Getting Away with Murder?

by Anne Morice

‘Which is what most people go to the theatre for.’

  ‘Well, as long as they haven’t transposed As You Like It to a prisoner-of-war camp, with an all-male cast, I suppose I could stand it. When is it?’

  ‘Wednesday night and Thursday matinée, and I should imagine you’d be safe. So far as I can tell, the only innovation is that Jacques is played by a boy in his twenties, but I’ve no objection to that. I’ve heard young men pontificating just as often as elderly ones.’

  I looked up at this point, to say good evening to an elderly one who had just entered the bar, accompanied by his wife. After the barest hesitation, they returned the greeting and sat down at a corner table. Mr Fellowes then called out for a large whisky and a dry sherry, though refraining, to my disappointment, from clapping his hands and addressing the barman as ‘Boy’.

  ‘Want to bet?’ Robin asked, having glanced up and away from them again in the space of two seconds.

  ‘If you like.’

  ‘I’ll lay a pound he’s a retired bank manager, now following the advice which he hands out to so many of his pensioned customers and living in the Algarve.’

  ‘You’re on! I know for a fact that gin and tonic is the staple drink there. And I’ll have another bet on the side.’

  ‘What’s that?’

  ‘That we’ll find out which of us is right before we go into dinner. Come on, I’m getting curvature of the spine, perched up here. Let’s go and sit down comfortably.’

  ‘Would you mind if we pinched your ashtray?’ I asked, getting up again a few minutes later. ‘I see you’re not using it and there isn’t one on our table.’

  ‘Oh, please do! Delighted!’ Mr Fellowes assured me, with old-world colonial charm, but his wife said in a drawly, amused voice:

  ‘I think you’ll find yours on the table behind you. I noticed you put it there before you sat down.’

  ‘Did I really? How very stupid of me!’

  Robin intervened at this point by saying: ‘You must excuse Tessa. She would stoop to any gambit to enlarge her circle of friends.’

  I considered this to be a graceful way of putting it and Mrs Fellowes evidently agreed, for she went one better: ‘And it has saved us the trouble of inventing one of our own. Charles and I have been feeling so bored by the prospect of another evening with no one to talk to but each other.’

  Mr Fellowes looked faintly startled to hear this, but Robin said:

  ‘Then why don’t we join you, but only on condition that I may order you both another drink!’

  ‘Oh, very kind! Mine’s a whisky and I expect Avril would like a dry sherry, wouldn’t you, Avril?’

  ‘I’m sure Mr Price knows that already, dear.’

  ‘Tessa?’

  ‘Not yet, thank you. This place is strangely deserted, isn’t it? In view of its reputation, I’d have expected it to be packed out.’

  ‘Oh well, Monday evening, you know, my dear. It will doubtless fill up as the week goes on. By Friday I daresay we shan’t be able to move.’

  ‘You’re staying for the racing?’

  ‘And beyond, I regret to say. It’s not what one would have chosen, but we’re likely to be here indefinitely, as far as I can see. Oh, thank you, Kenneth,’ Mrs Fellowes added, as the barman arrived with their drinks. ‘This is rather like the first night out, don’t you think, Mrs Price? Here we are, complete strangers, drifting along in a timeless world, and by the end of the voyage we shall know all about each other and be swearing eternal friendship.’

  ‘Never to meet again, I daresay,’ Mr Fellowes remarked, sounding as though this was the best part, but I thoroughly approved of the simile, for it corresponded so well with the image I had created for her. I could just picture the stately P & O liner carving its majestic way through the Indian Ocean. And there was Mrs Fellowes, in a brocade evening dress, with a wisp of crimson gauze round her hair, to protect it from the salt breeze, emerging from her cabin on A deck, to dine at the Captain’s Table.

  ‘Not that I’ve ever been on a long sea voyage,’ she added, ‘but I was brought up on Somerset Maugham.’

  ‘Avril’s a great reader,’ her husband explained.

  ‘Yes, indeed! It is one of the few things which reconciles me to staying in hotels. How about you, Mrs Price? But perhaps you have to spend too much time reading your lines to have much time left over for books?’

