Longing For His kiss

by Sherri Hayes

  “No,” he said. “I don’t regret our arrangement.”

  She didn’t miss that he’d only really answered half her question. “And sex?”

  Alexander sighed and turned toward her. “It’s complicated. But no, I don’t regret that either.”

  “Why is it complicated?” She knew she was pushing and it shocked even her. Normally she wasn’t so brave.

  He looked down the length of the bed, and then at Grace. “Do you really want to have this conversation here? Now?”

  While she understood the awkwardness of their current position given the topic, she needed to know. “Yes.” She pressed her lips together and met his gaze. “I think we need to. Don’t you?”

  Alexander searched her face for a long moment and then nodded. “Maybe we do.”

  She fumbled beneath the covers until she found his hand and laced their fingers together. He’d been there for her so many times and it seemed as if he was struggling.

  “It didn’t feel right to take pleasure in your body,” he admitted.

  Thinking back to their first scene, and then the club, things began to make more sense. “It was okay to give me pleasure but taking it for yourself . . .”

  “I felt guilty as hell.” He paused. “Still do.”

  “Why?” He gave her a look that said he couldn’t believe she was asking that question, so she clarified. “I mean we talked about it and you knew me moving on, finding another Dom, was what Kurt wanted. He may not have envisioned it would be you who would be my Dom, but I have to assume he’d be okay with it. You were his friend. He respected you. Trusted you enough to deliver that letter to me.”

  “Don’t you see that’s why I feel so guilty?” He must have seen her confusion written plainly on her face. “Kurt trusted me. He trusted me to find you and give you his letter. He didn’t expect me to start fucking his wife.”

  If she hadn’t been so used to Kurt’s cursing, Alexander’s words would have bothered her. As it was, Grace realized them for what they were. “Is that what you’re doing? Fucking me?” Using that word felt strange. She could only imagine what it sounded like to him. She never cursed.

  He looked at her as if maybe she’d lost her mind, giving they were currently lying in her bed, naked after doing exactly that. “Did you forget about the last two hours?”

  “That’s not what I mean.” She brought their hands up and studied the way they were entwined together. “I know what we have isn’t normal or traditional, or whatever, but it’s more than just sex. You’re my Dom and my friend.”

  There was something else that flashed in his eyes, and then it was gone. It wasn’t quite the same as before and it was gone before she could analyze it. He scooted closer, drawing their linked hands up to his mouth. “It doesn’t change the fact that what I want to do to you is anything but friendly.”

  As he kissed a line down her arm, Grace’s eyes rolled back in her head and she forgot what she was going to say. “Alexander?”

  He lunged forward, pushing her onto her back, and pinned her to the mattress. The look in his eyes was heated and her body reacted. “What do you call me while we’re in this bed?”

  Grace moistened her lips. “Sir.”

  Alexander grinned. “Much better.” Then he kissed her. Everything Grace had been about to say was thrown out the window as he reached between them and began making her body sing again.

  ***

  He stared at the popcorn ceiling in Grace’s bedroom. It was around three in the morning and Grace was sound asleep beside him. After he’d ravished her again she’d barely been able to keep her eyes open. That, of course, had been the plan.

  Tossing the covers to the side, Alexander got out of Grace’s bed and walked into the bathroom, making sure to wait until the door was closed before turning on the light. He didn’t want to wake her. Grace needed her sleep.

  There was a little bear sitting on the back of the toilet, holding an American flag, which seemed to be watching him as he relieved himself. Alexander had noticed several bears positioned around her house and wondered if she collected them. He’d have to ask. It wasn’t something he’d thought about before.

  He flushed and went to the sink to wash his hands. His leg was aching, but considering he could hear the rain outside hitting the windows, he wasn’t surprised. It was par for the course with an injury like his.

  Opening Grace’s medicine cabinet, he found some ibuprofen and tossed two in his mouth, chasing them down with a handful of water from the tap. He was reaching to turn off the water when there was a soft knock on the bathroom door.

  “You can come in. I’m decent.” Which was a total lie. He was standing there in his birthday suit, but it wasn’t as if she hadn’t seen all of him earlier that evening.

  She slowly pushed open the door and edged her way inside as if she wasn’t sure of herself. Maybe she wasn’t. After their talk, he wasn’t sure about much of anything.

  “Everything okay?” she asked.

  He turned off the water and dried his hands. “Yeah. My leg was bothering me, so I swiped a couple of your ibuprofen.”

  Grace frowned. “Is there anything I can do?”

  “I’ll be fine.” His limp as he moved toward her only deepened the creases in her forehead.

  “I used to give Kurt massages. Would that help?”

  The thought of her hands on him had his cock twitching. “I don’t—”

  “Please, Sir. Let me help you.”

  It was the pleading look in her eyes that broke him. “All right.”

  At his agreement, she jumped into action. Grace opened one of the drawers beside the sink and removed a dark blue bottle of what he assumed was lotion. Then she took hold of his hand and led him back into the bedroom. “Lie down.”

  He gave her a hard look.

  She lowered her gaze to the floor, looking utterly submissive and adorable. “Sorry. Sir, would you please lie down on the bed so I can massage your leg for you?”

