by Claire Raye
I shrug. “Better. Where is everyone?”
“Kicked them out,” Logan says with a shrug. “Figured a party and all that noise was the last thing you needed.”
I exhale, knowing that as much as I love a good party that is definitely not something I’m in the mood for tonight. “Thanks, man, appreciate it.”
“No worries. Listen, Amy and I are gonna get some food after this is finished. You wanna join us?”
I glance at them, see the sincerity on both their faces. I’ve always liked Logan, Amy too. He’s so different to me, but I like that he doesn’t give a shit about the things I do or say. There’s no judgment from either of them about how I live my life.
“Nah, I’m good,” I tell them. “But thanks.”
“We can bring you something back,” Amy says, offering me a smile.
I grin. “It’s cool, seriously. Besides, I think Sienna left me some food last night.” I don’t miss the look Logan and Amy share, but neither of them says anything to me, so I don’t bother commenting. “Listen, I’m gonna go take a shower,” I say, standing. “Thanks for kicking everyone out tonight though.”
“No worries,” Logan calls as I head out of the room. “Jesse’s sorry about what happened too,” he yells.
I don’t respond, knowing Jesse is full of shit and only saying that so I don’t beat the shit out of him the next time I see him.
After I’ve taken a shower and changed into some fresh sweats and a t-shirt, I wander out to the kitchen to discover Logan and Amy have both left and Sienna is here.
I pause in the doorway, watching as she unpacks a bag of food from In-N-Out on the kitchen counter, the smell making my stomach grumble.
“Hey.”
She turns, a surprised look on her face. “Hi,” she says, her cheeks blushing a little. “How are you feeling?”
I nod before shoving a hand through my wet hair. “Good, better.”
Sienna offers me a small smile before turning back to the food. I notice one burger, one bag of fries and a coke next to a still packed bag. “I’ve brought you some dinner,” she says, pointing to the food.
“Thanks,” I say, stepping into the kitchen. “You didn’t need to do that.”
She glances up at me, her cheeks still pink. “What did you do today?”
I shrug. “Slept,” I tell her. “Guess I missed you bringing me breakfast,” I can’t resist adding.
Sienna’s cheeks darken even more and she looks away again.
I chuckle. “You should’ve woken me,” I tell her, moving so I’m standing right beside her, so I can feel the warmth of her body, and smell the hint of vanilla that I’ve always associated with her.
“I think I remembered your favorite,” she says, grabbing the still packed bag as she moves to push past me. “Enjoy.”
“Wait, Sie,” I say, my hand sliding onto her hip, stopping her. Her shirt lifts a little, so my fingers brush against her skin, which burns beneath my touch. “Where are you going?”
She stops, her eyes on the ground as though she’s avoiding looking at me.
“Hey,” I say, lifting her chin so she has to. “You got your dinner in that bag?” I ask, tilting my head toward it.
She nods, her tongue snaking out to lick her lip before she pulls it between her teeth. Watching it, my whole body starts to tingle, as though a thousand volts are going off just beneath my skin. I feel my fingers on her chin tighten as I imagine leaning down and pulling that bottom lip of hers between my teeth.
But she pulls away before I can, a mumbled, “I can’t,” coming from her as she grabs the still full bag and slips past me.
I follow her out to the living room, but she doesn’t stop, opening the front door and disappearing through it before I have a chance to process what the fuck that was just now.
“Fuck,” I exhale, scrubbing a hand over my face as I walk back into the kitchen, grab my food and head back to the sofa. Collapsing onto it, I unwrap the burger and take a huge bite just as that fucking douchebag asshole Justin drives past.
Jumping off the sofa, ignoring the sharp pain in my head, I walk over to the window in time to see him pull up in front of Sienna’s house.
“Motherfucker,” I say, throwing my burger onto the coffee table.
I storm toward the front door, yanking it open, ready to walk down to her house and beat the living shit out of Justin. But just as I’m stepping outside, my phone rings, Caleb’s name flashing across the screen.
