“Excuse me boys, but can we please just stop talking about who’s shagging who. Have we got our own room, babe?” Jimmie asked Len.
“Yes, babe. There’s no way we’re gonna be sharing with Marley, not the way he’s been behaving.”
I looked up at Sean and then across to Len. “Why, how’s he been behaving?”
“Like a whore,” the boys both said at once and then laughed.
“What about drugs? Has he been stoned all the time?”
The boys looked across at each other guiltily. Great! They had probably all been stoned the entire time.
Sean shrugged and pulled me in for another kiss. “Let’s not talk about Marley. You can talk to him later. We’re all going for an early dinner before the show.”
We pulled up at the hotel, and Jim and I just stared with our mouths open.
“We’re stayin’ at the Ritz? Fuckin’ hell, George, we’re stayin’ at the Ritz.” Jimmie barely contained her excitement as we stepped out of the limo.
“Our bags,” I said to Sean as he grabbed my hand and started to lead me inside.
“Don’t worry about them, G. Milo or the bell boys will bring them up.”
Well, Sean seems to have adapted to this lifestyle pretty quickly.
I travelled up to our room in a complete daze. I had stayed in some nice hotels with my parents but nothing as swanky as The Ritz. Our rooms were decorated nicely but not over the top. As soon as the door closed behind us, Sean pulled me in for the longest of kisses and then he just held me for a few moments, kissing my hair, my jaw, and my neck, all the while breathing me in.
“I’ve missed you so much, G. I’m so glad you’re here.”
We spent the next couple of hours reacquainting ourselves with each other. In the five-and-a-half years we’d known each other, this was the longest we’d ever been apart. Despite the fact that we’d had sex for the past couple of years, I wasn’t really sexually aware or experienced at that stage of my life. I was sixteen and probably having more sex than an average twenty-five year old, but that was only because I was with Sean. If he hadn’t come along, I’d probably have still been a virgin. The boys at school didn’t interest me. Actually, most of them gave me a wide berth because they knew who my boyfriend was, and of course, because I had three big brothers.
I had a fairly decent figure, but I didn’t dress in a sexy way. I wasn’t aware back then that I could turn heads just by walking into a room. I didn’t lust after men or boys. It was just Sean, only Sean. Sex for me at that time was only about Sean, one didn’t exist without the other. In saying all of that, I’d bought new clothes and lingerie for the weekend. Things that were a little bit different for me. A skirt for one, and a leather skirt at that, and a pair of red heels.
My dad told me I looked like a Drury Lane whore in the outfit. My mum slapped him and told me I looked very sophisticated. I chose to believe my mum. She had great taste in clothes, and she helped me pick out the outfit I was going to wear to the show. We had a lovely girlie day shopping, and I had confessed to her that Sean and I were having sex.
Upon reflection, it was a bit of a wicked thing to do to her, the way I went about telling her... We were sitting in a restaurant in Romford town centre. My mum wouldn’t go to a McDonalds or a café. She had a favourite little Italian place that we always went to when we shopped there.
“So, you and Sean? It’s obviously still very serious between the two of you? This time apart hasn’t changed anything?”
I shook my head and looked down at my food. My mum had poured me half a glass of wine, and I took a big gulp. It was past one in the afternoon and I hadn’t eaten breakfast, so the wine instantly went to my head. I’d actually had no appetite since Sean had left ten days ago, and my dad had commented the night before that I was looking skinny. I wasn’t skinny, but I knew that I’d lost some weight, hence the rich, creamy seafood pasta dish I was now tucking into per my worried mum’s orders.
“Why would time apart change anything, Mum? I love him.”
“I know you do, babe, but you’re still so very young.”
“You’ve been with Dad since you were thirteen,” I replied, defiantly.
“That was twenty-five years ago, Georgia. Things were different. Lots of girls got married straight from school. We didn’t have the choices you girls have these days. The whole world is so much more accessible to you. There are so many more career opportunities available to women nowadays.” She took a long sip of her wine and refilled both of our glasses while I watched her. Her blue eyes were a lighter shade than mine were. Where her lashes and skin were fair, mine were dark. She was beautiful, but at that second, a frown marred her features and told me she was worried.
