Careless (An Enemies To Lovers Novel Book 3)

by Michelle Horst

  Chapter 9

  JAXSON

  I make sure I’m on the jet well before Leigh is due to arrive.

  “Mr. West,” the stewardess greets me with a clear look of surprise on her face. It doesn’t stop her from checking me out. “We weren’t expecting you. I’m Tia, and I’ll be your stewardess for the flight.” There’s a flirting tone to her words which I choose to ignore.

  “It was a last-minute decision.” I glance around the luxurious cabin. “It’s a surprise for Dr. Baxter so I’ll appreciate if you didn’t let her know that I’m onboard. I’ve also brought food which I’d like to be served after we’ve taken off.”

  I keep my voice professional and hand her the brown paper bags filled with delicious treats we can snack on and a light white wine. My plan is to get to know Leigh better and to allow her to get to know me. We need to erase the gap between us that formed over the past few years.

  I take a seat in the staff area and strap myself in. My heart starts to beat with both anxiety and excitement, thinking that in a few minutes time, I’ll be sitting across from Leigh. She’ll have to give me undivided attention seeing as there’s nowhere she can run to until we land.

  I have around six hours to convince her to give us a try.

  Once we’ve reached cruising altitude, I remove the seatbelt and make my way to the kitchen.

  Finding Tia there, she helps me unpack and plate all the food. She tries to rub up against me every chance she gets, which irritates me to hell and back.

  “Could you please prepare the table, Tia?” I ask briskly, handing her a white tablecloth and candles.

  “Of course, Mr. West.” Her voice is throaty as if she’s willing to do just about anything I ask of her, including going down on her knees to suck me off.

  I peek through the curtain and watch as Leigh stares out of the window. At least I still have the surprise factor on my side.

  She’s wearing a pair of black slacks, and a white blouse which fits her frame perfectly, especially her pert breasts. The cold air makes her nipples strain against the material, and I suppress a soft groan while adjusting myself so my hard-on isn’t so damn obvious.

  Leigh looks comfortable which I’m happy to see. The less tense she is when we talk, the better my chances will be when I’m pleading my case.

  Once Tia is done setting everything up, I slowly pull the curtain aside. Leigh doesn’t notice as I come in and I get to drink in her beauty for a little while longer. When I sit down next to her, her head turns to me and a look of surprise flashes over her face.

  “I didn’t know you’d be on this flight,” she says, her beautiful brown eyes still wide.

  “I wanted to surprise you,” I admit. I don’t have time to play games with her.

  “Me? Why?” She turns her body, so she’s facing me, and I take it as a good sign that she’s not giving me the cold shoulder.

  I have to choose my words carefully. I don’t want to scare her away with a sudden declaration of love.

  “You’re someone I’d like to get to know better.”

  She frowns as if she can’t understand why I’d like to get to know her. It’s actually refreshing. Most of the women I’ve hooked up with always assume it means something more than a casual fling. And then there are the few who feel they have a right to me, and the wealth that comes with working at Indie Ink. Not one of them has ever looked at me without seeing dollar signs.

  Leigh’s eyes hold mine for a moment. When she looks at me like that, I know she’s trying to study me, searching for the truth behind my actions.

  She glances out the window again, and whispers, “I’m still the same person, Jaxson. All I do is work. I don’t have time for friends.”

  Always direct. I don’t think she has it in her to lie.

  “Have a late lunch with me, Doc. When the plane lands, and you still feel the same, I promise to let it go.”

  Her eyes dart to me. “Just lunch?”

  “Just lunch.”

  “Okay,” she whispers.

  I get up and taking her hand, I walk her over to the table. I wait until she’s seated before I take the seat next to her. She glances at the empty seats across from us before looking back to me. I ignore the silent question, and with a nod in Tia’s direction, I give her the sign to bring out the platter.

  Tia places the platter in the middle of the table before she opens the wine. She pours some into crystal glasses before she disappears back into the kitchen, giving us privacy.

  Leigh looks at the food and smiles teasingly. “What would you have done with the food if I had refused?”

  “Most likely eat it all. I’m a comfort eater.”

  She lets out a soft chuckle. Her delicate fingers wrap around the stem of the wine glass, and she takes a small sip. Her tongue darts out, and she licks her lips. Placing the glass back on the table, her hand returns to her lap.

  I decide to get the apology out of the way. We have to move past what happened that night in order for us to start something new.

  I place my hand over hers and before she can pull away, I tighten my fingers around hers. Her eyes dart to mine, and even though she’s uncomfortable, she doesn’t look away.

  “I’m sorry, Doc. I shouldn’t have left you that night.”

  Her lips part and the look in her eyes sharpen as if she’s about to shut me down.

  “Please let me say this,” I whisper urgently.

  I expect her to look away, or to tell me to go to hell, but instead, she nods.

  I let out a sigh of relief. That’s one win for me.

  “I’m not going to apologize for making love to you.”

  Her eyes soften until they look bruised, and I hate that she’s still hurting.

  “Just before you got to my place, my mom had called Logan. I refuse to take any of her calls. She… let’s just say she wasn’t the best mother. Every time she calls…” I shake my head and take a deep breath to control the anger that’s always threatening to rise to the surface when I think of that woman. “I can’t think of her and not get angry.”

