Judas

by Caleb Meeks

  “That would be great. Thank you.”

  “My pleasure.” He smiled and turned around to walk out the door. He opened the door to step out.

  “Oh, hey, one more.”

  He turned back around. “What’s up?”

  “What’s your name?”

  He smiled. “That’s an easy one, it’s Dominic.”

  “Well Dominic, thank you for everything.” I said. He nodded his head in acknowledgement and walked out of the room.

  After a while, the door opened. I expected a nurse to walk in, but it was the face of my mother this time. My face immediately lit up, but her’s didn’t. I tried to shrug it off, but that look of…almost disappointment stuck with me.

  “I’m so glad to see you’re okay.” I said, trying to lighten the moment up. She didn’t respond. All she did was walk to the edge of the bed and look at me. “Are you okay?” I asked?

  “No, I’m not okay.” She said very bluntly. It was like she wanted to cry, but she was too angry to do it.

  “What’s wrong?” I said, my heart starting to beat harder in my chest.

  “You know what’s wrong, Judas. You know, because you did it. This was all your fault.”

  “I don’t know what you mean, mom, what are you talking about?”

  “You just ruined this family. You killed your father. Why didn’t you just listen and leave it alone.” She looked furious. I was so confused that I didn’t know what to say. I wanted to believe it was just shock, but she looked far too clear headed to be speaking out of shock.

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about. What are you saying?” I asked again. I didn’t want her to respond, but I couldn’t think of anything else to say.

  She responded by smacking me across the face. The nurse from before stepped in just as her hand was leaving my face. He waved his hand and two guards came in. They hastened to grab her when she raised her hand to hit my chest. The large bandage wrapped around my chest gave her a perfect target. Fortunately, they grabbed her before she could, and they pulled her away from the room. As she left, she screamed, “I don’t ever want to see you again, you hear me! You should never have woken up!”

  The nurse, Dominic, came over to my side after the guards dragged her out of the room. “Are you okay?” He asked frantically, checking all my vitals.

  “I don’t know.” I said blankly. My emotions were already drained, but now I was just numb. I didn’t know what to feel or what to think. As if everything hadn’t already fallen apart, it was in shattered pieces on the ground now.

  He lifted the edge of the bandage to check for bleeding, but it looked fine to him. Had she landed that second hit, the story might be different, but I was fine, physically at least. “I’m so sorry that happened.”

  “How’d you get in here so quickly?” I asked, remembering his almost immediate reaction.

  “I saw how she was behaving to the officers. She looked angry, and I didn’t want her in here with you without some kind of guardian. So, I stuck my foot in the door to keep an ear out.”

  “Protocol?” I asked.

  A smile crossed his face. “Against protocol, actually.” I let out an exhausted chuckle.

  Flash forward a few days in the hospital stay. The numbness had worn off, and I was feeling the pain, but I was being discharged. They had decided I was fine to go back into the real world. It was a serious surgery, but once they got the bleeding under control, it was classified as outpatient. Where I would go was still a question, but I’d learned to be resourceful.

  I was standing in the hospital room trying to get dressed. Putting on real clothes felt good but was significantly more difficult when you are trying not to tear stitches open. It took a long time, but I was able to do most of it. Shoes were going to be hard, but there had to be a way. The door opened while I was trying to put shoes on.

  I heard Dominic’s voice from behind me. “Want some help with that?” He and I had become close while I was there. Not like you get “close” with your doctor, but like he actually cared. I didn’t really have friends, so having someone actually try to be my friend felt odd, but I liked it.

  “As much as I want to say no, I’d be lying.” He laughed and walked over to the bedside next to me. “This a new one for you?”

  “Helping a patient put their shoes on?” I nodded. “No. I do this at least ten times a day. I’ll just say that helping you with your shoes will probably be the highlight of the day.”

  “Got it.” I said, and we both laughed.

  “So, where are you going to go once you get out of here?” He asked, tying the laces on the second shoe.