  ‘Tessa was brought up on Hollywood films,’ Robin told her.

  ‘Oh, lucky you! And are they what inspired you to become an actress?’

  ‘Yes, I think they may have been.’

  ‘And have you been to Hollywood yourself since then?’

  ‘Only once.’

  ‘Oh, but how fascinating! Do tell us about it! The cinema is another of my passions in life and I’ve always longed to see Hollywood. The nearest we ever got to it was Disneyland, which Charles adored, but I have to confess I found it rather boring. I don’t suppose you ever met Cary Grant, by any chance?’

  So there it was. Not unrewarding, naturally, and I reeled off a few well tried anecdotes which usually went down well, but whatever chance there had been of gathering information about the life and times of Mr and Mrs Fellowes had been snatched away. As Robin was quick to point out, when they left us to go into dinner.

  ‘You would appear to have met your match there, Tessa. Round one to Mrs Fellowes, I think?’

  ‘Yes, and that in itself was quite revealing,’ I said, struggling to regroup my scattered forces.

  ‘That’s good! What did it reveal?’

  ‘That she has something to hide. I now see them as a couple of smooth and high-powered crooks. I expect he acquired the suntan in Bermuda, where they have spent the past three weeks getting the cash laundered.’

  ‘What makes you think so?’

  ‘The accomplished way she fended off any questions about themselves. In my experience, most people welcome them, unless they have something to hide. The difficulty usually is to drag them away from the subject.’

  ‘Well, perhaps bank managers’ wives are exceptional in that way and, in any case, reticence doesn’t necessarily imply something disgraceful. Shall we go and have dinner too? It may give you the strength to work out a new plan of attack.’

  ‘No, I think I shall follow your example. I must try to remember that we are here to enjoy ourselves and not to go looking below the surface for things which don’t concern us.’

  When we stood up Kenneth came over to collect the glasses and Robin, who appeared to have become very chummy with him, although adopting the rather obsequious manner which men often use to people of that calling, remarked:

  ‘Those are nice people we were talking to. Do they come here a lot?’

  ‘Used to, not any more. Mr Fellowes retired a year or so ago and they went to live in the Caribbean. Virgin Islands, I guess it would be.’

  ‘What did he do before he retired?’ I asked, breaking the minute-old resolution.

  ‘Estate agency, ma’am. His firm handled all the really big stuff in this area. His sons run the business now.’

  Robin showed no more than a polite interest in this information, merely pointing out that I had lost one bet and won the other, but it made a deeper impression on me. During the short distance between the bar and the dining room I decided that perhaps after all I was not yet ready to devote myself exclusively to unwinding.

  DAY TWO

  (1)

  The next morning nothing had changed. The sun still shone and the sheep were still mooching about on the landscape in exactly the same formation as they had been the day before, and for the past decade, for all I knew. Even the knowledge that Mr Fellowes had once been a power in the estate agency world no longer inspired me. By the time we had finished breakfast, which Louisa had wheeled in on a trolley, and waded through every last word of two newspapers it was ten o’clock, which meant three hours to go before lunch.

  So I engaged in my second battle with the crossword and then, when Robin had incarcerated him
self in the bathroom, did what came naturally when faced with a crisis in my affairs, which was to pick up the telephone and dial my cousin Toby’s number at Roakes Common.

  It went on ringing for a minute and a half, but I was not deterred, for I knew it was too early for him to have gone out. It was more likely that he hoped, by ignoring it, to induce whoever was calling him to go away and leave him in peace. This proved to be correct and on about the sixtieth ring he lifted the receiver, saying:

  ‘Is that you, Tessa?’

  ‘How did you guess?’

  ‘My sixth sense. What’s the matter? Bored already?’

  ‘Whatever gave you that idea?’

  ‘My common sense. You don’t mean something’s happened?’

  ‘No, nothing has happened, or is ever likely to. Now you mention it, I believe I am just the tiniest bit bored. If only I had some knitting it wouldn’t be so bad. I think Robin is getting to that stage too, although nothing would make him admit it.’

  ‘He doesn’t know how to knit and neither do you.’