  As tempting as it was, he resisted the urge to touch her. Alexander knew if he did, they’d end up having sex again, his leg be damned. Instead, he stretched out on the bed and placed his hands behind his head. That was the only way he could be sure he’d keep them to himself.

  Grace squeezed some of the lotion into her hands, and placed the tube on the nightstand before rubbing her hands together. With the gentlest pressure, she began massaging the lotion into his leg. As she grew more confident she wasn’t hurting him, Grace used her fingers more, pressing against his muscles. She glided over his scars as if they didn’t bother her at all.

  Alexander closed his eyes as the ache in his leg began to fade. He didn’t know if it was the ibuprofen kicking in or what Grace was doing or both. Either way, he wasn’t going to complain. Besides, even if it was the pills, Grace’s fingers were heavenly.

  The more she worked her magic, the more his mind began to move in a different direction. He was less focused on the discomfort and more on how Grace’s hands felt pushing and pulling on his skin—and how they would feel gliding along another part of his anatomy. He groaned as the picture formed in his head.

  Grace heard him and halted her movements.

  He looked down, meeting her gaze. “Don’t stop.”

  “I don’t want to hurt you,” she said.

  Alexander shook his head. “You’re not. It feels amazing. Thank you.”

  It took her a minute to resume what she’d been doing.

  Once she was finished with one leg, she moved on to the other. That leg didn’t pain him like his left one did, so his mind was much more aware of her touch. Especially as she inched higher toward the top of his thighs. The closer she got to his groin, the more his cock began to sit up and take notice.

  Grace noticed, too. She grazed her fingers along the inside of his thigh and his cock jerked in response. He’d already come twice tonight, but apparently a certain part of his anatomy hadn’t gotten the message.

  She lifted her hand then lowered
it before meeting his gaze. “May I, Sir?”

  The part of him that was still riddled with guilt about taking pleasure from her screamed at him that he should refuse—that he should thank her for the massage and order her back to bed—but there was something in her eyes that told him this was what she wanted. As usual, he couldn’t tell her no. He nodded his agreement.

  Instead of touching him right away, she reached for the lotion again. After coating her hands, she gripped his length. Her slick hands glided along his flesh, drawing a delicious moan deep from within his chest. He gritted his teeth as she used one hand to pump his cock and the other to caress his balls.

  She ran her thumb along his head, circling the tip, before sliding back down to the base, and then returning to do it all over again. He pressed his head farther into the pillow to keep himself from reaching for her. Who knew a hand job could be this good? It sure wasn’t when it was his own hand, and he couldn’t recall it ever being like this. Even thinking back to when he was younger, the last time a woman had given him a hand job that hadn’t only been a prelude to her going down on him, he couldn’t remember it ever being like this.

  Grace didn’t let up, and soon he was doing his best to control his breathing. He was going to come and it was going to happen sooner rather than later if she kept it up. There was no way he was going to make her stop, though. Not now.

  She seemed to know he was getting close. “May I swallow your cum, Sir?”

  The innocent look on her face belied what she was asking. It was beyond hot. “Yes, gattina. Swallow my cum. Swallow every last drop.”

  Given the look on her face, one would have thought he’d offered her a prize. Then again, maybe he had. It was considered an honor for a sub to take her Dom’s cum into her body.

  Most of the lotion she’d used had long been worked into his skin, making it easy for her to wrap her lips around the head of his cock and suck as she continued to work his length with her hand. She used her tongue to coax him on almost as if she were licking the most delicious lollipop.

  At the last minute, moments before he came, Alexander reached down, grabbed the back of her head, and pushed himself deeper into her mouth. He felt his cock hit the back of her throat. It was the final straw. He emptied his cum down her throat and, good girl that she was, Grace didn’t miss a beat. She breathed through her nose and swallowed several times, making sure she got it all. Every last drop. Exactly as he’d instructed.

  When she lifted her head, she had a satisfied look on her face, which helped with the still-present guilt he felt.

  Alexander sat up, took her by the arms, and brought her so she was lying on top of him. He raked his fingers through her hair and kissed her, plunging his tongue inside her mouth.

  When he released her, they were both breathing hard. “Thank you, gattina.”

  She smiled back at him. “Anytime, Sir.”

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  Chapter 19

  The next morning Grace didn’t wake up alone. Alexander was still in bed beside her, his back propped up against the headboard, reading. It took her a few moments to realize that he had the romance novel she’d been reading in his hands.

  Before the anxiety could really take hold, he looked over and met her gaze. The expression on his face was unreadable. “You’re awake.”

  She sat up, holding the blankets to her chest, which was kind of silly considering what they’d done the night before. “Morning.”

  Alexander closed the book and placed it on the nightstand before facing her again. He moved closer, bringing one hand up to cup her face. “How did you sleep?”

  “Good.” In truth, she’d slept better than she had in a long time, most likely due to the multitude of orgasms he’d given her. “How about you?”

  “Very well, thank you.” He grinned, although there was still something there in his eyes she couldn’t put her finger on, and brushed his thumb along her cheekbone. His touch had all her nerve endings coming alive. “Do you have plans with your mom and sister today?”

