Hard to Hate: An Enemies to Lovers Romance (Hard to Love Book 1)

by L. M. Reid

  “Besides, you know…”

  “Yeah, yeah, yeah. You don’t date employees.”

  “It’s bad for business Gabe, you know that.”

  He witnessed firsthand the shit that went down with June. What it did to me, to the club. Nothing, not even a woman that looks like Chloe, is worth going through that shit again.

  “Hey boys,” Ginger says as she enters the office. Gabe and Ginger are the only two people I trust implicitly with Lust; Gabe because well, he runs the place and Ginger because, well she’s had my back since the day I hired her. She’s our eyes and ears on the floor. Her knowing the employees and the shit that’s going on, it’s what helps us run the club smoothly. “What are we talking about?”

  “How Griffin wants to screw the new bartender,” Gabe says.

  I shoot him a look that if possible, would kill.

  “Chloe?” Ginger says. “I was pretty impressed with her.”

  “So was Griffin,” Gabe laughs.

  “Fuck off, Gabe,” I say.

  “You know it’s okay to like someone Griff, not everyone is…”

  “I know that. I’m not interested. Especially not with one of my employees,” I assert.

  Ginger waves her hand in the air. “Love is love. You can’t control it. If you like her…”

  “I don’t,” I argue.

  I don’t like her. Even if I did, which I don’t, I can’t do anything about it. Mixing work and pleasure is never a good idea. It’s a lesson I learned the hard way. And I sure as hell am not going down that road again.

  At least that’s what I keep telling myself. Because every time I picture the way she looked in my arms that night, they way her body relaxed into my embrace, I want to do it again. I want to fix every damn broken piece of her.

  9

  Chloe

  Sitting on the leather sofa, I make myself comfortable. The therapy sessions, while helpful, seem to last an eternity. While I’m sure it’s more my nerves than the sofa, I find myself adjusting my position frequently. So today, I try to settle in before we even begin.

  The doctor walks in and smiles at me pleasantly. “How are we today, Chloe?”

  “I’m doing well, Dr. Adams,” I say enthusiastically.

  For the first time since I started these sessions, it’s not a complete lie. I am doing well. Even though I work for the devil himself, I love my job. Sure, I’m only one shift in, but working at Lust was definitely the right choice. Even knowing that Griffin is watching my every move isn’t so bad. It just makes me work that much harder. And turns me on in the process. Doctor Adams doesn’t need to know that part though. It’s only our third session. Just like any relationship, you have to keep some secrets, right?

  “I started my new job earlier this week,” I supply.

  The doctor looks surprised by my willingness to share when for all of our sessions to this point, I’ve been reluctant.

  “And how did that go?”

  “Well, good and bad. I love the job, but my boss is a complete jerk,” I tell her. “Remember the guy from the bar I told you about? The one that took my drink and dropped me on my ass? Yeah, well turns out, that’s my new boss Griffin Hayes.”

  Doctor Adams cheeks flush at the mention of his name.

  “Oh, no, not you too.”

  “Me too? What do you mean?”

  “Everyone is completely enamored with this man. I don’t get it.”

  “I don’t know Mr. Hayes, I just know of him,” the doctor clarifies clearly flustered that I caught her.

  “Well I do know him, and he is infuriating and arrogant and a complete asshole.”

  “Why do you say that?”

  “The man fired me the minute I walked in the door. He called me a liability. Then, he watched me all night, waiting for me to fail.”

  “So, he fired you, but then kept you on?”

  “Well, yeah, but he put me on probation and just kept watching me all night. If I made a mistake, he was going to fire me for real.”

  “And, did you make any mistakes?”

  “Well, I mean, yeah, but…”

  “But, he didn’t fire you?”

  “He put me on probation.”

  “Based on your initial interaction with Mr. Hayes, do you believe he had reason to consider you a liability considering the business he is in?”

  What is she trying to get at here? Why is she defending him when he is the one in the wrong?

  “He made a snap judgement on me from one bad night,” I argue. The realization that I am doing the same exact thing to him not lost on me now that I’m actually saying it out loud.

  “He did, but with good reason. You yourself said that you were out of control that night, more drunk than you had ever been before.”

  “Which would make me a liability to a club owner if I were going to party more than I work, or even just not show up because I was drunk. Yeah, I get it.”

  I get it. I do.

  “He had no right to get involved in my life in the first place,” I argue. Regardless of how valid the points she is making are, I don’t want to hear them. I don’t like Griffin, I don’t have to. All I have to do is merely coexist with the man in order to keep my job. That and quit calling him an asshole like Gabe suggested.

  “Did you ever consider that he was watching because you’re a new employee and he wanted to ensure that you were doing okay – evaluating your performance rather than looking for a reason to fire you?”

  I laugh at her comment. “He tried to fire me the minute I walked in the door because he said I was a liability. Then, he told me if I screw up one time, I’m out. But, I proved him wrong. I did well and he agreed to keep me on for a probation period. I intend on blowing the man’s socks off and making him beg me to stay on full time.” Doctor Adams stares at me for a moment. “What?”

  “I’ve just never seen you so…full of life before. Maybe this man, his ability to challenge you, it’s just what you need.”

