The Holy Dark

by Kyoko M

  “Exactly. I’ll make you a deal. If you at least eat the broccoli, I’ll drive you to the airport myself. Scout’s honor.”

  The smile vaporized. “I am not a child, Michael. I would appreciate it if you didn’t treat me as such.”

  “I know you aren’t, but you have to take care of yourself. That’s an order.”

  “From who?” he said, his voice suddenly ice-cold. “You are no longer the Commander. You hold no authority over me.”

  My bruised ego swelled with the urge to say something snide, but I reminded myself that he was hurt and let it go. “I’m not telling you that as a soldier. I’m telling you that as your brother. I only want what’s best for you.”

  “What’s best for me? Keeping me cooped up in here and having Raphael dote on me like some invalid is what is best for me?”

  Finally, my temper boiled over. “You’re a warrior, Gabriel. When warriors get hurt, they have to heal. Recover. That’s what you need to understand. We’re not trying to keep you here against your will.”

  “Then let me leave.”

  “You’re not healed yet.”

  “I’m fine.”

  “You’re not fine!” I yelled. “I’ve been where you were. I was only there for two hours and I can barely hold myself together. You were there for two days in the real world, Gabriel. That’s a month in Hell. Ignoring the trauma doesn’t make it go away. If you try to bury it, you’ll end up burying yourself instead. I love you and I’m not going to let you do that to yourself.”

  He stared at me for a minute before turning and walking over to the bed. He picked up the plate of food and threw it against the far wall, then turned to glare at me. “There. Finished.”

  I exhaled slowly through my nose. “Alright. No one said you had to talk to me about this. I’ll go get Jordan.”

  I headed for the door, but his words stopped me halfway there.

  “Why did you come back for me, Michael?”

  A lump formed in my throat. My voice came out in a whisper. “How can you even ask me that, brother?”

  “It’s not enough that I keep seeing what they did to me, over and over again, in my head. Now I have to think about you and Jordan going through the same thing. It’s too much. You should have left me there. Saved yourself a world of pain.”

  “I was saving myself,” I said quietly. “That’s why we came back for you.”

  I left without another word.

  JORDAN

  The guilt on Michael’s face when he left Gabriel’s room and asked me to take over made everything inside me ache, like getting a second degree burn on the inside of my ribs. I kissed his cheek and squeezed his hand before opening the door to sweep up the pieces of my brother-in-law and hopefully find a way to glue him back together.

  I shivered as I entered the frigid room, rubbing my arms as goosebumps immediately popped up. I spotted a shattered china plate and wine glass on the floor next to a discarded steak and veggies. That explained the crash I heard a moment ago.

  Gabriel stood at the foot of the bed, his face tight with anger, zipping up a duffel bag stuffed with clothes. “Gabe?”

  He didn’t look at me and his tone was as rigid as his spine. “Now is not a good time, Jordan.”

  I kept my voice level and borderline innocent. “A good time for what?”

  He exhaled hard through his nose. “An intervention. I need to get out of here. I have to get out of here.”

  “Of course you do.”

  The archangel met my gaze then, shifting into suspicion. “You agree?”

  I snorted. “Are you kidding me? Half the building is in smoldering ashes thanks to the demon raid. It’s nice on this side, but the rest is a wreck. We’re still vulnerable to attack. I don’t want to spend much more time here either. Kind of defeats the purpose of a safe house when it’s no longer safe.”

  “Indeed.”

  “Well, you’d better get dressed if you’re going to leave.”

  He glanced down and a confused look crossed his face, as if he hadn’t noticed his state of undress. “Ah. Yes.”

  He reopened the bag and withdrew some dark grey suit pants, a wrinkled dress shirt, a black-and-silver striped tie, and black socks. He sat and pulled the socks on first.

  I chewed my bottom lip, trying to think of a way to be subtle. “Where were you planning on going?”

  “Not sure. I have a few places in mind. Why?”

  “I’m a wanted fugitive, remember? I kind of have to flee the country as soon as I leave this place.”

