re all here for?” Nicole says loudly. “I have two men who promised me a very fun night as payment for working here. Let’s get to it. I’m all for my threesome that’s happening.”

  That’s one way to change the topic.

  Danielle groans and shivers. “Yuck.”

  “You only say that because you’re jealous.”

  “Danielle!” Peter calls from the kitchen. “I need your help.”

  Thank God for the interruption, because I don’t know that I could’ve kept this conversation going without having to spill everything.

  We spend the next few hours working on various projects. The cabinets are painted thanks to Danielle and Kristin. Apparently, there was some water damage on one of the walls, so Nicole’s two helpers ripped it out, replaced it with new drywall, and helped repaint the living room. It’s amazing how much all of us accomplished, and the house feels completely different.

  I didn’t have any motivation to spend time fixing anything until I saw Eli sitting in my space.

  Everyone heads out with promises to call, and the looks that I got from Danni and Kristin say we’ll be doing a lot more than talking about the weather.

  I walk out onto the porch with my iced tea and sit in the swing that my dad hung the week before he was killed. I always feel a sense of calm when I rock here, as if the wind that blows is his spirit here with me. My dad was a quiet man, but he was full of so much wisdom. He loved my mother more than anything in this world. As hard as it is to admit, if my mother had been alone in that car, my father would’ve found a way to follow her in death. He would never have been able to survive in a world without her. It’s the kind of love I want in my life.

  It’s the kind I thought I found with Matt. Boy was I wrong.

  I lean my head back and close my eyes, hoping to feel that calm again.

  Instead, I hear someone clear their throat.

  My eyes open, and I come face to face with the man I didn’t think I’d see again.

  “Eli,” I say, almost dropping the glass.

  “Hey,” he says as he climbs the stairs. “I’m glad you’re home.”

  “What are you doing here?”

  “I told you I’d see you again,” Eli explains as if it makes total sense.

  This is crazy. I thought we were done with him showing up. He’s been in the wind, and I had no way to get in touch with him, not that I would have called anyway. I’ve already decided this will never happen, so I don’t know why my heart is racing at the sight of him.

  It makes no sense that the tight blue jeans and gray T-shirt that cling to his muscles have my mouth watering.

  I’m completely unaffected by him in general. Yup. Totally. It’s because I’m tired that I’m reacting at all.

  I shake off the thoughts of how much more I’d like to see of him and take a drink. “You did, but that was . . .” I pretend to have to think about it. “Like, ten days ago?” It was eight, but I’m not going to tell him I’m counting.

  He grins and takes a seat next to me. “About that.”

  I shift over a little, hoping some distance between us will help my racing pulse. “Were you out and about and then figured you’d stop by?”

  I did not just say that, did I? Oh, God, I did.

  “Nope.” He chuckles. “I just got back from New York. My agent needed me to finalize some things for our next season.”

  “Oh.” I take another drink as he moves a little closer. My heart races as his side touches mine. “I’ve never been to New York,” I admit. I haven’t traveled anywhere since my parents died.

  Eli starts to move the swing. “You’ll have to come with me one time.”

  “Come with you?” I squeak.

  “Yeah,” Eli laughs.

  “That’s a little presumptuous.”

  “Why? We can go away together if you want.”

  “What makes you think I’m going to go on a trip with you? We barely know each other. Hell, we’re not even friends.”

  “I thought we established we were definitely friends last time.”

  It’s going to circle back to my groupie slut status with us. There’s no true friendship, there’s a one-night stand and pizza. It hardly constitutes as anything. Besides, I don’t need any more friends. I have my girls, Brody, and Stephanie. I’m set.

  “Look, you don’t know me, and I definitely don’t know you.”

  Eli throws his arm around the back of the swing, and his fingers find their way to my neck. “I think I know you pretty well.”

  “Really?” I challenge.

  “I know you’re beautiful, like pizza, have the world sitting on your shoulders, and try damn hard not to like me, which you are failing at.”

  I smile and play with the ring on my thumb. “Whatever. I don’t think about you.”

  I’m a big, fat liar. I think about him all the time, and last night, he managed to star in my dreams—again. As much as I tell myself I’m glad he stopped showing up, I was sad. There’s something about being around him that makes me crave more, which is the dumbest thing I could allow myself to want.

  Eli’s thumb grips my chin, and he forces me to look at him. “I’m serious. Since the minute I laid eyes on you, I think about you all the time.”

  “Eli,” I say, hoping he’ll stop. I don’t want to think about this.

  “Why do you think I called you on stage? Why do you think I wanted you to come to the meet and greet?”

  “Because you wanted me to sleep with you!” I say and try to shift away from him.

  He cups my face and holds my gaze hostage. “No, because for the first time in all the years I’ve been doing this, I’ve finally met someone who managed to knock me off kilter. I didn’t understand it until I was in New York. I kept wanting to look at you. Then I couldn’t get to you fast enough after the show. That has never happened.”

  I want to believe him, but it’s hard for me to even fathom. “Please don’t feed me lines.”

