A Life Worth Living

by Amanda Canham

  ‘Now, hold on a minute. Maybe I can think of something else I might like.’

  ‘It has to be something clean.’

  ‘I know. I may need a little time to think about it though. Don’t want to waste my favour,’ he said with a wink before turning back to the study he was reviewing.

  They worked side by side for a while, chatting occasionally, flirting a little. It felt comfortable to sit there, quietly working away together. Cameron was relaxed, more so than he normally was with his other colleagues.

  Maybe it was Stacey. The façade of constant chirpiness that usually emanated from her was gone. Maybe, because he’d seen her at her worst she didn’t feel the need to hide from him what she clearly hid from the whole world. Yet she didn’t seem to be sad. She seemed almost, truly. . .happy?

  And he’d done that.

  He’d made her happy.

  A thrill ran through him at the thought. And he realised the lonely ache in his heart wasn’t all that noticeable right now.

  Cameron was in the middle of regaling her with stories of some of his patients in America when the outside intercom buzzed, indicating the arrival of the next patient. Stacey raced out to the reception area and greeted the patient and her family through the speakerphone, and Cam heard a distinct buzz as she depressed the button that allowed night time access to the ward.

  ‘This is my set-up now,’ Stacey informed him as she came back into the room.

  ‘Oh, I didn’t realise you did set-ups as well.’

  ‘Yeah. I do a bit of everything here. I like the variety,’ she hesitated in the doorway, as though she didn’t have to leave. Cam didn’t want her to leave. ‘So, um, you’ll probably be gone by the time I finish with them, but, ah, thanks for tonight.’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘You’re not that good a liar. I know you were here to check up on me.’ She held up a hand to halt the denial forming on his lips. ‘But it’s okay. It was nice, having company. And I think maybe I did need it today.’

  Cam could tell there was no point denying it now, so he just nodded, accepting her thanks.

  ‘Okay, well, I’ll see you around then.’ She gave him a little wave and moved away, over to where her patient was standing inside the entrance waiting for her. Cam heard her greet the family and move down the corridor. He closed the study he’d finished reviewing quite a while ago. Slowly he packed up his gear and walked out of the hospital and down to his car. He didn’t want to go home to his empty apartment. For the first time in years, the idea of being alone held no appeal at all.

  Chapter 3

  Maybe he shouldn’t do this, Cam thought as he paced around the living room of his riverfront apartment in New Farm. He sidestepped the coffee table, reached the LED television mounted on the wall, then turned around and paced back to the stainless steel kitchen, all the while gripping his mobile phone in his hand.

  Of course he should. There was nothing wrong with asking her to join him. They were friends. Well, almost. And this could cement their friendship. Besides he didn’t know the first thing about shopping for kids.

  He would have.

  He should have, if life had turned out as he’d planned.

  But it hadn’t, so he’d put the past in the past and moved on with his life.

  He didn’t technically need to go shopping. A gift card would suffice for his niece. It’s what he normally bought her for her birthday. If he was really honest, he would admit he was just using it as an excuse to see Stacey again, this time out of work. It had been two days since he’d seen her. He’d been working at the hospital for a few weeks now, and it had become a habit to spend Wednesday and Thursday afternoons in the scientist’s lab, reviewing studies and chatting to Stacey. Those afternoons had quickly become the highlight of his week, but now he felt like they weren’t enough. He couldn’t wait another two days to see Stacey again.

  The thought scared him a little, and was one of the reasons he shouldn’t do this. He should back away now.

  But he couldn’t.

  The emptiness of his apartment was eating away at him. He’d already been for a jog along the river, had a swim in the complex pool. He’d even reviewed his studies for the weekend.

  And it was only eleven o’clock.

  He could go over to his sister’s, visit his parents, or try catching up with some of his old friends. But he didn’t want to. The only person he wanted to see was Stacey.

  He’d logged into the contact list in his work email and found her phone number. He had his excuse for calling, for seeing her. The number was keyed into his phone. All he had to do was press the green call button.