  “I don’t have any idea yet. I’m resourceful, though, so it won’t be a big deal.” I tried to convince him it wasn’t something he should worry about, but just getting to know him the past few days told me it wasn’t going to work.

  “Judas, I don’t know every part of your story, but I know enough to tell that you’re just trying to get me to believe it’s not a big deal.” Like I said, he had an ability to see right through me.

  I let out a small chuckle. “Okay, you got me there.”

  “I know you like to be your own hero, but right now, you could at least use a sidekick. I get off my shift in like thirty minutes. If you just hang around here until then, we could get breakfast, and if you want, you could stay with me for a few days. Just until you get your feet back on the ground. I don’t want you out there alone, and if you’re with me, I could keep an eye on that injury. You don’t have to, but I just wanted to offer.”

  I was shocked by his kindness. Again, not something I had a great amount of experience with. Every part of me was screaming the word, “No.” It was all I could think was the right answer. However, I opened my mouth to say it, but what came out was, “Yeah, thank you. That means a lot.”

  ▪

  The memory wanted to keep playing, but I felt like something was shaking my shoulder. I shook myself awake and looked around. Much to my surprise, someone was sitting on the stairs just in front of me. “Dominic?” I said, blinking a few times to try and make it go away. It had to be a hallucination.

  “Hey, Judas.”

  “What’s going on?”

  “How’d it feel to let yourself feel all those emotions? You’ve been hiding that for a while, right?”

  “Yeah, I have.”

  “I still remember those days like they were yesterday. It seems like so long ago.”

  “What’s going on, Dom?”

  “Just listen, you always tended to talk too much. I still remember the day you got admitted. They charged through the ER doors, and there you were. This unconscious guy that was bleeding everywhere. The trauma surgeon grabbed me and a few others to help him. I honestly thought it was ridiculous that they were even going to try and save you. I’m glad they did, all three times. Every nurse in that hospital passed you up because you were the patient that killed someone. I almost passed you on too, but I felt a nudge to sign on. Thinking back, I can’t even imagine what would have happened if I hadn’t.” This was the Dominic I remembered. The lifeless body I found in that facility wasn’t my best friend. This was. “I might not be here anymore, but you are. So, you can’t let everything that has happened to you stop you from pushing on. And while I may not be there in body anymore, I’m still with you. I know how much you hate the cheesy clichés, but I can’t leave you without some of the cheesy clichés. You’ve got to get up, and fight on. This is it, and you can’t give up now.” He paused, giving me a look that said Understood? “Somehow, this house has running water still, and there is a bottle of vodka in the kitchen to clean that out.” He pointed to the hole in my stomach. “Now, this is the part where you stand up.” I listened. It took some trying, but I powered through the pain to get to my feet. He smiled. This was the picture I’d hold in my mind, not the picture of his bleeding corpse, but the picture of his smiling face that was full of the life he loved so much. “We didn’t really get to say goodbye, so, Judas, I
guess this is goodbye.”

  I tried to find something to say, but I couldn’t piece something together. “Thank you, Dominic, thank you for everything.” He smiled and nodded his head. “Goodbye.” I started towards the kitchen to grab the bottle of vodka he told me about. After taking a breath, I turned back to look at him. Where he had just been standing on the staircase was now empty. “Goodbye, Dominic.”

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Newman was laid out on the ground from being pulled out of the room by Cadman. Both of the men shared the same stunned facial expression. The doctor had warned them about her, but neither of them expected it what had happened.

  “Are you okay?” Cadman said, getting down on the ground to better look at Matthew’s injuries.

  “Yeah, I’m fine.” He replied, trying to breathe normally. He had cuts and gashes all over his face and throat.

  “Come on, let’s get you out of this hallway and get your face cleaned up.” He nodded. Cadman helped the younger man up to his feet and braced him while they walked down the hall. They slowly made their way through the complex. Newman was able to catch his breath, and after walking for a few minutes, was back to walking at his normal gate. After fifteen minutes of silent walking, they arrived at the medical ward. “Here,” Cadman ushered Newman to sit in a chair, “let me grab a few things.” He sat down, still in shock from the twisted turn of events.

