We stood in the kitchen, discussing the pros and cons of the property and the price. I was trying not to show too much enthusiasm as I wanted to be able to negotiate on the asking price, although all things considered, it was pretty reasonably priced. As we stood talking, we all became aware of a door closing and footsteps coming down the hall.
“Do excuse me; I wasn’t aware anyone was going to be here.” Vera turned to meet whoever the footsteps belonged to, and then Cam appeared in the doorway.
You have got to be fucking kidding me!
Cam!
Cam in jeans, a T-shirt, and a pair of flip-flops, looking larger than life and hot as holy hell. I actually swayed on the spot as the air left my lungs and refused to allow any more to enter.
“Oh, Mr King! I’m, so sorry. I wasn’t aware you would be home today. I was just showing—”
His eyes met mine, and he looked at me like he wanted to eat me right there and then in front of the estate agent and my mother. The yearning and longing in his eyes was unmistakable, and I had to hold on to the marble bench top as he whispered, “Kitten,” in that deep voice of his.
“Excuse me?” Vera asked, and I nearly laughed.
Did she think he was talking to her?
His eyes left mine, travelling to Vera’s and then my mum’s. “Mrs Layton, how are you? I hope Frank’s well?”
My mum’s eyes flicked from Cam to me, and then back to Cam again. “I’m very well, thank you, Cameron. We both are.”
“Good, that’s good. Please give him my regards.”
“I will do.”
He nodded his head. His gaze sliced back to meet mine while he spoke to Vera. “I’m sorry, Vera. I didn’t realise you would be showing someone through so soon.”
“Yes, well you did say we could move on it straight away.”
“I did, and you are, so that’s good.”
“And what a coincidence that you all happen to know each other.”
None of us said anything for a moment. My mum was the first to speak, “Vera, why don’t you show me the pool again? That’s going to be just perfect for when the baby gets a bit bigger.” My mum looked back at me as she spoke and shook her head. My mum wasn’t stupid, and even if she were, she would’ve had to be deaf, dumb, blind, and thick as shit not to notice the silent interaction between Cam and me.
Cam stalked towards me. “You’re pregnant?” He looked like he was going to cry.
I shook my head. “No, but we’re hoping to be, next year.” I couldn’t dare give him a clue that I may already be or that the baby could possibly be his.
He reached out and stroked my face with the back of his knuckles, and I stupidly leant into his touch. My eyes filled with tears. “Why, Kitten? Why him?”
“He owns me, Cam. I have no choice, my heart belongs to him.”
“Not all of it. I know I have a piece, all be it a very small piece, but I know, I just know if you gave me a chance—”
I shook my head. “No. No, Cam. It’s too late for us. You would’ve had to have met me when I was ten to have ever stood a chance.”
“I don’t believe you, Kitten. Don’t have a baby with him. Please wait a while and think about it. Think about what you really want. Who you really want. If he owns you so completely, then why did you let me fuck you just a couple of weeks ago. All this time and the instant we are together, it’s there, it's back.”
His words and the guilt I felt caused me actual physical pain. They were an ice-cold blade that had been stabbed right into my chest, dragged down to my belly, and twisted around and around a few times, and it was no less than I deserved.
“I want you, Kitten. No one has ever wanted anything more than the way I want you. Please, give me a chance. Choose me, let yourself love me enough, let me show you how good it can be. I’ll never hurt you. I’ll never make you doubt me, not for a second.”
A sob escaped me, and fat tears plopped from my lashes onto my cheeks.
He wiped them away with his thumbs. “I bought this house for you.”
“What?”
“That night, when we argued in the restaurant, when I behaved like a prick, I’d put an offer in on this place because I knew you would love it. It was close to your parents, and it had stables. You’d told me how much you wanted to start horse riding again and that you hadn’t had time to get out to your mum’s and ride. I saw the house, the location, the stables, and I knew you’d love it.”
I shook my head in complete disbelief at what he was telling me.