“We’ve always treated you like a grown-up, George. Being the youngest, we just expected more from you, and perhaps that wasn’t the right thing to do. You and Sean, you seem to be so serious about each other. You know he’s already spoken to your dad about marriage?”
I didn’t, but I wasn’t going to let her know that. “He loves me. We’ve spoken about marriage, and as soon as he has a deposit saved, we want to buy a house.”
“What about a job? For you, I mean. Would you not like a career?”
“How can I get a job if Sean is going to be travelling with the band? And he will be, Mum. I know they’re going to make it big. This tour and the new album are just the start, and I want to be there to support him. I want to be able to travel around the world with him. I don’t want to be stuck here in some poxy office, waiting for him to call or come home. These past ten days have been bad enough, but imagine how long he’ll be away when he’s touring the States?” I took a gulp of my wine.
“Okay, well, I understand that you’re in love right now, but what if things change? People do you know, you’ll be a different person by the time you’re twenty. You’ll want different things.”
“I’ll still want Sean. I will always want Sean.”
“Are you having sex with him, George? Are you sleeping together?”
My stomach lurched, and I thought for a second that I was going to bring my lunch up. My cheeks were burning.
My mum reached across the table and took my hand. “I’m your mum, George, but I’m also your friend. Talk to me.”
I nodded my head. “Yes, we’re having sex.”
“Are you being careful?”
I nodded again. “I’m on the pill.”
“How’d you get the pill? When? Why didn’t you ask me to come with you?”
“About a year,” I lied. It had been closer to two.
“Georgia, that’s illegal. You should have waited.”
“I told the doctor that my periods were really heavy and that my cramps were so terrible I couldn’t leave the house, so he put me on the pill. All the girls do it.”
“Well, it’s wrong. Is this Doctor Weeks? Did he put you on it? I’ll have something to say when I next see him.”
“No, Mum. I went to the family planning clinic. They gave me the pill and loads of condoms. They’d rather I was on the pill than pregnant, and so would I. We do want babies, but not yet. We want to see what happens with the band first. We don’t want to be taking a baby on tour with us, but I want to be a young mum like you were. We both want that.”
“Got it all worked out, haven’t you? You’re too old for your own good, George. Nobody knows at sixteen how their life is likely to turn out. We all think we know what we want, but the truth is, really, we have no idea. But, if you are sure Sean is the one and you’re already sleeping together, I will support you with whatever choices you make.” She wipes a tear from under her eye, being careful not to smudge her perfectly applied makeup.
“You’ll need me in your corner when it comes to convincing your dad to let you do anything until you’re at least eighteen. He wants you to stay on at school and do your A-levels.”
I shook my head no. “If Sean’s touring next year, then I’m going with him. He earns enough money to support me.
Dad can cut me off. He can do what he likes, but I’m leaving school and going with Sean.”
My mum took a deep breath in. “Well, if Sean is the one, we better go and find you something that will knock his socks off. Make him realise exactly what he’s got waiting for him at home and stop his eyes from wandering over all those groupies that follow the bands around.”
My stomach dropped to my feet again. Groupies! I hated that word. Jimmie and I had discussed them a few times, but we hadn’t really admitted to our fears. Lennon was only their manager, but he was still getting girls throwing themselves at him. He’d told her about them on the phone, but Sean had told me no such thing, not a word. He knew how I’d react. I had already thought about running away from home and getting a flight to whatever country he was in. I was so jealous it consumed my every waking moment. Thoughts of him and another woman even plagued my dreams, and they were the reason I had been unable to eat since he left. I trusted Sean, it was the women that I didn’t trust, and that was what some of them were, women… grown women, not sixteen-year-old school girls like me, and I hated it. Again, this wasn’t something I was going to admit to my mum, I wanted her to think that I had every faith in Sean and I did to a degree.
