Dirty-Talking Cowboy--A Kinky Spurs Novel

by Stacey Kennedy

  That was the insanity of all this. Emma had so much more time with Jake than Shep, but time didn’t seem to be a factor. She knew everything there was to know about Shep because he hid nothing. His past, his family, his struggles; he’d laid it all out there. For a man who had a hard time sharing parts of himself, or so Jenny had said, Shep had been completely unguarded.

  A sudden finger tucked under her chin drew her gaze to Jake’s. His eyes were troubled, voice strained. “Please tell me what you’re thinking. You’re killing me here.”

  “I don’t even know what I’m thinking,” she admitted, tears welling in her eyes, her heart being torn in two directions, ripped to shreds.

  “Ah, baby.” Jake wrapped an arm around her, and she leaned into him. This felt right, it did, and that made it all the more confusing. Somehow, she thought if she saw Jake again, everything would feel wrong. It didn’t. Her heart warmed in his comfort. He felt like home to her as much as Shep’s burning possessive kiss felt like home too.

  “If I could go back to that day in the office, I would,” Jake added, resting his chin on the top of her head. “I should have told John right then that I planned to propose to you, but I can’t go back. What’s done is done. All we can do now is move forward. Will you forgive me?”

  She leaned away, glancing into his warm eyes, feeling all the good memories between them. “I’m not even sure there is anything to forgive anymore,” she admitted, without thinking about it. Because that was one thing she did know. Anger wasn’t in her emotional inventory right now. “You’re here, you’ve apologized, and you’re sincere, I see that. What more is there to forgive?” Staring at him now, she wanted to melt into his embrace. She had loved her nights with Jake. Sure, he wasn’t erotic like Shep, or open like him, but they had common ground, and that was business. While her conversations with Shep seemed to run deeper, she and Jake talked about the world, about business, about politics, about New York City, and that wasn’t any less special, just different.

  Jake dipped his head, bringing his eyes to her level. “Then if you forgive me, why haven’t you said yes to me?”

  That was a loaded question, and she couldn’t even begin to explain why she couldn’t form those words. “Everything has changed,” was the only reply she could give him.

  He squeezed her hand, staring deeply at her. “Nothing has changed. I love you, Emma. Come home.”

  Home. New York City was home. That was the place she grew up, her family was there, her hopes and dreams were made there. All the same, as she glanced around, spotting the goats in field, hopping about, the horses in the sand ring, this was home too. She understood what Shep meant when he said he’d come home from LA and his family brought him back from the darkness, because that’s what Grams’s farm had done for her too. All the love that she experienced here, all the happy memories with Grams, kept her from drowning in the sadness. But the animals meant even more—that no matter how broken you were, how mistreated you had been, there were always good people waiting to envelop you in their warmth. That’s what Grams had been to so many animals. And maybe that’s why Grams left Emma the house. Perhaps she knew that at some point Emma would need to experience that message too.

  Jake brought her hand to his mouth and kissed her palm. “I want you with me, Emma. Always.”

  Her heart craved to reach for him. She ached for him to take her into his arms and hold her, because then she’d feel better, she’d be home. And yet, again, she simply couldn’t reach out for him; something stood in the way. This was more than a big misunderstanding, she knew that. And at the same time, she couldn’t quite put all the pieces together to figure out why she couldn’t say yes to Jake. People made mistakes. Maybe that’s all this all was, a big mistake that Jake now regretted.

  Needing to get away and breathe for a moment, she rose, moving to the fence where Bentley and Tadgh stood, tears flooding her cheeks. God, how desperate she was to get away from it all. The pain. The questions that needed answering. She never thought she could be in a worse situation than when she’d left New York City, though life had a way of always proving her wrong and upping the ante. The man she had shared a year with was right there behind her. She could touch him if she wanted.

  Then her heart screamed, Shep.

  She shut her eyes, feeling pulled not by having to pick a man, but by having to pick a life. River Rock or New York City, she could have either. Both fit, both felt right, and yet she couldn’t have both.

  “I need an answer, Emma,” Jake said behind her.