  His thumb hesitated over the button, but he couldn’t do it. He put the phone down on the kitchen bench and threw himself on the sofa, turning the television on and flicking through the sports channels.

  He wasn’t sure why he was hesitating. He wasn’t asking her to marry him. He shuddered at the thought. He was just asking her to come shopping with him. And if things went further than that, well, he wouldn’t complain. It had been a few months since his last casual liaison had ended. And he was attracted to Stacey.

  But there was the crux of the problem. He knew Stacey wasn’t the casual type. He could sense it, even after having only spent a brief amount of time with her. He also knew his attraction to her was a lot more than just physical.

  Which was why he should be running for the hills.

  Now he was being silly. All he was doing was asking the girl to shop. And he wanted to get Kaidee a nice present this year. It was her first birthday party he was going to attend, after all. If he wanted to get her a good present, he was going to need some help.

  Having gained some perspective, he moved back into the kitchen, picked up his phone and dialled the number before doubts assailed him again.

  Cameron waited, tension building within him as the dial tone beeped in his ear.

  Stacey was rolling around in her bed, sound asleep and enjoying the most erotic dream about a certain handsome doctor she worked with when the persistent buzzing of her phone woke her. She reached out a hand and grabbed it off the night table, pressing the answer button and holding it to her ear without opening her eyes. Maybe she could palm the person off without really waking up.

  ‘Hello?’

  ‘Hi, Stacey. It’s Cam.’

  Stacey’s eyes flew wide open at the sound of his voice, her face flushing, and her pulse rate skyrocketing as she remembered what she’d just been enjoying in her dream. Okay, calm down, she told herself. He didn’t know what she’d been dreaming about. He couldn’t. He was just calling her to. . .well, why was he calling her?

  ‘Cameron Lewis, from work,’ he clarified when she didn’t answer.

  ‘I know who you are, Cam. What’s up?’ she asked, her voice still husky from sleep.

  ‘I, uh, you sound different. I didn’t wake you up, did I?’

  ‘You did, actually. I work a night shift on Friday’s. I only finished at seven this morning.’

  ‘That explains why you’re never around on a Friday.’

  ‘Aw, did you miss me?’ Stacey asked, a smile spreading across her face as they fell into the same casual, flirtatious rhythm they enjoyed in person.

  ‘Absolutely, darlin’,’ Cam answered in an exaggerated Southern drawl. ‘But seriously, I’m sorry for waking you. I can just hang up and let you get back to sleep.’

  ‘No, that’s okay. I’m wide awake now and I don’t like to stay in bed all day anyway, it throws my routine out too much. So, what did you want?’

  ‘You. . .in bed. . .’

  What?!

  That couldn’t be right. She must have misheard.

  ‘Cam?’ When he didn’t respond, she pulled the phone away from her ear and examined the screen. The call was still connected, and her signal strength was fine. ‘Are you still there, Cam?’ she asked as she put the phone back to her ear.

  ‘Sorry. . .I. . .’ again he paused, but not for as long this tim
e, though his voice sounded strained when he continued. ‘I didn’t know you worked night shifts.’

  ‘That’s what I meant, when I said I did a bit of everything.’

  ‘Uh-huh.’

  ‘But I don’t think that’s why you rang me today.’

  ‘No, I, urn. . .’

  He sounded nervous. But why would he be nervous? Unless he. . . An electric stab of excitement pierced Stacey’s belly, turning it to a gooey bubble of nerves. He wouldn’t be asking her on a date, would he?

  ‘What do you have planned today?’

  Stacey’s breath caught in her throat at what sounded very much like a pre-date question. It was hard, but somehow she managed to keep breathing. Just.

  ‘Well, I was going to be sleeping, but that’s gone out the window.’

  Did her voice creak? Did it give away the building tension inside her?

  She really, really hoped not.

  ‘I am so sorry,’

  ‘No, I was kidding.’

  Phew! She had to stop letting her imagination get away from her. He wasn’t asking her on a date, he just wanted to know what she was doing. . . oh, it was useless. Her stomach was a mess of nerves.