  Doctor Adams is great. She’s patient and kind. When it comes to Griffin though, she’s dead wrong. The man is nothing like what I need.

  “Sorry, Doc, but I have to disagree with you. Griffin is nothing more than a cocky jerk. He is nothing that I need in my life outside of the paycheck that his club provides me.”

  She looks at me thoughtfully, “Why do you say that?”

  “You want the truth? The man has no interest in anything besides screwing every college girl that walks into his club. He’s entitled and rude. I don’t like him and I’m not quite sure why you’re pushing this so hard?”

  “I realize we’re only three sessions in, but this is the most animated I’ve seen you. Normally I can barely get full sentences out of you and here you are, nearly jumping out of your seat at the mention of his name.”

  “So what, you want me to redirect my anger from Sierra’s death, onto him? Because I can do that, no problem.”

  Doctor Adams chuckles before continuing on. “I don’t think that’s quite necessary. Why don’t we table this for now and move back onto why it is that you’re here.”

  I almost let out an audible groan. I’m not sure what’s worse. Talking about Griffin or Sierra. Both are sticking points for me at the moment, neither of which I feel like further exploring my feelings about.

  “Why don’t we talk about the night Sierra died? You began last week but our time ended.”

  A sigh escapes me. “It sucked.”

  “I would think so. What I want to know is what the events were that transpired that night.”

  The only part of the night I truly recalled was the moment the police officer showed up to tell me about the accident. Everything before that has been a blur. Until now. Doctor Adams is making me face that night, and the harder I try to recall it, the easier the memories come.

  “Oh come on Chlo – please?” Sierra begs. She is standing before me looking utterly stunning. Strange as it might sound, when I grow up, I want to be just like her. I am more the bookworm type
while Sierra, well, she’s the grab life by the balls kind of gal. Not that I didn’t like to have my fun, but school came first. It always has. I wish I could be a little more free, a little more wild. I study and have fun when I can. To Sierra, life deserves to be lived, everything else is just extra – like schoolwork. She did just enough to do well, but never put in what it would take to excel.

  “Unlike you, I have a final at eight tomorrow. I need to study.”

  She had been trying to get me to go for the past ten minutes.

  “Please, please, please. You don’t need to study. You’re like the smartest person I know.”

  “Stop pressuring me,” I laugh.

  There’s a knock at the door. Sierra opens it, her friend Raquel on the other side.

  “You sure, Chlo? It’s going to be so much fun.”

  “Go away – have fun.”

  Sierra walked over to me and pressed a kiss to the top of my head. “Night loser.”

  The memory from that night hits me hard. That was the last time I ever saw her. The last words I ever said to her – go away. Sure, I didn’t mean them, but God, had I known that would be the last time I saw her, anything would have been better than that. Her voice saying please, repeats in my head until I feel like I’m going to be sick.

  “Oh my God, it’s all my fault,” I cry out as tears stream down my face.

  “What is your fault, Chloe?” Doctor Adams asked. Her voice is calm and smooth but does little to temper the volcano inside me that feels like it’s going to erupt.

  Guilt. Pain. It’s all surfacing at a rapid pace and I’m afraid that I can’t handle it, that it’s too much for me to bear. I’m not strong enough. I can’t do this.

  Doctor Adams asks the question again. “What is your fault, Chloe?”

  “That she’s dead, it’s my fault she’s dead. If only I had gone with her, I could have saved her.”

  “Or, you could be the one that died.”

  I look up at her, confused.

  “Chloe, guilt is a normal part of the grieving process. Many people feel guilty when someone they love dies, as if there is something they could have done to prevent it.”

  “But I could have. If I had been there, I could have…”

  “Could have what, Chloe?”

  Pushed her out of the way? Warned her? Gotten us a cab?

  I rattle off the dozen or so things that are running through my mind that could have prevented this. All except one. Until Doctor Adams points it out, I never even consider the driver or his part in this. Sure, my anger has been directed at him, but my guilt, that’s what’s been eating at me.

  “No one can predict what would have happened had you been there, Chloe. The only factor in this that is certain, is that the driver of the vehicle that struck Sierra is the one that is guilty. His or her choices led to Sierra’s death. Not yours.”

  Her words resonate with me. They make sense, they’re just a little hard to swallow, especially since the person responsible is nowhere to be found. If he were, if there were someone to pay for what happened to her, maybe I would feel less guilty, I’m not sure. I just know without that person, I am putting the blame on myself.

  The breakthrough today was tough. Coming to terms with my guilt is going to be even tougher. Still, having spoken the words out loud, I feel a weight lifted off me. Releasing those feelings, letting it out, it’s so… freeing.

  “Thank you, Doctor,” I say as I make my way to the door.

  “I know it’s tough, but I think today was really good for you.” I nod in agreement. For the first time in months I feel a small sense of peace. It’s small, but it’s still there. And that is more than I have had in a long time.

  “And, Chloe?”

  I turn back and look at her thoughtfully awaiting whatever parting wisdom she plans to bestow on me.

  “Think about what I said, about your new boss. Maybe now that you can see yourself a little more clearly, maybe that will help you see him the same way as well.”