“I was all over the place that night,” he continued, “I was in negotiations to buy this place, and I had a business deal falling apart in Amsterdam. Someone else was bidding on this, and it looked like I was going to have to leave the country. That was why I was in such a bad mood.” He swallowed, and I watched his Adam’s apple bob up and down as his eyes darted over my face.
“But the next morning, the other party pulled out, so the deal was done, and this place was mine. That’s why I flew home from Amsterdam early, and that’s why I came straight to the club. I wanted to tell you about the house, I wanted to ask you to move in with me.”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I shook my head while trying to process everything he was telling me.
“I can’t do this… I can’t do this, Cam. I don’t want to hear this! Please… please, I’m begging you, leave me alone. Just leave me to love my husband the way he deserves.”
He kissed each of my eyes. “I can’t, Kitten, it’s killing me. I won’t chase you, but every chance I get, every time I see you, I will remind you of how it could… how it should be.” He pressed his forehead against mine. “Buy the house, live here, and be happy, Kitten.” He turned and left the room, and I walked on shaky legs to the nearest bathroom, splashed my face with cold water, and stared at myself in the mirror for a long while. I heard my mum call my name, so I flushed the toilet, washed my hands, and headed towards my mum’s voice, wondering what the fuck I was going to do now. I’d already called Sean and told him that I’d found “the one” and arranged for him to view the place with me tomorrow morning.
Could we live here?
Would Cam really be happy that I lived here or would he hate it because it would be with Sean and not him?
Of course he’d hate it. What am I even thinking?
My mother absolutely glared at me when she saw the state I was in. I claimed a headache to Vera, arranged to meet her back at the house tomorrow at ten, and then we left. I was shaking when I got behind the wheel of my Range Rover. Cam stood in the front doorway with his arms folded across his chest, watching me leave him, once again.
“Are you going to tell me what’s going on, Georgia?”
I sobbed as I started along the driveway to the gates at the front of the property, and I had to stop the car because I couldn’t see to drive. My mum just undid her seatbelt, leant across and held me while I cried, stroking my hair and shushing me gently. The way she hadn’t had to do since the night Sean and I broke up.
When I was able to, I spoke, “Oh, Mum, I’ve done something terrible. So, terrible. I’m so ashamed of myself. I love Sean with all my heart. You know I do. You know that, right?”
“Yes, babe, of course. Of course.”
“Then why do I have these feelings for Cam? Why does he affect me the way that he does? Why did I let him fuck me against his office door, just three weeks ago? Why? Why did I do that?”
She was my mum, and I wanted her to have all the answers. I wanted her to tell me it would all be okay and that I wasn’t a bad person.
“Oh, Georgia… You silly, silly girl! What were you thinking? Bloody hell child”
We swapped places and she drove me back to her place. She poured us each a glass of wine while I told her about what happened between Cam and me that night. Then I told her what he just told me about the house, and then I dropped the bombshell about not being on the pill and not using protection with Cam.
“Have you done a pregnan
cy test?”
I shook my head. “I did one before I went out that night and it was negative. I haven’t done one yet as I didn’t think it would show up and I didn’t want to give myself false hope that everything would be okay. And anyway, I had sex with Sean, later that same night.” I started to cry again.
“When’s your period due?” she asked.
“In two days.”
“Well, best to wait then, but if it doesn’t come in the next three days, do a test. We’ll go from there.”
I smiled at her. “We?”
“You’re my baby girl, George. I’ll stand by you no matter what. We all do stupid things at some time in our life darling. Believe me, you’re not the first woman to be in this predicament, and you most definitely won’t be the last.”
Chapter Twenty-Four
I didn’t tell Sean that Cam owned the home that we were walking through. If I told him, he’d want to know how I knew, and I’d have to either have to explain to him about seeing Cam there yesterday, or I’d have to come up with another lie. I didn’t want to tell him any more lies. At least that was how I justified not mentioning to him who owned the property in my twisted, two-timing, and cheating brain.