  Leigh’s body relaxes into the chair as she places her other hand over the back of mine.

  Thank God. She’s listening to me.

  “I was drowning in anger when you got there. Then I saw how upset you were and fuck… I swear I could feel your pain. If we had just hate-fucked, I would definitely be on my knees right now, begging your forgiveness for making a shitty situation so much worse. But what happened between us that night—you were my first in so many ways.”

  She tilts her head and gives me a look which clearly says she thinks I’m talking shit.

  “Willow told me about the screw crew list, Jaxson. I was definitely not your first.”

  I turn my body towards her and placing my left arm on the table, I lean closer to her. The sweet scent of her perfume makes me inhale deeper.

  Fuck, I’ve missed the smell of her.

  “You’re the only woman I’ve kissed, Doc.”

  I let the information sink in and watch her lips part on a silent gasp.

  “Why?” she whispers.

  “You’re different from any other woman I’ve ever met. With you, it felt right.”

  “You’re also the only woman I’ve made love to. Every time I try with someone else, I see you. I’ve tried and… I can’t.”

  Hurt flickers in her eyes when she says, “You’ve tried?”

  This part of the conversation sucks. Fuck, I wish I could just skip it.

  “I’ve tried and failed quite a few times.”

  She lets out a shaky breath. “What does that have to do with me?”

  My eyes trail over her face, taking in her soft skin and those eyes… fuck, those eyes. I can see my future in them.

  “Everything. It has everything to do with you, and that’s why I want to get to know you.”

  She shakes her head and looks down at our joined hands.

  “It was just sex, Jaxson.”

  I take hold of he
r chin and turn her face back to mine.

  “You’re not a liar, Doc. We both know it wasn’t just sex.”

  When she doesn’t admit it, I let go of her chin and move my hand to her neck. I brush my fingers over her sensitive skin and watch as goosebumps appear.

  I wait her out as she reacts to my touch. I need to hear it from her.

  “It’s nothing but a physical reaction. It doesn’t mean anything,” she argues.

  I lean into her and press my mouth to her ear. “What about the fluttering in your stomach?”

  She quickly places a hand over her middle as if she can hide it from me that way.

  “What about that flicker of hope you feel when you look at me? Are you really going to sit here and pretend you don’t feel anything for me?”

  “All I feel is fear,” she spits out. I pull back as the shock from what she just said, ripples over me.

  “Why? I know I shouldn’t have walked away, but at that moment I thought I was doing the right thing. I’d never hurt you intentionally, Doc.”

  She stares at the glass of wine and says, “When I lost my mom, it hurt. I’ve never felt pain like that before. I couldn’t rationalize it. When I was with you, you made the pain go away.”

  She brings her eyes to mine, and the pleading look in them makes me want to wrap her in my arms and never let go.

  “For the first time in my life, you made me feel what it felt like to be loved by a man. Then you walked away. It felt like I lost you and my mother that night. It hurt…” she takes a trembling breath. “The pain was unbearable.”

  “Doc, I only walked away because it’s what you wanted. The hardest thing I’ve ever done was walk away from you. You needed to hate someone, and I took the fall. But it’s been six years. It happened in another life.”

  She looks anguished as her breathing speeds up.

  “Another life,” she whispers, and I can see it written all over her face. She knows I’m referring to what she said.

  “I know a lot has happened between us, and I understand that we’ll need to take it slow. I won’t rush you. I just need to know whether there is any possibility at all, that I can love you without you hating me.”

  I hold my breath as her eyes begin to shine with unshed tears.

  Fuck, this is where she breaks my heart.

  “I don’t hate you, Jaxson. There was a time I didn’t like you at all, but I never hated you.”

  “You used past tense. Does that mean you like me now?” I can’t help but tease.

  “I like you, Jaxson, but that doesn’t mean we can be together. We hardly know each other. We’re practically strangers, and I don’t have time for a relationship.”

  “You don’t have time, or you won’t make time? There’s a difference, Doc.”

  “I’m not relationship material, Jaxson. You need to find someone who will fit in your world.”

  “You are the only woman who fits in my world.”

  She lets out a frustrated breath and glares at me.

  I’m not giving up. She can glare at me all she wants, but there’s no way I’m letting her go, especially now that I know she likes me.

  ∞∞∞

  LEIGH

  It’s getting harder and harder to keep him at a distance. The same intimacy we shared the night we made love is enveloping us now.

  Even the way he looks at me is the same as that night.

  “Tell me what you’re really afraid of, Doc?”

  His voice is low and filled with so much emotion it makes me want to cry. I can’t lie to him, even if I wanted to. It feels like I’ve been hurled back to that night.

  “I can’t lose anyone else,” I whisper. “If I let you in, I’ll love you and when I lose you… I can’t, Jaxson.”

  He frames my face with his hands and presses his forehead to mine. My heart clenches so painfully, I almost grab at my chest so I can try to ease it. He makes me feel so much that it suffocates me.

  “When you lose me? You’ve already decided that I’ll leave you. That’s not like you, Doc. You’re not the kind of person to assume things.”