Torn between which twin I need to help out in this moment, I grab my phone, answering it as I hover in the doorway, trying to catch a glimpse of whatever is going on down at Sienna’s house.
“Reid, you there?” Caleb asks.
“Yeah, what’s up,” I say, only half listening.
I hear him exhale hard down the line. “Dude, I um…fuck,” Caleb breathes out. “I need you to do me a favor.”
Chapter Nine
Sienna
The front door is open and Justin walks right in. There’s something so simple about his action, so comforting. I miss that feeling of having someone know me so well, that feeling of having family. Not that things have gotten serious with Justin and me, but it feels like it could lead there—if only Reid would mind his own business.
“Hey, babe,” he says, slipping an arm around my waist and pulling me in for a kiss. “Missed your face.”
His words make a rush of heat surge through my body and I smile at him as I grab the bag from the counter and bring our dinner over to the small coffee table in front of the TV.
“Sorry, I would’ve loved to see you yesterday, but I was dealing with Reid and his concussion.” I roll my eyes dramatically as I shrug my shoulders, but something instantly changes in Justin. At the mention of Reid’s name, he goes tense, his teeth clenched and his jaw tight.
I sit down on the sofa, but he remains standing and when I look up at him, I’m sure the confusion is written all over my face.
“Is he always going to come up?” Justin asks, the tone in his voice is harsh and offended, as if I’ve continued to put Reid first.
“I’m sorry, but I’m not sure what you mean.”
“You chose him,” he spits back, and this time his words are laced with complete disgust.
I don’t even know how to begin to answer him. I didn’t choose Reid over him. I chose to help a friend and if he can’t handle that then maybe this isn’t turning into what I thought it was.
“Are you always going to be jealous of him?” I ask, not trying to piss him off but clearly it’s a hot button.
“Are you fucking kidding me, Sienna? Jealous of that asshole? Never. But what I don’t understand is why you continue to allow him to be a part of your life.” He throws up his hands, his face wrinkled up in disgust.
Can I seriously cut Reid out of my life?
Reid has been my family for as long as I can remember. Like the annoying brother who just won’t stop.
“He’s harmless, honestly,” I say, placating him a little while I think of a way to defend myself without having to toss Reid to the side completely.
A harsh laugh falls from Justin’s lips, and it causes me to look at him a little differently. He’s bolder than I thought, more than just a nice guy.
“He’s far from harmless. I’ve watched him make girls cry on a regular basis. His whole act is to fuck them and run. He just wants to get in your pants, Sienna. You can’t fix him.”
“I’m not trying to fix him, and I would never sleep with him,” I defend, now finding myself offended by Justin’s insinuation that I’m one of Reid’s conquests. “You have to understand…” I start, but Justin cuts me off, his words firing at me like bullets from a gun.
“He wants to fuck you and trust me he will. I don’t want to be in a relationship with someone whose priorities are out of line with mine.”
He hasn’t come right out and said it, but he wants Reid out of my life. If he’s part of it, Reid can’t be and I let his ultimatum settle in my
head, processing what that means and what it looks like.
“I want this with you, Justin,” I practically beg, and I hate the way my own words sound as they leave my mouth. They sound desperate and lonely, something I never thought I would be. I was more independent at age ten than most people are as adults. And in the back of my mind, a small nagging voice tells me Justin is using me, but I shove it aside. I’m smarter than that. I know manipulation when I see it, and this doesn’t feel like it. This feels like Reid driving someone away the way he always has.
“I choose you,” I quickly shout out, my eyes wide as I take in Justin’s face. I have no idea why I’m saying this and my only guess is it’s to show him I’m not under Reid’s thumb.
“You don’t get to choose with Reid still in your life. He chooses for you,” Justin says, shrugging his shoulders.