  I wholeheartedly disagree, but I’m not about to tell her that. I merely nod and wave goodbye.

  10

  Chloe

  Between school, work, and my therapy sessions, it feels like forever since I’ve seen Nat. So when she texted to see if I could meet her at our favorite coffee shop, Mugs, it was a no-brainer.

  The coffee shop was in the heart of the city, near Lust. It’s not terribly far from campus, but a little further than I am willing to travel for a cup of coffee on a normal day. Today though, I want to celebrate.

  Ever since my session with Doctor Adams last week, the one where I blurted out how guilty I felt about Sierra’s death, I’ve begun to feel increasingly better. I have more energy, I feel healthier, and my schoolwork is definitely improving. It’s as though releasing the guilt freed up space in my brain to allow new knowledge in. All of this, and I haven’t even been able to tell her about it yet.

  So, I make the trip to Mugs even though I will have to come back out here tonight for work. The coffee is worth it, and the company even more so.

  I wrap my arms around Nat the moment I see her. “I missed you,” I tell her.

  “I missed you, too,” she says hugging me back. “Why are you in such a good mood?”

  We make ourselves comfortable and I dive right in to what Doctor Adams and I have been doing in our sessions.

  “That’s great, Chloe. I wish you would have told me, I could have told you you’re not to blame.”

  “I appreciate the sentiment, but I didn’t even know. It’s like my mind buried everything and all I was able to do was cope, which I did badly at. Anyway, what about you? What’s new? You haven’t been at the dorm lately…”

  I know she’s seeing someone. It would take an idiot not to realize. I feel like such a lousy friend for not having realized sooner. All signs point to Nat having a boyfriend. As best friend I should have known that and given approval on him before allowing her to proceed. I just have been so wrapped up in myself that I hadn’t even noticed.

  “I know, I’m sorry. I just…”

  “I don’t want apologies,” I say. “I want details.”

  Nat’s all too happy to oblige that request. She tells me about Rob. About how wonderful he is. How hot he is. How amazing in bed he is. All of which explains why she has been spending less time at our dorm and more time at his place. At least I know it’s not because of me because that had been a legit concern. The way I had been acting, how I had treated her. It wasn’t good. And while I know she understands, it’s also understandable that she might want a little break from me and the path that I was going down.

  We continue to chat and catch up. It may have only been a week, but a lot can happen in a week.

  Nat is mid-sentence telling me about this movie that her and Rob went to see when she suddenly stops. Her lips are parted and her eyes are wide. She’s staring just past me and I get a hint of smile thinking that Rob might be standing there and she just got caught gushing about him. Turning my head, I expect to meet Rob but instead find myself staring at a rather impressive package straining against the fabric of some dark denim jeans. Good for you, Nat.

  Except it isn’t good for Nat. It’s not good for me either. Because when I look up to meet the dark eyes of the man whose crotch is in my face, it belongs to none other than Griffin Hayes.

  “Nice to see you, Chloe,” he says. His eyes look up at Nat and he smiles. “And you are?”

  “I’m Nat.” She takes the hand he extended to her. Rather than shaking it though. He brings it up to his lips and gently presses his lips to her skin.

  Standing, I step between them. “Leave her alone. She has a boyfriend and you…” I poke him in his chest. “Are not going to try and screw that up.”

  My body brushes up against his and I can feel the hard muscle beneath the fabric of his shirt. Just like I did the night we met. Regardless of the fact that I hate the man, my body seems to have a whole other opinion. My nipples harden, my core ache
s. I can’t remember ever being this turned on and certainly not from such an insignificant touch. My physical reaction to the nearness of him is not lost on him. He sees it and the smile on his face says he’s enjoying it.

  “You’re right, I’m not,” he says. He tucks a strand of hair behind my ear leaning in ever so slightly as he does. “It’s not my style.”

  “Wow, look at the time,” Nat says. “I have to run.”

  “Nat,” I call out to her but she books it out of the coffee shop leaving me alone with Griffin.

  This isn’t good.

  Whether it is my mouth or my body, I’m pretty sure one of them is going to get me in trouble with my new boss.

  “Mind if I join you?” he asks taking Nat’s seat.

  “Not giving me much of a choice, are you?” I say taking a seat across from him.

  Walk away, Chloe. Don’t entertain him or his obnoxious intrusion. For some reason, I’m drawn to him though. As much as I want to walk away, a bigger part of me wants to stay. To find out more about this man who can be arrogant and kind in the same breath.

  His presence alone has my body humming and is making me feel more alive than I have in months. What this man does to me, years of therapy couldn’t help with. It makes me hate him all that much more. He has no right to do this to me, to make me feel like this.

  He sits there, looking good enough to eat, his ankle resting on his knee. He’s relaxed and cool which is a stark contrast to my tense and nervous. We couldn’t be more different if we tried. Yet, somehow we always seem to end up in each other’s paths.

  “How do you like Lust?” he asks.

  “I love it. My boss is kind of a pain in the ass though, he’s always looking over my shoulder, waiting for me to fail,” I say. But there is a slight smile on my face to let him know that I’m at least partially joking.