  “It’s not a line. It’s you. I can’t explain it, but you’re all I think about. The way you hide your face from me when you’re unsure of yourself. How your smile makes my heart stop, and how even now, with speckles of paint on your face, you take my breath away. Don’t you see? I tried to stay away, but I keep finding myself back here.”

  My chest tightens as I wonder what alternate universe I’m living in. How does one of the sexiest men alive think that I’m in any way special? I’m average on a good day. He’s extraordinary on a bad day. This is crazy.

  “You can’t mean that.”

  “I mean every single word. I’ve never chased a girl like this. I’ve never showed up at her house—repeatedly. I haven’t felt like this in a long time.”

  No one has ever said anything like that to me, and suddenly, every reason to make him leave vanishes. I can’t think of anything to say in protest. Plus, I’ve always believed that actions speak louder than words, and he’s here. Even though I’ve done nothing to further his advances, he keeps coming back.

  I shift a little, trying to break the physical touch because I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel something. When he touches me, I tend not to think straight. Eli makes me forget just how broken I am. I don’t need to forget.

  “Now,” he prompts as he drops his hand. “What do you want to know about me? I don’t want you to have that excuse anymore.”r />
  “Okay,” I say with apprehension. “When did you get back?”

  “I landed an hour ago, and I needed to see you.”

  “You landed and came straight here?” I shake my head in complete disbelief. “You can’t possibly feel these things for me. You have no idea the mess my life is in, and I don’t have time for games.”

  He retracts his arm from behind me and squeezes the back of his neck, “I’m not playing a game. We’re not kids, Heather. We’re both too old for that shit. If you don’t want me here, I’ll go.” He moves to stand, and I panic.

  “No!” I yell and then clasp my hand over my mouth. Why did I say that? Ugh. I’m giving off mixed signals everywhere.

  Eli settles back down next to me, and the green in his eyes darkens. “No?”

  “I don’t know why I said that. I know I’m being complicated and stupid, but you have to understand my anxiety.”

  A shiver runs up my spine and I gasp. He gets to his feet and steps in front of me. “I think you’re scared because you know what I’m saying is true and you feel it, too.”

  “I don’t.” I put as much steel in my voice as I can. He’s right, though. Because when he said that he’d leave, I knew he would, and I want him to stay. Eli is the first man to make me feel anything since Matt. He looks at me without any pity or sadness. He doesn’t know what I struggle with, and I’m not broken to him.

  He looks at me the way I used to look at myself, and I can’t help but want that.

  “Tell me you don’t think of me at all,” he commands. “Tell me that in the week I’ve been away that you haven’t wanted me to come here. Make me believe I’m the only one who feels this, Heather. Tell me, and I’ll walk away right now. You’ll never see me again.”

  Eli’s hand cups my cheek as I get lost in his eyes. The desire swims on the surface, allowing me to forget all the reasons why I should push him away.

  “I can’t.” The truth on my lips stuns me. “I can’t say it because it would be a lie.”

  His lips move closer to mine, and my heart thumps erratically behind my ribs. He’s going to kiss me. I want him to kiss me. There’s no excuse of alcohol tonight. I won’t be able to play this off as some drunken mistake. I’m sober, and I want him to make me feel again.

  “I didn’t think you could,” he says before his lips press against mine.

  Gone is the worry about my life, all that exists is us. Eli’s mouth moves against mine, and his hands hold my cheeks. He keeps me firmly against him as our lips stay fused. It’s everything that I remember and more. My fingers grip his shirt, holding him as much as he’s holding me. It’s reckless to be with a man that will never stay, but I don’t have the energy to care.

  Right now, he’s here.

  Right now, he’s real.

  Right now, he’s kissing me.

  And for right now, that’s enough.

  He slides his tongue against mine, pushing his way into my mouth. I’ve never been kissed like this. There’s no way I’ll ever kiss another man without comparing them to this one. Eli kisses me like he’s been starved for it, which is completely absurd, but that’s what he makes me feel.

  Too soon, he pulls back and looks at me, his eyes blazing with heat as they dance along my features, his lips red from kissing me. If I pinch myself, would I wake from this dream?

  “Tomorrow,” he says in a strained voice. “I’m going to be here in the morning to pick you up.”

  “No,” I say, shaking my head quickly.

  There are so many things that I can’t do with him. I can’t get caught up in some tabloid scandal. I can’t have my life get flipped upside down because of him. I can’t date some celebrity who is only going to break my heart. More than anything, I can’t seem to push him away.

  “Do you have to work?” he asks.

  “No, I mean I can’t date you. I can’t even think about whatever this is. I can’t be hurt again, Eli. I wasn’t kidding when I said I’m a mess.”

  Hurt flashes across his face before he masks it with a grin. “Who said anything about dating? I promise that no one will see us together. We’ll talk about the mess you are and figure out how you’re going to deal with me in your life.”

  “I’m not having sex with you again.”

  He laughs and kisses me. “Whatever you say. Wear sneakers and a bathing suit.”

  Before I can respond, Eli is halfway down the stairs. “Why are you fighting so hard to see me? I’m clearly pushing you away. What is making you keep coming back?” I ask.