  A stomp against the ground reopened her eyes. After a blink to clear the tears, she spotted Bentley snorting, his nostrils flaring, his head high. Emma turned, wondering what had spooked him, and found Jake sidling up to her, not even looking at Bentley, his eyes focused on the ring on his pinky finger. Though Bentley stared straight at Jake, his ears were perked forward, eyes bright and untrusting. She’d seen this look on him before, the very first time she put the halter on him, and then he brought Shep into her life.

  The strain inside began to lift, a slow smile erasing the tears. Sometimes finding answers to tough questions was hard. And then sometimes, every so often, they were right there in front of you, waiting to be seen, as long as you didn’t miss them.

  This time, Emma wasn’t missing anything. Everything was crystal clear.

  * * *

  Back at Chase’s house, Shep stood in the front window, staring off at the mountains. The land beneath those mountains would soon belong to Clint. His brothers and mother were in the kitchen, examining the books that Shep had studied himself. They all needed to come to the decision on their own, but he knew the inevitable was upon them. They would sell the land and provide for their employees and their mother. Even with that weighing on him, his mind stayed on Emma. He wasn’t a fool. He knew she cared for Jake, and he knew there was a good chance she’d soon be on her way back to New York City.

  A slow ache across his hand had him glancing down. There were cuts along his knuckles, and he suspected his hand would be tender tomorrow. The pain was nothing compared to what lay within his chest. He had wanted to fix everything, had tried to keep everything neat and tidy, and everything had fallen apart. The only thing he ended up fixing was the damn horse.

  “You behaved foolishly.”

  Shep glanced over his shoulder, finding his mother entering the room with a small baggie of ice wrapped in a tea towel.

  “Here, put this on your hand.”

  He accepted the ice and placed it on his knuckles, gritting his teeth against the pain cutting across his fingers. “Thanks.”

  Mom settled in next to him, staring out the window. “Nash wouldn’t tell me much, but he did say that Emma’s ex-boyfriend was at her house. I take it that didn’t go over well?”

  “Not exactly,” Shep grumbled.

  “Shep,” Mom rebuked. “Emma needs you strong, not losing your temper.”

  Shep snorted. “Believe me, he deserved far worse than he got, and if I had lost my temper, he would be in the hospital or the morgue right now.”

  Silence settled in, and Shep knew his mother was examining him. She finally pressed a hand on his arm and asked, “Are you looking so miserable because of Emma or because of having to sell the land?”

  “Does it matter?”

  “Of course it does,” she said. “Because if it’s Emma, then that’s one conversation—”

  He stopped that thought in its tracks, not wanting to discuss Emma with his mother. “Right now, I’m only thinking about you.” Which was a half-truth. Emma was there, strong on his mind too.

  Jenny’s heavy sigh sounded weighted with a thousand worries. “You can’t always glue the world back together again, Shep. Things sometimes are going to fall apart, and you have to let them.”

  He glanced down at her, spotting the warm affection in her expression. “I’m not good at letting things fall apart.” It went against the grain. He fixed, that’s what he did. He ensured his family was safe an
d happy and thriving. That was his purpose. For the first time ever in his life, he couldn’t control shit, and the ground felt rocky beneath him.

  His mom gave a soft smile. “Well, then, you need to learn how to let go and not try to control everything around you. You can’t take the world onto your shoulders. Your father did it. Now you’re doing it. It’s not good for anyone to take on too much. This is life. Sometimes things fall apart.”

  “Not in my life,” he stated.

  She laughed quietly, then cupped his face. “You’re not going to listen to me, are you?”

  “What are you trying to say? Then I’ll decide if I’m going to listen to you.”

  “Just breathe, Shep, that’s all you need to do right now. These trying times will pass over, and we’ll still be standing at the end of it.” Her eyes grew teary, and he reached for her hand, comforting her, as she added, “Learn from your father’s mistakes. Keeping secrets, holding too much in, does nothing good for anyone. You don’t need to protect me. That’s not your job, son. That’s my job as your mother.”