Sean absolutely loved the place. I asked Vera to let us walk through on our own. I also called her yesterday afternoon and asked her to say nothing about the owner of the house or our running into him yesterday. The hint that it could lose her a big fat commission was enough to garner her silence, and we were left alone to wander through. We stood looking at the pool, hand in hand.
“What are your thoughts, Georgia? I love it, it feels like home already.”
I didn’t know what to say.
Could I live here? Should I even be considering this?
“I don’t know, Sean. I felt like that yesterday, but today I’m not so sure.”
“Why? What’s changed?”
About a million different things.
What if I’m pregnant? What if it’s Cam’s baby?
I’d be bringing up his child with another man in a home that he’d planned to live in with me. Everything about this was all so fucked up and wrong, and it was all my fault. I was a monster. As my mind churned, I became aware of a dull ache in the bottom of my belly.
“Georgia, what don’t you like today that you did yesterday?”
“I don’t know! I’m not sure! I don’t feel very well.” My head was swimming slightly. I was so trapped by my own wrongdoings that I felt on the verge of an anxiety attack.
“I need the toilet.” I headed to the toilet in the pool room, and Sean followed me. We never closed the door when we used the bathroom at home, so I left it open as Sean continued to talk about getting planning permission for a recording studio on the grounds. I pulled up my skirt, pulled down my knickers, and saw that they were full of blood. I’d gotten my period. I burst into tears. Sean completely got the wrong idea about why I was crying, which just worsened my guilt and made me cry harder.
“Gia, baby, please don’t cry. It’s only September, we said six months, remember? Next year, that’s when we’ll be pregnant, next year, baby. Please, don’t cry, I hate seeing you cry.” He was kneeling in front of me, as I sat on the toilet in the home of the man that hadn’t gotten me pregnant after all, and I didn’t know if they were tears of joy, regret, guilt, or sadness.
“I love this house, G. Let’s put in an offer and let’s buy this fucker!” He was so happy and excited that I just blew my nose and nodded, yes.
* * *
The next few months went by in a blur. We completed the sale of the house on the first of December but had no plans to move in until next year. I wanted a new kitchen and bathrooms, and the place needed painting. I also wanted new carpet in all of the bedrooms, and we were still waiting on planning permission for Sean’s studio.
We had a massive family Christmas at my mum’s and left all of the grandchildren with my parents on the day before New Year’s Eve. We were flying out with the band to New York where they’d be playing at a special concert in Time Square.
I’d been feeling off the last few days. I’d skipped my December period, and I was hoping beyond hope that I was pregnant. In fact, I knew that I was. I knew my own body, but I’d decided to buy myself a pregnancy test just to be sure before I passed up an opportunity to consume vast amounts of alcohol during the New Year celebrations. I took the test as soon as we got to the hotel, and it was positive. I could hardly contain myself. Luckily, we had to drop the boys off en-route for some interviews, and I was actually sitting, watching my husband live on the telly as the two blue lines appeared on the stick I’d just weed on. As I watched him, I hatched a plan.
New York in December was freezing. We had dinner with all the band members later that night, and I got away with saying that I was saving myself for the next night when I turned down any drinks. We had an early night, and then spent New Year’s Eve daytime, lazing at the hotel and doing some shopping. When we headed back, I got a manicure, a pedicure, and had my hair and makeup done in our room—courtesy of the station airing the show. The boys would play a two-hour-long set, starting at eleven thirty to get the crowd warmed up, and then they would count the New Year in and rock them through the first few hours of the year two thousand.
We arrived around nine and were interviewed by various television stations and shows about what the new millennium meant for us, and we gave up more than usual by admitting that we were moving into a new home and looking to start a family. I waited for the boys to begin their set before I talked to the show’s director and told him what I wanted to do. He was over the moon and got the announcer of the television broadcast to repeat to the viewers to stay tuned for a significant announcement regarding Carnage. I didn’t tell Ash or Jim, and at five to twelve when I walked on stage in between songs to stand next to my husband, everyone seemed a little confused, but Sean just went with it.