  She needed to concentrate. And answer his question. Stacey thought about her usual Saturdays—grocery shopping, reading a book, picking up a movie to watch by herself at night. Another lonely night in. She hadn’t made a lot of friends outside work and most of her colleagues were either partnered up or out partying.

  ‘I don’t really have many plans today. Why?’

  ‘Well, I’ve been thinking about that favour you owe me.’

  ‘Uh-huh.’

  ‘And, well, it’s my niece’s birthday. I have to get her a present and I was wondering if you might help me pick it out. I’m not really au fait with what five-year old girls like. You don’t have to, of course. I’ll be able to struggle through, if you can’t, but. . .’

  Stacey thought about it for, oh, maybe a whole two seconds before answering him. She loved shopping for kids. Not that she had any nieces or nephews of her own, but she missed shopping for Brian’s nephews. Sometimes she missed being a part of his family more than she missed him.

  ‘I’m in. An excuse to go toy shopping sounds great to me.’ Not to mention spending the day with Cameron, though she brushed the thought aside quick smart. She wasn’t interested in men anymore. She wasn’t!

  ‘Really? Great. You’re a lifesaver, because the party is tomorrow.’

  ‘What?! Nothing like leaving it ‘till the last minute.’

  ‘I know. I’m probably the worst uncle in the world. When can you be ready?’

  ‘What’s the time?’

  ‘Elevenish.’

  ‘Can you give me a couple of hours? We could maybe meet up at, say, one?’

  ‘Sure, but I’ll come pick you up.’ They got into the details, exchanging information. Stacey told him the easiest way to get to her place.

  ‘One thing though, Stacey.’

  ‘Yes?’

  ‘Just to be clear, this isn’t a date. It’s just two friends-’

  The squiggly mess of her stomach solidified into one hard lump at his words.

  ‘Going shopping, repaying a favour, absolutely not a date,’ Stacey replied around the lump, recovering quickly.

  ‘Definitely not.’

  ‘Good,’ Stacey answered, though whether she was talking to the lump in her stomach or Cam, she wasn’t sure.

  It’s not a date. It’s not a date. It’s not a date.

  Stacey repeated the mantra in her mind as she prepared for her shopping trip with Cam. She pulled on her favourite jeans, and teamed them with a fitted white camisole and a lemon over-shirt which she left open. She’d carefully selected the outfit, going for a casual non-date look, although she couldn’t resist leaving her hair loose and lightly applying some make-up.

  This was just a way for her to repay a favour.

  But if it wasn’t a date, why was her stomach still tied up in all sorts of knots?

  It was silly, really. She shouldn’t be nervous. She was just helping out a friend.

  The intercom near the front door buzzed. Stacey quickly checked the video image.

  She could tell it was Cam despite the dark, wire sunglasses covering his eyes. Stacey picked up the receiver.

  ‘Hi, I’m almost ready. I’ll be down in a minute.’ She definitely didn’t want him coming up to her apartment. That would be too date-like.

  ‘Is that a man’s almost ready or a woman’s almost ready?’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Should I go park the car or wait here?’

  ‘Oh,’ Stacey let out a small giggle as she realised what he’d meant. ‘No, you’re fine to wait there. I just have to lock up.’

  ‘Okay, see you soon.’

  Stacey hung up the phone, a smile playing around her lips. She raced around her small one-bedroom West End flat, making sure the windows were locked and the iron was off before scooping up her handbag. She checked the contents, ensuring her wallet, keys and phone were inside. Check. Check. Check.

  The butterflies started up again inside her stomach as she made her way to the front door and pulled it closed. She took a deep steadying breath before moving towards the lift. She had nothing to be nervous about. She was just helping out a friend. By the time the lift reached the ground floor, Stacey almost had herself convinced.

  That was until she walked out the front doors of the apartment complex and saw Cameron. He was leaning against the hood of his two-door sports car, sunlight glinting off his casually tousled dark hair, looking like he’d stepped straight out of the pages of a magazine. He was dressed in dark jeans and a white and blue striped polo shirt which hugged his broad torso. This shirt revealed a lot more of his body than the business shirts he wore to work.

