Twen2y-Ei8ht

by Zac Thraves

  I am empty of the day and night; a seashell marooned on a beach lying indistinct from the hard pebbles that batter my fragile surface. If only I could see farther than my own window.

  Flocks of birds float by in a swirling pocket of air, their wings motionless, they soar high above the rooftops and glide with apparent ease. How I wish that could be me. Yet I sit and stare at their beauty, knowing that I have nothing to compare, with beauty, with freedom.

  Shackled to the chains that I again have created for myself and I struggle to remove them. Why do I not learn?

  From one runaway train that I make a giant leap from, landing bruised and forlorn, I jump onto another. Another carriage that offers hope for the future but becomes the same as before only with different interiors.

  Love, it seems, has a way of looking different on the surface yet carries the same internal organs; it seeps into your pores and takes control so that when you see it for what it is you are too entwined to quickly let go. It takes another deep look inside yourself, another stare into the eyes of those demons, before you attempt your next leap and try to remain on the platform to the station. But is that what must be done? Standing alone at a station waiting for the next adventure train to pull in is what those inner devils want isn’t it? Is that what destroys you in the end?

  Time ticks on, never ceasing, I sit and watch those birds enjoy their perfect flight. Sickened to the stomach I stand in awe, with jealousy filling my eyes. Imprisoned by my heart that aches for her touch as much as wanting to fly away itself; pulling one way, then another and wishing for happiness, fullness and some attention.

  ---------------------

  Verse 1

  You left me waiting on our clearest night

  The clouds had lifted and the world had seemed alright

  The promise made was one from in the heart

  This was meant to be our time and a new start

  Verse 2

  I want to grab you for the answers that I fear

  I want to keep my distance but to have you near

  When I close my eyes I see your welcome stare

  I let you in my heart all you did was strip me bare

  I want to hurt you

  Hold you

  Let you know the pain I’m in

  It’s been so long

  Since you left me

  Sipping at my lonely gin

  But nothing can replace the noise I hear…

  chorus

  It’s the darkest angels who sing the sweetest tune

  They whisper gently what will become soon

  Their wings beat rhythm to the fading moon

  Black angels who do sing the sweetest tune

  Verse 3

  The cold ice wind that courses through my veins

  Is yours to warm though all I see is rain

  I long to see you, hold your arms again

  I want to hurt you better and end this seasoned pain

  It’s the darkest angels who sing the sweetest tune

  They whisper gently what will become soon

  Their wings beat rhythm to the stars and fading moon

  Coal-black angels sing the sweetest tune

  Maudlin Floor

  You walk over me, I’m your maudlin floor;

  with your high-tempered stamping heels

  that cut into my boneless spine

  and splinter faint praise into sighing soul.

  Those promises we made have fast become

  your river-twisted burnt-out dreams,

  that wind around my beaten heart,

  like twines of reeds suffocating my sight.

  Those slick high-heels that leave a lined trail

  of liquorice black in your wake;

  each treacle step sticky and cold;

  every drop from your mouth a burning fog.

  Like a hyena high on putrid gas

  I see you giggle as you walk;

  I could speak but for wailing tears;

  bitterness falls like acidic raindrops.

  Pass and go, collect no rewards;

  leave clicking echoes of your endless pain.

  WHAT IS LOVE?

  Love is the hanging lantern of the moon with all its glowing radiance yet surrounded by dark eternal night As you step towards your moon you drift further towards the dark until it surrounds you and all you have left are the stars to light your way as you climb towards the stars the dark envelops you until you stand on the lip of an enormous black hole Love is a black hole which you carefully orbit One move away from the planned trajectory sends you tumbling and spiralling uncontrollably into its dark mouth and you become consumed by jealousy and rage and fear and hatred and it is there you stay while the black oil of anger fuels your love and seeps into your skin and your eyes and mouth until you cannot speak or hear or breathe Love is your oil of blackness that spills from your eyes and powers your heart It is the most fearful thing Love should be avoided but for that lasting promise of the moon

  Imprisoned; like a battered cod.

  Bars on windows, frozen time.

  The kettle boils, I hear it click

  And yet my gaze is stuck on the grass or

  The keys in locks that no longer turn.

  The tea-bag flops into the cup

  Deathly silence welcomes ears until

  Stir the cup and rinse the bag

  Then imagine walking through the wall

  While sipping bitter, over-brewed fluid.

  Black is black

  And weakened knees

  Refuse to believe

  Any other colour of the sea

  Re-light the fuels

  And prepare to lose

  As you unwillingly choose

  Black upon black

  Black is black

  And red is flowing

  Freely and growing

  Shamefully showing

  Black within black

  And decay in your head

  As fearful steps tread

  Towards your own death

  As black is worn black

  Black is black

  From within your star

  Viewed by us from afar

  You’re a memory, a passing bar

  Of music.

  Black is black

  Again.

  Lonely boy

  Who cannot understand

  The loss of companionship

  From his own hand.

  Feared and unwanted

  Scared and haunted

  Everyone has left him

  He’s lonely, sauntered

  And in his eyes he sees

  just shadow of his knees

  while the world around

  buzzes like bees.

  ------------

  The End

  And in the end

  She rests her head on canvassed floor

  Her mind a swirl of funfair lights

  Sending her falling down her helter-skelter skirt

  Destroying and disbelieving

  Never agreeing or knowing

  Always telling instead of listening

  Only sleeping can I wake

  At the end of the day

  When all the force has been spent

  I watch her breathing

  And hope

  Sometimes it would be her last.

  ©Zac Thraves

  All content in this book is under sole ownership of the copyright holder and must not be reproduced in any form.

  I hope you enjoy a brief glimpse into my thoughts. The number 28 has great meaning to me, hence the title. Thank you for downloading and reading.

  zacthraves@emailcom

  Zac Thraves is spending 2013 entirely paper free, chart his progress and news of forthcoming novels/events at zacthraves.wordpress.com

  Other titles by Zac Thraves.

  Pirates Vs Fairies

  The Sublime Maisie Canon

 
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