Judas

by Caleb Meeks

  “Didn’t?” I unconsciously interjected.

  “I’m sorry?”

  “You said didn’t believe in. Something happen?”

  “Yeah, I guess you could say that. After a long time of being bitter and angry, all the words that my brother used to spout at me started making sense. Everything I had disregarded as religious jargon started becoming where I went for healing. I still remember the day I got put in charge of going through his stuff. One of the last things I found was his bible. He talked about that thing like it was his life, but after I opened it, I realized it was, and more importantly, why. Slowly, I started taking everything he’d told me to heart, and it made me feel almost as close to him as when he was standing next to me. So yeah, I guess you could say something happened, but it got me here. I guess the moral of my story is that your past doesn’t have to define you, and the things that you’ve done don’t have to be permanent. He wants to make you new, and only now do I realize that if my brother hadn’t died, it might never have happened to me. Now I can say with confidence that I’ll see him again. You know, the same is true for you, Judas.”

  “Alright, I’m going to stop you right there.” My defenses came up almost instinctively. “I know you think you know me, like we’re some kind of match in the cosmos of hurting people, but you don’t know me. I thought I felt something familiar inside you, but now I realize that was a mistake.” I stood up from the chair and walked towards the door. While it would be nice to say that I shrugged off his speech and went along with my life, that wasn’t what happened, and deep down, something had happened. Something big.

  Chapter Twenty-Four.

  I’d spent years staring into the same eyes I was staring into right now. I’d spent hours learning every single demon in every single corner in my mind. I could tell you the story behind every scar on my body, and believe me, that’s no small feat. The dingy mirror in the bathroom I’d spent countless nights crying in used to tell me things about myself. It was where I went when I was trying to forget that my father had just smacked me across the face or was pumping his veins full of heroin. I couldn’t tell you why it was where I went, but it became the place I felt safest.

  Given that it was the first place I went, I guess the impulse stuck. Call me crazy, but I was curious what it could tell me this time. The demons that had settled in the corners of my mind were still there, and my eyes still carried the same pain that they did before, but something was different.

  By now, the injuries from the past few weeks had mostly recovered. I was feeling more normal, and the wound in my stomach had closed. It still hurt but wasn’t as serious as it was before. Thanks, Dom. Fortunately, he kept a variety of supplies in my car just in case, and by proxy, I learned how to use them. What I needed to do was be able to hold my own in a fight, and I felt like I was back to that. It would be nice to be optimistic and hope there wouldn’t be another fight, but there would, and they’d only get bloodier from here on.

  I don’t know how long I stared into that dirty mirror, but eventually I managed to pull myself away. I could deal with my own demons later, but there was an officer in my basement, and I needed to deal with him. I grabbed a duffel bag from the floor in the living room as I walked by it and headed to the basement door. It creaked open, and the steps did the same as I walked down them. The officer was seated just as he was when I left him.

  His eyes were immediately locked with mine the second I stepped into the room. “I was beginning to wonder if you were going to leave me here.”

  “It was tempting, but that’s not really my style.” I could see his eyes drift to the bag in my hand, no doubt recalling all the pictures he’d seen in case files I dropped it on the table in front of him and walked to the side opposite him.

  “What happens next?” He hesitantly asked.

  “You leave.” I answered. I could see his muscles tighten.

  “How’s that?” He tried to say it with heroic stoicism, but it came out shakier than he probably intended.

  I reached into my jacket pocket, and I could see his muscles tighten again. My hand emerged from the pocket holding a set of keys. He relaxed once he saw what it was, but quickly replaced it with a look of confusion. I dropped the keys in front of him. “There’s a truck in the front of the house. These are the keys to it. It’s old, but it runs fine. There should be enough gas to get you back to the city.” I reached back into my pocket, this time pulling out a small piece of paper. “This is the address of the house we’re in. If your phone doesn’t recognize it, use the second address. It’s the address of a shop in the town, and your phone will recognize it. Speaking of which, here is your phone.” I reached into another pocket and pulled his phone out. I set it down next to the other things. “Now, for the bag. Inside this bag is almost everything I’ve collected from criminals along the way. Black books, security tapes, emails, hit lists, everything. I think you’ll find it very useful in taking down some of those criminals you’ve been thinking you’ll never be able to stick any charges to.”