  He glanced at me then, and genuine sympathy filled his slightly pale features. “Michael mentioned that. I am sorry. I wish I could fix it for you.”

  I shrugged, sitting next to him on the bed as he wriggled into his suit pants. “Can’t be helped. No one ever said this life would be easy.”

  He pulled the sleeves of the shirt onto his arms, but then I noticed his hands were shaking the slightest bit, hindering him from buttoning it. I stood in front of him, smiling.

  “Here, let me.”

  “Thank you.”

  For the first time in a long while, I felt a bit uncomfortable with him staring at me from so close—nothing like sexual tension, but rather the awkwardness of not addressing what we’d been through together.

  “You look awful,” he murmured when I was about halfway done with the buttons.

  I smiled weakly. “You flatterer, you.”

  Gabriel sighed. “I am grateful for what you did for me, Jordan. I truly am, but…I can’t help wondering what you’re going through as a result.”

  “It’s scary and violent and nerve-wracking. But you’re worth it, so it’s okay.”

  He grabbed my wrist then, stopping me from finishing the knot on his tie. “No, it’s not. It’s not, Jordan. Do you understand what should have happened? You should have held a funeral for me and then moved on with your life. You should be walking down the aisle right now instead of trying to put me back together, if you even can. This is not who you were meant to be. You shouldn’t have sacrificed your happiness for me.”

  “That was my choice,” I said quietly. “Regardless of the wisdom in that decision, I already made it. There’s no use gnashing your teeth over it.”

  “Was it worth it? Was it worth the years of nightmares you are going to experience? Was it worth the hours—the days, the months—of therapy you will go through because of me? Maybe I deserved to be there. My hands are not the clean things you imagine them to be. I have spilled blood, Jordan. Gallons of it, in my time as the archangel Gabriel, as the Messenger for God.”

  He started to bow his head in shame, but I caught his chin and made him look up at me. “You’re fucking right, it was worth it.”

  His blue eyes widened. I kept going, speaking from the heart. “I’m going to tell you the same thing I told Michael. I’m not going to live happily ever after. I can’t. I’m a Seer. I’m going to die someday, and it will probably be a bloody affair. That being said, I’m not going to let it prevent me from doing what’s right, and rescuing you was the right thing to do, no matter what the consequences were. You can’t let your time in Hell take away the very thing that made you worth saving.”

  He swallowed hard, his voice hoarse. “What?”

  “Faith, Gabe. You have always been faithful. To me, to Michael, to God, to your fellow angels, to every person you’ve ever helped, and most of all to yourself. Don’t let what happened stop you from believing in yourself and in your family. I couldn’t bear it if you did.”

  Tears streaked down his cheekbones. “They took so much from me. I do not know if I have the strength to be the man you once knew.”

  “You do. If nothing else, I’ll carry you until you can stand on your own again. It’s what I’m here for. I know you’re angry and scared, but that’s why you have to trust me. That’s why you have to trust Michael and Raphael. We’re all the proof you’ll ever need that you were worth saving, and still are.”

  He hugged me, tugging
me into a circle of warmth that blocked out the ice-cold air of the room. My own cheeks were wet as I held him, gently running my hands through his downy-soft hair. We stayed in that position for a while until I felt him calming.

  “I guess this would be a good time to tell you I’ve been thinking about asking you to walk me down the aisle at my wedding.”

  Gabriel drew back, wiping his eyes with his sleeve. “Are you serious?”

  I shrugged after clearing my own face of moisture. “It’s the truth.”

  “Jordan, your father is alive and well. It is his honor and responsibility to be there for you at your wedding.”

  “I know it is, but…” I sighed. “I don’t feel like he’s earned it. He’s only been in my life for a year, and he’s part of the reason why they sent me off to Aunt Carmen. I might not have turned out so screwed up in the head if he hadn’t run out on us.”

  “You’ll only get married once. He may not be the best father, but it will crush him if you choose me instead.”

  “You’re important to me. You have been for a long time. I’d really like it to be you, Gabriel.”

  “I am not a blood relative. It would be inappropriate.”