  Grace swallowed. Her mouth was really dry all of a sudden and it had nothing to do with his question. “Yes. Dinner.”

  He hummed. “What time is that?”

  “Noon.” She was whispering, but she had no idea why. It wasn’t as if anyone could hear them.

  “Anything you need to do before then?” His voice had this sensual tone to it that had her pressing her legs together under the covers, seeking friction.

  “No.”

  The smile on his face got bigger. “Good.”

  Her breath hitched as he began to move. But instead of coming toward her, he went in the opposite direction and placed his feet on the floor before easing himself into a standing position. She hadn’t missed how he’d favored his leg, making sure he was steady on his feet before turning to her and holding out his hand.

  Grace blinked several times then took his offering and let him help her up. He led her into the bathroom, stopping right inside the door. “Do you need me to give you a minute?”

  Grace was grateful he’d asked. She didn’t think she could go to the bathroom in front of him. “Yes, please.”

  “Open the door when you’re done.” He stepped out of the room, pulling the door closed behind him.

  She swiftly did her business, and after washing her hands, she gave her teeth a once-over with her toothbrush. A glance in the mirror told her that her hair was standing on end, but she let it go for now.

  Alexander was waiting right outside the door when she cracked it open. He strolled inside and wrapped his arm around her waist, giving her a hard kiss. “I figure we both need a shower after last night.”

  A blush stained her cheeks at the reminder. She’d had no shame last night, begging him to come in her mouth.

  Without a word, Alexander turned on the shower and adjusted the temperature. Once he was satisfied, he helped her step into the tub and followed after her.

  The water was warm, filling the room with steam. He took his time washing her hair for her before grabbing her body wash and working his way down her body, making sure every inch of her was clean. Nothing he did was overly sexual, but her body didn’t seem to get the message. By the time he turned her so she could rinse off, she was primed and ready.

  He didn’t touch her, though. Not the way she wanted him to. He grabbed the body wash and went to work cleaning himself from head to toe. She was left standing there vibrating with pent-up sexual energy while he washed away the evidence of their night together.

  Grace was caught a bit off guard when the water shut off. She’d been so focused on watching the movements of his body that she hadn’t realized he was done.

  They both stepped out, drying their feet on the mat she kept on the floor.

  “Towels in here?” he asked, tilting his head toward the linen closet.

  She nodded, words seeming to leave her as she watched the muscles in his thighs flex as he moved. He really was in great shape considering he’d spent six months in a VA hospital recovering from his injuries.

  He removed two large towels, placed one on the counter, and unfolded the other. She went to reach for the one he’d set on the counter, but before she could, he began drying her off with the towel in his hands. It was a caring gesture, but all it did was make her want him more. Since when had she become such a horny mess?

  When he was done, he wrapped the towel around her torso.

  “Thanks.”

  He sent her a panty-dropping grin that had her clenching her thighs together again, and picked up the towel he’d laid on the counter. She thought about asking if she could dry him off as he’d done for her, but before she could, he was done. He secured the towel around his waist and they headed back to the bedroom.

  “Would you like to go out to breakfast?” He gathered his clothes from where he’d discarded them on the floor. Considering he had nothing else with him, he was going to have to put his dirty clothes back on. She wished s
he had something else to offer him, but she didn’t think the few things she had left of Kurt’s world fit Alexander.

  Much to her surprise, thinking about her husband didn’t have her feeling as if she were going to fall into some sort of abyss as it had in the past. Grace still missed him and she probably always would, but the prospect of going on without him wasn’t as scary as it had been. She was moving on exactly how he wanted her to.

  She slipped on a pair of pink panties and some jeans. “I can cook.”

  They ended up sitting at her kitchen table twenty minutes later eating bacon and eggs. It felt comfortable, natural, to have Alexander sitting there beside her, eating his breakfast. She liked having him here even though there were still those moments of guilt that would pop up. Grace kept having to remind herself that this was what Kurt wanted.

  The thought had her pausing mid-bite. Had it been what Kurt wanted? Not the moving on part, but Alexander. Was it Kurt’s plan all along for Alexander to become her Dom? Was that why he’d asked Alexander to deliver the letter to her in person? Had he known about Alexander’s lifestyle? These were questions she would probably never know the answers to.

  “Everything okay?” Alexander had noticed she’d stopped eating.

  She tried to smile. “Yeah. Just thinking.”

  He gave her his full attention. “Anything you want to talk about?”

  While she knew she could tell him her thoughts, they were too fresh. Instead, she told him the other worry on her mind. “Gabby stopped by Friday night. She saw me all dressed up and wanted to know if I had a date. I told her you were taking me to a club.” Grace paused. “I didn’t tell her what club, of course.”

  “Of course.” Alexander wiped his mouth and took hold of her hand. “And you don’t know what to tell her about us.”

  Grace nodded.

  He turned her hand over and pressed his lips to her open palm. It sent tingles up her arm in the most delicious way. “Would it be easier if you told her we were dating?”

  “I don’t know,” Grace admitted. “She’s going to question me either way.”