Cat Me If You Can

by Miranda James

  Melba caught my eye and nodded. I thought that meant her talk with Paul had gone well, and she was no longer worried. I hoped that was the correct interpretation, but I would have to verify it later.

  “All right, then,” Miss An’gel said after a suitable pause to hear objections. “Then let us pretend we are in Nero Wolfe’s office in the brownstone at 454 West 35th Street. I will be Nero, and Charlie will be Archie.”

  I heard a couple of coughing fits, quickly suppressed, and I suspected that Melba was the source of one of them and Johnny Ray of the other. I simply smiled and dipped my head in acknowledgment of Miss An’gel’s statement.

  “Let us begin.” Miss An’gel resumed her seat in the large armchair supplied by the hotel. There was no desk, but the armchair was suggestive enough, I thought, of Wolfe. “Elmore, let’s start with you.”

  Elmore’s eyes almost bugged out. “Me? Why me?”

  “You’re as good a place to start as any,” Miss An’gel replied blandly. “Think back over the last few days. If I remember correctly, you mentioned seeing Denis Kilbride in a bar the night he arrived. Tell us about that.”

  Elmore frowned. “I don’t know that I have much to tell. Burdine and I went out for a walk like we often do at home before we go to bed. We walked down the street a ways, and we saw this bar was open. Burdine said she wouldn’t mind a drink before bed, and we were going to go in and have one. She spotted Denis Kilbride through the window, and we decided against it. So we walked a little farther, then turned around and came back to the hotel. We went upstairs and got ready for bed.”

  “About what time was this?” Miss An’gel asked.

  Elmore glanced at his wife as if seeking the answer. Burdine didn’t respond. “I reckon it was somewhere between ten-thirty and eleven when we got back to the hotel.”

  “Which way did you go when you left the hotel for your walk?” Miss An’gel said.

  Elmore considered that, then said, “We turned right outside the hotel and walked that way.”

  “Burdine, do you agree with what Elmore has told us?” Miss An’gel asked.

  “I do, except that I think it was a little after eleven when we got back to the hotel,” Burdine said. “Why would we lie about something so ordinary?”

  “That’s a good question.” Miss An’gel smiled. “Kanesha, I believe you have a contribution to make.”

  Kanesha stepped forward. “The Asheville police canvassed all the bars within a mile radius of the hotel. None of the bartenders recall seeing Denis Kilbride before when they were given a picture of him.”

  “So what does that prove?” Burdine said. “He might not have stayed long enough in the bar for anyone to remember him. We saw him.”

  Kanesha shrugged and stepped back in place by the door.

  “I saw him, I tell you. I don’t care what the police say,” Burdine insisted.

  “Would you believe what the medical examiner had to say about the time of death?” Miss An’gel asked.

  Burdine nodded. “Maybe.”

  “The medical examiner places Denis Kilbride’s death as early as eleven o’clock, give or take a few minutes,” Miss An’gel said. “If he was killed around eleven, then how could you have seen him in the bar, twice, when you say you didn’t get back to your room until eleven or a little after?”

  Elmore looked stunned by this information, but Burdine scowled. “As early as eleven, you said. But how late? Isn’t there usually a range of an hour or more? The medical examiner couldn’t pinpoint it that accurately, surely. There would have to be other evidence fixing the time at eleven.”

  “Good point,” Miss An’gel said. “The range of possibility is between eleven and twelve or twelve-thirty, I believe. Is that correct, Kanesha?”

  “Yes, the medical examiner was able to narrow it down. I’m not at liberty to tell you how,” Kanesha said.

  This was news to me, of course. Burdine had obviously lied about seeing Denis Kilbride in the bar. Trying to establish an alibi for herself. By Elmore’s reaction, I wondered whether he had been involved in the murder.

  To my surprise, Miss An’gel addressed Ellie. “You saw Denis after the incident in this room, didn’t you, Ellie?”

  “Yes, you all saw me leave with him,” Ellie said. “I went up to his room with him and fixed him an ice pack for his jaw. I talked to him for about five minutes, I guess. I was begging him to leave the next morning and go back to Athena. There was no point in his staying here.”