  “I’m confused, why are you giving this to me?” He said, genuinely baffled.

  I paused for a moment, trying to figure out how to answer his questions. “I’ve recently become a little busier than usual. I thought I’d share some of the weight.” He nodded, still confused. I turned towards the door and started walking.

  Just before I exited, however, he stopped me. “Judas, why did you take me, just to let me go after one conversation?”

  I stopped at the base of the stairs, inhaling and exhaling. “Because, I got everything I needed from that one conversation.” As I finished my sentence, I started up the stairs, and walked away from the surely still confused officer Newman.

  ▪

  Officer Newman slowly stood up from the table he had been sitting at for the past few hours. He really didn’t know how long it had been, but he guessed no longer than a day. He clicked the home button on his phone, and it showed six o’clock in the morning. Far less time than he had originally thought. Without giving it too much thought, he shoved the phone in his pocket. He had his doubts about the contents of the duffel bag, so he unzipped it. Just as Judas had said, there were dozens of items that, if they checked out, could change the status of high-level crime. Baffled, he zipped it back up, grabbed the other couple items he had laid out, and started towards the steps Judas had just departed from.

  The stairs painfully creaked as he stepped up them. Part of him expected to see Judas waiting at the door, laughing that he thought he’d let him go. He reached the top of the stairs, stepping into the cresting sunlight through the various windows. Judas was nowhere in the house, at least as far as he knew. Outside the house, he heard tires grinding against rock. Through the front window, he saw a black car driving off, and he knew that Judas was gone. Why the most notorious crime boss in the known world would just let him walk out with a bag that thousands would quite literally kill for baffled him, but it wasn’t something he wanted to sit around and debate. There was a part of him that wanted to walk through the house, see the place Judas had called home for so many years, but he still wasn’t sure just how trustable Judas was, so he opted against it. The front door was hanging open, probably from Judas’ exit. Matthew took one final look at the squalid remains of the house, then stepped towards the door.

  It was hard for him to believe that he was standing in the very human house of such an inhumane criminal. It’s always easy to judge a criminal by what they’ve done, or what they’re doing, but it’s hard to comprehend that, at one time, they were just as human as he himself. Who knows, maybe Matthew would have ended up like Judas if he had continued down that same path. He hadn’t talked to anyone about his brother’s death in years, but, it came oddly naturally out of him. Their whole conversation gave him a lot to think about. What he didn’t know was that both men learned something life changing.

  He walked out of the house and pulled the keys out of his pocket. There was, as promised, a somewhat dingy pick
up truck in the front of the house. He momentarily questioned how it got there, but then remembered that he had just been kidnapped and released without a single scratch, and how it got there wasn’t near as important to him. He threw the duffel bag in the passenger seat, and quickly turned the truck on. The nature around him was beautiful, even considering how he had gotten there. It was a part of the city he had never seen before. After checking out the surroundings, he threw the truck into drive, and drove away as quickly as possible.

  ▪

  “…let’s go.” Cadman finished his sentence, only then realizing how ridiculous he probably looked standing on top of the desk. There wasn’t a single eye in the room that wasn’t glued to him. If looks could kill, the one he was receiving from the captain would have bored a hole through his chest. He immediately knew he’d have hell to pay once he stepped off the desk, but in the middle of the complete silence, the sound of the front door opening resounded throughout the whole room.