  “What was that?” Newman eventually asked, breaking the uncomfortable silence.

  Cadman audibly inhaled and exhaled. “I don’t know, Matt. I’ve been doing this for a long time, but I haven’t seen anything like that except on cases where possession is reported.”

  “Possession? Like, demonic possession?” He asked. He’d heard of the cases, even believed most of them, but was still surprised.

  “Yeah, those cases.” Cadman walked back to him, holding basic medical supplies. He took a seat just in front of Newman. “Hold still.” He said, grabbing hold of his chin. Using a damp cloth, he started wiping the blood from his face. It looked less severe after cleaning the blood off, but still surprised him what she’d managed to do in such a short time, especially with just her hands. “She did a number on your face.”

  Newman laughed. “Sure feels like it.” He joked. Cadman smiled. They sat together in silence for the next few minutes while Cadman continued trying to patch up Matthew’s face. None were deep enough to require stitches but took what seemed like an inordinate amount of time to get to stop bleeding. After a while, though, he managed to get them stopped for the most part. “You want to get out of here?” Cadman asked his partner.

  He shook himself out of his daze. “Yeah, let’s go.” Cadman noticed he still seemed off.

  “You okay, Matt?” He asked.

  “Oh, yeah, sorry. Just tired and a little shaken from that.”

  “Okay, you sure?” He knew he probably wasn’t going to get anything out of him.

  “Positive. You ready to go?” He asked, standing up from his chair.

  “Yeah, I am.”

  Newman caught a glimpse of himself in a mirror. “Wow, she really did do a number on my face.” He remarked, letting out a light laugh. Cadman laughed with him, and then exited the room.

  They walked back out into the main lobby, where they were greeted by the doctor from before. “Are you okay, Officer Cadman? I heard what happened in there.”

  “Yeah, I’m fine. I’ve been through worse before.” The doctor smiled.

  “Well, I hope you got what you wanted.”

  Cadman and Newman looked each other in the eyes, and then back at the doctor. “We got something, that’s for sure.” Cadman said.

  “Good. If there is anything else I can help you with, please let me know.”

  “Thank you.” Newman said. The doctor turned towards the room they had just come from, and the two men turned the opposite direction. They headed towards the door. “Let’s get out of here.” Newman sighed.

  “No kidding.” Cadman agreed. They walked to the car and both climbed in. Both men took a moment to breathe, trying to process what they had just seen. Newman sat staring out the window, lost in his own mind. “…anyway, like I was saying…” Cadman stopped his sentence when he noticed Newman’s lack of presence. “Newman?” He asked, not getting a response. “Newman?” He said, a little more aggressively. Still no response. “Matthew?” He reached out and grabbed the younger man’s arm.

  Newman startled back to himself. “Yeah?”

  “You sure you’re okay, Matt? You’ve been really distant. I’m worried about you.” Cadman wore a look of genuine concern.

  Newman laughed, trying to lighten the mood. “I appreciate the concern. I’m fine, though. I haven’t been sleeping much, and I was up all last night figuring this place out. I’m just tired.”

  “Okay, do you want me to take you home? You should try and get some sleep.”

  “No, we should get back to the station. I’ll sleep later. We have to get this information down at the very least.”

  “Alright, back to the station it is. You could at least try and get some rest while we drive. It’s a long trip, and it couldn’t hurt.”

  “Yeah, you’re right.” Cadman turned the key, and the engine started. Newman leaned back in his seat. Slowly, he allowed his eyes to shut. He could feel the car start to move, but pushed it to the back of his mind, and was fast asleep.

  Cadman sat there, driving the car in silence for the next two hours. While it was silent in the car, his mind was racing. There was something about Newman that didn’t feel right to him. Cadman had seen him exhausted before, but it never caused him to act the way he was acting. He spent most of the car ride trying to figure out what could have been wrong but couldn’t come up with anything logical.