  “Why did he burst into the room and accost Zac Ryan?” Miss An’gel said. “Did he tell you?”

  “We had talked about Zac over dinner. I didn’t really want to have dinner with Denis, but he begged me, and I finally just gave in,” Ellie said. “I guess the more he thought about Zac, the angrier he got. He wanted to blame Zac for the problems between us. He thought Zac had been trying to turn me against him by talking about their relationship. He said Zac kept pursuing him, though Zac swore he wasn’t interested.” She hesitated. “I guess I did sort of blame Zac, too, but I know it wasn’t Zac’s fault, not really. It was all on Denis for being unfaithful.”

  “Then why did he try to kill himself?” Burdine asked. “We all saw him, right here in this room.”

  “I’m glad you asked that. Kanesha,” Miss An’gel said. “I believe we’re ready.”

  Kanesha walked to the back of the room, behind Miss An’gel’s armchair, and rolled out a cart with a computer and monitor on it. “Just a moment while I get us hooked up,” she said. “Charlie, the lights.”

  I hurried to dim the lights so that any glare on the video screen would be reduced. We waited in tense silence while Kanesha fiddled with the equipment. Suddenly, Zac Ryan appeared on the screen, and a number of the group gasped or exclaimed. He was quite a sight with various tubes attached to him, but I think the primary shock was because he was still alive.

  “Thank goodness he didn’t die,” Celia Bernardi said.

  “Amen to that,” Melba said.

  Miss An’gel turned to the video screen. “Good evening, Zac. How are you?”

  I had moved closer to have a better view of the screen. Suddenly the camera zoomed in on Zac’s face, and I could see his wry smile.

  “I’ve been better, Miss An’gel,” he said. “But I’m alive.”

  “I’m thankful that you are, Zac,” Miss An’gel said. “I’m sure you know by now that Benjy found a suicide note that fell out of your pocket when he and Kanesha were doing CPR on you.”

  Zac gave a weak laugh. “Yes, I heard about that note,” he said. “I didn’t write any such thing, and I don’t know how it got in my pocket. If it ever really was in my pocket.”

  A ripple of murmuring ran through the group. I focused on Burdine, and she was obviously shocked.

  “Do you remember who you were talking to just before you collapsed? Or who might have been near you?” Miss An’gel asked.

  “No, not really,” Zac said, and in the silence that followed, I would have sworn I heard someone exhale.

  “Thank you, Zac,” Miss An’gel said. “We don’t want to tire you any further. You concentrate on recuperating.”

  “Will do,” Zac said. “It’s on you, Charlie.” The screen went blank.

  “What did he mean by that?” Melba demanded.

  “Private joke,” I said.

  Miss An’gel reclaimed everyone’s attention.

  “As you have probably figured out, Zac was nearly murdered,” she said. “Only the killer knew about the planted suicide note. It really was a rather clumsy device, don’t you think? Surely a member of this group could have come up with something better.”

  There was no response to the disdain in her voice. If she had hoped to goad the killer into giving himself away, it didn’t work.

  Miss An’gel eyed the group for a moment.

  “Very well, let
us move on,” she said. “There was one fact in Denis Kilbride’s life that most of you were unaware of. He had affairs with both men and women, and I believe that is connected to his murder.”

  “No, you can’t do this.” Burdine burst into sobs.

  THIRTY-SIX

  Burdine continued to cry, and Miss An’gel watched her with a tremendous amount of sympathy, and that surprised me a little.

  “I’m afraid we must,” Miss An’gel said gently. “We can only get at the truth by discussing it.”

  I glanced at Ellie, not surprised to see her body rigid, her expression blank, as if she were trying to make herself invisible.

  Miss An’gel took a deep breath before she continued. “Archie—I mean Charlie—will now tell you more about Denis Kilbride’s secret life.”