I stood in front of the mirror in the hotel room looking at myself. I’d sent Sean down to the bar, as I wanted to get dressed on my own. I’d tried this outfit on three times before I left England, but I still wasn’t confident enough to put it on in front of him. I wore a black leather mini skirt, a black-and-red banded striped jumper that hung off one shoulder, black fishnet stockings, and red patent-leather heels. My newly permed hair was big, and I had a pair of big, red hoop earrings in my ears with matching red-and-black bangles on my wrists. I sprayed myself once more with my new perfume, Coco, which I’d bought at the airport, picked up my black bag, and threw it across my left shoulder and across my chest so it rested on my right hip. Then, I left the room.
Sean had seen me naked numerous times. We’d bathed and showered together, he had kissed every square inch of my body, but I had never felt more nervous than I did walking into that bar. That was the first time I realised I could turn heads. A group of grown men that looked about thirty were all sitting around a table as I walked in, and one by one, they all looked up at me. One of them winked, which actually calmed me down a bit as I assumed it meant I looked okay.
“Hermosa,” I heard one of them say. I had no idea what that meant. I would ask the waiter later. I saw Sean and Lennon at the bar with their backs to me, but it was Marley that spotted me first.
“Fuckin’ hell, look at George!” I think was what he said.
I felt like everyone in the bar turned around and looked at me at once. Sean’s mouth dropped wide open. I think my mom and I achieved the desired effect, as I watched his mouth close then open again, and then I watched his throat move as he swallowed, hard. Jimmie nudged him from the bar stool she was sitting on, and he moved towards me. He stopped right in front of me and very gently ran his fingertips over my jaw and up across my lips.
“You look beautiful, G. Like one of them supermodels they keep on about in the papers. Except you’re more beautiful.”
I couldn’t speak. My mouth was so dry, and now, I felt like I was going to cry, so I said nothing and let him lead me by the hand to the bar. Marley pulled me in for a big hug. He looked terrible, skinny and gaunt, and his eyes looked sunken into his head. My mum would go mental when she saw him.
“Look at my baby sister, all grown-up. We can’t be calling her Porge anymore, can we Len? Can’t even call her George anymore, either. So now that you’re all grown-up, what do we call you?”
“Try Georgia, that’s my name,” I said to him.
He sounded like Marley, but he didn’t. He was talking too fast and too much. He kept sniffing and wiping his nose, and for some reason, I felt frightened. I wasn’t sure if it was of him or for him, though. I said hello to Billy and Tom. Their girlfriends weren’t there that night, they were flying in the following weekend and staying for the last week. My mum was working on my dad to let me fly back for the end of the tour, but I was keeping that to myself. I hadn’t even told Jim. If I were allowed to come, I wanted it to be a surprise for Sean.
Fifteen minutes later, we all piled into the stretch limo waiting outside the hotel. I had a cocktail at the hotel bar and my head was swimming, but it didn’t stop me enjoying a glass of champagne after Lennon popped the cork and filled our glasses. Ten minutes later, we arrived at the restaurant. Our doors were opened for us, and we were led through the restaurant to a large table in the centre of the room. Lennon explained that the record label had arranged all of this. The tour, so far, was a huge success and Carnage was receiving fantastic reviews, and on the back of that, fans were snapping up any previously unsold tickets. People wanted to see them play instead of Kombat Rock.
We had been sitting down for five minutes when a boy of about sixteen came over and asked for autographs. An American girl who was going to the show later followed ten minutes after that. I tried not to let it bother me when she wanted her photo taken only with Sean and not the rest of the band. After taking a half-dozen pictures, her mum finally shifted her fat arse out of my face, and Sean reached under the table to grab my hand, squeezing it tight.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered.
I shrugged and smiled. He was famous now, and it was what they had worked so hard for all these years. What was I supposed to say? The girl had gone back to her table, and I was there with Sean, holding hand. He might have been her fantasy, but he was my reality, my future, and I was the one that would be wrapped around him in our hotel room that night. Besides, we needed girls like her to buy the album, so we could save the money for a deposit on our house quicker. Bet she didn’t realise that. I should have been grateful to her, but I wasn’t. I was jealous, and I hated myself for it.