  ‘We could learn. God knows, this is the moment for it. In fact, though, Toby, my real object in ringing is to tell you that you have been leaping up in my estimation.’

  ‘Oh well, in that case, the holiday hasn’t been entirely wasted. What, in particular, is so wonderful about me?’

  ‘For all these years I’ve been deluding myself that your capacity for doing nothing for weeks on end sprang from laziness. I now see my mistake.’

  ‘You call writing plays nothing?’

  ‘Well, no, naturally not, but you must admit that you don’t churn them out on a conveyor belt. Most of the time, they’re just an excuse not to do anything else, which is where I underestimated you. I saw it as the easy way out, but I’ve now realised that it takes hard work and discipline.’

  ‘Oh well, it hasn’t always been easy, I admit, but I made up my mind early in life what I didn’t want to do and I’ve tried to stick to it.’

  ‘I wish I knew your secret.’

  ‘I’ll help you in any way I can. How would it be if I were to ask Mrs Parkes to send you a ball of wool and some needles?’

  ‘Better than nothing, but it would take ages. What I’d really like is for you to bring them over yourself this afternoon.’

  ‘My dear Tessa, have you gone mad? I thought it was the kind of foolhardy thing you have been praising me for not doing?’

  ‘ I know, but according to the AA book we’re only eighty miles from Oxford, which means about the same from Roakes, and you wouldn’t be bothered by the telephone once you were on the road. Also there isn’t anything at all to do when you get here, so you won’t even have to work at it. You’ll be in your element.’

  ‘I suppose, when you put it like that, it does sound rather tempting, but would they have a vacancy at such short notice?’

  ‘They’re packed out with vacancies. You can take your pick, with high-born girls to bring you tea in bed.’

  ‘I realise that you would invent any old tale to get your own way, but isn’t this rather a different tune from the one you were singing last week? I was given to understand that it was only through knowing people who were well placed in the Inns of Court that you were able to squeeze in at all.’

  ‘That’s what we though and perhaps it was true once. Not any more, though. It’s like the grave now. A very comfortable, mink lined grave, I hasten to add. I don’t know what’s gone wrong, but there’s hardly a customer in sight. They even conned Robin into signing on for three meals a day in advance, so do remember to ask for bed and breakfast only. On second thoughts, perhaps you’d like me to make the reservations for you?’

  ‘I wouldn’t particularly like it, but it might be preferable to staying here and being rung up every ten minutes.’

  ‘Oh, thank you, Toby. I knew we could rely on you.’

  ‘Who was on the telephone?’ Robin asked.

  ‘Toby.’

  ‘Oh, really? What’s he up to?’

  ‘He’s planning to join us for a day or two.’

  ‘Is he, indeed? I thought he hated sleeping in strange beds?’

  ‘He does, as a rule, but I painted it in such glowing colours that he couldn’t resist coming to try it for himself. I hope I haven’t overdone it.’

  Due no doubt to some kindly intervention on the part of our guardian angel, there happened to be a vacant room on the same floor as ours, just across the passage, in fact.

  ‘I’m afraid it doesn’t have the view, though,’ Louisa said, looking worried about it.

  ‘Never mind, he can always come and feast himself on ours.’

  ‘And he’ll be arriving this evening? Jolly good! I take it he’ll want full pension?’

  ‘Well, no . . . that might be risky. He’s on a diet, you see.’

  ‘Not to worry. Just ask him to let us know what he can and can’t eat and Jake will make sure it’s specially prepared for him.’

  ‘What service!’ I said weakly.

  ‘Oh well, we aim to please. Which reminds me, Tessa, I do hope you and Robin weren’t kept awake by that radio blaring away last night?’

  ‘What radio?’

  ‘Someone left one switched on in the room next to yours. I didn’t notice it until I brought your breakfast up. Rather mysterious, really, because Number Four isn’t occupied at present, so I can’t imagine what anyone was doing there in the first place. Still, not to worry, so long as it didn’t disturb you. Is there anything else you need?’

  ‘No, thanks. Except. . . . Is there a village within walking distance?’