  “Most of the people I consider to be my family aren’t related to me,” I said. “We’ve got three archangels, a Korean waitress, a New Orleans candy shop owner, and a dead Seer on the roster. I think it’s safe to say blood doesn’t mean a whole lot in the Amador circle.”

  He scowled at me for a moment or two. “If I walk you down the aisle, would you at least make sure the first dance is with him? It would put my conscience at ease.”

  I let out a dramatic sigh. “I guess so. If you’re going to be a big seven-foot baby about it.”

  For the first time since we returned from Hell, Gabriel smiled. It was more comforting than homemade apple pie and vanilla ice cream after a long day. “Thank you.”

  “Oh, don’t thank me yet. I know nothing about weddings. You’re going to have to help me plan it, too. You and Lauren, anyway.” I whipped out my phone and began telling him what we’d gotten started on before everything went to shit. He completely forgot about his pressing urge to leave after I showed him the dress I had in mind and we lost hours chatting about the details, cocooned in another world, a safer one, at least for the time being.

  It took my best persuasive skills, but I managed to convince Gabriel to stick around and let Raphael continue to treat the damage done to his soul. The fact that I was a bride-to-be helped guilt him into listening to reason. Myra called the room phone to let me know that she and Avriel needed to see me for an update.

  Walking through the hallways of the safe house made me twitchy. The sandstone walls reminded me entirely too much of the halls in the Babel hotel. I kept my eyes glued to the floor and fiddled with my mother’s rosary as I briskly walked to the dormitories, muttering the Lord’s prayer under my breath to keep myself distracted. Not all of the patrons in the safe house knew who I was, but a great deal of them had heard the rumors. Whispers followed me around every corner, and I couldn’t tell if they were of praise or damnation due to my overactive paranoia. My hands were shaking by the time I reached Avriel’s room.

  Avriel stood by the bed with his Nike duffel bag slung over his shoulder. Myra was seated on the bed with Ace’s massive head in her lap. One of the hound’s red eyes opened as I walked in and then dropped closed a moment later. He was still worn out from fighting demons so I didn’t take offense to the lack of greeting.

  “Hey, you,” Myra said, smiling after I closed the door. “How are you feeling?”

  She shook her head before I could answer. “Sorry. Reflex. You don’t have to answer that.”

  “I’m functioning,” I said. “No more, no less.”

  She nodded. “Good.”

  I switched my gaze to Avriel. “What’s up?”

  “I must return to my post. I wanted to say goodbye in person.”

  I nibbled my bottom lip. “Are you sure you’ll be alright?”

  The redhead smiled. “The coins have been destroyed. The archdemons are in Hell. For now, I am no longer a target except for being a part of Team Amador.”

  Myra lifted an eyebrow. “Is that what we’re called?”

  I grinned. “Hey, it’s catchy. Can you blame me?”

  “True dat.”

  I shuffled in place, trying my best not to look sheepish. “Well, goodbye, I guess. I kinda liked having you around. Never had a younger brother, after all.”

  Avriel lowered the bag and walked over to hug me. “I am honored to be considered for the position. Especially considering our history.”

  I patted his back and pulled away. “Real siblings try to kill each other, so that just makes you even more right for the part. Take care, huh? Send me annoying texts in the middle of the night or something.”

  He bowed his head and picked up the bag. “I shall. I also wanted to let you know that I have been keeping an eye on the FBI. Thankfully, they are still unaware of your presence here, but I urge you to leave within the next twenty-four hours. They are tracking my movements, and it will not take them long to find my last whereabouts. I will do my best to keep them off your scent.”

  “Thank you. We’re going to leave tonight. I’ll let you know when we’re out of the country.”

  “Good.”

  “Did you say goodbye to Faust?” I asked.

  “I did.”

  “Where is he, anyway?”

  “Still in the library,” Avriel replied. “I get the feeling we’ll never get him out of there. It took considerable effort for me to tear myself away, and I loaded up with quite a bit of literature.”