  After what seemed like a lifetime, they pulled into the parking garage for the station. Newman was still fast asleep, and except for a few bumps along the way, had remained that way for the whole drive.

  Cadman reached over to him and shook his arm. “Hey, Matt.” He said, trying not to scare him awake.

  Newman’s eyes shot open, almost like he hadn’t been asleep at all. “We’re here?” He groggily mumbled. Cadman took solace knowing that he at least sounded like he’d gotten some rest.

  “Yeah, we are. Sorry, I didn’t want to scare you. Guess that didn’t work.” Cadman apologized.

  “No, it’s ok.” He wiped his eyes. “Let’s get going.”

  Something still seemed off about him to Cadman, but he shrugged it off. Asking again might have irritated him, and that wasn’t what he wanted to happen. The two men walked inside the building. It looked just as it normally did. There were people sitting at desks, criminals being taken to cells, and phones incessantly ringing. They started towards Cadman’s office, which was in the back of the station.

  “Hey, I’m going to go to the bathroom for a minute. I’ll be right back.” Newman said.

  Cadman nodded. “Okay, I’ll be in my office.”

  Newman nodded in response, then split from Cadman. He walked the short distance to the restroom on that floor. There wasn’t anyone else in it. Four mirrors lined one of the walls, each with a sink in front of it. He walked up to one of the mirrors, gripping the sink, and looking himself in the eyes. They had dark circles under them, like he hadn’t slept in weeks. He filled his hands with water and splashed it on his face. “You’ve got to get it together, Matthew.” He said to himself. A few deep breaths later, he managed to settle himself, and headed back towards the door. Cadman was just where he said he’d be.

  “Hey.” Newman said, walking into Cadman’s office. He could sense the concern on the man’s face.

  “Hey.” Cadman said back.

  “I’m sorry for how I’ve been acting since we left. I let what happened get under my skin a little too much, and it brought up some stuff I let go a long time ago. All that to say, I’m sorry, and I’ve got it mostly under control.”

  Cadman showed clear signs of relief. “I
’m glad to hear that. And you know, if you need to talk about anything, I know we haven’t been friends for very long, but you can talk to me.”

  Newman smiled. “I know. You ready to get on this thing?” He said with a familiar determination.

  Cadman, acknowledging that determination, clapped his hands together. “That’s the Matthew Newman I know!” He sounded more excited and alive than he had in a while. Newman turned and shut the door to the office.

  “Okay, so we don’t know much.” Newman said. “I honestly didn’t know quite what we thought we’d get from a mental institute patient, though.”

  “I don’t know either, but I guess we got something to work off of. Right now, we have a woman who seems to be the mother of the most dangerous criminal ever, and all she could give us was the description of almost every white male in America, and a street name that has a house that may or may not have been demolished.”

  “Yeah, something to work off of.” Newman snarked.

  “Well, we know that the description she gave matches up with the guy we ran into at the medical resource facility. I know it’s the description of most men, but given the circumstances, I’d say it isn’t too far out of the realm of possibility.”

  “I’d agree with you there.” Newman said. Both men stopped to think for a moment.

  “Hey, here’s a question for you.” Cadman asked quizzically.

  “Okay?” Newman responded.

  “Why is she in?”

  “You saw her, I think that’s proof enough of why she’s in.” Newman seemed to almost relive the moment she jumped on him again.

  “No, I mean why was she admitted in the first place? What happened that caused her to end up in a mental institute?”

  A light bulb practically blinked above Newman’s head. “I’ll call the hospital back and see if I can get that doctor on the phone.”

  “Do it. This could be our next lead!” Cadman beamed.

  Newman pulled his phone out of his pocket. The hospital was the last number he called. He pushed the call button, and it started ringing.

  “Hello, this is Kate from Knight’s Mental Hospital, how may I help you?” Newman remembered the woman from the first time he called.