  ‘Mattingly Bottom is the nearest. A couple of miles, if you take the path through the fields. Not much to see when you get there, though.’

  ‘No wool shop?’

  ‘No, you’d have to go to Chissingfield for that.’

  ‘Perhaps we’ll try there this afternoon, but the first thing is to get an appetite for lunch, so we may as well start at the Bottom.’

  After settling this business, I went out on to the terrace, where Robin, with his back to me, was talking to Mrs Fellowes, who was looking like exiled Royalty in her shell-pink silk dress and pearls.

  ‘Not only distressing for you, but worrying too, I imagine,’ I heard him say.

  ‘Yes, you’re so right, Mr Price. Very worrying, and boring as well, I’m afraid. Ah, and here is your wife! Is everything arranged, my dear? I hear that we are soon to have the opportunity of meeting the celebrated Toby Crichton? Things are looking up at Mattingly Grange.’

  ‘You’ve heard of Toby?’

  ‘But of course! Charles and I are great fans. Don’t look so surprised.’

  ‘It’s just that, since you spend so much time abroad, I wouldn’t have expected his name to mean anything to you.’

  ‘We don’t have the same opportunities for going to the theatre as we used to, it’s true. That’s the price we pay for all the year round sunshine, but when we’re over here we try to pack in as many shows as we can, to make up for it. I sometimes think that we expatriates see more plays than you people who spend all your lives here.’

  ‘Yes, I expect so. Like living in London and never setting foot in Westminster Abbey.’

  ‘Yes, indeed! Well, you have a lovely morning for your walk, so I mustn’t keep you. At least, let it not be said that you spent a whole week here without ever setting foot outside the hotel grounds.’

  Accepting the dismissal, we took our leave and I said to Robin, as we walked down the steps to the lawn:

  ‘How did she know we might stay for a whole week, when we’ve only booked in for two nights?’

  ‘Been pumping the management, perhaps. As I warned you, you may have met your match in that one. I’ve a feeling there’s a very shrewd brain ticking away behind the languid manner, and that she’s mastered the trick of finding out all she needs to know, without giving much away in return. After all, what a splendid wife she would have made for a diplomat! Little does she know where her true vocation lay.’ />
  ‘Although she does seem to have given something away to you. Why has she call to feel worried and distressed?’

  ‘It was like a game of poker. I am afraid she has already discovered what my job is and she wanted some information from me, which she could only get by imparting some of her own.’

  ‘What did she tell you?’

  ‘Why they are here. They hadn’t intended to come to England for another six weeks, when they would have moved back into their own house for the summer. It was on the outskirts of Chissingfield.’

  ‘Was? Has it now moved somewhere else?’

  ‘It was burnt down three weeks ago.’

  ‘Oh, so that’s why she doesn’t know how long they’ll be staying. How did it happen?’

  ‘She didn’t say, but evidently there’s a whiff of arson in the air. She wanted my opinion as to how long it might take for the wheels to grind and the insurance company to pay up.’

  ‘Were you able to tell her?’

  ‘Of course not.’

  ‘Well, at least in this case no suspicion could fall on the owners, since presumably they were in the Virgin Islands when it happened?’

  ‘On the other hand, they have two grown up sons who were just round the corner when it happened.’

  ‘But Kenneth told us they own the business now. If they wanted to raise money on the house all they had to do was to sell it at a somewhat inflated price, as only they would know how. They didn’t have to burn it down.’

  ‘It may not be so simple as that. She was very cagey, as I told you, but I did manage to glean a few facts and it appears that the house has been up for sale for over a year and no one has shown much interest, so it’s obviously a bit of a white elephant.’

  ‘It seems a curious mistake for a man in Mr Fellowes’s position to have made. Saddling himself with a dud, when he could pick and choose.’

  ‘Well, it had been their family home for thirty or forty years, but fashions have changed. It’s a big, rambling, Victorian place, with no land to speak of. Just an acre or two, right on the edge of the town. That suited the Fellowes all right, but nowadays people who can afford a house of that size, with all the expense of keeping it up, want a lot of land to go with it. One way and another, the land has become more valuable than the buildings.’