  Every eye turned to the person who was walking around the corner. Leo’s breathing halted the second his eyes landed on Matthew, as he rounded the corner. Matthew stopped in the middle of his stride when he saw the crowd of people, as well as Cadman on the desk. His expression quickly changed from confusion to purpose. “I don’t care what’s going on here. Leo, we need to talk.” He stated, then pushed through the crowd of people.

  Everyone redirected their attention from Newman back to Cadman. He looked just as lost and confused as the rest of them. A quick glance to the captain showed that he was just as confused as them too. No one knew what was going on, but Leo quickly stepped off the desk and pushed through the crowd of confused people to follow his partner. Matthew had hurried back towards Leo’s office, as well as the locker room.

  Leo stopped once both men were in the otherwise empty locker room. Matthew was just inside the door, and his face lit up when he saw his partner walk through the door. Both men went in for a tight hug, which lasted a few seconds. Leo pulled away, “I’m so glad you’re ok. You are ok, right?” He questioned, grabbing Matthew’s face, and tilting it around to examine every angle.

  Matthew reached up and grabbed Leo’s hands. “Leo, I’m fine. At least I am now.” The attention was foreign to him. He hadn’t been given the kind of genuine care that Leo was giving him since his brother died.

  “I don’t even know where to start. What happened?” Leo asked, a confused look on his face.

  “I do know where to start. I need five minutes to take the fastest shower I’ve ever taken, and then I will fill you in on everything.”

  “Totally. I’ll be in my office, okay?”

  “Okay, I’ll be there in a few.” Matthew smiled at the older man.

  Leo grabbed him and briefly hugged him again. “Don’t do that again.” He said, chuckling at the end.

  “No promises, but I’ll try.” Matthew laughed too. Leo slapped him on the shoulder, and then walked out of the room.

  Matthew quickly stripped his dirty clothes off and stepped into the scalding hot shower. He very briefly enjoyed the water rolling off his skin, but just as quickly remembered everything he needed to talk to Leo about, and tried to finish as quickly as possible. He stepped out of the shower, grabbed a towel, and hurried to find a new set of clothes. Fortunately, he always kept a spare set in his locker. He promptly dried himself off and stepped into the clothes he had put together. After quickly drying himself, and grabbing the duffel bag, he headed out of the locker room.

  Leo was pacing in his office, as he usually was whenever Matthew found him there. It seemed to be his way of processing things. “Let’s do this.” Matthew said, eliciting a grin from Leo.

  “So, what happened to you? Why’d you disappear?” Leo asked, trying to get some ounce of information to hold onto.

  “Judas took me.” Matthew frankly replied.

  “I was really hoping you weren’t going to say that, but I had a feeling. What did he do to you?” Matthew could hear the tension building in Leo’s voice as he thought about the potential answers to his questions.

  “Nothing.”

  “I appreciate humor, Matt, but I don’t feel like this is the time.”

  “Leo, I know that it sounds absurd, believe me, I know, but he really did nothing. I mean, aside from the fact that he somehow broke into my apartment, drugged me, and abducted me, he did nothing.”

  Leo stood there, completely in shock. “Then what did the two of you do the whole time? And how did you get out?”

  “We talked. And I mean that very literally, we had one conversation, and then he let me go.”

  “What did he want from you?”

  “I still don’t know how to answer that question. I asked him the same question more than once, and every time, he gave me a cryptic answer, or just said that he didn’t even know why.” Leo stood in front of Matthew, still confused.

  “What did you two talk about?” Leo pried.

  “Our lives, surprisingly. He told me his whole life story.”

  “Matt, he’s a criminal. He was probably fabricating the whole thing.”

  “I know, I know. I ran that through my head dozens of times while I was sitting in that room alone. Every time I told myself that he was lying, I couldn’t even believe myself. I don’t think he was lying to me. Leo, there is far more to this guy than we thought there was.”

  Leo paused for a moment. “I know you are going to hit me for this, but are you taking his side in all of this?” It was a genuine question, not out of anger, but actual curiosity.