We arrived at the venue for the concert an hour and a half later. It was about seven on a Friday evening. Carnage were due on stage at around eight thirty with Kombat Rock due on at around nine thirty, so we had some time before the show. I’d never been backstage at such a big event. Lennon had offered to get us tickets for the best seats, but I hated sitting down at concerts, and Sean had refused to let me go into the mosh pit, so we would be watching from the side of the stage instead. I had butterflies as we pulled around the back of the building and saw the crowds queuing to get in. Obviously, most of the crowd was there to see Kombat Rock, or KR as some people called them, but there were also a lot of Carnage T-shirts and banners I spotted on the way.
We were shown through the back doors of the venue and Jimmie, and I were issued with backstage passes. We were shown into a function room as the boys went off to change out of the clothes they’d worn to dinner. The room was already fairly full of people. Competition winners waiting to meet the bands, men in suits I assumed were from the record label, a couple of journalists and photographers, and lots and lots of women. It made me feel sick. Some of them were beautiful, some of them, not so much.
A waiter appeared at my side and asked if Jimmie and I would like a drink. We both requested a vodka and lemonade, and they were brought back to us in just a couple of minutes. Sean appeared back at my side. He had taken off his Ben Sherman shirt and changed into a vintage looking James Dean T-shirt, but he was still wearing his jeans and Doc Martin boots. He looked gorgeous, but then as far as I was concerned, he looked gorgeous in anything. Judging by the stares he was getting from groupies, I wasn’t the only one who thought so. The dirty looks they were giving me and Jim hadn’t gone unnoticed. A really tall woman who looked about thirty-five and had been giving me daggers even before Sean had arrived made her way over to us. Sean had his arm around my waist and leant in to kiss my temple as the waiter brought him and the rest of the band members a beer.
“So, Sean, who’s your little friend? She’s very pretty.”
He seemed to stiffen up as she approached. He took a long swig from his bottle before h
e looked the woman up and down. “This is my girlfriend, Gia. She’s flown in from England for the weekend to see me.” He turned and looked at me with such a dreamy smile on his face that I almost melted. “Didn’t ya, babe.” He kissed me full on the mouth, and I squirmed with embarrassment as he pulled away. The peroxide blonde remained standing, watching us.
I looked straight at her. “Yes, babe. I did.”
She ran her tongue over her top lip, as she looked me up and down. “How sweet. Don’t forget to get a note from your parents when you go back to school next week. I wouldn’t want you getting detention.”
I smiled nicely at her. “I won’t! Make sure you notify the retirement home that you’ll be out late, wouldn’t want them sending out a search party for a missing elderly resident.”
She didn’t reply. She just looked at me with her ice blue eyes like she was trying to think of a comeback.
Marley appeared at my side. “Fuck off, Anna, and leave my sister alone. Go and find someone’s cock to suck. Rocco will be here soon with all the pretty young groupies and you won’t get a look in then.”
She gave a sneer and a little laugh in Marley’s direction. “Fuck you, Layton.”
“No thanks, love,” Marley replied. “Been there, done that, and got the crabs to prove it. You dirty whore! Fuck off out of my sight before I get security to throw you out.”
She glared at all of us before she turned and walked away. I swear, her legs were nearly as tall as I was. She must have been over six feet. She reminded me of Bridget What’s Her Face, Rocky’s wife or girlfriend or whatever.
“Who the fuck was that?” I asked, looking between both the boys.
“The oldest groupie in town,” Marley replied.
“She used to be Rocco’s girlfriend,” Sean said. “He’s traded her in for something younger, but she still follows the band around. She seems to think sucking and fucking every other bloke surrounding Rocco will make him jealous, and he’ll go back to her, but he has younger, prettier things throwing themselves at him. He’s not interested in her.”
Carnage Boxset Page 6