  “I must preface what I’m about to tell you by saying that a lot of this rests on information from persons outside the group. I believe the information is reliable and that it bears strongly on what happened here. If necessary, I’m sure the authorities will be able to verify it all.” I paused to survey the room. Burdine’s head was bowed, and Elmore’s attention seemed focused on his wife. Everyone else was watching me intently.

  “Denis met other men from Athena in Memphis.” I took a steadying breath and stole another glance at Burdine and Elmore, both now watching me. Their faces were ashen, and I thought Burdine might break at any moment.

  “Denis wasn’t interested in forming a lasting attachment with a man. But one man made the mistake of falling in love with Denis, only to get spurned as a result. That led directly to his death.”

  “You can’t do this,” Burdine said again. “My son was not gay; he wasn’t in love with another man.”

  Elmore regarded her pityingly as he slipped an arm around her. “It’s no use, honey. You can’t change the facts no matter how much you deny it.”

  “Denis didn’t cause your son’s death. He perhaps didn’t act honorably in the way he treated Todd, but he didn’t kill him,” Miss An’gel said gently. “I know we all grieve with you for the loss of your son, but Todd made his own decision, didn’t he?”

  “Are you saying that Burdine killed Denis in revenge for causing her son’s death?” Melba asked. “How horrible. And that poor maid, too.”

  “I didn’t kill Denis,” Burdine said. Elmore remained mute beside her. I thought he had withdrawn completely from the rest of us, locked in a private hell.

  “Then why did you lie about seeing him in that bar down the street?” Miss An’gel asked.

  Burdine suddenly seemed to collapse in on herself. I could think of no other way to describe it. “Because I was in his room around eleven. He was drunk, and he actually had the nerve to call me about his back. He used to come to our clinic, and he wanted me to give him an adjustment.”

  “Feeling about him the way you did,” Miss An’gel asked, “why did you go to his room?”

  “My hands are still very strong,” Burdine said unexpectedly. “I thought he’d given me the perfect chance to kill him and get away with it. I went to his room prepared to choke the life out of him. He had left the door open for me, and I went in.” She paused to swallow. “He was passed out on the bed, and I thought, well, it will be easier this way.” She burst into tears again and covered her face with her hands.

  Miss An’gel waited for her to recover a little. “And then you killed him?”

  Burdine shook her head. “I couldn’t. I wanted to, but I couldn’t bring myself to touch him.”

  I was thunderstruck. I was so sure that Burdine had killed Denis Kilbride because she thought he was responsible for her son’s suicide. I couldn’t deny the power of Burdine’s confession, though. I believed her. She didn’t kill Denis because she couldn’t bear to touch him. Her homophobia obviously ran really deep. I felt even more compassion for her son.

  So who killed him and Cora Apfel?

  Miss An’gel nodded at Elmore. “What do you have to say to all this?”

  Elmore shifted uneasily in his chair. He surprised us all, I thought, with his next words. “I figured Todd was gay by the time he was a teenager. Burdine was blind to it, but the signs were all there. It wasn’t what I wanted for my son, but he was a good boy, and I loved him.” He paused to pull out a handkerchief and wipe his eyes.

  “I knew he was getting up to mischief in Memphis,” Elmore said, “but I couldn’t stop him once he turned eighteen. He dated girls occasionally, brought some of them home, and we thought he might settle down and get married. He never did, though. Just didn’t seem to love any of those girls.”

  Burdine sobbed loudly, and Elmore took a moment to try to comfort her before he resumed. “He never mentioned any boys, though. Later on, as he got older, he seemed to settle down, but he still didn’t marry. A couple of years ago, I overheard him on the phone talking to someone, and I knew it had to be another man. Todd was happy, laughing, in a way I hadn’t heard him do since he was a kid.

  “Found out later it was Kilbride he was talking to,” Elmore continued. “I thought, well, maybe it’s time to tell him just to go ahead and be happy, despite the way we felt about him being gay. But later on he wasn’t that happy.”

  “That bastard broke my son’s heart.” Burdine spat out the words, her expression twisted into a mask of hate.

  “He did,” Elmore said wearily. “Todd killed himself. He’d always suffered some from depression. Got it from his mother. He finally couldn’t bear the pain anymore.”