  He stops, rushes back up the stairs, and pulls me close. “Because you’re not like every other girl. You’re the first person I’ve met in what feels like forever who doesn’t seem to want something from me.” His hand pushes the hair back off my face. “You look at me like I’m just a guy, not a meal ticket. You’re gorgeous, stubborn, and there’s something more that I can’t explain. I’m not saying this will work, but I’m willing to take a chance and see what this is, are you?”

  Every word he said was exactly the right one. I’m not looking for anything from him. Maybe this won’t work, but I don’t know that I’m strong enough to say no.

  “No strings?” I ask.

  “No strings. Just a chance.”

  I’m not a fly by the seat of my pants kind of girl—I’m a planner. I like my life to have order because there’s too much chaos everywhere else. I can’t make my sister’s disease fit into a box, but I can make my schedule solid. It’s my only way of being able to control my life when everything else is spiraling. There was no way to plan for my parents to die when I was twenty-one, but I can make sure that each Thursday I’m at the youth center to teach self-defense. Eli is a variable, though. He won’t fit into a box, so I won’t let him become a fixture in my life.

  I know without a doubt, he’ll be the extra card that sends my house tumbling down.

  Chapter 12

  Heather

  The clock reads four in the morning, and I groan. There’s no way I’m going to get back to sleep if my mind won’t stop running through all the possibilities of what Eli has planned. I didn’t think to even ask him what time he’s coming to get me today. For all I know, it isn’t until late morning, which is going to leave me keyed up all day.

  I decide to be ready for whatever will happen. I won’t be caught off guard again and look like ass.

  No, today I’m going to look as hot as possible. So, I climb out of bed and start a pot of coffee.

  Two hours later, I’m showered and wearing my deep purple bikini, white off-the-shoulder top, and black lace shorts. I wanted to look like I didn’t spend an hour trying to select my clothes. I’ve curled my blonde hair in loose curls, and I actually put makeup on. Nicole would be proud.

  I grab my phone and dial her number. It’s only six, but I don’t care. She’s the one who convinced me that I needed to let loose, so she can deal with my neurotic ass.

  “Hello?” her voice is hoarse and sleepy.

  “Wake up!” I scream.

  “What’s wrong?” she asks sounding more alert. “Are you okay?”

  “I have a date with Eli! That’s what’s wrong!”

  She groans, and I hear some rustling in the background. “For real? You call me at the freaking ass crack of dawn for this?”

  “Well.” I huff. “It was your genius idea I sleep with him, and now he keeps showing up, kissing me, and forcing me on random dates.”

  Nicole snorts. “Yeah, forcing you. I can imagine how hard it is to say yes to one of People’s Sexiest Men Alive. The torture.”

  Maybe “force” is the wrong word, but this outing wasn’t my idea. I have no idea what we’re even doing, except I need a bathing suit, which probably means my eyeliner was a stupid idea. I’m so not equipped for this. I’m much better when I’m in control.

  Like at work.

  “Not the point. And that was three years ago. Look, you need to come calm me down. I’m going to end up on the floor from a panic attack.”
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  “I thought you didn’t like him,” she tosses back at me.

  “I don’t!”

  I totally do.

  I like everything about him so far. The only thing that keeps me hung up is the whole famous and wealthy thing. He lives on Harbour Island, and I don’t even have enough money to dream of stepping foot there. Hell, the only time I’ve ever been there was on a call.

  Panic starts to take hold, and my breathing becomes labored.

  “Heather?”

  “I . . .” I gasp. “Can’t.”

  “Okay.” Nicole’s voice turns soft and controlled. “Breathe. Just relax. Think about the fact that he’s chasing you. You’re gorgeous, funny, and own a gun. You can shoot him in the dick if he upsets you.”

  Slowly, I gain control as I laugh at the last part. “What am I thinking?”

  “You’re thinking about yourself, babe. It’s a good thing. You deserve to be happy and have some damn fun. Why are you overthinking this?”

  My biggest worry is that I’ll get swept up in this pretend life, and when reality comes crashing around me, I’ll be broken.

  Life isn’t full of rainbows and sunshine. It’s cloudy days and tornados that twist everything I love away.

  “What happens when he finds out about my insane life and leaves?”

  “What if he stands by you?”

  It’s my turn to laugh. “Yeah, what man doesn’t love a woman who has no time for him?”

  “Then you make time! You worry about shit that probably won’t even be an issue. If he doesn’t understand your life, then he doesn’t belong in it.”

  “You’re right.”

  Nicole sighs. “I know I am. Look, you’re my best friend, and I love you when you don’t call me before the fucking sun is up.”

  “Sorry.” I lie back on the couch, hating my weakness. Self-doubt is a bitch.

  “Don’t be sorry, be Heather. Be the girl who is fearless, full of confidence, and knows what an amazing woman she is. Because that’s who you are. You’re not what Matt turned you into.”

  Another reason to hate him. When he left me, I started to wonder if I was worth anything. I know in some part of my rational brain that he’s the idiot, but I couldn’t help but doubt myself. I gave him my heart, and he tossed it away as if it meant nothing.