“He doesn’t,” I insist, now standing up and circling my arms around his neck. “Give me a chance. Give us a chance,” I whisper, my mouth only inches from his.
His hand slips under my sweatshirt, brushing against the bare skin of my stomach and I smile.
“You’re pretty damn convincing,” he murmurs with his lips touching mine. “And you have a nice ass,” he teases, grabbing my cheek as I kiss him hard.
“Play your cards right I’m sure you’ll see a lot more of my ass.” But even as the words leave my mouth, they don’t sound right. They’re forced and as I make out with Justin, I can only picture Reid’s face.
I can’t want him.
I don’t want him.
Justin pushes me back against the sofa, the weight of his body on mine and I let him convince me this is what I want. He sucks at my neck, his hand now tugging at the cup of my bra, pulling it down as his fingers graze over my nipple. I grind my hips against his leg and my breathing increases. Both of us are panting while his hand moves down my stomach and slips into the front of my shorts.
“Hold on,” I call out, my words louder than necessary, my breathing erratic. Justin pulls back slightly, looking at me, but his eyes hold an air of annoyance. “Do you go down on girls?” I ask and he smirks at me, devilish and seductive.
“Of course I do and I plan to show you…” His words are cut short by a knock on the door and with his body still on top of mine, he glances over his shoulder and mutters, “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”
I peer around Justin, my head leaning off to the side as I get a good view of the front door and there is Reid. This has got to be some kind of fucking joke.
First of all, Reid should be at home resting, not standing at my door with a look of rage spreading across his face. Second, he shouldn’t even have his phone, which is clutched in his hand. Third, how in the hell does he know the perfect time to interrupt my life?
“Don’t leave,” I tell Justin, my hands on his on either side of his face. I pull him closer, kissing him gently. “Stay right here. I promise it will be worth it.”
“What the fuck is he doing here?” Justin asks, and I shake my head. I wish I had an answer to that question too. “The guy is the biggest fucking cock block,” he now mutters, shoving off of me and flopping down on the sofa.
I storm over to the door, whipping it open. I don’t even bother with pleasantries or invite him in.
“Reid, what the hell do you want?” I demand, knowing he’s going to come back with some snide remark about catching me making out with Justin.
“Hey,” he says, looking down at his feet and I’m struck with an immediate sense of dread as he reaches over and takes my hand in his. As much as there’s comfort in his touch, I pull away, my stomach churning with worry.
“What?” I ask, the word shaking as I say it.
“Sienna,” he starts, swallowing hard and when he pins me with his eyes, I swear there are tears pooling. “Caleb just called me…”
“What?” I now shout, demanding him to speak, insisting the words fall from his mouth as my heart slams into my ribs.
“Your dad…your dad passed away.” His words hang heavy in the air and for a split second I swear I misheard him, but as they sink in, I grow furious.
“What kind of sick fuck are you?” I scream, pushing up on my toes so my face is closer to his. I shove my hands into his chest, but he grabs my wrists, pulling me against him. I slam into the hard muscle of his body, wriggling to get free. “Are you doing this because you saw Justin come over? Are you that fucking awful of a person?”
My words are loud, but my sudden sobs are louder. They bring Justin to the door and he steps outside onto the porch and into this shit show that is unfolding.
“No,” Reid says, the hurt in his voice covering me and making me realize he isn’t lying. “I’m so sorry, Sienna.” He pulls me closer, his arms wrapping around me, holding me tight, but I don’t want to be anywhere near him right now.
“Let me go!” I scream, once again trying to pull away from him.
I’ve wished for this day more times than I can count, more times than I care to admit to, but now that it’s here, the guilt and regret bury themselves deep inside me. My father was a drunk and borderline abusive; he fucked Caleb and I up. He was cruel and unpredictable, and until we were old enough to understand how useless he was, we feared him with everything in us. I stopped crying for him around age ten when the ambulance carted him off to the hospital for the second time that week. It was Reid who picked up the pieces every single time it happened.