  Mmm-hmm. The man had muscles.

  As she walked towards the car, he bent his arm to look at his watch. She saw the exposed biceps below his shirt sleeve flex with the movement and her mouth went dry. The butterflies melted to liquid desire inside her. She’d never felt such an instantaneous physical response to someone before. She wanted those arms around her, pulling her close, reminding her of what it was like to be a woman.

  Stacey pushed the image away.

  Okay, so he was one fine male specimen. But they were just going shopping. They’d both made it clear that it wasn’t a date. Nothing was going to happen between them. She needed to stop with the fantasies – right now.

  ‘I have to say, I’m surprised. You’re right on time,’ Cam took the sting out of the teasing words with a grin.

  The smile lightened his face, and made her heart do a strange little flip-flop. Not a good sign. Somehow, she kept walking towards him at a steady pace, even managing a nonchalant tone as she answered him. ‘Of course I am. I said I was ready.’

  Cam shook his head in feigned amazement. ‘When most women I know say they’re ready, it means at least another half an hour.’

  ‘You’re hanging out with the wrong type of women, then.’

  Oops. That came out more flirtatious than she intended. She couldn’t see Cam’s eyes through his glasses, though, so she wasn’t sure how he took it. Best if she pretended she hadn’t said anything.

  Stacey stepped up to the passenger door and pulled it open. She paused before sliding in, looking at Cam over the top of the door. ‘Are you ready?’

  Cam nodded and reluctantly peeled his eyes off Stacey as he walked around to the driver’s side. He did up his seatbelt, glancing over to make sure she was done up and almost groaned. The belt was holding her over-shirt open, allowing him an unimpeded view of her spectacular cleavage.

  He pulled his eyes away, kicking over the engine and moving out of the parking spot. ‘Where would be the best place to go? I haven’t been shopping in Brisbane for over five years.’

  Stacey named a big department store in the centre of the city. He pulled the car out into the busy city street, pleased he remembered
how to get where they needed to go.

  They chatted away on the drive through the city. Stacey was glowing today, clearly excited about the shopping trip. Despite himself, he kept flicking a glimpse over her, sometimes lingering on her mouth looking so glossy and kissable, or the swell barely hidden beneath the shirt he just wanted to rip off her. But mostly he was taken by her eyes. They were sparkling today, a far cry from the sad tear-soaked one’s he’d seen his second week here.

  And he’d done that. He’d put this sparkle in her eye and he wanted to find ways to keep it there. Something moved inside his chest, warmth spreading over him at the thought.

  Stacey was prattling, moving into hyper drive, jumping from one topic to another and he was having trouble following it. He had no problems tracking her movements, though. Each time she rested her hand on the console between them, her fingertips right there, only centimetres from his thigh, an explosion of sensation would course down his leg. Each time he changed gears, his hand would hover oh-so-close to her jean-clad thigh. The temptation to slip off the gearstick and run his hands up those legs was almost too much-No, he had to stop thinking like this. He had to stop picturing it. This wasn’t what today was about. He couldn’t want this.

  He felt her eyes on his face as he paused at a set of traffic lights, her gaze lingering on his mouth and his breath caught. She looked up, her eyes meeting his, scorching him with an answering heat. Everything disappeared – the sunlight, the car, his plans. Nothing mattered, nothing, but -

  Beep!!

  The sharp sound of a horn pulled him back to reality.

  ‘Light’s green,’ Stacey laughed huskily at him as he struggled to get the car into the right gear.

  Thankfully they reached the shops only a few moments later. Cameron deftly pulled into a park on a side street and sprang from the car, eager to get out of its close confines.

  ‘What did you have in mind to get her?’ Stacey asked as they walked towards the main shopping mall.

  ‘Isn’t that why you’re here?’ Cam grinned down at her, glad he’d asked her to come shopping with him. He genuinely enjoyed her company. And as long as they stayed away from enclosed spaces, there’d be no issues with his not-a-date rule.