  I stare at him with wide eyes. Everything he’s saying right now is a reminder of why I fell in love with him.

  He sees me. He understands me.

  But he also has the power to hurt me in such a way that I’ll never recover from it.

  I turn my face away from him because if I look at him any longer, I’ll give in to this pull between us.

  “You saw me when I found out that I lost my mother. You’re the one person who saw what it did to me. It will be so much worse when I lose you. If I allow myself to love you, I’ll love you with everything I am.”

  Please understand! It already hurts too much.

  “Jaxson, the pain will destroy me.”

  “Give me a chance to show you that I won’t leave you,” he pleads. “I will never walk away from you willingly.”

  I smile sadly because that’s just it. “You might not have a choice one day. We all die. If you were to die because I couldn’t save you… I don’t even know how to process that thought.”

  I can see he finally understands because he looks away from me, his face torn with emotion.

  We sit in silence for a few minutes, each busy with our own thoughts.

  When he looks at me again, he places his right arm behind me, resting it on the chair. Being caged in by him doesn’t help at all. It makes me want to lean into him because I’ll know I’ll be able to lose myself in him. I won’t have to think about any of this then.

  “Doc, when you lost your mom, did you regret knowing her? If you could go back in time, would you want to know her for those nineteen years and lose her, or not know her at all, and save yourself the pain?”

  I gasp at his question, at once angry that he could even ask me something like that.

  When I start to turn my face away from him, he places his left hand on my cheek to keep me in place.

  “Just answer it. I’ll let you get off this plane, and I won’t bother you again if you answer it,” he says urgently.

  “Of course I don’t regret my mother. She was an amazing woman. I couldn’t have asked for a better mother. I was lucky to have had her for nineteen years. And yes, if I could go back I wouldn’t change anything.”

  “Why?” he asks.

  I shake my head and glare at him. “You said if I answer it, you’ll stop.”

  “Why wouldn’t you change it, Doc? You could save yourself the pain.”

  “Because I love her!”

  We’re both breathing hard when the sharpness of my voice dies away.

  I yank my face free from his hand and get out of the seat. I start to pace the aisle, needing to find some kind of release for this tension coiling inside of me.

  Jaxson gets up and steps in front of me, stopping me from pacing.

  “I’m scared out of my mind, Leigh.”

  That’s the second time he’s said my name. I’ll never admit that I love it when he calls me Doc, but hearing him call me Leigh, makes my heart expand until it might burst.

  “I’m scared of losing you. None of us have a fucking clue about what the future might hold. I could die first, or you could die first. We’d both be taking the same chance.”

  He closes his eyes, and he’s so heartbreakingly beautiful, it feels like a physical blow.

  “Mr. Hayes was the only father I had ever known. My dad bailed on me and Logan when we were too young to understand what was happening. My mom… she’s out there somewhere because it was too much of a hassle to raise us. Mr. Hayes passed away soon after you left. I’ve lost every parental figure I’ve ever had in my life. I know what loss feels like and as much as it hurts, I’d rather have a day with you, than a lifetime without you.”

  I blink the tears away.

  He steps into my personal space and brings his hands to either side of my neck. Tilting my face up, our eyes meet, and there is so much emotion loaded into this moment that I’m struggling to breath
e.

  “You would do it all again because you love your mom. Give me a chance to love you in such a way that you would love me, in this life and in another lifetime. If our love is worth the pain of death shouldn’t we at least fight for it?”

  My shoulders slump and I press my face into his chest. I can’t bring myself to say no again. I can’t push him away again.

  “I don’t know how to date. I’ve never even been on one. I wouldn’t know what to say or how to act. We live in different states. We can’t fly up and down to see each other. We –”

  He pulls me away from his chest and presses a finger to my lips.

  “I will fly up and down. I will move heaven and earth to date you, Doc. Just say yes. Say you’ll date me and leave the rest to me.”

  I swallow hard as my heart starts to thump in my chest as if I’m about to perform an aortic dissection.

  “Yes,” I whisper, already fearing that I made the wrong choice.

  Shock flashes over Jaxson’s face and then he leans down so that we’re almost eye to eye.

  “Really? Yes? You said yes?”

  I let out a burst of laughter. and he scoops me up into a hug so tight, it lifts my feet from the floor. I wrap my arms around his neck, hugging him back. It feels amazing to hold him again.

  “Fuck, Doc,” he says with excitement. “Thank you.”

  Finally, he lowers me down his body until my feet touch the floor. It looks like he’s going to kiss me and it instantly makes me blush. I take a step back and straighten my shirt.

  I might have kissed him already, but so much time has passed. I feel too nervous right now. I’ll mess it up. I just need a little time to get used to the idea of dating.

  I glance shyly at him, hating the question as it leaves my mouth. “So we’re dating now? It’s done?”

  The smile on his face gets so wide if he didn’t have ears it would wrap right around his head.

  “You’re the most extraordinary person I know.”

  “You said that before,” I mumble, not happy that he didn’t answer me.

  “You have such a brilliant mind, Doc. You can do things I’ll never understand, but when it comes to everyday life, I have so much to show you.”