  “Did you kill Denis Kilbride?” Miss An’gel asked quietly.

  Elmore nodded. “I went up after Burdine came back. She told me where she’d gone and what she planned to do. I decided to finish it. For Todd.”

  “What about Cora Apfel?” Miss An’gel asked. “Why did you kill her?”

  Elmore shook his head. “I didn’t, and I didn’t try to kill Zac, either.”

  We all looked at Burdine.

  “What about Cora?” Miss An’gel said, her voice hardening.

  Burdine looked up at the ceiling as she spoke. “I had kept the pin after Elmore used it on Denis. I’d told Elmore I had found it, after he dropped it on the top of the bureau when he came back from Denis’s room. I should have hid it in my purse but I didn’t. That maid found it that morning. I caught her snooping in our room. She had found her pin, and she also had a small brooch of mine in her hand, one of the last gifts Todd had ever given me. I followed her downstairs to this room and was telling her I wouldn’t complain to the manager about her going through my things.

  “I asked her about her narcolepsy, and she laughed. She told me she faked it when she thought she was going to be caught. She even offered to show me how she did it. Right here on the sofa. I had asked to look at the pin more closely and so she’d handed it to me. She went into her fake-sleeping routine and I stuck her pin in her heart. I knew once the autopsy results were in, she would know what Elmore had done. She had to go.”

  “You removed Denis’s medications while you were in his room, didn’t you?” Miss An’gel said.

  “I did.” Burdine frowned. “I’m not sure why I did it. I guess maybe I thought he might have a heart attack without them. Then Elmore told me he had killed Denis. I guess I should have flushed the drugs, but they came in handy later. I crushed some of the pills up and poured the powder into Zac’s drink. He would be the perfect scapegoat. I hated him, too. I saw the way he flirted with men.” The venom in her tone sickened me. With that kind of hatred in her, I fully understood Todd’s despair.

  Kanesha came forward and stopped in front of Elmore and Burdine. “You need to come with me now.” The Gregorys stood, and Kanesha escorted them out.

  After the door closed behind them, Miss An’gel spoke again. “I know this was traumatic for all of you, and I apologize for any distress this has caused, but we had to get to the truth.”

  “It’s okay wi
th me,” Johnny Ray said gruffly. “We were all under a cloud until this was finished, and now it’s over.”

  “Yes, it is,” Celia said, “and I feel so sorry for Burdine and Elmore. How much they suffered, losing their son like that.”

  “I get that,” Benjy said. “I would be upset, too, but they went too far. If only Burdine had been more understanding.” He shook his head. “Elmore sounded like he was more tolerant.”

  “Betrayal was a huge factor, too,” Melba said. “Denis betrayed Todd, who was in love with him.”

  “Denis was good at betrayal,” Ellie said, her expression sad. “Poor Todd. I had no idea about him.”

  “Denis was a cad,” Helen Louise said angrily.

  “You’ll get no argument from me,” Miss An’gel said.

  “Nor me,” Miss Dickce added.

  “He was a jackass,” Paul Bowen said. “I agree with the ladies. That’s not how you behave. I wish he’d had the courage to be who he was, openly. He caused a lot of heartache, and I’m sure he suffered it himself.”

  “But he didn’t deserve to be murdered,” I said. “And Cora certainly didn’t. The police might have eventually gotten around to her hatpin, if Burdine had simply let her have it back. But chances are they wouldn’t have. Cora needn’t have been killed. I can’t forgive that, Burdine’s outdated attitudes, or her attempt to kill Zac. I understand her rage about her son’s suicide, but murder wasn’t the way to handle it.”

  “No, you’re right, it wasn’t,” Helen Louise said.

  Diesel rubbed himself against my legs. I knew he must be confused to some extent by all the emotions in the room, and I was thankful he hadn’t freaked out in the middle of everything. It was time, though, to take him upstairs and let him be quiet and feel safe.

  “I don’t think there’s any more to be said.” I held out my hand to Helen Louise. “We’re going upstairs. We’ll see you all later.”