And here he is again.
But I don’t want to weep for my dead father. I don’t want Reid’s sympathy. I want to act like none of this is happening. I want to act like this isn’t my life.
“She’s asking you to leave,” Justin asserts.
“Mind your own fucking business, man,” Reid spits back and this is the last thing I need.
“This is my business because I’m here with Sienna, not you.”
Reid’s hold on me loosens and I push away from him, but when I catch a look at his face through my cloudy, hazy eyes, I can see Justin’s words only added to this mess.
“You’re here with Sienna? What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Reid asks, sarcasm and mockery laced in his words. “You going to be the one to console her when she explains to you all the bullshit she holds in her fucked up head? All the shit she carries with her that was created by her father?” He lets out a hard exhale, tugging a hand through his hair. “She looks great on the surface, but inside, she’s a fucking mess. You’ll be sneaking out the back door before she can even get past age six.” A condescending laughs echoes on the small porch and whatever guilt I was feeling is now replaced by hatred.
Hatred for Reid.
“Leave!” I scream, my face red and burning, my eyes sore.
“I’m not going anywhere,” Reid screams back, reaching for me. “We’re going home. We’re going home for your father’s funeral.”
“Like hell I am. I don’t want anything to do with him or you!” The sobs have returned, deep and guttural and I feel like I might puke.
“You gonna leave Caleb to clean up this mess himself? That’s so fucking typical of you, Sienna. Run away when shit gets real, but we both know that just makes you a coward and it makes you no better than your father.” Reid’s words cut deep. He knows what to say to make them sting harder, to make them stab me right in the heart. The sick feeling of bile rises up in my throat and I can’t even look at him, let alone respond.
I pull open the door to the house and when he tries to follow me, undoubtedly to continue his berating, Justin steps in front of him.
“You’re not welcome here, Bowen and I won’t say it again.” Justin’s words are controlled and calm, but his demeanor defensive. I watch his hand ball into a fist, his knuckles turning white with the pressure.
And it finally seems to have sunken in as Reid turns to leave, but he quickly whips around, his fist connecting with the side of my house. The sound reverberates in every room, startling me, but it’s his words that remain stuck inside my head.
I can’t possibly go home. Caleb and I talked about this in detail when I left. It was the one thing that was holding me back from leaving in the first place. We’re broke as fuck and without a car, without the money to fly home, I’m pretty much stuck here. We knew this going into it and we debated it back and forth with Caleb telling me to go, but the guilt tugged at my every sense because I knew once I left, I’d never go back.
I’m staring at Justin as he looks at me with a completely different view than he had just moments ago. We were hot and heavy and on our way to probably sleeping together and now he’s looking at me like I’m damaged goods.
I am damaged goods.
Bruised and battered, hidden behind a façade of smoke and mirrors. A pretty package wrapped up with shiny blonde hair and pouty lips, a tiny ass and flawless skin, but inside it’s a fucking mess. Reid said it himself and he’s right.
I just want normal so bad.
“You okay?” Justin asks, but his question lacks the sympathy I hoped for. It’s almost like he’s asking so I don’t think he’s a dick.
“Yeah, I will be. I’m sorry you had to…” He’s shaking his head and I stop speaking, my words catching in my throat before they go too far.
“It’s okay. I think you might need some time to…I don’t know,” Justin mutters. “Maybe figure out what’s going on with…”
“I don’t need any time to figure out what’s going on with Reid,” I immediately say, but it’s clear that was not what Justin was thinking. He closes his eyes, shaking his head.
“I was gonna say with your dad.”
“I’m sorry,” I murmur, my eyes welling with tears once again.
“Seriously, Sienna. It’s okay. I get it. I’m here if you need me, but I think you need some time to process what’s happened here. I’m gonna go.” He tosses a thumb in the direction of the door and at the moment I don’t have the resolve to argue or to ask him to stay.