  He gave her a soft smile. His mother had always been strong. “And you’re very good at your job,” he told her.

  She glanced out to the view he’d been looking at, then said, “Emma will come to you.”

  Wishful thinking, maybe. “What makes you think that?”

  “Because when you’ve experienced love . . . true love, you can see it anywhere. That’s what you and Emma have. I saw it written all over your face when I first met Emma, and I saw it all over Emma’s, too.”

  He glanced down then arched an eyebrow at her. “We’ve known each other for days, Ma. She was with this guy for a year. It’s not that simple.”

  “Love doesn’t know time. When it’s right, it’s right.” She gave him a sweet motherly smile and patted his arm again. “She’ll come for you. Trust me. Her heart will bring her here.”

  Shep didn’t know about that, but suddenly some of the tension inside began to leave him in the comfort of his mother. He wrapped an arm around her, pulling her in close. “Tell me about you right now. Are you all right?”

  “I have you boys. Of course I’m all right.” She leaned up and he dropped his head, getting closer to her while she kissed his cheek.

  Emma had told him that exact same thing. He drew in a deep breath, fighting against all the things he wanted to do, watching his mother return to the kitchen. He glanced out the window again, staring at a bird flying from the mature oak tree.

  “Mom’s right, you know,” Chase said from the doorway. “She’ll come to you.”

  Shep sighed, wishing his family would give him a moment to think. Not bothering to turn around, he said, “Even if that might be true, she also cares for someone else. I knew that from the beginning, and nothing angers me more than knowing that she’s likely upset about all this and not being able to do a damn thing about it.”

  Chase settled next to him, crossing his arms over his chest. “Nash said the guy was fancy. Drove a Bentley.”

  Shep nodded. “All business.”

  “It’s weird, isn’t it?”

  Shep looked at his brother. “What’s weird?”

  “It’s hard for me to imagine Emma fitting in with the whole New York City vibe.”

  Even Shep had a hard time picturing it. Waking up every day, wearing fancy dresses and high heels, rushing through the streets of New York City to get to work on time, attending extravagant parties. “It’s not the Emma we know, that’s for sure.”

  “I wonder if that means something,” Chase commented, rubbing his jaw.

  Shep arched an eyebrow. “Your point?”

  “All I’m saying is, she doesn’t seem so big city to me anymore.”

  “Regardless of what we think or don’t think, this is Emma’s decision,” was all Shep was prepared to say on the subject. To get the focus off himself, he asked, “And speaking of decisions, did you make yours?” Chase had spent the entire time while Shep was at Emma’s reading over the business reports.

  Chase frowned. “I agree with what you found in the financial records. We’re better off selling.”

  Shep nodded, unsurprised that his mother had come around to the idea and so had Chase. Nash would be the only one who would fight the truth a little longer.

  “Maybe you should go back over there,” Chase suddenly said.

  Shep’s jaw clenched twice, and he kept on staring out at the mountains, taking the time to examine the land that would soon no longer belong to his family. “Chase, she needs time, and I’m going to give it to her, no matter how much I hate it.”

  Chase began to argue. “Shep, I think if you—”

  Shep glanced sideways, narrowed his eyes. “Brother, I’ve reached my limit of unwanted advice today.”

  Chase sighed at whatever crossed Shep’s expression. He cupped Shep’s shoulder, squeezing tight, then moved back into the kitchen, blessedly leaving Shep alone.

  Shep gazed upon the mountains. What his mother and brothers didn’t know was how hard he fought against not going back over there. Sure, he could hope that Emma picked her life in River Rock, and him, but he’d been there with Sara. He had lived a life he didn’t want all to make someone happy. That made him miserable. He wouldn’t do that to Emma. He swore he’d never do that to anyone. Of course, he wished that promise didn’t stop him from going over there to claim her.

  He wanted to shake Emma, make her pick him, and he wanted to kick Jake’s ass again until the bastard ran home to New York City with his tail tucked between his legs. But that wasn’t love. That was desperation.

  Emma deserved to be loved.