“Hey, baby,” he said to me through his mic. “This is my beautiful wife, New York City. Just look at her, ain’t she just gorgeous!”
The crowd went wild and my cheeks burned despite the cold. I wrapped my arms around his neck, and I kissed him like my life depended on it, making the roar from the crowd deafening. Then I handed him the stick with the two little blue lines and said into his ear, “Happy New Year baby, we’re pregnant.”
He looked at the stick, registered the words I’d just told him, and I watched as his mouth dropped open. I nodded at him. There was a camera crew right in our faces, but we didn’t even notice them. We just had eyes for each other. Sean burst into tears and kissed me so softly. The people at home had obviously been told what was going on, but the crowd in front of us had no idea what was happening. Sean moved the cameraman out of the way, pulled me into his side, and sobbed into his mic, “My wife, my beautiful Gia, has just made me the happiest man alive. People, she just told me that…” He paused, and I didn’t know if it was for effect or so he could regain his composure. “She’s pregnant!” he roared.
The crowd cheered. Jimmie, Ash, and Lennon were all on the stage with us and the rest of the boys from the band. We all kissed, cried, hugged, and counted our way down to the year 2000. It will forever be one of the happiest moments in my life.
* * *
We celebrated back at the hotel into the early hours. I wasn’t feeling too great and headed off to bed around three, leaving Sean, along with the rest of the boys and a few other people I didn’t even know, to party. I was woken at around eight a.m. by someone banging on the door of the suite. As I looked through the spy hole, I saw that it was Milo and Dave, carrying Sean between them. I opened the door and looked at the state my husband had gotten himself in. He was, quite literally, legless.
He grinned at me. “Gia, baaaby,” he tried to sing to me. “I’m sooo fappy, huck, huckin’, fuck.” He looked up at me and laughed. “You know what I mean.”
“Park him on the bed.” I stood aside so the boys could fit through. They took him through the lounge
area and into the bedroom, laying him face down on the bed. The boys were both puffing and sat down for a few seconds.
“Are we gonna make the flight?” I asked them.
“Fuck knows,” they both said together, they high fived at their unity, and I smiled.
“You two want a coffee, some food?”
“Na, we’re good thanks, George, we’re all coffeed out. You might wanna try to get some down his Gregory in a coupla hours though. I can’t see them getting us another flight out of here on New Year’s Day. Private jet or not. So if we don’t get on this one, I reckon we’ll be stuck here for a few more days.”
I felt absolutely exhausted and just wanted to get my head down for a bit longer before I worked on getting my husband sober. “What’s the latest we can be at the airport?”
“About four, but Marley’s in an even worse state than him, and Len’s not much better.”
I shook my head.
“We even had to carry Ash to bed.” Dave laughed.
“Well, it’s gonna be a quiet flight home.”
Dave nodded his head. “That’s not a bad thing. You all right, George? You look a bit pasty?”
I still didn’t actually feel too good, but I didn’t know what sort of not good it was that I was feeling. I’d never been pregnant, and perhaps this was my new normal. “I’m okay, thanks, Dave. I think I just need some sleep.”
“Well don’t you go trying to lift him. Just call me if you need anything and try to get your head down for a bit.” I was touched by his concern. I thanked them for returning my husband to me and told them to go and get some sleep.
The boys left, and I pulled off Sean’s Chucks and undid his jeans, but I couldn’t get them down, so I just curled up on the bed next to him and managed to get another four hours sleep. I woke up to the sound of Sean throwing up in the toilet. Well, at least he woke up and didn’t do it over the side of the bed as he had done before, more than once. I got up and went to make us some coffee. I was starving, so I called room service and ordered us a couple of fried egg sandwiches, which was always the perfect hangover cure, with some fresh orange juice and some real coffee. Sean actually managed to eat his and half of mine. I still wasn’t feeling so good and didn’t fancy being stuck on an eight-hour flight with a funny tummy.
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