  “Not at all. Not even one bit. But, when we were sitting there, talking to each other about our lives, I felt something human from him, and that’s not something we often pay attention to in criminals. He’s had an awful life, and while that’s not an excuse for what he’s done, I think he’s not quite as guilty as we’ve painted him to be. We went through very similar things, and even though we went two very different paths, I think I’m finally starting to get it.”

  “I guess this is where my questions change. What happened to you, Matthew?” Again, Leo was asking out of genuine curiosity and care, and Matthew could feel it.

  Matthew took a deep inhale. “I’ll save the long story for another time. My parents didn’t have a good marriage. From the day that I was born, to the day they died, they never had a good marriage. That affected how I lived my life in a lot of ways. I wasn’t a good kid, and once I got into the right, or wrong, as it was, group of kids, it changed everything. I went from being the good kid with the broken family to the bad kid, who was rebelling against his broken home, in a matter of weeks. The only sane person in my family was my brother, Derrick. He talked about Jesus all the time, and we all thought he was insane, but he was always the one who seemed to have it all together, even when everything was going wrong. I looked up to him like crazy, and he took it upon himself to make sure that I was always taken care of. We’re six years apart, so he always tried to play the role of responsible big brother. He was always the one I called when I was drunk or high at a party, and he always came without a second of hesitation. I was sitting in a crack house, waiting with a group of guys way older than me for a meeting with a client. I was terrified, but I didn’t let anyone know it. Everything happened really fast, but basically the guy who we were supposed to meet ended up kicking the door in and shooting the leader of the pack I had gotten in with. The bullets hit the ground just a few feet from my foot. He turned to come at me, but Derrick had somehow followed me there, and was waiting outside. He stormed in when he heard the first round of gunshots. He put one bullet into Derrick’s stomach without even an ounce of hesitation, and then walked out like nothing happened. My brother bled to death in my arms about three minutes after that.”

  “I am so sorry, Matt, I had no idea about any of that.” Leo looked horrified.

  “It’s ok.” Matthew said, holding back a slew of emotions that were pressing on his eyes. “No one knows, and that’s my fault. I’ve been afraid to let anyone into
it because I’ve been too afraid to go back to it. I guess that’s all changing now.” He looked into Leo’s eyes, noticing the unchanging look of shock.

  “Now I realize why you responded the way you did when we were in your apartment, and I asked about the picture of you and your brother.”

  “Yeah, that’s why. I keep that picture because it reminds me of the days when we were good. I still remember when that picture was taken. It was on one of the very rare occasions when we were together with our parents. When I was younger, Derrick would put me on his shoulders, like a dad usually would. He hadn’t done it in years, but our parents thought it would be a funny picture.” Leo carried the same sentimental smile that Matthew had. “I couldn’t actually get up on his shoulders, so we compromised, and I got on his back. That picture was taken just a few seconds before Derrick’s leg gave out we both fell over. It’s one of the happiest memories I have with him, but it’s the simplest by far.” Both men stayed silent for a few seconds. “Sorry, I’ve never told anyone these things before.”

  “No, don’t apologize. I love hearing about it. He sounds like he was an amazing brother.” Leo said, his own emotions welling up in the corners of his eyes.

  “He absolutely was. He would have really liked you.” Matthew paused, looking up at the ceiling. “I think he does.” They shared the moment, then carried on.

  “So, how does that relate to Judas?” Leo asked.

  “I don’t even know where to start. I guess his story starts in a similar way to mine. His parents weren’t the greatest either. In the beginning, his father was verbally abusive. Then, he got into hardcore drugs, and became physically abusive to both Judas and his mother. His mother became defensive of his father, so he didn’t really have an ally while he was going through it. Years after getting physical, his father just up and left in the middle of the night. After that, Judas thought he might be able to piece together what was left of his life. For a couple years, it worked, but then his father came back. He was high on something strong, attacked his mother, stabbed Judas, and he had to kill him.”