  Chapter 17

  The clock on the stove read 8:30 p.m. when Shep entered Chase’s house after dropping his mom off at home. He was in no mood to be around people, but they needed to talk about the final details of the offer. He’d lost it all. His father’s land. And Emma. Once inside the kitchen, he closed the door behind him then turned back to the living room and froze, staring at the last person he expected to find there tonight.

  Dressed in a cute—and yet somehow sexy—white sundress, Emma stood in front of Chase’s fireplace, holding papers in her hands.

  “Emma?” he asked with an arched brow.

  She smiled. “Good, you’re finally here. We’ve been waiting for you. Please take a seat.”

  Shep frowned, sliding his gaze over to Chase, who shrugged, then looked at Nash sitting next to Chase.

  “Don’t ask me,” Nash quipped. “She’s been bossy like that since she got here.”

  Shep moved closer, trying to piece her appearance together. Sure, it was easy to imagine that she’d sent Jake away and decided to stay with him, but what in the hell were the papers in her hands? “What’s going on?”

  She rolled her eyes and pointed to the couch. “You’ll find out if you go and sit down.”

  Shep slowly moved, unable to look away from her. There was a sparkle in her eyes, sucking him right in. “Okay,” he said, once he dropped down next to Nash, crossing an ankle over his knee. “I’m sitting.”

  “All right, so I got to thinking about Blackshaw Cattle.” She glanced between the brothers. “It hadn’t really all come together until a little bit ago.” To Shep, she said, “I found a way to breathe some new life into the company.”

  He raised his eyebrows. “Is that so?”

  She nodded and gave a proud smile, handing a piece of paper to Shep first, then delivered one to Chase and Nash. “Okay, well, you see . . . this is kinda what I do. I come up with ways to make things . . . better. Which got me thinking about what else you could do with the company, with the skills you guys possess.”

  Shep studied the paper in his hand. Along with a photo of his father’s logo, the wording read: BLACKSHAW CATTLE CO. & GUEST RANCH. Become a real cowboy at the largest working cattle farm in Colorado.

  She moved back to her spot by the fireplace. “You need to recoup the finances you’ve lost, and yet you all don’t want to give up you
r dreams either, which I think is what your dad would have wanted anyway.”

  Shep studied her, seeing the New York City side of Emma for the very first time. She was confident and insightful, and he wanted to fuck her. Badly.

  She obviously didn’t see that in his expression and carried on. “Here’s what I’m thinking. You said that Colin runs Blackshaw Cattle from the inside and will continue to do so, so that’s good. You can keep that part of your father’s company going and continue to keep on the employees. But what you need is to bring in more income, so . . .” To Chase, she said, “You want to open a construction company, but you need to build something on a larger scale first to showcase your talent. Well, here’s your way to do that.” She handed them all another piece of paper.

  Shep saw that it was a Google map of his parents’ farm.

  Emma added, “I’m no builder, but you’ll see that I’ve kinda mapped things out. You’ll need to build a dining hall, places to sleep, washrooms, and things like that. Plus, your parents have the land to make this happen.” She paused, then shrugged. “It’s a win-win, really. You get to showcase your talent in building a commercial log property, and to get this done you won’t have to hire a builder, since that’s you, only workers.”

  Chase’s eyes were wide when he glanced from Shep to Nash to Emma.

  Shep chuckled. She’d rendered his brother speechless.

  Emma smirked, quite proud of herself, then handed out another piece of paper, stopping with Nash and saying directly to him, “All right, now for you.”

  Nash’s brows shot up when he glanced down at the paper in his hand. “What about me?”

  Shep studied the paper too, and in big bold letters, it read: Become a real cowboy with River Rock’s very own PBR champion, Nash Blackshaw.

  He glanced up when Emma asked Nash, “What do people like more than a real cattle ranch?” Before he could reply, she added, “Real-life cowboys. You were in the PBR. People are going to love the hell out of that. Your fame will draw them in. You said that you didn’t want to run the cattle ranch, but you seem to enjoy the whole cowboy thing, so what would you say about being the face of the guest ranch?”