  He gestured to the bag. “I believe he intends to stay here for a while until he’s sure the demons no longer have any interest in him.”

  “Smart man.”

  “Indeed.” Avriel held out a hand to Myra, which she shook. “Take care, Myra. It has been a pleasure. I hope to see you again soon.”

  “Pleasure’s all mine, kid. You’re good people. Stay out of trouble, and don’t lose my number. I can back you up anytime.”

  Avriel glanced at the hound. “Ace.”

  The hound gave him a sleepy growl in acknowledgment that made the three of us laugh. “Take care, ladies. I’ll be in touch.”

  “Bye, Avriel.”

  He left. I was surprised at the bit of dew that crept up in my eyes seeing him go. He had a long, difficult path ahead of him, but I believed he could find forgiveness. He had a good heart, even if he was naïve.

  I cleared the lump out of my throat and turned back to Myra. “What about you? Where are you headed?”

  “I’ve been gone too long. I need to lay eyes on my boy. I’ll head home for a bit.”

  “How’s your husband?” I asked gently. Their breakup had been as legendarily painful and explosive as mine and Michael’s, so I always treaded lightly.

  Myra shrugged, but the apathy didn’t reach her eyes. She still hurt somewhere deep down for breaking it off with him. “He’s fine. Still not dating anyone else, though. I think I need to smack some sense into him.”

  I opened my mouth to say more, but she cut me off. “It’s gonna be weird not having you around. Who else am I going to sit up with watching bad anime and eating junk food?”

  “I’m pretty sure that’s all teenagers do when they’re not in school.”

  “Touché. Will you at least let me drive you to the airstrip?”

  “Naturally. You’re my bodyguard, aren’t you?”

  “Ha. Isn’t that what your husband is for?” She frowned then. “Wait, where is he? I know he and Avriel aren’t exactly besties, but I thought he’d want to thank him for his help.”

  “There was some trouble elsewhere and he had to leave.” I checked my watch. “He probably won’t be back until tonight, and that’s if the feds don’t try to scoop him up and question him about where I am.”

  Her gaze softened on me. “Will you be alright until then?”

/>   “C’mon, I’m not that codependent—”

  “Jordan, stop it,” she said sharply. “You have psychological trauma and Michael is your touchstone. Don’t belittle it with sarcasm. You’ll never get better if you do.”

  I took a deep breath. “I’m sorry. It’s a bad habit. I’m getting help, I promise. It’s just…easier not to open that can of worms right now.”

  “The can was never closed, Jor. It’s not going to ever be closed. The best thing you can do is stay aware of your symptoms. Don’t avoid them. I’ve never had full-blown PTSD, but I did some nasty stuff overseas, and it can eat you alive if you let it.”

  Ace made a keening noise and licked her fingers. She smiled at him. “Oh, hush, you big puppy. You’re supposed to be a furry murder-machine, not a therapist.”

  Ace’s bushy tail flicked her in the side and she rolled her eyes. “Right. My mistake. Who says you can’t be both?”

  He wagged his tail and it was enough to make me laugh again. “I’m working on it. I’ll do my best to live with it in the meantime.”

  “How’s Gabriel?”

  “He’s…” I searched for the right phrasing. “Piecing himself back together, little by little. I convinced him to travel with us when we leave tonight. I think if we all stay with each other, we might be able to heal faster.”

  “Good. Keep me in the loop. I want to help any way that I can.”

  “Well, there is something I’d like you to do for me. The FBI is watching Lauren, so I can’t talk to her. If you could let her know that I’m safe, I’d be in your debt, more than usual.”

  “Consider it done.”

  “And, uh, you might want to leave out the ‘I went to Hell’ stuff for now. Maybe we can discuss that when we’re all smashed at the bachelorette party.”

  She grinned. “Now there’s something to look forward to. Have you decided where to hold it yet?”

  My smile was bitter. “Depends on if I can leave the States without getting nabbed.”

  A fierce, protective glint shone in her russet eyes. “You’ve got God’s soldiers on your side. We’re gonna get you out of here. Believe that above all.”